


Cherry Boy

by SummerMagic



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Coming of Age, Healing, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-06-29 12:06:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 104,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15729087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SummerMagic/pseuds/SummerMagic
Summary: "Taeyong you have to choose, Me, or him."Taeyong was sandwiched between Johnny and Jaehyun who glared daggers at one another asking him to do the impossible.He cannot make a choice, certainly not on the spot, he loved both of them and wouldn't want to discard one for the other, their grips on his wrist tightened and he let out a faint pained sound.What are you going to do Taeyong? Choose Johnny whose company helped you cope with your bad depression or Jaehyun, your childhood friend who has had feelings for you ever since he could remember.His heart starts beating and head starts spinning and before they knew it he slipped away unsure of where to go..he took a step forward and another and was now running in the school corridor not responding to Jaehyun and Johnny's calls for him.Taeyong needed to stop trying to solve his problems by running...





	1. A wall around me. Wall to protect me

Part 1: Wall Around me, Wall to Protect me. 

 

Taeyong marched the distance between the cafeteria to the backyard for lunch break, alone, as usual.

He was stiff, expressionless and precise, a step leading to the next in an unwavering line in a decently crowded corridor, kids from his class wouldn't approach or bother with him for a number of reasons, he was freakishly intimidating, lived in a bubble and was just plain weird, but more importantly, he was a ruthless bully in his previous school, at least as far as the rumors go.

He pushed his newly dyed blonde hair back with his tray-free-hand and sat on the grass in his eating spot under the tree, two girls passed by him whispering, one nudged the other while motioning to Taeyong and they both giggled shyly, though they did not get any acknowledgement from him. Taeyong was a hot topic amongst girls juniors to seniors, and when it seemed that his reputation would take a blow for accusations of having scammed another kid and bullied several others for money, all of which were attempts to ruin him, it backfired however and the Taeyong-fever spread like wildfire on campus, and he was then announced the school bad boy, the rumors claimed him to be brutal and merciless but that only helped the fantasies to get wilder, thing is, people have always had a history of romanticizing the good-looking bad guy, and Taeyong was criminally handsome.

However, and despite his many fangirls, and behind that pretty cold face of his, Taeyong was alone and depressed, his life was varying shades of grey everyday, he didn't know how to fight it, he knew one day it would get the better of him and that bottling everything inside was a ticking bomb, but he had no one to talk to, he did have his sister or even mother, but she was busy and had enough to worry about, maybe if he could make a friend then he will feel much better.

Taeyong did have a childhood friend once, Jaehyun who left with his family on their first year of middle school, Jaehyun knew Taeyong better than any other, more importantly, he accepted him for who he is, around him, Taeyong did not filter, he spontaneously admitted to the weirdest and dumbest of thoughts, he never made him feel judged or alienated, and around him, he was much more fun and loose.

After Jaehyun moved to the next town over, Taeyong tried to text him as often as he could but only received shortened replies that were colder than Jaehyun's were usually, and in three years, their bond faded despite Taeyong's trials, they were barely acquaintances now. Jaehyun's family was originally from this town as was Taeyong's and one of these days, coming back from school, he saw the moving truck take off in front of Jaehyun's old house, he trotted to the gate on impulse, maybe it was a new neighbor, or maybe could it be Jaehyun? No way.

 

\-----------

To Taeyong's surprise, it was actually his childhood best friend, Jaehyun, he was facing their house entrance while looking through his phone, in three years, he has grown taller and his build was much broader than Taeyong's, who inhaled before deciding what to do next, this was his second time meeting Jaehyun like this and that was when he came to pay respect with his mother in Jaehyun's grandmother's funeral, he could not afford ruining this reunion though confrontations weren't his strongest point. 

When Jaehyun turned around to pick another box, Taeyong not yet mentally prepared for the confrontation, froze in his place and so did Jaehyun, momentarily. both were as equally taken aback. 

He was surrounded by the many boxes in their front yard and Taeyong at the gate door still hasn't taken a step forward, it was weird that he was hesitating to go past the entrance of the house he considered his own not that many years ago.

 But this was no time to reminisce on the past, Taeyong needs to take the initiative, his lips curved upward attempting to smile, an awkward attempt, when a slight change of air pushed him back, no, it was Jaehyun, tapping his chest lightly to close the door gate while muttering something.

He swiftly moved through the boxes without stumbling just to push Taeyong out of his property, after three years of having never interacted properly with him, after they were once close friends, best childhood friends, Taeyong was not sure what to think, do or even say. This, he couldn't believe, in his mind, their reunion was going to be heartwarming, he even thought that it would be warm enough to break the ice their relationship accumulated in these past three years. 

"Just leave." Jaehyun has said, cold as ice, his voice more distant and dry than anything, his eyes glaring at poor Taeyong with apparent disgust.

Taeyong had a puzzled look on his face, waited a second to make sense of this, to rationalize this situation but no, he was not mishearing anything, he was being told off but for what? He just watched Jaehyun's cold expression versus his dumbfounded one.

"..."

"You need to go, now, I do not want to ever see you again, do you understand? leave, now!" Jaehyun said persistently, his tone raising a little and his face now failing to maintain that usual laid-back and calm demeanor, he was clearly angry but more than that, he looked sad. Terribly. Not that Taeyong had anyway of knowing why, he just stared back, his mouth dry of words and his hands clenched.

Something about him wasn't right, and from Taeyong's perspective all he could think was that Jaehyun was embarrassed and didn't want to be seen with him, stupid yes, but what else could it be that has made him turn on him and not even greet him normally after practically cutting ties with him, their relationship was never going to be the same he knew as much, but this was pushing it too far.

In the back of his mind, Jaehyun has always been the friend he talked to about his dark thoughts in his dark place, he always imagined him as the middle school Jaehyun who then became a frequent apparition that Taeyong felt slightly better each time talking to, this turn of event if anything, was destroying the little hope he had, maybe he was being a little dramatic? or maybe it was justifiable to feel as hopeless as he did realizing he lost his only friend just the instant he thought he got him back, and the worst bit is that he didn't even fully know why.

Still in disbelief, and in order to preserve the understanding and reliable Jaehyun's image from the seeping cracks of reality, Taeyong felt obligated to move his feet to his house direction, he gave Jaehyun one last desperate glance, maybe this was a prank, it was not funny though, when a hand tapped his shoulder from the back causing him to jolt a little.

It's was Jaehyun's mother.

"Oh my, if this isn't Lee Taeyong! What a fine young man have you turned into."

Taeyong bowed out of instinct and smiled shyly while glancing at Jaehyun and his mother back and forth in confusion. 

"Would you greet your mother for me, I had intended to come and say hello but with this and she motioned to the scattered boxes I do not  think I will be able to." Jaehyun's mother moved past Taeyong to her son's side. "I see that you two have already met, I believe you have a lot of catching up to do so I would let you two talk." she then proceeded to open the gate door, somehow, she did not notice the tense atmosphere. 

Taeyong looked pathetic latching onto the littlest glimpse of hope when he received yet another blow.

"No, there's nothing we want to talk about, Taeyong was about to leave." Jaehyun did not even look Taeyong's direction and stormed inside their house leaving him and his mother by the gate.

Though Jaehyun has just said Taeyong's name, it felt terribly distant, and as much as he tried to fight his tendencies of overthinking and dramatizing things, this was actually a big deal, he couldn't say much to Jaehyun's mother and only half-smiled as he felt a lump begin to form in his throat.  

"Oh, a temper, I am sorry Taeyong, he has been..like this lately would you excuse him? with his grandmother's passing and moving back, he needs time, but I am sure it will do him good if you stayed, he is starting school with you this week and no one better than you I can trust to help him settle, ah, I do not mean to impose on you with such a reuest." Jaehyun's mother commented with her hand on her cheek.

Taeyong nodded but looked down, eye contact with anyone was bound to trigger his tears at this point, a good thing Jaehyun's mother was busy talking.

 "You could stay with us for dinner, though it is store bought." Jaehyun's mother giggled embarrassedly referring to the bags in her hand.

"Oh no, I can't impose on you both, you are busy but I will relay your greetings." Taeyong managed to say and Jaehyun's mother has already found another topic.

He wasn't listening to her, all he could think of is how every attempt of his to communicate with Jaehyun was blocked and clearly, he truly had nothing to do with him, all of these years and the few instances where they met but Taeyong was ignored,  the many times at the train station  when he waved at Jaehyun who came to play around with his friends but pretended not to see him a few too many times, or when he came back for his grandmother funeral last month, maybe it wasn't a good time to try and talk to him when he was grieving, Taeyong had thought to himself, but this was the second time that Jaehyun shuts the gate door in his face. And it was more than enough to break Taeyong's already failing heart.

After Jaehyun's mother was done with her middle-aged-lady-ramblings and rantings, Taeyong was released to his matters, she smiled generously at him and refused to let him go without a pudding cup in hand, it was weird, but that was Jaehyun's mother.

Where she pressed his hand still felt warm and he looked down at his own, biting his lip intensely but his tears were already droplets on the ground, he ran to the soccer field by the their house, past the water banks and through the empty fish market alleys. Just anywhere where his feelings did not spill out of his chest. anywhere where he didn't feel fragile and naked, he ran and ran for his hurt to be less painful than the physical strain of running more than his capacity, anywhere where his gasps for air were louder than the echoing voices and the overwhelming sadness, Jaehyun reminded him of how alone he truly was, and that night, Taeyong got even less sleep, the cold that Jaehyun showed him hot streams of silent tears in his dark room.

What if his heart gives up from the pain?

It hurts to live anyways.

But it would hurt to die. would it not? How would he know 

And not like anyone actually cares.

echoed the voices.

\-----------

"So you have a death wish punk?"

Taeyong snapped out of his sad reverie and looked up to see that it was the bullies who made him their target for weeks now, he especially wanted to have a peaceful lunch and was in no mood to fight a bunch of idiots, so, he went to act as if no one was in front of him.

"OYY Are Ye Ignoring Boss?" one of the bullies squatted to Taeyong's level on the ground.

"Humph."

"Wha-

"If I say something I am talking back if I don't I am ignoring you?" Taeyong's tone was dripping with mockery, his position was on the ground with four bullies surrounding him, but it seemed as if it were him that was looking down on them. He did manage to look smug and obnoxious on command and was quick to show pride, he even surprised himself for the sudden change of mood. He was slightly mad now.

"You motherfucking punk, get this piece of shit." said the boss, the kids referred to him as the bull because of how buff and dense he looked, it was a backhanded compliment but he only takes the compliment part.

Like a dog, one of the bullies followed his boss's order and pulled Taeyong by the collar from his spot on the ground, his forehead on Taeyong's and was grinding his teeth ready to bite, when another bully, the tallest one, pulled Taeyong's bangs and noticed his how his eyes were red and watery.

"Wait Wait, WERE YOU CRYING? Boss he was crying, ahahahah."

"AHAHAHA, what a pussy" retorted the dog-like-bully 

"Oh sweet beautiful Lee Taeyong crying in the corner, are you a fucking girl?" said the tall one proud of himself.

"Oh, Oh did your boyfriend dump you?" Was what the dumb one in the group managed to come up with. He did earn a questioning look from his mates.

Taeyong was surrounded by a pack of laughing hyenas, their insults more irrelevant than those of a five years old, but Taeyong had no power or time for this, he had enough on his plate, literarlly and figuratively, though he could not stomach anything at the moment, and if they could get lost in the depths of the abyss he would feel his life an improved life.

He attempted to slip from them while they were cracking up but was pulled right back by the boss who pinned him against the tree trunk aggressively, Taeyong's frail build has made him an easily movable 'toy' to these bullies, who were much taller and stronger than he was, though they lacked the grace and swiftness.

He let out a faint grunt that did not seem to go unnoticed by the bullies boss, who then responded by cupping Taeyong's face and bringing it close to his, his malicious smile spreading to his gleaming eyes, he took a moment seemingly admiring his pretty features when his hand that was over Taeyong's face felt wet, he has spat in it, the bully backed down and loosened his grip on Taeyong, his expression twisted from that of amusement and cockiness to pure annoyance, he couldn't afford this kind of humiliation, not in front of his minions. 

Taeyong was now head to head with the bully matching his glare with a daring one, The bully slapped the tree trunk to the point of shaking, Taeyong then out of instinct, covered his face from any potential harm, the bullies knew better not to touch his face but he was being extra cautious, his mother and sister must not know.

"Oh are you afraid your pretty face would get damaged? how cute." the bully was proud of himself now that he regained control over this.

The rest of the bullies have cleared the way to provide their boss with more space when he glanced back at them, his huge hand moved over to Taeyong's collar and wrapped around his neck, he then began to choke with the limited air but refused to look desperate, it was a win-win situation if he dies now, but curse his survival instinct because his hands were scratching the face of the 'boss'.

"AHAHAHAHAHAH, YOU WANT AIR?" the bully took a deep breath and smirked proudly at his minions before turning to Taeyong to whisper something in his ear:

"I heard..that you have a special service for those who pay you, is that true pretty boy?" The boss's tone sent a chill down Taeyong's spine, he felt the urge to punch his ugly face when he felt a hand wrap around his back and go even lower.

Booooom!!!!!

A rustle, leaves everywhere and a cloud of dust, Taeyong heard a loud crashing sound beneath him and the bully that was choking him was held by the collar mid air.

Taeyong almost collapsed to the ground trying to catch his breath when the view of the bullies was blocked by a huge silhouette, it was another kid's silhouette, his brain lacked the oxygen to make the realization that the kid that was before him simply jumped from the tree that was above them.

His ears were drumming with his intense heart beat so he couldn't hear what was being said momentarily now that the attention of the bullies was shifted from him, he took a few seconds to feel his state stabilized, when he looked up, it was like he was protected by a wall, the view of the bullies blocked as their conversation with this mysterious kid didn't seem to last long before they scattered around.

Though no matter how Taeyong tried, he couldn't bring himself to remember who was this kid that was extending a hand to help him stand.

Who was helping Taeyong? who was sane enough to stand up to the bullies, and for Taeyong's sake? there must be a way this makes sense.


	2. A debt to settle and we'll settle the score.

A pained back and heat packs, was what Jaehyun was forced to wake up to, he groaned all the way to the bathroom and saw that his mother left him a note on the mirror, in it she promised to visit this weekend with a homemade meal and that he should expect the moving company today.

There was a mistake and the company was taking so long to ship his stuff including his mattress, (not even two days in total) but it wasn't that many nights that his back was going to tolerate sleeping on the sofa.

His was a special kind of mattress because his back has always been sensitive despite his young age, it has ruined plenty of fun times when he would go camping with his friends.

Well, friend, Taeyong.

Jaehyun paused from brushing his teeth to remember the fun times, back when Taeyong and himself would explore 'the jungles' that were the huge forest their town had.

Their trips only lasted from early in the morning to late on the evening but they liked to role play and pretend they had spent days in the wilderness, by age seven they no longer required parental supervision and ultimately, they had more freedom to explore, just stay away from the river, Jaehyun's mother shouted at them before they left every time

Taeyong has always been the small but dependable, Jaehyun was the one that complained about bugs and walking too much.

One time, they were heading back home when it was past sunset, understandably, the both of them were panicking, they broke their curfew and were in for a scolding, worse than that, they were lost, and their small frames were enhanced by the vastness of the ever darkening and never-ending forest.

Jaehyun then broke down crying and blamed all of this on Taeyong, if he hadn't insisted on building the stupid tree house to perfection they would have been back home and not lost, he slumped on the ground and his crying sounds echoed through the hollows of the forest, making for a creepy sound if anyone was to hear it.

Taeyong urged him to keep walking by offering him a hand that Jaehyun slapped ungrateful.

"Can't you see? I have bliste--ers all over!" Jaehyun's crying got even louder and whinier.

"Then lean on me and stop crying, we--I am sure that we will find our way back home" Taeyong tried to sound certain.

"NO, I DO NOT WANT TO WALK! GET LOST!"

"WE ARE LOST!  WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME, I AM JUST TRYING TO HELP YOU STAND UP!"

When Jaehyun looked up, he saw that Taeyong's face was as snotty and teary as his was.

The next bit was a hazy memory, Jaehyun doesn't remember how they ended up finding their way but he does remember Taeyong breathless from carrying him on his back and his sticky damp hair from sweating, though it made him feel guilty, it was the first time he ever felt a jolt, it was way back then that he knew he was not 'normal'.

All along, it has never been the prettiest girl in school he wished to hold hands with as he never showed interest in dating, it was Taeyong he always looked up to with affection and a fluttering heart, nodding at every glance, analyzing every touch for a deeper meaning, he was kept awake the night he received a peck on the cheek by Taeyong, Jaehyun fled to his sweet dreams where the context of the kiss wasn't because Taeyong was dared to kiss a male friend, but because Taeyong actually liked him just as much as he did, back then, no one knew what his heart desired. And no one should have known.

It wasn't enough for Taeyong to tear his heart apart but his whole life ahead of him, this life that was now broken beyond repair.

And he dares show up to his doorstep with his doey eyes and innocent expression, it was frustrating to say the least, yet, Jaehyun couldn't fully bring himself to hate Taeyong, not with that killer charm of his, and that pearly smile, last time he saw him, his hair was a green color but today it was dyed a platinum blonde that only helped bring out his eyes color, dark brown, a color Jaehyun absolutely adored and until this day, matched his Tees to contrast it.

 His heart did this weird thing of acting as if it were detached from his brain, his memories of times he shared with Taeyong were highly cherished but the nostalgia erupted every time his brain factored in how Taeyong basically messed up his life, what he did to him was a reveal of character,  even if he tried to apologize now, Jaehyun would never forgive him, he was a man of pride after all .

Jaehyun searched for milk but couldn't find it, his mother must have forgotten to buy it, she was never going to be making regular meals for him but at least they will be somewhat peaceful now without her talking endlessly, he loved her and was going to miss living with her but silence, he could use, especially yesterday when she had no better topic to talk about but Taeyong on the dinner table, it was why he woke up hungrier today, her constant raving about Lee Taeyong curbed his appetite and he couldn't down much and went to sleep on an empty stomach.

 

Taeyong was the first love that he never managed to get over and perhaps will never, especially now that he was going to see him everyday at school.

A part of him still wanted to be by his side, even if just as a friend.

 

He should have never wrote that letter

 

 

\----------

 

"Are ye okay?" said the big kid, offering yet a big hand and a big smile, his voice soothingly cheerful.

"uhm." Taeyong took the hand adjusting his voice and his collar.

"I was napping on top of the tree when I felt a.." he shook his hands together referring to when the bully slapped the tree trunk pinning Taeyong under his grip.

"Oh..

"I like to doze off on top of trees while listening to music." this kid was proving to be weirder by the minute, not that Taeyong had any right to complain when he too knew he could be just as weird at times.

He then went through his hair for any leaves and when Taeyong was doing the same the kid proceeded to talk, and quite frankly, his voice did not match his exterior, he had long dark angular fringes that kept coming in the way of his eye, the neat freak in Taeyong wanted to give him a haircut, his lips puckered naturally, while his eyes were warm, they were just as dark as Taeyong's were, he was taller than Taeyong and seemed to have a natural model like appearance and built, in contrast to how goofy his voice sounded.

"I am Seo Youngho, you can call me Johnny, everybody else does."

"Lee Tae-

"yong." both of them finished, Johnny looked pleased with himself "everybody knows who Lee Taeyong is."

"They do?" Taeyong was taken aback.

"Yes, you're a critically acclaimed author."

It took Taeyong a good second to understand that it was a joke and his chuckle came a second late.

"But everybody did know you after your rap and dance sequence won you first prize in last year schools talent showdown, you even appeared on local news, and you write your own rap, you have what it takes to be a star!" Johnny was hyped and used both arms to express himself.

Taeyong looked around him and at his feet, how he always reacted to compliments, awkward silence, but Johnny did not have a problem keeping the conversation going, Taeyong did not mind but he should thank him, he must thank him first.

"uh..thank you." his voice came much lower than he had anticipated it to be, he was still embarrassed that he had to be rescued like a damsel in distress from the grip of the villain.

"for what? chasing those losers? they were disturbing me just as much, no need to sweat it man." Johnny bumped Taeyong's arm lighty who responded by smiling. 

He was smiling because Johnny was effortlessly spontaneous, his company didn't feel strange and he didn't feel that their interaction was forced, he gave him the illusion that he had him as a friend all along. 

"There, you forgot this one." Johnny said after pulling a leaf from on top of Taeyong's hair before looking very surprised.

"Woha, your hair is so soft!" his eyes were wide like a puppy and again, he used an exaggerated hand move to express his 'shock'

"Your hair is so soft even after dyeing those crazy colors!" (he was referring to the dark red followed by the green Taeyong showed up with the first two weeks of school) there was a lot to surprise Johnny with without even talking, and it was serving Taeyong's reserved and shy nature around people he didn't know.

"..."

"Oh, I don't mean it badly, you look cool with your crazy array of  hair colors! I am looking forward to seeing what you will do next, other kids find it unfair that you get loose treatment but I don't think I can pull it off like you do."

"Ahh..haha, I think your hair is good the way it is, no need to dye or bleach it, it's not as if I have a say in it."

"What does that mean?"

"My sister...she is studying to become a Makeup artist and a hair stylist..I am her canvas, I don't really choose what goes on top of my head most of the time."

"AHAHAHAHAHAHA, your sister is awesome!"

"Oh yes, she is scary too."

"What did she do?" Johnny looked too invested and Taeyong found himself more than willing to respond to his enthusiastic puppy like mannerism.

"When she dyed my hair green I was so embarrassed and thought enough was enough and I wanted to cut it, she heard the sound of the shaving machine from down stairs and knew I was onto something, when I heard her stomping footsteps , I got scared and lied to her saying that I was only adjusting my sideburns to save my life from her death threats, I still had to live two weeks long of that hideous washed grass green, luckily the school contacted my family." Taeyong did not realize that he was talking for a good minute and when he looked up to Johnny he was gasping for air.

"Never heard of someone happy that school contacted their family for breaking the dress code.." Johnny repeated finding this bit a little too funnier than Taeyong had intended it to be, he hardly meant it as a joke, he was still thankful for the school intervention. 

"You're definitely something, Mr.Lee Taeyong, I am glad we had this talk, hang out sometime later?"

"Oh..Yes..."

"Oh and think your sister could cut my hair?" Johnny said referring to his long bangs.

"And risk having your hair dyed a crazy egg yolk shade? I don't think it's worth it, trust me."

"Oh...too bad then."

"I could perhaps help cut it for you.. of course if you don't mind, I mean you don't have to accept." Taeyong bit his tongue, unsure of why he said this, he wasn't exactly good at giving haircuts but he still wanted to hang out with someone, Johnny's company has made him at ease, and the voices were reduced to whispers every time he had someone to talk to.

Johnny gasped "You would do that? That would be amaaazing, thanks! now I really have to go. But I will come later and get you!"

"Thanks..you're welcome." Taeyong's voice faded as he looked at Johnny heading to the gym direction in a hurry, he fought but succumbed to his bad thoughts, Johnny was laughing at him now, he was never going to talk to him ever agai-

stop it, stop it now.

You think this Johnny guy is any different? he just thinks you're pitiful and felt sorry for you. No one loves you Taeyong, face it and be done with this life.

I said stop, plea-

Huh, I am just here to help you realize the truth, like Jaehyun left you so will Johnny and whoever approaches you, I am just telling it to you as it is, all leave and you'll be alone. That's how you're meant to be, I am helping you hurt less when they leave.

no no no no.

You're worthless Lee Taeyong.

\-------------------

 

"No, you will not."

"Yes, I will just come here, don't fight it."

"Nope."

"COME ON MAN!"

"I said not to approach me with those scissors, I still want both of my functioning eyes.."

"You said you did not have the budget to get it cut, so let me cut your hair for you! it's on my bucket list."

"It's on your bucket list to cut someone's hair? that's lame."

"nah, it's messing up your fringes that's on my bucket list, you stand out too much and I can't afford you stealing the spotlight from me, but I am gonna fix that." Lucas grinned and cut through the air in uneven lines with his giant scissors.

"Leave me alone Lucas, seriously, I will poke your eyes out." Johnny looked horrified despite his threat.

"John you're so very weak, it's just hair." Lucas sat on the edge of the table next to his giant scissors, seemingly giving up for now.

"Yeah, my hair, leave me alone, plus, I already found someone that is far more reliable to cut my bangs and for free..well, I think it's for free."

"huh."

"someone 'reliable' to cut your hair and for free? that sounds fishy." Yuta raised a brow while his eyes remained fixated on his comic.

"Yeah, I talked to Lee Taeyong today."

"The Lee Taeyong himself?" Yuta was visibly intrigued, he was bound to have an interest where Lee Taeyong was concerned, he was yet to interact with him, but he finds him an interesting character, he even considered adding him to the gang before the waves of rumors about him surfaced, though they were a gang, they did not tolerate nasty recruits.

"You know how he is constantly targeted with random rumors? I was starting to question it all, I followed him to see what he does around school, turned out he was being bullied, I even 'rescued' him from Minjun gang."

"Well aren't you giving yourself too much credit?" Yuta discarded the comic and interlocked his fingers.

"I swear! I..it was a little weird, but I looked so cool jumping down a tree, I am sure he was impressed."

"I am taking a wild guess here and will say that that's where the entitlement to a free haircut came from, firstly, who agrees to such a thing because I still don't understand the context, I feel sad for Taeyong, and secondly, you're just too random and weird Johnny, leave the boy alone." Yuta's all-seeing-eye could tell exactly what were Johnny's intentions the moment he mentioned Taeyong a week ago, he was a sharp observer and easily dug up dirt on everyone if they dared oppose him, that's how his gang held respect for years now (throughout middle school and now high school) .

"This was the second time I see him getting harassed by them I couldn't just sit there."

"So you're basically inviting him, or dare I say recruiting him?" Yuta looked into Johnny's eyes who settled in the table next to his, they were now facing one another.

"No Yuta you don't understand, the other day I tried to talk to him and bumped him in the hallway and you know what he did? he shrunk to half his size apologizing not even looking up to me, not only are his mannerism unlikely to be those of a bully but he looks sad, I was him, and you picked me up, you showed me that I mattered, I want to be his friend..."

Yuta looked stern but did not say anything back, it was one of those rare times where Johnny did not beat around the bush.

"I am not asking for your permission Yuta, I know you've already got Haechan and Jungwoo snooping for who were Taeyong's friends and classmates in his school."

"You'll take responsibility if the rumors turn out true?"

"I will, plus I know it's just someone trying to ruin him bad when we're barely a month into school, someone who knew him I'd say, but this much is obvious."

"You don't know if they are not rumors, what if he actually is what they say he is." Yuta spelt this last part with apparent disgust, he was referring to new rumors about Taeyong sleeping with boys from nearby schools for money.

"But you know they are rumors Yuta."

"Okay, suppose they are, and he becomes our buddy, how much time do you think it will take for 'them' to drag our reputation down with his, are you sure you can handle being the center of attention?"

Johnny took a moment to reflect, no one from this school besides Yuta and the rest of the gang knew of his delinquent past, he made sure no one knows by keeping it low under Yuta's legion, however, one mistake and the other kids were bound to find out.

"He's broken he can't hurt, for now, I want to stop his hurt, if I deserved a second chance everyone else does."

Yuta looked sympathetic but matched Johnny's serious look.

"Alright, but I do want to ask you two things and I want you to be honest with me."

"..."

"Did you know Lee Taeyong before?"

"Yes, Kind of." Johnny bit his lip and ran through his hair nervously, he was remembering times of his life not too dear to his heart.

"And you knew him I am assuming from middle school?"

"Yes..he is the reason I am here still. Something terrible almost happened to me if not for him, I have a debt to pay Taeyong back and I do not plan on ditching him, not this time..."

"Ah, makes sense."

There was a silence before Yuta spoke slowly:

"Alright, bring him here whenever you see fit." Yuta did not question Johnny anymore, he just patted his shoulder and assured him that he had him by his side, he did not want to pressure him to talk about something he wasn't yet ready to talk about, Yuta was patient, especially if it was for the well being of Johnny, or any of his friends for that matter.

All this time, Lucas was observing the courtyard from the window while being attentive to both of his friends' conversation, the sun was setting when he received a text from Haechan.

 

He looked disturbed and approached Johnny and Yuta to bring their attention to him.

"Look what Haechan sent me."  Lucas pointed the text and the attached picture on his phone in their direction to see.

 

Yuta could not hide his surprise, Johnny looked both mad and defeated before looking away.

It was quite the escalation. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ARUGH. Took me long enough to update this, hopefully I get the next chapter rolling faster, or maybe I'll do a 2.2 because soon I will be occupied and not able to write, either way this is a mess lol but before anything, I want to thank those who took the time to read this!  
> Here are some pointers and trivia to better understand this mess: (always keep an eye for them for I will include them regularly)   
> -Jaehyun will be living in their old house alone because ... you will have to wait for future updates teehee  
> -Taeyong doesn't even know why Jaehyun 'hates' him, but Jaehyun thinks he is playing dumb  
> -Johnny met Taeyong only once in middle school but it was a life saving encounter as well as eye opening, he had to change schools soon after, where he met Yuta who further helped him become a better human...Taeyong somehow, does not remember ever meeting Johnny.  
> -MinJun (the bullies boss)  is an OC because I did not want to include any idol as a bully, note that all future bad guys will be OCs and I will try to pick uncommon names for them.  
> -I was contemplating whether to use NCT real names but decided against it, maybe it'll change in the future :/ .  
> -All of the Dreamies besides Mark and Haechan are in ninth grade and will appear in later chapters  
> -Taeyong, Mark, Haechan, Lucas, Jaehyun, Yuta, Jungwoo are high school freshmen and are the same age.  
> Taeyong has a much sinister and dark past that he keeps trying to run from...
> 
> -Thank you for reading once again!


	3. Tulips cry at night, and so does Jaehyun

(I do suggest listening to Timeless while reading this chapter especially towards the end)

whispers, whispers and whispers.

As if Taeyong hadn't enough of that inside of his own head.

It was ten minutes until class starts but what good would it be to loiter around, he had no friends and felt anxious standing alone.

He sat on his desk and plugged his ear phones, the pouring noises were a mean of concentration as much as a mean to block interaction with his classmates, even if it meant Taeyong was going to be deaf by age thirty.

 He remembered his encounter with Johnny the other day and couldn't help a faint smile, his worries were still there, that Johnny was just messing with him, but it still warmed his heart to receive compliments and recognition for his passions, and though Johnny looked sincere enough, Taeyong was not planning on giving him or anyone else the benefit of the doubt, his heart was a mountain that threatened to crumble at any moment now, and anyone taking advantage of him was bound to trigger his downfall, he swallowed saliva to push down the memories, if he pretends it never happened, it'll be as if it has never happened and the less it'll frequent his mind.

Ten minutes pass and the bell rings, the blabbering kids cramped in hallways poured into their classes and took their seats silenced by the presence of the homeroom teacher, Taeyong lifted his head and removed his earbuds, students and mostly girls around him were buzzing with excitement. 

"Hello and good morning everyone, today is a bit exciting, we have a new student with us!" Announced Mr. Do cherrily, he was referring to the tall light-brown-haired boy next to him, he looked cool and cold, yet his eyes were warm and soft, his fair skin contrasted by his black uniform, he was a treat to the eye.

 "My name is Jung Youn-oh, but you can call me Jaehyun, it fact, please call me Jaehyun, I used to live here but moved three years ago." he nodded.

He smiled shyly after introducing himself, a faint squeal could be heard, and soon the whole class were small shatters.

 Jaehyun looked around aimlessly until he saw Taeyong and locked eyes with him for a while. An awkward feeling started to form at the back of Taeyong's throat and he itched to smile, he didn't. Not this time, Jaehyun looked away, his smile fading away and was replaced by a worried look.  

"Okay..Jaehyun, you can sit down now." Mr.Do said in an attempt to regain control over the class.

The one empty desk had to be the one to Taeyong's right, his heart clenched and he felt his wounds unsealed, the front he had put up, the feelings he bottled inside, he thought he was okay now but as it turns out, he never matured of this love and their reunion was sooner than he had anticipated, they do say that a first love is an ignite you can never put off.

 But Jaehyun worries for the worst, what if Taeyong decided to expose him to everyone and tell them about his letter, the letter where he confessed his feelings of admiration and unconditional love almost four years ago, the letter where he first came out and trusted his heart with Taeyong, the same letter Taeyong crushed and rejected him viciously with, the same letter that ruined his life.

He took a deep breath, calm down Jaehyun, it was no use to hyperventilate, it's not as if Taeyong's claims could be supported by physical evidence, and Jaehyun can always say that Taeyong is making up lies about him out of jealousy, that is in case he decides to reveal his secret to others. 

He was even planning on going as far as to actually get a girlfriend to not raise suspicion though he questioned to morality of it, Jaehyun knew that it wouldn't be too challenging a task as he wasn't completely clueless to his charm, sometimes he wondered how he would have been if he was straight, He was going to be restless and had to be on his guard, he could not predict Taeyong at this point and it killed him knowing how vulnerable he was against him, he spent the next forty five minutes lost in his thoughts, not daring once to glance to his left. 

He justified to himself this overplanning and overthinking as doing what he has to do to avoid being bullied when really deep down, he was still ashamed of who he was.

The session was over and as expected, he was surrounded by his own harem, the harem he never asked for.

"Hello Jaehyun" said a flirty female voice, she stood behind his desk and was confidently playful enough to surprise him from the back when he turned to face her, she laughed and he nodded at her.

"Hi." he uttered the friendliest he knew he could while also acknowledging the three other female standing in front of his desk, he was still seated.

"Ah, what a treat!" "I am so glad that you chose our school." "You're so handsome." 

Jaehyun felt bombarded by the three of them, and it creeped him out a little how rehearsed their lines sounded, they sounded like the NPCs he encounters on his video games.

"Easy girls, you're scaring him with your shamelessness." the first female intervened and winked at Jaehyun.

"They just want to welcome you to our school, right girls?" 

"Yeahh, but it's not that often that we get a handsome transfer, Jaehyun you're almost too handsome, haha, have you ever considered becoming a model, or perhaps an idol?"

Jaehyun laughed a little while barely keeping track of the conversation.

"Seriously, not that much eye candy is around here, expect for Lee Taeyong, but he's too cold."

Jaehyun's senses were heightened on instinct, he felt stupid because his heart was racing now, he looked to his left but Taeyong wasn't there only his stuff scattered on his desk.

"Ohh, I am not sure about Lee Taeyong anymore, I mean he is handsome but the rumors about him? they say he's..

"shhh, not here silly, he could be back any minute."

"The rumors..?" Jaehyun blinked twice in disbelief, he couldn't believe that these words escaped his mouth and for a second thought that maybe they didn't hear him, wishful thinking.

"Are you curious about Lee taeyong?" said the flirty one with a big smile on her face

"Uh..not in particular I just..

He just what? he didn't know what to say, he was curious because Taeyong was slowly going to be devouring every bit of his free thinking space,  he was starting to think that he was some kind of masochist who liked to torture himself, he had to remind himself that Taeyong was a cold jerk, he glanced once more to his left, Taeyong still hasn't returned to his place.

"Did you know Lee Taeyong before?" the flirty looked like she was onto something, she looked through Jaehyun as if she knew all his secrets, it made him anxious and he carefully worded his reply.

"No, not in particular, I guess you could say he was an acquaintance at one point, back when I still lived here." Lies

"Well, if you're curious about your rival from the first day of school, then I am happy to announce to you that you're much better than him, Taeyong never replies back and he gives everyone the cold shoulder, recently, there were rumors about him being...

She got close to whisper to Jaehyun's ear.

"About him being a male prostitute." 

"A what?" Jaehyun's eyes widened and his face looked disturbed, his reaction was not in line with his claims of having known Lee Taeyong only as an acquaintance. He looked genuinely concerned.

"Ahaha, well it's as far as the rumor goes, they say that he sleeps around with boys for money to afford nice things, there are pictures too but the quality isn't great, the pictures are of him, allegedly being smooched by two males on a bed and he was naked, it's all a little suspicious wouldn't you say? everyone is hesitant to believe this but ah, if anything the rumor does put things into perspective." 

"Puts what into perspective?" Jaehyun swallowed his shocked shaky voice and tried to sound neutral.

"How he's cold to everyone and rarely interacts with anyone, it's so he can hide who he is, and we don't know his true colors, his personality and how he is a mystery." 

Jaehyun moved uncomfortably in his seat, what she was saying was not completely out of line with Taeyong's character towards those he didn't know, he was weirdly introverted, at least the Taeyong he knew, more importantly, the flirt seemed a good judge of character and that made her a threat, he cannot let his guard down around her. 

"Um, are you even listening?" she said playfully, while bringing a chair closer to his desk and sitting too close to his face.

"Ahh..yeah, I am, you were saying?" Jaehyun seemed to have regained his composure, his ways weren't easy to predict, if Taeyong was hard to read, Jaehyun was not even a book with words.

Anyways, he has been known as the guy with the crazy hair dyes, it's as if to attract attention, I mean this is a little bit of a stretch but he has this aura about him that screams full of himself, his charms are beyond anyone's sexuality and I don't think he ever had a hard time convincing anyone to pay him for a nightstand, I would be a little sad if it turns out to be true, and they say a rumor is never baseless, there has to be a degree of truthfulness to it don't you think Jaehyun?"

"I'd say you can't be too sure about anything unless you have a physical evidence but again, who knows?" 

"Right."

"Mhm"

For a second both exchanged challenging looks, Jaehyun's lips curving upwards, he was smiling despite himself because no matter how he looked at it, she seemed to know more about him than she does about Taeyong, only problem, he does not remember seeing her before, he contemplated asking her if they went to the same primary school but decided against it, if he was meant to know, he was going to.

"I am Hye Ri by the way, nice to meet you, Yoon-oh." and she left with her friends around her in a swarm of giggles and gossips.

Not even a full school day and things were already a mess, how he ended up being in the same class with Taeyong and how he just finds out that his childhood best friend may be fooling around for money, he knows his family, they weren't exactly well off but also not poor, his position as the youngest allowed him possession of the newest toys and the trendiest clothes, especially because his parents were divorced, so if this was true, it couldn't be because he wants materialistic items, so could it be because Taeyong liked boys too?

No, no that can't be right, something is not adding up.

Jaehyun's misfortunes begun when Taeyong rejected his letter, he rejected it because it was gross to date a guy or even think that another guy has feelings for him. This is what was relayed to Jaehyun, it broke his heart and his letter returned to him crushed and dirtied, but the humiliation and dirt were on him, how dare he contaminate Taeyong with his 'filth'.              Luckily, it was that same day that he moved with his family away and did not have to confront Taeyong.

He cried himself to sleep that night and the night to follow, he was scared and had no one to fess his heart contents to, he lost his appetite every time he remembered Taeyong's face, his scent, his faint dimple and his laugh, he knew it hurt enough to think about him let alone facing him.

And begun endless episodes of self-loathing and shame, not a single day would pass without Jaehyun feeling like a pest or a parasite for being gay. 

His summer days were miserable, his parents thought that moving away from his friends and the town he grew up in was what caused their son's depression, they never questioned him or pressured him, the move was so that Jaehyun's father has better control over his expanding business and they couldn't leave him to live on his own.

Their attempts to get him to leave home were met with rage fits every time they suggested that he visits Taeyong and his other classmates on the weekends, Jaehyun till this day regrets every time he slammed the door to his room in his parents' face and causing them to worry about him back then, especially his mother who was only but supportive, even when his parents found out that Jaehyun is gay, it did not matter to her, she never saw him as anything more or less than her youngest son, he should have trusted her enough to come out to her, but he was afraid she would be disappointed with him and he hated the thought of it, it was discouraging enough that Taeyong rejected him.

It was his father that did not handle the news very well.

He was planning on taking this a secret with him to his grave, he knew that once in college and away from his parents his dating life would improve but to tell them, he almost swore an oath, expect he stupidly kept this darn letter hidden in his notebooks, every new notebook his mother got him he carefully placed the letter within its confines, he kept lids and empty jars, even some gift wrappers and old pens in a box, useless all of this was but he kept it, his mother complained about the rubbish but he could never bring himself to throw it away, so naturally it was the unthinkable that he discards of this letter.

His father found it.

It fell from one of his many notebooks when he was in a hurry to leave home to school and he didn't realize it was missing until it appeared before his eyes on the dinner table after that night.

His father was fuming, his nostrills giant ever expanding dots in the middle of his face, Jaehyun felt the droplets of the trickling cold sweat on both his temples, oh how he wanted to believe that this wasn't true. Right, he can say that this was a prank, that this is not a real letter and that he meant to trick Taeyong with but his couldn't look at his dad in the eyes, he knew he couldn't lie to him.

His father's voice wasn't thundery, he was not even mad when his cold words were carefully placed knives around Jaehyun's heart, the cold slowly spreading to the rest of his chest, his hands, his feet, he couldn't move an inch and his head felt light.

His father already took the liberty to go through his son's dairies, he read it all, he read about his romantic adventures with other boys, his first kiss at fourteen and the pages dedicated to that first love of his that never saw the daylight; Lee Taeyong, how he never got over him and how he is yet to find a guy like him.

 

It was already clear to Jaehyun how this ends for him and his father had one thing to say;

To leave his house now without delay, he couldn't love a homosexual son, let alone live with him under the same roof. 

Disowned was Jaehyun.

There was no damage control Jaehyun could do nor did he want to beg for his father's forgiveness, his things were collected and his mother's pleas fell on deaf ears, like father like son, they both took pride in their stance and if Jaehyun was asked to leave he was going to, his father locked himself in his office and that was the last time they saw one another or spoke to one another.

It has been almost two weeks since. 

Jaehyun sighed, his heart heavy but this was his reality, he couldn't change it, and his brain was fed up with the 'what if' scenarios. He needed to move forward with the options presented to him, even if it meant never having a proper relationship with his family,  he needs to think more of the future, even if sitting besides him was his past, the past that triggered this hell .

 

All of these unpleasant thoughts and overthinking made Jaehyun thirsty, and before class starts he rushed to get a milk carton from the vending machine.

"ouch."

Jaehyun stumbled into someone on his way out.

It was a tall lad, just as tall as Jaehyun, he wore his uniform loosely, he had a buzz cut and he looked older than his age, he even looked older than some of the teachers around. 

"If that isn't Jaehyun...

"Sejun." 

Jaehyun was tired, wherever he was heading he couldn't run from people from his past, Sejun was his and Taeyong's friend since fifth grade, though not as close but they hung out as often as they could with him after school, Sejun was perhaps the only person sharp enough to find out about Jaehyun's fascination with Taeyong, he was able to see through him but promised to never tell a soul, back then, Sejun was comforting to talk to, and when Jaehyun did not possess the courage to give Taeyong the letter or face him with his feelings, Sejun was the one to volunteer and be his mailman, however, an hour later and Sejun returns with a sorry expression and a crushed letter in hand, he told Jaehyun that Taeyong said to never contact him again or talk to him because their friendship was over...

"Ah, at least you can try and pretend you were happy to see me, haha, I missed you man."

"Aha...I missed you too, Sejun, I hope you're doing great."

"Just as good as you are doing old pal. Long time no see huh."

"Yeah.. say, wouldn't you want to meet up later somewhere else outside school? of course if you aren't too busy"

"Already? well I am always down to see my old friends."

"Of course."

Both of them smiled at one another and Jaehyun proceeded to hug Sejun, they walked the hallway together to catch up on things.

 

This was only the beginning for an eventful semester, if only Jaehyun knew what was to come ahead...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): HELLO LOVELIES!
> 
> I hope you're doing as well as you could be, because I know I am!
> 
> First let's clarify Jaehyun's situation in case you're confused;
> 
> -Two weeks ago his father looked through his private matters after finding the letter that he addressed to Taeyong three years ago, in the letter he confesses his feelings and asks that Taeyong gives him a chance, of course the letter was rejected but he kept it, upon the revelation,  his father could not accept him, but also couldn't toss him away, so with the help of Jaehyun's mother, now he can finish high school by moving back to the town he was born in, because his mother cannot leave his father's side, she will be visiting her son on weekends and he basically have to live alone, he could have lived with his paternal grandmother but she recently passed away, Jaehyun regrets having not told her about his sexuality, he knows she wouldn't have rejected him and maybe she could have even helped him with his father. now that his secret was inevitably out, Jaehyun misses his grandmother.
> 
> -Taeyong is rarely aware of the school gossip because he does not use social media apps, he deleted his accounts when anonymous people started cyber bullying him.
> 
> -Sorry for the typos for now, I will fix everything later, it's 4AM, I am tired and my Beta ReAdEr is not around :/
> 
> -I apologize for the amount of details but the story will officially take off and a lot will be happening in the next chapter so buckle up for the ride will be packed!
> 
> And if I took too long to update I am sorry! had my sister wedding and it was wild planning for everything, she left and I am depressed now, I was jet lagged for awhile-ugh, I miss her :/
> 
>  
> 
> FINALLY;
> 
> Is it pathetic to ask you say yes or something random in a comment down below just so I know that humans are reading my story? I don't mind keeping the conversation going by myself but I'd feel like I am Boo Boo the fool if I have been talking to myself this whole time. haha
> 
> Otherwise, I really hope you are enjoying this story, it is getting a little sloppy and a whole lot messier but that's the drama you up signed for I hope.
> 
> Again, have a wonderful day!


	4. Taeyong Machine Broke

Johnny placed cherry seeds in a line on the table, careful not the scatter them with his big fingers, he was going somewhere with this, actually he was only bored during lunch break.

"You ate that many cherries? they don't even taste good out of season." Yuta remarked, he was halfway through his sandwich that Johnny bought him from the school cafeteria.

"You know, for someone who lives with his parents you definitely can eat way better food." Johnny remarked back without shifting focus from his line of seeds.

"I wish I could, but this thing right here-Yuta glared at Lucas-"Will eat, no actually devour any food I bring, so I had to give up on homemade lunches, he sneaks into class to still it!" 

"HEY, it's not my fault your mom's food tastes better than whatever the heck my mother makes." Lucas hummed happily after remembering the last time he had a meal at Yuta's house.

"It would really put a bad name to our gang if our leader brings his mom's floral boxed lunches to school." Haechan said mockingly trying to get on Yuta's nerves but everyone was already distracted by one of Jungwoo's exaggerated stories.

He was telling them how on his way to school this morning, he was almost 'abducted' by a group of what looked to be seniors from the all boys school across from theirs, they tried to 'pay him for a good time' but he quickly crouched below their knee level, went through their wide open legs swiftly and before they knew it, he was already on the other side of the fence after skillfully climbing it in seconds, he ran vertically through the soccer field which separates the two schools while jumping multiple fences including the school's high walls. Jungwoo looked smug but obviously this did not happen;

"You can't even jog for a mile Jungwoo." Haechan said imitating Jungwoo's fish-like breathing face that he does in P.E after minimum physical effort, he looked like he was about to give a hissy fit, Haechan was fed up with Jungwoo's stories just as much as the rest of them were if not more considering he spends time the most with him, Jungwoo shrugged his shoulders and continued to brag about his feats, it did not matter to him that they knew he was exaggerating or straight up lying sometimes, something about his calm demeanour and faint voice made whatever he said sound interesting and legitimate enough.

"Shut up already." Haechan poked Jungwoo's elbow with his plastic spoon.

"I know you love my stories Hyuck, here have my pie."

Haechan snatched Jungwoo's tray and dug his fork into the juicy apple pastry still in its clear plastic wrapper, he hates apple flavored things, Jungwoo knows that.

Lucas was the last to finish, he always received so much food from his friends because they knew better to stuff him to his fullest, not that it was possible, Haechan tossed the pastry to Lucas who beamed with joy and ruffled his friend's hair in gratitude to receive a disgusted glare.

"Jungwoo you want to clarify?" Yuta knew the story wasn't completely false and he was more interested in what the boys from the neighbouring school were up to, Jungwoo was just as sharp with detail and observation as he was with making stories up.

"Fine, maybe I exaggerated a bit, but it did happen, I swear, they are lurking near the school and I saw them block others' way too, they are having fun playing with kids from our school."

Johnny looked uncomfortable, he knew he'd meet his old friends if he goes to that school and that wasn't a pleasant thought. 

"I suggest you guys avoid contact with that corrupt bunch, they are trouble and I heard it's wild if you're caught up with their gangs, it's truely no child's play like we have it here, they are targeting male handsome students, Haechan you don't have to worry though." Jungwoo said casually without even glancing at Haechan, who was all up in his face now threatening to dislocate his shoulder if he continues joking like this.

"Oh no, my beloved Haechan, what I meant is that you were cut-

Jungwoo blinked and swallowed his words before Haechan actually acted on his threats. 

"I mean, I would let no harm get to my most handsome friend, but I am afraid your godly visuals are the talk of the town already, my tiny lord." It was never a win with Jungwoo, he liked to baby Haechan for being small and cute.

"Heyy, what's with that, you told me I was your most handsome friend." Lucas protested.

Johnny was now very and clearly upset about this news, looked past the trio bickering and saw Taeyong by himself, awkward and still, he moved his hand nervously to push his bangs, and seemed disconnected to all that was around him, Johnny wondered if Taeyong knew the rumors about him, he was officially becoming the school's punching bag after those pictures surfaced, and it has been few days since they talked, but Johnny still hasn't gotten in touch with him, it is kinda hard when catching him after class is almost impossible.

Johnny sighed, he didn't care much for the gossip, if Taeyong was truly what he was being rumored to be then so be it, he simply would have to smack sense into his head to stop it, he has already made up his mind to befriend Taeyong.

Then his blood started to boil, Johnny looked about to rip a soul apart from its host body when a cold hand tapped his shoulder, it was Yuta urging him with a serious look to not lose control, not here.

What Johnny angered was some older kids who pushed Taeyong to the ground, clearly since it wasn't enough they spilled the content of their trays on his head, Taeyong did not take a second to rise to his feet, completely drenched and dumbfounded as to why this happened, the laughing stocks echoed and bounced back and forth off the cafeteria walls, it was enjoyable and a good piece of gossip to those who weren't concerned with Taeyong, and that was just about everyone that was there, he meant to escape but was bombarded and blocked from the back, his shoulders and head were wet with the sticky soda and food leftovers, that moment, though not entirely sure why the school were after him, Taeyong felt abandoned, wronged and pathetic.

Yuta did not manage to hold Johnny more and trusted that he wouldn't fight someone under the school grounds. He was not going to interfere with his business because Taeyong clearly meant something to him that he was yet to come clean about. 

To make this all the more a comical scene, Taeyong almost fell on the slippery bits from the food trays that were dropped on him, the laughters got even louder, he looked up and couldn't recognize the identity of those who pushed him, he felt tiny surrounded by unfamiliar faces eager to see him humiliated, Taeyong believed that a human meaningfully existed if they received love and appreciation from those around them, right now, he might as well evaporate from existing. 

Johnny was pushing aggressively through the grinning crowds taking pictures, he then stanched Taeyong by the wrist in the same aggressive manner pulling him from the center of it all, they left the cafeteria and were almost running through the school hallways, Johnny's hands tightening around Taeyong's wrist with anger, they exited the school to the courtyard and the breeze was cold on Taeyong's head and shoulder when Johnny stopped and loosened his grip a little, they were at the gym's locked doors.

Johnny stomped his feets together and let out a sharp breath, he did not want his voice to be angry when he talks to Taeyong as to not frighten him:

"Taeyong, I..you remember me right?" Johnny turned to face the shivering boy who wouldn't look up, his hand reached to remove an apple stem from his hair.

"I am Johnny, we met few days ago, you remember that right? I..am sorry but I couldn't stay put and watch you getting harassed..I mean though not my place...

"..."

Johnny was sad that Taeyong had to go through this, he knew exactly what it felt like to be alone and outnumbered, more than that he knew Taeyong felt humiliated, and the last thing he wanted was to rub the salt on the wound, he didn't know what to say;

Taeyong, still not looking up, bowed and made to leave, not taking into account the hand still around his now-aching-wrist.

"Plea..Let me go."

"What if I don't want to?" Johnny looked serious

"Please..

"No, look at me Taeyong."

"I wanna go, I don't want to be here, I hate this school and I hate everything, I wish I never existed I- 

Taeyong looked up to Johnny alarmed and gasped to shut his mouth from further spilling the contents of his heart.

"And you just want to end it all? you think those bullies would care if you killed yourself? Listen, I don't know what happens on the other side but I know you can fight and stick around and survive."

"I know this is awkward but like I said, I want to be your friend Taeyong, I mean it." Johnny lowered his head to take a closer look at Taeyong. 

Taeyong's ears puffed, he wanted to be alone, it was embarrassing to be rescued by the same person twice, and this was a situation exceeding his basic levels of social interaction skills, more than that he was confused as to what made this stranger nice to him, he had nothing to offer in return and worried that he is being taking advantage of in his weakest moments, somehow he couldn't see Johnny being dishonest when his eyes looked right through his unsure red eyes.

I want to be your friend Taeyong~

Taeyong did not realize it, but his tears were already at a meeting point at the chin, he wanted to say something to spare the awkwardness of the situation but made it worse by gasping for air and choking on his own tears when he opened his mouth.

Johnny then did the unthinkable, or at least what Taeyong thought was the unthinkable;

He wrapped his large hands around the smaller boy's head and gradually pulled him into a full embrace, this only triggered Taeyong's teary fit, and he was crying more intensely now that the shoulder was lent to him.

His tears poured soaking his face and Johnny's shirt, who only pulled him closer while patting his back. 

"There..you don't have to hold back, I meant it when I said I wanted to be your friend..I will listen to what you have to say, anything, you don't have to feel you're alone anymore..."

Taeyong heard Johnny's soothing voice vibrating from within his ribcage, it made his heart calm and his doubts disappear.

When he stopped shaking he looked up once more to Johnny apologetically, oddly enough he looked very familiar, a one time meeting but familiar still, as if he had known him before, but he had a hard time remembering faces, events or names.

Taeyong smiled despite his miserable state and brushed his bangs and scratched the back of his neck, something he did often when he is nervous, and Johnny took note of it, it was rather cute.

Johnny smiled back at Taeyong satisfied.

"Wanna change first before we go back to class?" he suggested to Taeyong.

"Uhh..If I could I would."

"Well do you have spare?"

"Nope, plus the gym doors are locked." Taeyong said contemplating to just remove his uniform jacket but then his undershirt was visible with the sticky substance and he needed a quick shower anyways.

"Well don't worry, gotchu covered."

Taeyong this whole time not noticing the keys twirling in Johnny's hand who then opened the doors to the gym casually and motioned to Taeyong to enter before him with both hands.

"But what about..

"There are no buts buddy, you need a shower and I am offering you a warm one.

"The teachers...how do you even have the keys to the gym?"

"Well, let's say I make connections and bargains, don't worry I did not steal it, if that's your concern."

Taeyong wasn't about to argue now that he had access to warm water and soap.

He opened his locker but it was empty save for a towel and his toiletries, he knew that he had no spare clothes because he occasionally took his gym clothes home to be washed, but wanted to make sure anyways, Johnny then tapped his shoulder offering him a shirt. 

"Here, you can wear this for now, think I'll take a shower as well."

"Uh..thanks, really, for everything.

"No need to thank me, I mean it, it is awkward I know but you act as if we've known one another for a long time." Johnny smiled encouragingly and ushered Taeyong to the showers

"quick, don't think we have that much time left."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jaehyun dropped the groceries to the floor, dragged his feet to his room and collapsed on his bed, his heart was still beating very hard from running all the way back home and he abandoned his plans of cooking, it was going to be good rehearsal for when his mother visited, to show her that he was fine on his own, that he did not burn his fingers on toast, that he knew how how to chop vegetables and that he was not a complete klutz inclined on burning water. 

Well, you can't become a chef in two days and on the weekends, Jaehyun looked at the time displayed on his phone 

8:04 PM

He tried to stay out as much as he could and Sejun helped him with having a decent time, he was just as aggressive as he used to be with his fists and pound hugs, expect that the current Sejun was much more mature, he cracked many jokes and if Jaehyun didn't know better, he would have thought that he was trying to impress him, they visited several locations from their childhood like the water banks, the abandoned tunnels and the lake, all of which had Taeyong's imprint, Jaehyun was not fighting the memories, they were refreshing and he surrendered to the thought of separating the two Taeyongs, that or his sanity.

Sejun excused himself before Jaehyun could even bring up the topic of Taeyong and how Sejun was the only one who knew what he wanted to keep a secret, he wanted to make sure it stayed that way.

He said he needed to attend to an urgent matter and squeezed Jaehyun's arm while looking apologetic, just about a second ago, he was having fun but the text he just received made his face go grim, Jaehyun was left alone in an alley five blocks away from his house, had no good reason to stay out, it was chilly now.

Then he did something stupid, he took the route around the back of his house, and didn't stop until he was across from Taeyong's house.

Bad idea, what if he is seen by Taeyong's sister or his mother, he knew he couldn't avoid them forever but standing outside of their house purposely trying to meet them? that was also, very stupid.

He then snapped out of it, rubbed his cold hands together but stopped dead in his tracks when he looked up and saw Taeyong, he did not dare move an inch in fear of being noticed by him who was hanging a shirt on the rack outside his room balcony.

Jaehyun couldn't look away from Taeyong, who stayed for a little while before going back inside.

He then ran all the way back home with his groceries as if he was being chased.

That was a close one

8:10 PM

His stomach growled and he groaned, being too hungry yet not having the strength to move a muscle wasn't pleasant, Jaehyun wished he knew someone good at cooking that could prepare decent meals for him at times like these;

Oh of course he knows someone who is an excellent cook, Taeyong.

Taeyong Taeyong Taeyong was everything and everywhere Jaehyun was going crazy.

The next day in school Jaehyun was greeted by a dozen girl before entering class and when he did, the atmosphere was tense, he followed everyone's gaze and his eyes landed on Taeyong, who had his earbuds on.

"Hey Jaehyun have you seen this?" a random classmate shoved their phone in Jaehyun's face:

Taeyong in a video format; being pushed to the ground and tossed around like a toy, food dumped on his head and sounds of clapping and cheering students can be heard faintly because the volume was downed.

The classmate moved on to the next person showing the clip on loop.

What was this about, though Taeyong seemed to be unbothered but made sure not to make eye contact with anyone.

Jaehyun sat cautiously next to Taeyong who was facing the other way, he had to admit that no matter how bad a person could be, Taeyong still did not deserve all of this, he was yet to settle but it was evident to him that Taeyong was the school's punching bag, and he was surprised at the voice inside of his head that urged him to defend Taeyong.

"TAEYONG!"

A voice called, it was someone by the class door, that the rest of the kids recognized to be Johnny, Jaehyun did not know who he was but followed him when he made his grand entrance all the way to Taeyong's desk, everything about him from his build to his walk to his gesture was grand and amplified, Taeyong looked startled for a second.

"Dude, I texted you yesterday but did not hear back from you."

"Uhh..ah, I am sorry but I didn't check my messages."

Johnny knelt and put his elbows on Taeyong's desk.

"It's alright I just wanted to make sure you knew we were hanging out later today." he chuckled and Taeyong returned it with a faint smile of his own.

"Also, I want the haircut you promised to give me soon, you wouldn't mind to this evening after class?"

"Oh Sure..

"Great, then don't go anywhere until I come and pick you up, you'll have to meet the guys."

Taeyong nodded and Johnny stood up from his kneeling position, ruffled Taeyong's hair playfully, all while everyone had eyes on them, and then left all smiles after waving at Taeyong.

 

Taeyong scratched his forehead, and proceeded to play his music, he couldn't hide his smile.

Johnny not only promised to be his friend but was not afraid to associate himself with him out in the public, he had no doubts now and was quite excited about this new friendship.

Jaehyun was a little jealous, he hated this guy and how he made him feel like a bitter stalker, maybe Jaehyun needed to talk to Taeyong about this whole situation between them, he knew he was angry and sad but he never heard Taeyong actually say those mean things to him..

Wasn't it wiser if he confronted him and talked about things?

But again he still did not want to take the chance and be hurt again if Taeyong actually said those things about him, he was terrified to confront him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/T):
> 
> thank you so much for sticking to this mess!
> 
> JAEHYUN's situation updated:
> 
> I forgot to clarify this about Jaehyun's situation, though his father does 'not love' him anymore, he still couldn't abandon him or otherwise people get suspicious, instead, Jaehyun's parents arranged for him to go and live by himself in the town they used to live in, which is twenty minutes away by train, he clearly stated that he wants nothing to do with his son and as soon as Jaehyun settles on his own he will stop supporting him financially, that or Jaehyun snaps out of this phase and goes back to being 'normal'. 
> 
> His major issue is that he does not accept himself and it will take him some time alone to realize that he is more than enough, that he is worthy of happiness.
> 
> School Layout for future reference I guess, you don't have to read it though:
> 
> -There are three building two of which are connected by an outdoor corridor, the main school building with classes on both the first and the second floor+cafeteria+a newer principal office and the nurse office.
> 
>  -the second building has two floors where the old school staff offices are and the gym storage room, aside from that it's almost deserted and kids use it for their courage tests or use the empty classrooms for their clubs or to hang out.
> 
> -The third building which isn't too far away is the gym, it has an outdoor swimming pool and a running/soccer field.
> 
> The cafeteria is on the first floor at the very back of the school which means that if you want to have lunch you would have to walk a long corridor and there are no shortcuts, the classes are on the left side of the corridor and there are huge windows on the right side, jumping the window leads to the courtyard, which is a vast green space where kids have lunch with their friends, it's like a picnic when it's not too cold.
> 
> That's it I guess for now.
> 
> Unnecessary life update:I hope to keep the updates rolling, I wanna go overseas for a teaching job but my parents are dead set against it, being a female in a foreign country is a bit challenging yes I know but they are being way too overprotective over a 21 useless daughter, their duality of asking me to leave their house yet not letting me do what it takes to leave it is really confusing oomf.
> 
> Fun Facts:I have the names of my OCs written on a sticky note on my desktop that I keep referring to because I keep forgetting their names haha.
> 
> Meaningless story:On the same sticky notes, I occasionally write events and plots for future reference, the other day I was writing this 'steamy scene' and because my dad got curious on what is it that I was writing all day long obviously he had to check the sticky notes tab, I freaked out 40km/h but closing the tab would be far more suspicious, luckily my dad does not speak English at all and he lost interest mid-sentence, it was surreal and I can't feel my numb knee from stomping the floor so hard, I felt embarrassed and ashamed of my ways but hey, how does a fangirl survive under this economy. (Idk get a life..stop writing fanfic..ehh.)
> 
> Moral of the story:do not hecking use sticky notes and hide your smuts.
> 
> -I know that Taeyong is annoying as of right now because he lacks any type of personality but that is soon to change, also I am still trying to figure out when to add the rest of the members and you can clearly tell that I am a mess, much like NCT because by the way, have you seen their roses performance and Mark birthday messages? Oh my god, I am attacked and soft respectively. 
> 
> Random uwu:I think Jaehyun has an unmatched beauty and though not my bias I can attest to the fact that he is the most handsome person I ever landed eyes on, I think I'd run from him in real life because I couldn't face him, how does he look at himself in the mirror?
> 
> Question:Do you like long or short chapters, is 3k okay? is it too much? should I write more? because god knows I can.


	5. High off the lows and stronger from the blows.

"Ready?" 

"Ah..yes, just getting my things."

"Cool, let's go."

Taeyong followed Johnny around, they left the main school building to the next one that was connected to it, it was late and there were fewer kids still in classes, they walked in silence, Johnny leading Taeyong to school grounds he's seeing for the first time, the time he'd been to this building was when his sister terrorized the principal into letting Taeyong have colored hair occasionally because otherwise, their livelihood was on stake, she claimed that if she does not have someone to practice hair dyes on then she will be fired from her apprenticeship and they will starve to death, no way was this near true but Taeyong had to go with it, he did not care much for the terrified and skeptical Principal as he valued his life over sincerity.

Taeyong liked his sister but she had a loose wire here or there. 

Johnny climbed the dimly lit stairs and made sure Taeyong knew his footing, it was becoming clear that he was going to be very overprotective over Taeyong, to a ridiculous extent even because he offered him a hand, it was just stairs that much like any other human, Taeyong was pretty used to climbing, he took the hand regardless.

When they arrived at their destination, Johnny stopped to give Taeyong a disclaimer;

"Now listen, the guys are well-intentioned but frankly they are super weird, in fact I am dreading this whole introduction because they will tease you, just understand that they mean no harm okay? just...just go with whatever they do." Johnny smiled nervously at Taeyong who nodded, he was afraid he wouldn't fit or click with this bunch, but was also kind of excited. 

Johnny pushed the door open and motioned with his hand for Taeyong to get inside, barely two feets inside of the room and his welcoming was warm;

Yuta got close and stared intently at Taeyong, his lips parted slightly while Lucas towered over him, their curiosity was made obvious at the sight of this fallen angel.

A fallen angel? Taeyong barely rose to fame to be shot down with all sorts of accusations and rumors and though yet to be proven, the craziest bit yet is that he was unaware of it all, he had no social media accounts and no one told it to him, and his reputation wasn't likely to recover, no one cared enough to approach him at this point, well, expect for Lucas, Lucas was very close to Taeyong's face it made him flinch;

"WAH..he is handsome indeed, not that I am losing points." Lucas shrugged his shoulders but did not back up one bit.

"Yep." Yuta threw his hands in the air, scaring Taeyong a little, did he make him angry?

"Also, it's weird..now that I am looking up close, that guy in the pictures doesn't look like him, not quite as sharp..and his hair, think it was a wig." Lucas made to ruffle and mess with Taeyong's hair when Johnny stopped him;

"Shh..guys, not now, first you say hi to Taeyong, you know, like normal people greet other people?" Johnny said in a reproaching manner while shielding Taeyong from the two of them.

"HI TAEYONG! I A-M V-E-R-Y-H-A-P-P-Y-T-O-M-E-E-T-Y-O-U, M-Y-N-A-M-E-I-S-H-A-E-C-A-H-N." Haechan stood and revealed himself from the desk that was on the back and marched and talked in a robot like manner, Taeyong couldn't help but chuckle. 

"Nice to meet you..everyone, I am sorry to interrupt I hop-

The door behind Taeyong was opened aggressively and he heard a loud shriek coming from the robot-boy before a heavy weight was put on his back, he turned on reflex; a flirting face was very close to his, this chestnut-haired boy who just wrapped his arms around his shoulders like a rope kept batting his eyelashes and looked deeper into Taeyong's eyes without saying a word, who then panicked and looked away, his cheeks flaming red.

Aside from Jaehyun, he does not think he has been consciously this close to another male, or person for that matter, what was different is the intense beating of his heart, he didn't know if it was induced by the intensity of the situation or just how close they got to him, it made him anxious.

"Stop it!" Johnny cried helplessly.

"Ah aha, no one is having fun in this house as long as Papa John is around we know we know." the chestnut-haired boy pouted.

"Fun is trying to flirt with someone you barely met?"

"Well, that's how you show them you're not here to be their friend, otherwise how are they supposed to feel threatened, Misattribution of arousal buddy." Jungwoo backed up and hoped in front of Taeyong facing him now, his smirk not once leaving his lips and his eyes perked up, he looked mischievous and up to no good despite his gentle features and soft voice.

"Pretty sure that's not how that works, you're just creepy."

"What, he totally fell for my charm."

"No Jungwoo, that did not just happen, stop it." Johnny glanced sideways to Taeyong apologetically.

"Well weren't you already in a 'relationship'?" Lucas has already taken the seat by the window; his favorite.

"Me? in a relationship? oh please, I am always moving forward, well unless they are like Taeyong, then in that case I am willing to settle and commit."

He winked at Taeyong who soothed himself with one of his high pitched nervous laughs.

"I swear if we weren't your friends you would have been bullied to dea-

Johnny's eyes widened and he bit his tongue, curse this big chattery mouth of his, he was the one begging his friends not to make this an awkward first meetings, he looked at Yuta for salvation. 

"Taeyong, know that you can be here anytime you wish to hang out with us, that is if you care to join this bunch." 

Yuta smiled and extended a hand that Taeyong shook almost too immediately, looking at them he was unsure how to feel but traveling from Johnny's familiar face by now to the rest of his friends, Taeyong could see that they all had genuine smiles. 

Yes, he could trust them, he wanted to.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

In the days to follow at school and soon enough, it made the rounds that Taeyong was not to be messed with, not if anyone wished to be sandwiched by Johnny and Lucas, who proved it times over that they were at peak human performance and not afraid to stand up to anyone though only freshmen.

Taeyong started going to and from school with Jungwoo and Lucas whose houses were on the same road he took to get to school;

This morning, Taeyong entered school with Jungwoo by his side and Lucas lagging behind them, he found himself opening up about his hobbies and sharing his pointless stories, Jungwoo was smooth and sweet on top of being a good listener, he knew exactly how to make just about anyone speak the truth, or in this case, comfortable enough to have a conversation.

Jungwoo and Lucas's class was next to Taeyong's but they still tagged along before it started, Lucas joined in after finishing his morning snack, he changed the flow of the conversation and now they were talking about their favorite foods when Taeyong said that he can cook what Lucas mentioned to be his favorite meal, the next thing he did caught everyone else around them's attention, his voice was loud enough that it could have easily echoed twice through the whole building before returning to its starting point.

"What do you mean to say you can cook a whole chicken? you're only a high schooler." Lucas said bamboozled out of his mind.

"Ehh..I can easily cook that yeah it's not that complicated..

Taeyong was flustered but at the same time amused, he did not think he would connect with a big guy like Lucas when he first saw him, turns out all he had to do this whole time was to mention his chef talents and a whole set of hands were tight around his arms almost lifting him up from the ground in excitement.

Lucas with a gleam in his eyes was a little too hyper for a human on a school day morning "you mean to say that I just gained a chef for a friend? Really, I am glad I got to know you." He turned to Jungwoo for that last part who only sighed in disappointment.

"But you don't even know yet if I am actually decent at cooking." Taeyong laughed shyly.

"No worries on that departement, you do seem like you know about spices..and stuff, cookware, usual cooking things you know." Lucas made the shape of a bowl and spoon with his hands.

"Don't be tricked Taeyong, he is only complimenting you like this because he now sees you as a food source, plus he has nothing to lose after his tasting buds were damaged for years from eating his mother's cooking." 

"But can you like, cook a full course meal?" Lucas said shoving Jungwoo to the side.

"I believe I can try doing that." 

"Can't wait to eat something you made." Lucas gave Taeyong a meaningful look "The food that you make." He then smiled sheepishly while scratching the back of his head.

"I suppose I can try cooking for you..for everyone if they don't mind." Taeyong said, almost out of duty and stopped halfway to look at Jungwoo for validation.

"Thanks Taeyong but you don't have to be pressured to do so, Ew Lucas." Jungwoo said before dragging him to their class direction now that the bell was soon to ring, they waved at him after agreeing to meet for lunch as usual.

Taeyong fiddled in his seat, eager to leave class and meet his friends, a sensation he was yet to get used to.

He wanted to laugh at how silly and childish he was being but over the past few days, he was having so much fun with them, their company made him loosen up and less wrapped in his own thoughts, and he managed to sleep soundly, or that he was very tired he did not have the time to overthink, either way, it seemed to work now that he had friends. 

Taeyong couldn't hide his visible joy, he smiled to his text book and twirled his pencil in hand thinking of all the things he wanted to say to Johnny and the rest of them at lunch today.

Jaehyun on the other hand was giving him short glances every once in a while, his heart clenched when he watched Taeyong doodling happily on his notebook, he knew it had to do with the boys that were suddenly Taeyong's protectors, he briefly heard from Hyeri's friends how this bunch were respected around campus (in the three years of middle school) and how he didn't want to be their enemy.

He was not concerned with any of that, all he wanted was a chance to talk to Taeyong, alone and maybe he could make sense of all that which happened three years ago, maybe Taeyong did not mean it, or maybe Sejun mistranslated something, looking  at how happy Taeyong seemed when he isn't a contributing part was killing Jaehyun. 

What more is that it troubled him to know how his heart reacted at the thought of having someone else be by Taeyong's side, if he wasn't going to have his affection then why should anyone else? he hated how those two guys were holding onto Taeyong and talking to him this morning before class, as if he belonged to them and them only, as if they were the ones who knew everything about him, he bit his lip and shook his head, this was no way to think, he knew as much but to stop the racing thoughts, it was impossible.

Plainly said, Jaehyun was jealous.

Morning classes were over and Taeyong as expected was first to leave, Jaehyun threw his stuff in his bag as quickly as he could manage but the chance already slipped from him, as two taller boys were by the door waiting to accompany Taeyong and they all headed in the cafeteria direction, like they were his bodyguards, Jaehyun felt defeated and slumped back on his chair.

"Great, how emma ever supposed to catch him now." he muttered to himself.

He had few ideas, maybe he could wait for him by his house or even ask him over, it was too brave, what if Taeyong actually meant all that he said back then, what if these rumors were just Karma, what if he gets humiliated or rejected again, he thought about when Taeyong showed up at his gate two weeks ago, back then he was very emotional and he shut him down almost too immediately, he regrets it now, though it was justified that he reacts that way because he especially did not want his mother to know that 'Teal' in his letter and notebooks referred to Taeyong, though she knew his sexuality he still didn't want her to know about his feelings for his childhood best friend.

It was no use to overthink now that his stomach grumbled and he knew he needed food before the cafeteria ran out of it, one of the inconveniences of living alone is that he had to settle for the school sandwiches. 

\----------

"And then she chased me with a pair of scissors and a flip flop down the street, I kid you not." Taeyong shuddered at the memory though thankful his sister shenanigans was providing him with interesting stories to tell for days.

Lucas squealed in response to Taeyong's story the first time his sister decided to get creative with his haircut, which was few years back when she was still deciding majors, by now he was used to fried hair, a sensitive scalp and dry shampoo.

"Oh and by the way, I can cut your hair today, Johnny." Taeyong said timidly.

Johnny rubbed his back and pulled him closer to him by the shoulder.

"Good, cause I stopped seeing your faces and will soon forget how you guys look like with my long bangs."  Johnny jocked while still holding Taeyong close.

"You know you could slick your hair back alright?" Yuta pulled Taeyong to him, he was seated between him and Johnny.

"And look like one of those middle aged CEOS that cheat on their wives? nah" he pulled Taeyong back to him and forced him to duck under his arm.

"Heyy! stop toying with me." He finally protested, ruffled his bangs back to position and they all looked at him and burst out laughing, to tease him more they started pulling his cheeks and calling him all sorts of you cute names.

"Ohh Kittyoung you're so adorable, or is it puppyoung? You're adorable either way awwh~"

At first Taeyong went with it, though he was shy he still didn't mind being teased like this, but all of a sudden he felt nauseated and sick out of his mind, everything around him, the hands reaching for his face to cup his cheeks or to mess with his shirt collar, he wanted to escape it all, he started to panic and his complexion paled, he tried to hide it but didn't realize what happened until his hand slapped Lucas's wrist and he stood up from his chair to leave, he was now having trouble breathing and bumped hard into several people making his way out, a hand even tried to grab at his wrist but he managed to escape.

Johnny and the rest of them looked puzzled and confused, by now, they thought that they had already made it obvious how weird and unconventional their sense of humor was.

It was Yuta that set out seeking the troubled lad alone after exchanging looks with Johnny and getting his nod of approval.

Taeyong stomped his feet on the grass to stop this feeling of his soul being elevated out of his body, he looked up to the trees and felt an agonizing sense of dread, a wave of guilt washed over him, they must think he is weird now, he stormed out without an explanation, heck he still wasn't sure why he had a panic attack, he was a burden to those around him and no matter what he did, he will always be a failure, a mess and too absurd to function, why did he have to exist. Why did he have to exist. Why did he have to exist.

"Hey..

Taeyong looked up almost too immediately when a cold can of apple juice sat on his lap.

"You don't have to make excuses." Yuta sat beside him on the grass.

"..."

"The guys wanted you to know that they were sorry, if they upset you with their excessive skinship, if we upset you."

"That's not it."

"Then what is it then?"

Taeyong was taken aback at Yuta's straightforwardness, he was never asked what was wrong with him before that he never had an answer ready, in fact, even he himself didn't know what kept bugging him, causing him distress and sleepless nights.

"You're sad and alone, but we're here to fix that aren't we?"

"What if I didn't wanna know what is it that's wrong with me."

"Fair enough..

"But you know, if you don't face it now then it will be a burden added until you reach your breaking point."

"Yeah..."

"And you know that all of us are here to listen."

"I..

"Whenever you're ready I guess." Yuta had his share of secrecy, nowadays it seemed that nobody wants to talk to him, not that he didn't know to snoop around when it's what he excels at, but those skills were not of use where his friends were concerned, it was on their terms and he would offer help and advice, Taeyong was not different and he was starting to like him. 

"I am sorry for leaving like that, I must have made you all uncomfortable, it wasn't that you guys made me uncomfortable though, I just..wanted to leave because.." memories made their way to his conscious mind again, memories that Taeyong thought were sealed nightmares; vague and ugly.

"You panicked and quite frankly, not completely to be blamed, from now on just say it if you don't like something, you can't be a pushover." Yuta said slowly.

Yuta had a mysterious allure and looked quite charming, Taeyong just noticed his pierced ear with multiple earrings, one of a light-pink lotus chained to a skull with clear-red jewels in the eye sockets, it was made of metal and looked like it was custom made, Taeyong thought it was a cool design, it complemented how delicate yet dangerously sharp Yuta looked,  and if Taeyong hasn't seen his goofy smile before, he could have sworn that it wasn't the same person that was staring deeply at him now, they looked at each other, almost never blinking and searching for never ending depths into one another's eyes until Taeyong broke off the connection, Yuta chuckled and got closer to Taeyong to better view his embarrassed state.

"You're darn see through, now I know why Johnny is fond of you, you're just too innocent." Yuta smiled and rose to his feet, dusted himself and offered a hand to Taeyong who took it a bit reluctant.

He wasn't innocent, no where near innocent, in fact, he wished that nobody would ever associate him with innocence. A word that bothered him too much.

"Let's go back."

When they were back to their table, Lucas looked guiltily at Taeyong when Johnny smacked the back of his head, followed by Haechan doing the same.

"Heyy!!"

"Shut up you pig." Johnny said with an arched brow.

"Sorry Taeyong, this pig here ate your food while you were gone, we tried to stop him but his mouth is too big that by the time we noticed, your lunch box was empty. Haechan added.

"Apologize you pig." Jungwoo said faintly, his tone not in line with his 'angry' expression. 

"I couldn't help my curiosity, you see, Taeyong just told me this morning that he can cook and I wanted to taste his food, it was super delicious. No regrets."

"Oh my, you aren't too sorry are you?" Haechan 

Taeyong burst out laughing, he laughed until his eyes were teary and the nearby table took notice of his fit, he had to stop himself but relapsed everytime he looked up to Lucas's confused and guilty expression.

For once, Lucas' big appetite managed to repair the mood,Taeyong couldn't remember the last time he laughed as spontaneously. 

 

\---------

Later that evening, everyone was hanging together in the same old unused classroom that Johnny took Taeyong to few days ago, it was sort of like a base or a club room they liked to use that was far enough from the main school building.

Johnny in a barber gown, sat on a chair facing the slightly open window, Taeyong put his tools besides him, it was then that they were made aware of how much of a neat-freak he is, he wiped the surface of the table twice and did not let Lucas and Jungwoo touch his scissors or the rest of his products that he sanitised ever so carefully.

apparently, he made a deal with his sister where she let him borrow her tools if he lets her dye his hair a mysterious color this weekend. She claimed it was going to be a surprise, he made her promise that it won't be green and they shook hands.

Johnny had slightly uneven sideburns and needed a trim besides his long bangs.

The sound of the electric shaver filled the room but everyone was silenced by how professional and emerged Taeyong looked, he was not the same shy boy they teased at lunch, when he was done, Johnny touched his hair that was now considerably shorter and looked energized and happy at the mirror Taeyong provided him with, he was not expecting his haircut to be this good.

"Dude, planning on becoming a barber?"

"Oh..no, not in particular, I just, had someone to observe and I picked up a skill." Taeyong said casually while Lucas and Haechan both mouthed a 'wow'.

"If you'd only stop surprising me." Johnny was now sitting across from Taeyong and Jungwoo, who was second to get his 'bangs fixed'.

Taeyong looked confused because he did not understand what part of 'my bangs are too long' was true and applied to Jungwoo's short bangs.

He bent to his eye level and with his short scissors cut small strands of hair and his job was done as soon as he started.

"Yep, that's as far as I can go with you."

"But you didn't even give me your phone number?"

Taeyong took a moment to understand but didn't even bother responding to the helpless flirt.

They hung out for a little longer before it started getting colder and darker, Lucas, Jungwoo, Yuta and Haechan all left and Johnny sat besides Taeyong waiting for him to wear his coat and when was done checking for anything potentially missing from his sister's barber bag, Johnny snatched it and put it over his back.

"What are you doing?"

"Taeyong."

"Yes?"

"Wanna go home together?"

"but isn't your house the opposite direction?" Taeyong was adjusting his collar.

"I'll help you with your bags, you already have one on you and this is my repay for the haircut."

"I mean..both are super light so I don't think it would be a problem for me to handle both."

"shh..let me help you and be a good friend."

"Suit yourself then." Taeyong marched before Johnny and they left the school premises in his house direction

It was chilly and when they were three blocks away from where Taeyong lived, Johnny called for him who was steps leading.

"Wait..I needed to talk to you."

"Oh sure."

"It's a little awkward, but I wanted to tackle this before it was old news."

Taeyong was still for a moment.

"Oh no, it's not anything too serious..well, kind of." Johnny dreaded this.

"I just wanted to talk to you..rumors around school, about you."

Taeyong swallowed "what rumors?"

"Well, just a while ago, kids were making these senseless rumors about how you..went with boys from other schools for money" Johnny said the last part as fast as he could.

Taeyong's jaw dropped and he hid his mouth before facing the other way.

"I know it's not true, everyone else knows that but we couldn't just ignore it, you didn't seem to know and from your expression now I am one hundred percents sure you didn't know, but..there were pictures and..I am trying to brush it off but I just can't let it go."

"..."

"I can't forgive whoever did that just as much as I hate confronting you with this..I am sorry, I am very sorry."

When he got no response, he tapped Taeyong's shoulder and begged him to say something.

He regretted ruining this walk.

"Do you have those pictures?" barely audible, Taeyong said over his shoulder.

"No I don't, I barely even looked at them."

"I didn't do it."

"I know."

"..."

"Taeyong look at me."

Taeyong's world crumpled, in his brain, it now made perfect sense why Johnny and the guys were interested in him all of a sudden, it must have been because of these rumors, and all the progress he made in the past few days was all in nothing, his brain raced with a million thought, he wanted to trust Johnny but he gave him no basis to, and to take advantage of him physically sounded like the perfect ulterior motif.

Luckily, Johnny was a step ahead;

"Taeyong, I said look at me. Now."

Terrified, he turned around, eyes red and fists trembling.

"second year of junior high, you passed by someone smoking in the school grounds, you scolded that person and told them that it was bad enough to smoke and be caught by a teacher, you nagged for a whole ten minute and when I asked you..

Johnny took a deep breath before finishing his story, his eyes were teary now.

"When I asked you if you were offered a chance to skip town would you take it you know what you said?"

Taeyong looked beyond Johnny's big frame, the memories from this encounter slowly making their way to the surface.

"You said that you had no money to do so, when I said that you'd manage somehow, you kept telling me that it was impossible for kids like us and you were painfully realistic so I asked you if you're okay stealing from others if they were rich just to shut you up for a moment." Johnny took a moment to chuckle

"That was yet another dumb question, because you spent another ten minutes preaching me about how bad stealing is."

"Strangely, I found you to be funny and I liked you back then, I liked your company and I offered we go have a bite, that moment your face lit up and you did not stop talking about how you needed a friend now that your childhood friend left and wouldn't talk to you, though at the time, I wasn't my best I still wanted to protect you and spend time with you, you made me feel needed and worthy of living even if we've just met.

So I kept your company even after we finished eating, we had so much fun, you remember right?"

"Yes..I do, we played at the arcade till late and I had a curfew so I left but promised we'd meet later." Taeyong said rapidly, as if to reassure Johnny that he remembers though not sure where he was going with his story, he felt satisfied for he he was finally knows why Johnny felt familiar.

Johnny fiddled in his pocket and fetched a baseball keychain that was a little worn out.

"We won these together, I kept the baseball while you kept the bat." he scratched his head embarrassedly then continued his story: 

"My old man was home and when I entered he was rejoiced to see me come earlier than I usually did, we cooked dinner together, talked about all sorts of things and that night, I decided to put my delinquent past behind me, I decided to stop smoking, to drop the gang life and just live as normally as someone my age would."

"..."

"Also that night, three boys from our school were caught by the police after attempting to murder the house owner of a jewelry store, they inflicted grave wounds to a fifty year old man's skull and spine and he was in critical condition for over a month, The wife managed to call the cops and that night, a bunch of local teenagers made headlines for being murderers."

"Taeyong, I was supposed to be there."

Taeyong gasped now that his tears were threatening to spill from his eyes.

"We were supposed to meet at six o'clock in our meeting spot but I bailed on them." Johnny looked dead-serious into Taeyong's eyes, their faces lit just enough to see each other with the flickering street light.

"The reason I bailed on them Taeyong was because I was hanging out with you, we were at the arcade until six thirty, and I did not feel like joining them after a half hour delay."

Taeyong was speechless for a while, he wanted to say something but didn't know what.

"You saved me Taeyong." Johnny finally said eyes glistening.

"..."

a moment of silence was followed by a sudden hug.

It was Johnny who dropped everything he was holding to pull Taeyong into a hug.

"I wanted to do this ever since but we never met before I changed schools, and the last time I hugged you it didn't last long enough but now I have a reason to." He mumbled.

"Let us stay like this for a little longer"

"mhm." Taeyong nodded his head.

Johnny did not say one more word, he only squeezed Taeyong while resting his head on his shoulder; Taeyong could hear his sniffles clearly.

When Johnny finally let go, the back of his cold ungloved hand traced Taeyong's cheek gently, he whispered a 'thank you' repeatedly before he craned his neck and leaned to kiss Taeyong's cheek softly. 

From afar, anyone could have easily mistook this position for a couple kissing one another goodnight but the darkness was their only cover.

Taeyong was still mesmerized and did not react until after Johnny pinched him on the cheek, and both their faces were red now.

It was a lot to take in all at once.

Taeyong felt drained and Johnny tapped his feet together while clearing his throat. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(A/T):

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Oh hi, didn't see you there, oh shoot wait for me I dropped my guacamoles but can you believe that I wrote this and even I didn't know Johnny was this adventurous, a peck on the cheek woha boi~
> 
> -Hope this back story revelation wasn't too cheesy teehe. I hope you cried, no- you have to cry.
> 
> -I was listening to Let's Get away by this JAMES dude and Soyoung (my snsd bias) and it's such a good song I wouldn't have been able to write the last part if not for it, and if you want sad songs to write, I suggest Your lie in April, though the anime wasn't as great the OSTs are a work of art.
> 
> Seriously, are you fluff or smut? because I am sorry this is dry, I promise this draught will come to an end.
> 
> Which reminds me of the EXO draught, that is getting to my soul, mind and body. Pray for EXO-Ls.
> 
> -Also, what are the ships you want to see/read, oh and btw, all the ships tagged with underage members are going to be bromance at best because we don't sexualize kids in this house.
> 
> -Which reminds me, happy birthday to Na Jaemin, do any of you bias him? because if so, he's a good man, he literarlly has a heart of gold and expects nothing but is worthy of everything.
> 
> -Just so I am not taking credit  for something that isn't mine, the title is lyrics from Ten's Station 'New Heroes', which I very much love! His Dream in a Dream Station was all foggy and neon pink-purple aesthetic while New Heroes is a shimmery night time and subway Jazz music vibes and I don't know what I am trying to get at, but I love the contrasting themes and how Ten can pull off both. (Can't wait to introduce him to the story)  
> -I miss him so much it has been ages since we have seen him, as well as Kun, Lucas and all of China line :(
> 
> \- I have two brain cells and they keep fighting every time my inconveniently big empty brain mentions the necessity of writing smut at one point.
> 
> -Damn I need to stop updating late at night, the chapters start making less and less sense towards the end smh and I end rewriting even after publishing oups.
> 
> -The reason I write these notes is because I believe I will look at them years from now and have nostalgia, so I keep writing down my thoughts regardless of how random they are which by the if you're reading, Kudos!
> 
> -that's it I guess, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and see you next update.
> 
> Have a lovely day lovelies.


	6. Roses that attract Jealousy: Reveal.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Johnny was hopeful him and Taeyong were going somewhere, he gets slapped by reality, what if Taeyong can never be into him and what if he is the only one feeling the way he does. What if he makes things awkward between them..
> 
> Taeyong unaware of the eyes on him just wants to get out of his own body and skip forever in the fields and disregard his thoughts.
> 
> Jaehyun on the other hand has finally made the realization that Sejun might have been lying this whole time and takes time to reflect on what to do next.

Taeyong woke up abruptly in a dark room, he was in a pool of his own sweat, or so he thought, it was a sticky dark substance that dripped rhythmically on his forehead. Not knowing what the substance is or where it was dripping from made him panic a little and more so when he made the realization that he couldn't move, he couldn't fulfill a deep breath and it felt like a thousand needles were puncturing his lungs, a wave of anxiety wrapped his heart.

Invisible hands kept coming in the way of his vision, shackles around his throat and forearms, all of a sudden, Johnny was on top of him, choking the life out him with merciless cold hands, Taeyong tried to fight for his life but had no physical form, now he was falling deeper into a dark pit, 

His surroundings changed and he was in that apartment, lime green wallpaper with grass horizontal green stripes, dirty rags and sheets on the worn out sofa, the light from the arc lamp cast long shadows on the standing beer bottles scattered around and Taeyong was the centerpiece, slimy cold hands touched his abdomen sending shivers down his paralyzed naked body, it was Johnny again, but not the Johnny he knew, it just looked like him, before anything could happen his brain clicked, this was a dream.

Taeyong it's just a dream..wake up..it's just a dream..you have to wake up..

gasp-

Finally regaining control over his body he woke up, this time in a puddle of his actual sweat, heart beat raising and throat dry, he dropped to the ground from his bed gasping. begging the air to escape his lungs and to his deprived brain.

Still shaking, Taeyong went down stairs for a glass of water from the fridge but it wasn't enough to wash the bad taste this dream left in his mouth.

This was not the first time he had this dream nor was it going to be the last 

Why did it have to be Johnny of all the people.

\--------

The next day, a Monday, on lunch break, Taeyong sat next to Johnny whose eyes kept moving awkwardly from his shaking hands on his thighs to Taeyong's newly colored hair that he absolutely adored and wanted to ruffle badly.

He was physically unable of not flinching every time he remembered their mini-date, how he let his feelings get the best of him and the audacity he had and how he refused to let go of Taeyong's hand until they were at his doorsteps.

That was the flirt Johnny never knew he was and could be.

The silence was awkward and the four pairs of eyes on them reinforced it, make it five because there was a new comer who introduced himself as Mark, an old friend of Haechan who is a grade lower due to moving from Canada and Korea back and forth, he said he is settling in Korea for now.

(this school has grades from the 7th to the twelfth but barely any students.)

Taeyong was dazed still from how realistic the dream was last night, he didn't get much sleep tossing around in his bed, and the awkwardness you feel towards someone after having a weird dream about them made him almost run the other way this morning when he saw Johnny with Yuta in the hallways, now that he had to sit next to him on lunch he wasn't his talkative self.

It was just a dream Taeyong. it's just a dream, calm yourself you're being weird.

Johnny lowered his head to speak somewhat discreditly to Taeyong's ear who seemed lost in his thoughts.

"Ehm..is there..anything wrong Taeyong?" Johnny asked, not seeking an actual answer but trying to justify himself and that 'nothing happened' between the two of them, which was as believable as elves existence, you see, Jungwoo was quick to pick up a sign and Johnny knew he was in for trouble if he does not clear things up.

Taeyong smiled nervously to his tray before muttering a soft faint "no..nothing, I am alright Johnny..

Everyone glared at Johnny while Haechan squinted his eyes and had his hands under his chin in skepticism, everyone knew something was up, expect for Mark who by default was clueless but more so the fact that he doesn't know anyone here besides Haechan.

Poor Johnny, they wouldn't believe him when he told them this morning that all they did on Friday was discuss the rumors about Taeyong with him, he even asked them not to make mention of the rumors since Taeyong asked Johnny to drop it and let it go, he didn't care to whoever was trying to soil his reputation now that he was close with everyone, he was contented just with how things were.

Johnny obviously left out the part where his whole body didn't listen to his brain and leaned for a peck on Taeyong's cheek and interlaced hands with him all the while his heart beating like crazy. That wasn't for anyone to know.

For starters, he doesn't even know how it happened and if it happened, more importantly, Taeyong was part of it and this nosy bunch were bound to get out of hand and he would never do that to him, lastly, even if for a short while, standing just the two of them with just enough light to see one another and with barely any space between them, Johnny felt like they belonged together, silly because he doesn't even know if Taeyong is into boys, but it all made sense to him now, this tightening-heart condition that he only seemed to have when around or thinking of Taeyong, these past years he'd have him first in mind every time someone spoke about love from the first time, and how taken aback he was when he first saw Taeyong frequenting the same high school but couldn't muster the courage to talk to him if not for those bullies.

He even thought of their ship name when he couldn't sleep that night;

Taeonny 

No Johnny, no.

"Your cherry blossom hair..it looks great on you Taeyong, I must say your sister's done a great job with your highlights as well, like that peach color, t'compliments your complexion." Lucas attempted to end the conversation-but-more-like-interrogation that they were having with their eyes, both Taeyong and Mark not being active-parts-or even aware of it.

Was this..Lucas trying to save Johnny from being bullied by Yuta and Haechan until he spills the beans? 

"Oh..yeah, thanks Lucas, you said that to me this morning haha." Taeyong stated, he still didn't handle compliments well..

"Yeah, It's definitely your color and I like your slightly parted bangs, say, what happened between the two of you this Friday when you went back home together, with-" Lucas jabbed a proud chin in Johnny's direction while chewing still.

The Devil wears a school uniform and is a pig that eats everything; Lucas.

his obliviousness works both ways and oh how Johnny wanted to break a bone or two, preferably Lucas's elbow and his knee joints, must he be this slick and shameless.

Taeyong as expected, looked flustered, he first thought about Johnny's story and looked at him unsure if he should make mention of it, then his eyes were on Johnny's lips; oh yes, that.

His mind was filled with the dream that he almost forgot about everything else, he definitely knows that a peck on the cheek and holding hands isn't what friends do and maybe Johnny meant it as a thank you, he certainly felt something that evening now that he is pressured to think about it. 

His cheeks were hot flames, as red as Lucas's Flamin' hot Cheetos that he was chewing on delicately one by one as to not make a crunch sound, he looked amused for having done 'something' and the wheel that he steered Haechan was taking over by asking several questions though not expecting answers.

Now that Johnny was blushing too, Jungwoo reached to tap his shoulder, the idea was clear and everyone-Mark excluded-were on a level of knowledge on what could have possibly happened.

Only Yuta looked a little surprised.

"Excuse me guys, toilet." Taeyong smiled faintly and left the table that followed him with their gaze until his cherry blossom bobbing hair disappeared at the entrance.

"Speak."

"No..nothing happened you guys mistook everything."

"Not with the way you were looking at him the whole time, you're hiding something so spare us and admit to everything Johnny, hurry, you two execute some type of aura and I don't like it when I don't know." Haechan demanded when Mark chuckled, really it's all he does.

"Not fair, you getting sum and not even share with your friends what you're up to, if you consider us your friends at all at this point." Lucas faked a pout.

Mark made a long "AHH!" sound.

"Now I get it, the two of them are together!" Looking pleased with his late discovery Mark sheepishly smiled to Haechan. 

"No!

Me.And.Taeyong.Aren't.Together.Stop.it." Johnny said a little too loud.

But if nothing happened, why didn't he want to tell his friends, he knew it was suspicious, but to call it 'something' when it was self-initiated and he barely got any sort of feedback from Taeyong is also not right.

"Let..me go and clear things with Taeyong first." Johnny also excused himself.

"So there is something!!" Haechan said .

Yuta was calm the whole time, he knew Johnny a little better than the rest of them, this was out of character for him not to discuss something with him when he could never keep a secret to himself.

<\-----------

Johnny slammed the door shut without intending to, big body-big hands problems, this however granted him the attention from Taeyong whose mind was on cloud nine while washing his hands extensively.

When they made eye contact, Taeyong was the first to break it off after just a short while.

"Umm..Hey..I wanted to talk to you alone but you..didn't pick up my calls on Saturday morning."

"Yeah..sorry about that, I was in my sister's lab getting my hair job."

Then why did he not call back?

"You look great Taeyong, you really do." Johnny was one word away from proposing.

"Thanks..

The distance between them was just two sinks away, Johnny wondered why Taeyong chooses to wash his hands in the far right sink, he figured it had to do with Taeyong's germaphobia and how he must be using the 'deserted sink' because less hands go under it.

He was even able to think like Taeyong, so why is it so hard to talk to him now.

"I wanted to talk about what happened last week."

Taeyong busied himself by drying his hands for a prolonged period of time almost not acknowledging Johnny's request.

"Anyways..I didn't mean to do it..I just acted on impulse, and only had the time to reflect when I was alone that it may have made you uncomfortable."

Johnny got it all in one breath, phew.

"..."

Nothing.

He got nothing, all of this buildup and it was nothing, despite mentally preparing himself for this confrontation in front of the mirror this morning, Johnny got no response.

Maybe to Taeyong it was not as big a deal as Johnny was making it to be, he paid close attention to how he scratched the back of his head, how he not once looked him in the eye.

It hurts, was the first thing Johnny thought of, being rejected before any intent was declared.

"Taeyong" 

"..Wait what did you say? I am sorry I was lost in my thoughts."

"Oh..I didn't say anything too important."

Taeyong smiled faintly and brushed shoulders with Johnny on his way out of the bathroom.

Johnny slouched and huffed to his own reflection, how he looked dumb and undesirable, Taeyong was clearly avoiding the topic, he was just nice enough to go along with Johnny.

Great, he made things awkward between the two of them, Johnny yet again a champion at being the dumb the dumber and the dumbest.

\---------

The next day Taeyong was nowhere to be seen, Johnny's texts were left unanswered and his friends' jokes were ruthless, it bothered him less that they were coming up with their own scenarios on what could have possibly happened when he wouldn't tell them. Teasing them was the most he was getting out of this mess he himself created, by day three, he was back to the nasty habit of biting his nails, a hand slapped his forearm and it was mother Yuta who urged him to eat his food not the germs on his nails.

He always bit his nails when nervous or sad, he was both, Johnny was phone calls away from hearing anything from Taeyong, not a single voicemail went through because he imagined that if he hated how he sounded, Taeyong must never be in the mood to ever hear his voice.

What if Taeyong is acting cold on purpose, or worse, he calls it quits with him, he couldn't do that right? Johnny couldn't even ask Yuta because otherwise he would have to make mention of the what happened and that he couldn't do, he was not ready yet.

Johnny exhaled and looked lifeless, ready to throw a fit if only Haechan dares open his mouth, too bad he was busy catching up with Mark and spent very little time with them in between classes, he was nowhere to be seen in their club room either.

Day four;

It was raining heavily outside, Johnny looked disinterestedly at the assignment he had to do, his notebook pages were full of doodles of Taeyong when he felt a nudge to his side, not reacting to it, it turned to a pinch.

"OUCH."

"I called for you but you were too distracted, listen here Johnny, having a giant zombie friend is cool and wards off the pests but dwelling on what happened-whatever it may be isn't solving anything." Jungwoo was straight forward and genuinely concerned. 

"He isn't responding to my texts or calls. I am supposed to do what when clearly he is ignoring me?" Johnny, too eager to vent responded whiningly. 

"First of all, you do need to tell us what happened if you want us to help you, second of all, you couldn't have done something so bad its effect can't be reversed with communication." Jungwoo smiled "Taeyong will be back and you can talk to him, but for now you have us."

Yuta joined the two of them after putting a blanket over the sleeping Lucas at the back of the club room.

"So..are you going to tell us yet?"

Johnny was done bottling up, he admitted to everything, from the intense crush he has on Taeyong that was growing each day ever since he first saw him, to how he was the reason why he is able to attend school happily and finally, how afraid he is that Taeyong may never be into him because he is a guy.

That was the most he worried about and rightfully so.

"I see..now it makes sense, well, you just confirmed what I already speculated about how far you and Taeyong go back, I figured it must have something like that, but I understand your worries Johnny, you should have told us earlier." Yuta smiled reassuringly before continuing "as far as your worries go, you shouldn't stress it much, Taeyong if anything has the right to know where yours intentions lie with this relationship, you can't expect him to take the hints without being forward with him as much as you can't expect him to accept you."

Johnny nodded while taking in any and every advice he knows he can take.

Their talk was for another half hour on what are Johnny's options and the possible aftermath of every choice, it scared him how he was gambling on the expense of his own feelings and couldn't help but think that the odds weren't in his favor, especially with a disappearing Taeyong that won't answer his texts.

He talked to his friends at last and even if anxious still, Johnny knew he had them to rely on if he gets rejected once he was courageous enough to reveal his feelings to Taeyong. (If they weren't clear enough already.)

Haechan, out of breath, opened the door to the club room and announced to them that some kid names Sejun was involved in a fight with kids from the other school and that it was as serious as it can get, they broke his arm and he was admitted to the hospital in an ambulance.

The knot in Johnny's stomach tightened, he knows this Sejun kid but not too dearly, you see, he himself was just as tainted with the gang life and did not seem to discontinue even after his high school debut, and soon enough, Johnny and everyone else will wish to have kept a closer eye on him...

\--------/p>

Jaehyun woke up to light footsteps on top of him, someone was upstairs and before going full panic mode, he closed the door to his room contemplating what to do, the phone was in his bag that was on the kitchen table and even if he calls the cops he knows they are too laid back to take him seriously, small town problems.

Jaehyun handled the bat by the bedside table and tiptoed outside of his room when he heard a loud crash 

 

Ever since a kid, he would take a nap when upset, today he was especially furious, Sejun almost got him into trouble when he offered to take him somewhere nice, where they turned up, it was a suspicious looking apartment and turns out Sejun was hanging with a low bunch that kept glaring at Jaehyun trying to intimidate him, before he was involved with them he turned the other way and left Sejun alone without explanation, those were the slums and he was grateful he escaped in one piece, Sejun looked like a delinquent but to be one, Jaehyun was bound to draw the line, he was already suspicious of him this whole time but now he knows.

And he was very sure that he no longer wants to maintain this friendship, great, another friend crossed off the list.

Jaehyun thought that maybe he was overrating but a gut feeling made his heart doubtful of anything that comes out of Sejun's mouth, the other day when Jaehyun declared intent to talk to Taeyong and clear things up, Sejun got all worked up and yelled at him for being a man with no pride for wanting to talk to Taeyong, he tried everything from belittling him to fake worrying, Jaehyun with his calm demeanor was able to see a panicking Sejun, that moment, he lost his credibility and Jaehyun realized something;

In these past three years, he never questioned the truthfulness of Sejun's statement when he himself did not hear it come from Taeyong's mouth..what if he was lying?.

He was yet to in fact get any confirmation of it, and as his mind raced with these thoughts, he realized that all the heartbreak that he has gone through could have been for nothing, if only he had the guts for confrontation, living alone has given him plenty a time to think things through, the hate he felt for being gay was self-projection, and he used Taeyong as a figure to bring himself down every time he thought of his sexuality.

 

Had he loved himself enough, maybe then he would have taken it less harshly to be rejected.

Jaehyun discarded the bat when he heard his mother's high pitched voice groaning in annoyance.

"MOM?" Jaehyun called out in a mix of curiosity and worry.

"Oh! Jaehyun sorry I woke you up, I was searching for the boxes where we put away the silverware for Chuseok but I dropped the box of incense holders."

Jaehyun looked at his mother's feet, where broken pieces of the silver plaster dragon scattered around.

He sighed and began collecting the broken bits while instructing his mother on how she should have woke him up instead of moving the heavy boxes, he knows how bad her back gets but she would rather go well and above her capacities, stubborn she was, just like him. (he inherited his bad back from her.)

"I am sorry Jaehynnie, I didn't mean to upset you." Jaehyun's mom smiled at him generously 

"Well you did, and you scared me too I almost bashed your head with a bat." he said below his breath while looking for any bits that he could have missed.

"Oh you would have? and who would you spend Chuseok with then?"

Jaehyun looked up confused, his mother did not make mention of this, and he expected to be alone on the three days holiday that he had to double check with her if she meant what she just said.

His mother knew how hard it would be on him having to spend Chuseok alone, without his grandma or even his mother.

"What about dad?"

"Your dad is a grown man, he can be on his own, and what's Chuseok without your mother's rice cakes?"

Jaehyun smiled grateful, his eyes watery.

Jaehyun's mother knows how hard he takes it, having to fulfill his father's expectations and having to mature beyond his age, he had no one to confide in and she felt guilty for doing as little as she could to help him through such a hard time.

As a mother, it was confusing to her whether she should let him have the normal high school life or pamper him with so much love, she feared that if she does treat him any differently, he thinks that he is different in a bad way than the other kids, ultimately, she decided that acting as if nothing has changed in their lives will help him better than sheltering him from the harsh world full of judgemental unforgiving people, his father being one of them.

"Your grandmother would have been so proud of you Jaehyun." the sparkle in her eyes made Jaehyun whimper and retreat to her embrace, he misses his grandmother the most, this was her favorite holiday and they made tons of food together, well, aside from cutting fruit Jaehyun did not do much.

His grandmother always longed for the day they drank together when Jaehyun was all grown up, she passed away before they could fulfill any of their promises.

"Wanna go down for a meal? I prepared something special for you."

Sniffling he nodded and stuck by his mom's side for the remaining of the evening.

\----------/p>

Johnny's brother yelled from down stairs for him to come for breakfast because they were leaving to pay their ancestors respect and visit his mother's grave.

Right, today they didn't have school. Already used to waking up with Taeyong on mind, he wondered what he must be doing as of right now.

"I AM DOWN IN A MINUTE" Johnny yelled back before his brother's second calling which was usually even louder.

He was down after putting on his outfit and after a quick breakfast, his brother, father and him left to the cemetery to continue their rituals of paying respect to their ancestors.

After they were done, Johnny lingered behind talking to his mother one more time before leaving the cemetery, she passed away almost six years ago and despite their father's best efforts, that void she left could never be filled, Johnny knelt down after placing red roses on the grave; they were her favorite,

"I know I visit less than I should be.. and to even be here, is still surreal, I can never believe you are gone for good.."

Johnny murmured to himself choking a little.

"Mom, I hope you're doing as great as I am, would you believe if I told you that your son has found love? I would have wished for you to have met him because I know you would have liked him just as much as I do."

Johnny quickly wiped his tears and picked up a rose from the the bouquet he brought his mother.

"I need your blessing mom because it is now that I am in pursuit of my own happiness." Johnny chuckled a little at how cheesy he was sounding before strolling to the car where his brother and father were waiting for him.

They got back home to prepare for the feast they held in their restaurant every year for family and friends, it was a pleasant surprise when Johnny's friends showed up; Lucas Jungwoo and Haechan all present for the evening, they sat at the table and were the loudest of all the visitors, their liveliness helped everyone who dropped by after visiting their loved ones graves cheer up.

When Johnny's shift was over, he sat down with his friends and Haechan face-timed Yuta who has gone back to Japan with his parents to visit their family, Johnny was satisfied, his family as well as his friends were happy together, it was then that it was confirmed to him that the joy Taeyong brought to him was different and that he does not wish to give up on it. 

Before leaving he swinged by their house for a jacket and the rose he left in his room.

The night was cold and the draping dark night colors were fast approaching, Johnny raced in the empty alleyways with his bike to where his heart landed, every minute sure to be beating for that one person, that smile and those eyes.

He didn't realize it, but he was panting when his feet landed on the doorsteps leading to Taeyong's house, before he knocked, he made sure the rose was tucked carefully in his back pocket under his jacket.

Inhale Johnny, now exhale.

"Oh hi!"

Someone opened the door, it looked to be a woman in her mid twenties, she was in a messy bun and an ambiguous type of loose romper.

"Hi, I am Johnny..I am Taeyong's friend."

"Oh I know.." She grinned at him before motioning for him to get inside.

"I saw you walk him home the other week." 

Johnny's heart almost dropped to the ground, what do you mean she saw them walk home together? exhale Johnny.

"Relax, I'll go tell him you're here while you can settle in the living room, we have other guests so make yourself home." Taeyong's sister nudged him and smiled knowingly.

He gave her a panicked look but she already was a flight of stairs away after calling for her mother .

They did have guests, because when Johnny stepped inside, Taeyong's mother offered him rice cake that were on the table for her two other guests, one he recognized to be from his school, a kid that sat by Taeyong's side at all times, not that he knew him in person or anything.

\----------

By evening, Jaehyun was beat.

After they were back from paying respect to his grandmother's grave, his mother dragged him around to all the neighbours houses to say hello and when he thought he was done with it, she announced that they left his best childhood friends' family last because they were staying with them for dinner.

Oh how he feared this outcome.

When they were inside the warmth of Taeyong's house, two familiar faces greeted them eagerly, Taeyong was nowhere to be seen.

Phew.

Jaehyun refused profusely when Taeyong's sister offered to wake him up for him to hang out

They had to talk for a good portion of time if progess was to be made and Jaehyun knew that he would need explanations as much as Taeyong needed them. 

When they sat down for the long evening, Jaehyun was able to know why Taeyong had disappeared from school the past few days; he was visiting his grandparents house in the outskirts, he always did around Chuseok when they stopped coming themselves due to their old age, there, he caught a bad flu and had to cut his visit short and now he was resting in his room to regain some of his energy.

"So sorry Jaehyun, you're gonna have to sit down with the old ladies while your friend is not around."

"Heyy..I am not that old don't put me together with you, I am perfectly old enough to drink and my joints don't hurt, if anything, I am maintaining the balance here." Taeyong's sister gulped the last part in a loud screech asking for more liquor.

"Shhhh..your brother is upstairs sleeping, keep it down a bit now."

Jaehyun had to be alone with Taeyong for this big talk but as luck would have it, he was out cold from a cold, contemplating for a bit, he decided it was best if he doesn't wake up for as long as they stayed here, it would be awkward with how he has trying to avoid him this whole time.

Someone was on the door when Taeyong's sister got up to open it and came the famous Johnny through the door.

Why? Johnny didn't stick around much with them to know the reason he was paying Taeyong a visit, all he knows is that he saw him pull a rose from the back of his pocket and place discreetly under his jacket.

a Red Rose.

Jaehyun forgot to breath for a second.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Johnny knocked the door to Taeyong's room lightly when a he heard a stuffy "come'in" from the other end of the room.

He took a breath before allowing himself in.

The room was fairly normal, a teenage boy's room with posters of artists he couldn't recognize due to how little light reflected on the walls from the nightstand lamp, oh, wait there was a Coldplay poster, Johnny was yet to ask Taeyong who his favorite artists were but Coldplay was a good start, even if Johnny had to force himself to listen to them.

"Hey."

"hnmm..so..sorry Johnny, I am"-Taeyong settled in his bed after a coughing fit-"sick, as you can see."

"I am sorry to have come in such a time." Johnny was trying to read the mood but it was too dark to see Taeyong's initial reaction to seeing him.

"Oh no, don't be I am glad you did, I was starting to feel gloomy."

Does that mean he is glad to see Johnny?

Johnny sat on the end of Taeyong's bed hesitantly. The closest he knows he can get yet it wasn't close enough.

"You okay?" he asked faintly.

"Could be better." Taeyong gave a little laugh.

"Yeah..hope you get well soon." 

"How did you spend your Chuseok?"

Johnny was hurt.

He didn't know how to feel after being ignored for days and getting no response yet Taeyong was being very casual, he knew that by entering this room he could either come out a champion or defeated, his heart was leaning to the latter but needed to define their relationship nonetheless.

"Taeyong..do you hate me?" No Johnny your answer should have been "Yes, I had a good day with friends and family celebrating Chuseok and paying respect to my ancestors."

"..."

"Taeyong..I

"Of course I don't hate you what do you mean by asking me this?" Taeyong removed his feet from under the blanket and was facing Johnny.

"Not even after..what I did?"

"Johnny what did you do you're scaring me."

"I..I made you uncomfortable on the way back home, you know, when I took you home last Friday."

"Johnny..I never thought like that, I can't even remember why you would say that..is there something you're not telling me?"

"But..but you were ignoring me for almost a week, you even stopped coming to school and did not respond to my texts or calls, or anyone else's, you made me worry I did something bad."

Taeyong looked seriously into Johnny's eyes "Johnny, I am so sorry I didn't know I caused you distress..I really am, I should have known better to contact you guys and tell you that I was taking time off school, I forgot my phone charger when I was at my grandparents helping them prepare for the rainy season..I am really sorry Johnny."

"..."

"We good?"

Johnny sighed a long sigh of relief, it wasn't him, this whole time he worried about something that wasn't even on Taeyong's mind, he felt so light he could have ran for ten miles tirelessly.

"Yes." He smiled and got a tired smile in return from Taeyong whose eyelids were half closed. 

Right. He was sick, Johnny you need to leave him to his rest.

"You should probably go back to bed." Johnny carefully placed the back of his hand on Taeyong's forehead, his fever was high and after he tucked him in and wished him good night, Johnny left

Leaving a red rose on the nightstand besides Taeyong's bed.

 

 

Johnny had a chance still, he will work for it even if it takes him a lifetime. He even attempted tap dancing when he left Taeyong's house. Johnny couldn't have wished for more now..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> missed you did you miss me?
> 
>  
> 
> I am so sorry (if you waited for an update) because I had exams and couldn't focus on anything else.
> 
> I could have updated in smaller chapters when I was taking breaks from studying but hey, I am not taking no competition from anyone on my Queen of Procrastination title, not this year not the next.
> 
>  
> 
> HAPPY CHUSEOK DAY/FESTIVAL/CEREMONY (if you celebrate it ofc) I needed a holiday-insert for the story and searched Korean calendars and Chuseok seemed fitting, only to realize I was posting the chapter in the days of Chuseok! What a coincidence! 
> 
>  
> 
> I am so excited for NCT 127 Album and cannot wait to be hit with 10 (11 because English version) amazing songs haha.
> 
> I hope you find this chapter fulfilling, thank you for reading and updates should not take more than a couple of days now.
> 
> Have an amazing brilliant awesome fulfilling bright lucky day.
> 
> <3


	7. Discrete naps and sour gummy worms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaehyun is in distress and the last thing on his mind is talking to Taeyong
> 
> While Johnny and Taeyong are having time for one another, the latter realizes that he is acting differently when around Johnny but what is that makes his attitude change? he is yet to know.
> 
> Johnny is finally unleashing the feelings he bottled for years..well, only a little drop at a time.

Jaehyun stepped out of the train platform leading his mother by the hand, she looked up to him and smiled encouragingly.

"Don't worry Jaehyunnie, everything will be alright okay?" His mother squeezed his hand while giving the warmest smile.

Jaehyun nodded, he was the one that was supposed to give his mother strength and not the other way round.

"We'll wait for him here, he said he will come pick us up once he swinged by the office to take two days off."

"Sure."

Jaehyun looked pale and somber all at the same time, his face was pale from the little food that went into his digestive system in the past 48 hours and his under eyes were dark from lack of rest.

He was quiet for a while before he noticed his mother's efforts in trying to get his attention.

"I am sorry I was..

"Jaehyun, I will worry if you worry, it's just a regular checkup and nothing more, you don't have to be too serious about it, you shouldn't even have come with me in the first place when you have school."

But Jaehyun couldn't leave her be, not if there was a remote chance of this being serious matter, this was one of his bad traits, pessimistic beyond his age and easily drowns in negativity.

He hasn't been able to clear his head ever since when his mother took him the day after Chuseok for a son and mother day just to drop the news like a bucket of cold water on him on the evening, that she felt a lump under her right ribcage and wasn't feeling too well as of late.

That moment, anything else that was on Jaehyun's mind blurred out of focus and all he can think of was what if his mother gets sick, what will happen to him, how will he be able to deal with it, what will she-

"HEY!" a familiar cheerful voice interrupted his chain of thoughts, it was Taeil who took both his mother and brother in a tight embrace.

"How is my mother doing?" 

"The greatest I could seeing my elder healthy and happy." She beamed with joy tapping both her sons backs.

"I am sorry I couldn't be home this year, my jerk of a boss kept me busy at the office I had no energy left the day of the festival to come down and pay a visit, I slept most of the day." 

"It's alright, my mom and I ate all the foods that you love." Jaehyun half smiled teasingly.

"Oh, Jung Jaehyun is talking to me? I am glad to finally see my brother, who has been ignoring my texts for the past two months." Taeil said not too grudgingly leading Jaehyun and their mother to his car parked outside.

Taeil was Jaehyun's older half-brother from his mother's previous marriage, and used to live with them part time before he left to study and settle in Seoul, he has a job now as an office employee and visits even less often Jaehyun wishes he was still around;

Despite having different fathers, Taeil and Jaehyun's bond was strong, true the latter has kept minimum contact with him as of late but that applied to most people that were in Jaehyun's, he needed some space to think, their mother told Taeil about what happened to Jaehyun with his father and he received a call from him, he can't remember much from the two hours long call because the aftermath was surreal but his brother couldn't stop showering him with praise words for handling it well and that he was proud of him and nothing was going to stop him from loving him.

"I don't have time for you city folk." Jaehyun attempted to joke to make his mother feel at ease.

"That's too harsh little bro, wait until you see the lights of Seoul at night and you will know how fascinating it gets." 

Jaehyun shrugged his shoulders and sat on the backseat, reverting to his state of quietness and overthinking, he sighed before leaning on the window and eventually closing his eyes to fall asleep, these past two days were mentally exhausting.

Taeil looked back to his brother but didn't need ask to know why he was like this, he was just as worried when their mother called him yesterday to break the news for him, he was more on the optimistic side and tried to act tough and happy for the both of them.

He was worried for Jaehyun, the two of them had the talk on the phone but he still wanted to look him in the eye and tell him that he was proud of him no matter his father's approval or not, he already looked old for his age always trying to please a freak control of a father but this was too much, kids at his age were supposed to have fun with their friends and peers and not be disowned by an unloving closed minded parent, Taeil didn't even want to think about the possibility of their mother being sick because he wouldn't be able to cope let alone Jaehyun who was just a teen.

He had to think positive and look positive.

His mother sensed what was on his mind and patted his shoulder encouraging him and that they were gonna get through.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So when are you two moving together?" Haechan peered over Johnny's head to be shoved to the side by Lucas who was just as curious.

Absent minded Johnny made no comment, after leaving Taeyong's house the night of Chuseok his mind operated very little on anything that didn't involve Taeyong, he even got a text from him once he got home that night asking if he was safe on his way back.

Couples do that right?

But Johnny has decided that he enjoyed Taeyong's company far more than just being potential partners and for now he was taking things slow if he wanted Taeyong to feel the same about him.

Taeyong still hasn't recovered fully from his cold but they have been texting ever since, funny how a 'screw up' turned to the quickest character development that Johnny has ever had with Taeyong ever since they became friends, they had heated debates on their favorite breeds of dogs, why seeds in watermelon don't matter and now Johnny was awaiting the answer impatiently to the text that he typed by mistake, well, rather sent out by mistake.

[Any past relationship?]

Mentally, Johnny gouged his eyes a thousand times but how else would he see the reply from Taeyong that came a second later.

[Nah..I don't recall ever having a crush on anyone so intense that I acted on it, anyways, you?]

"Anyone"

Johnny bit his lower lip ready to burst into nervous laughter, it made his heart flutter because Taeyong did not specify the gender or strictly said 'girls', that meant something, right?

[I have been in a relationship before actually.]

[Oh really?]

[It was in second grade and I was forced to be my mother's date for the school dance.]

[omg Johnny not like this.]

Half-smiling Johnny hit his forehead with his phone, this was perfect opportunity to flirt had he not turn it into a self-thrown pity Jane the virgin party.

[How sad, we're the virgin brothers. kek]

Wait did Taeyong just refer to him as a brother?

[T^T]

[It's that bad?]

[It is..I would love to be in a relationship and do couple things]

[Well do you have a crush on someone?]

[I do.]

[ooooh, do I know them?]

[You know them very well, like the back of your hand]

[Huh] [can you tell me instead?]

[error: message not forwarded]

[oh come on]

[:x]

[But why won't you tell me I wanna know..]

[And you will, just not now]

[ :( meanie]

Johnny almost felt bad for teasing Taeyong like this when he received another text.

[I am coming to school tomorrow]

[Need someone to lift you up to school princess Peach?]

[HO-Oh]

[No, I would be Mario you're be Peach Princess and I save you from being stuck in your house]

[But you're taller, like Peach and I am shorter so I should be Mario]

[That kind of makes no sense while making sense at the same time?]

[I know, HO-OH]

On the other end, Taeyong's mother took the day off to nurse him was feeding him slices of apple and looked happily at her energetic son. (she is a nurse)

"You seem too happy today, wonder what's gotten to you?" She asked peeling yet another apple.

"I don't even know!" he exclaimed cutely to her, it was most likely because of Johnny and Taeyong felt a thud when the image of him crossed his mind.

Johnny was too good to him and the visit he paid him two days ago pulled Taeyong out of his terrible thoughts. He felt guilty for having ignored him and was moved by Johnny who cared enough that he came all the way to his house to clear things up..It made Taeyong think about it for an instance but couldn't identify 

Jaehyun has always been at the back of Taeyong's mind, he keeps an eye on him in class or when he's ahead of him on the trail to school, he wanted to talk to him and get to the bottom of it, why was it that he was avoiding him at all costs but never did it, this petty fight that they were engaged in made no sense, he was able to get over the initial bitter feeling of rejection because he made friends that were there for him whenever things got dark, Johnny felt like a long-time friend which was part true.

"Perhaps you're in love?" Taeyong's mother said in sync with an incoming message from Johnny.

Taeyong looked at her funny before checking the attached picture that Johnny sent him; it was a picture of Haechan choke holding a defeated Johnny while Lucas looked menacingly at the camera:

[We took him a hostage, you have to tell us what happened between the two of you or you can never reclaim your sweetheart -Haechan and Lucas aka the handsome boys.]

It took Taeyong a second to burst into laughter then a teary fit then a coughing fit that his mother had to prop him up and tap his back back to normal.

When his mother asked why he was laughing, he showed her the pictures with his friends.

"That's the kid who came to visit you on Chuseok, Johnny right?"

"Yes, that's him, this is Haechan and this is Lucas and there's Yuta and Jungwoo too, we hang out together all the time, oh and there's this other kid named Mark, I am yet to get to know him but they are all good kids, they help me get by and I have so much fun with them."

Taeyong's mother smiled at how cheerful her son was for having found new friends that

"What about Jaehyun?"

He gulped, Taeyong couldn't lie on command especially not to his mother.

"Jaehyun..has his friends..I mean we try..to stay in touch b ut.."

"I thought you were best friends" She stated with eyebrows arched.

"He is so polite and well behaved, not to mention that he grown to be so good looking, ah, I've always treated him as a second son of mine..just when he lost his grandmother now he has to deal with this..ah-

"Deal with what?" Taeyong didn't know what his mother was referring to.

 

"When they came to visit us his mother told me not to say anything but she went to the doctor for a checkup because she found a suspicious lump, she's in Seoul for for a biopsy today, I think Jaehyun is with her."

Taeyong looked at her serious when she regretted having told him in the first place, he was having some lax time but he dropped joking, Jaehyun's mother was like a close family member, and this concerns him as much as it would if they were blood related, he thought of Jaehyun and how he must be feeling right now, he even wished to be there to console him since this was bigger than whatever fight they were having.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Johnny locked Haechan's arms behind his back and pulled him by the ear while the former cried out in pain.

"Please..stop it I will never ever do it again."

"And how does that fix the fact that you sent the damn photo?" Johnny wasn't too serious with his grip, otherwise Haechan would have broke under the pressure.

"Yuta, please help me this monster is killing me."

"And the world rejoices." Jungwoo unnecessarily added.

"It certainly would." Yuta skipped a chapter in his comic unable to resist the urge of finding out what happens last.

"But then who is small enough to fit in people's lockers and listen to their conversation?"

"You're right, we do need a rat."

"See? You need me Johnny, I am valuable." his arms were getting sore now.

"I am not letting go until I get a text back from Taeyong."

"Spare me please." 

"You tricked me and stole my phone and sent a stupid text, I'd have to be Buddha to forgive your stupid childish attitude."

"Because you wouldn't tell us, consider this pay back!" 

"The nerve on you, when will you learn to shut your big mouth, it'll get you in trouble, and you Lucas, don't think you're in the clear, fight me outside like a man."

"A man who texts about his favorite plants and childhood cartoons is no match for I, the greatest, Lucas the handsomest." Lucas positioned himself ready to fight.

Johnny threw his hands in the air, an opportunity Haechan took to escape his death grip.

"Brave words from you who'd be swooning for the next person to literarlly compliment your shoelace."

"Okay boys settle down shall we? And Johnny put down the chair you're dangerous as it is." 

"There's a new rumor spreading, about Taeyong."

"Oh geez aren't they tired already?" Jungwoo groaned in annoyance

"It involves..someone else, I think that it's not Taeyong they are targeting primarily this time but it's childish nonetheless, good thing people are not buying it."

Everyone looked irritated but Johnny was the most.

"Does anybody know who Jung Jaehyun is?"

Haechan nodded "I kind of do, he was the transfer kid last month, though he used to live here before, he's with Taeyong's class."

Something connected in Johnny's brain, it's the Jaehyun he has seen in Taeyong's house, Taeyong's mother mentioned that they were both the same age and that was when he remembered seeing him sitting next to Taeyong.

"What's the rumor?" Lucas asked.

"That they are dating, nothing too groundbreaking." Yuta said sarcastically.

Johnny paled a little, he knows it's not true but couldn't help but feel the competition, Jaehyun was undeniably handsome up close when he bumped into him in the hallway of Taeyong's house and looked well-behaved, he only wondered now what was he doing in Taeyong's house in the first place, only if he was listening to Taeyong's mom when she introduced him to her guests, then he would have known his affiliation to Taeyong.

"Johnny something wrong?"

"No..not really, actually, when I went to visit Taeyong I met this Jung Jaehyun, well, who I think is Jung Jaehyun, he was visiting with his mother I think."

Yuta contemplated a little before saying "a gut feeling is telling me that this rumor spreading pest we are looking for isn't too far away from us and once we made the connection between Jaehyun and Taeyong we might as well find the person responsible for the rumors."

This session was closed when it was getting too dark and cold to get home and Johnny had to leave to cover his brother's shift at the restaurant.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jaehyun woke up in the middle of the night dazed, he was sleeping on the sofa by his brother's side and looked around to adjust to the darkness, when he couldn't locate his phone to check the time he inhaled to take a deep breath and go back to sleep when Taeil startled him by asking:

"You awake Jaehyun?"

"You scared me." he chuckled turning to face his brother.

"Sorry." Taeil whispered.

"You can't sleep too?"

"No..not really."

"Me too, I keep slipping in and out..

..what if mom is sick?"

"That's yet to be confirmed and I have a feeling that she will be fine."

"I hope you're right." Jaehyun made a whimper noise and couldn't hold his tears that were soaking the pillow now.

"Ugh shit."

"Language Jaehyun."

"Taeil I am not five I can say bad words."

"Yeah..I can never not dot on and scold my little brother, I miss those days when we were young.."

"I do too." Jaehyun was facing Taeil now whose teeth were blindingly white even with how dark the room was, he wanted to say something about it but dropped it.

"Remember when I hid your DS and you planned to drop me in the pool with Taeyong's help while I was napping?"

"And you played along and let us actually drag you..yeah..I think you enjoyed being drenched in a hot summer day."

Both of them laughed a little before shushing themselves as to not wake their mother who was sleeping in the next room.

"And when you two got lost in the forest and you made us crazy worried that you might have drowned, that was not a pleasant memory I was terrified.."

"I am sorry."

"Oh don't be, I was very grateful you two were found alive though you wouldn't shut up about how it was all of Taeyong's fault but begged him to stay over."

Jaehyun seriously did not understand why was it that his brother kept mentioning Taeyong but knew that if he keeps up he might as well admit the feelings he has for Taeyong to his brother.

"How's that kid now that you moved back? I bet he's just as handsome as you turned to be, maybe less?" 

"He is..he is doing fine."

"Great to hear, how's the town folk, still got lazy cops I bet"

Taeil was too curious but it kept Jaehyun's mind busy and that was exactly the point from asking too many questions.

"It's as if it's stuck in time, nothing changes there for the better or the worse."

"I see."

"I would have loved to go back, I love it here but it gets hectic and your bones tire with time."

"Oldie."

Taeil booped Jaehyun's nose but it was more like a tight pinch that made him flinch.

"ouch didn't have to do that."

"Yes I had to."

Jaehyun was yawning now and turned to face the other way after wishing his brother a good night who did exactly the same.

Tomorrow was going to be a rough day and even more waiting for the results, they needed every precious minute of rest.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Johnny felt regretful because as promised, Taeyong showed up school the next day but was wearing a surgical mask, how he wanted to see his face but couldn't, Taeyong was coughing still and was sickly, when Johnny asked him if it was okay for him to come he said that it was better than rotting in his room, to that Johnny thought that the two of them can stay in his room and do all sorts of activities..it was a thought Johnny didn't voice in fear of being misinterpreted and mocked by the lousy duo (Lucas and Haechan).

He still looked quite adorable in his surgical mask.

It was second period and Johnny, Yuta and Taeyong's classes had conjoined P.E. 

How lucky can a man be? Not much since Taeyong was weak and had to be benched for the basketball match.

At least Taeyong will get to see how cool Johnny is while sweating his way to victory.

They lost.

Yuta and Johnny were both involved in sports and both looked quite upset for having lost the match.

"You two did great, I couldn't get my eyes off of you two." Taeyong said attempting to cheer the both of them up.

They looked at one another when Yuta said;

"But whose performance captivated you the most? Johnny or me?"

"..."

"Just say me and I will show you a trick or two." Yuta offered pulling Taeyong to him.

"Germs Yuta, Taeyong is sick already." Johnny split the two and sat in the middle ignoring the dirty look Yuta was giving him. 

Taeyong wasn't sure what to say and let out a muffled chuckle beneath his mask when the coach motioned for them to leave the court and go to the showers to avoid crowding.

"So, haven't made your mind up yet?" Yuta was persistent just to tease Johnny.

"I can't pick, I was as equally impressed by the both of you." Taeyong tried to reason.

Johnny but sighed and punched Yuta's arm and when they disappeared to the showers leaving Taeyong alone in the changing room Yuta covered his head:

"Wait before you smack me I was doing you a service."

"What service you're being too obvious."

"No Johnny, you're the only one that's being obvious and no one else, geez get a grip."

"How emme being obvious?"

"By drooling every time you land eyes on Tae-

"Shhhh... Johnny put both hands on Yuta's mouth.

"Ugh, you're too much."

"By the way..don't tell Taeyong about the rumors."

"Sure thing boss." Yuta tossed his shirt to Johnny who tossed it back to him.

"G e r m s."

"Freak."

Johnny's shower was quicker because he doesn't know what nonsense Yuta might be telling Taeyong if he they are together alone.

"You're quick."

"I am." It's because I can't stay away from you~

"Shoot I forgot it." Johnny ran through his hair after checking his locker twice.

"Forgot what?" Taeyong asked.

"My deodorant, I thought I'd brought a new one since I ran out of it but I seem to have forgot it at home."

"You can use mine, I mean if you're okay with it of course."

Okay with it? Johnny would have been able to penetrate through a basketball hearing Taeyong's offer. Good thing his hands were on the metal of his locker.

Before he can say anything Taeyong stood and went through his locker for a spray deodorant that he handed Johnny.

"Thanks..

When Johnny was done he attempted to return the can to Taeyong who applied a large portion of a white substance to the bridge of his nose.

"You need to moisturize too, the water's hot in the showers." Taeyong said handing Johnny a moisturizing cream.

For a second he stood frozen, Johnny realizing that they weren't exactly alone with few eyes on them turned the deepest shade of red.

Just to make sure he got no sleep that night Taeyong squeezed Johnny's wrist and sprayed his own cologne on it, and immediately he was overwhelmed by the sweet and familiar by now citrus fragrance.

"Spray this behind your ear too, the deodorant can be pretty strong so I use this to soften the smell."

Was he this oblivious to the things he was doing to Johnny? 

Yuta came a second later and not long after excused himself to leave for he had an affair to attend to.

Johnny and Taeyong were left together for what was left of P.E that they used as free period.

They walked around school campus talking about how Taeyong wished to visit Johnny's family restaurant after he talked to him about it and the latter made a promise to reserve him a seat on the day of the special menu, despite this being a relatively small town, Taeyong has never eaten out in Johnny's restaurant which was by far the most famous eating place for locals, Johnny figured that it was due to Taeyong having no friends since that was the vibe they promoted for in their restaurant, he felt sad for a moment but at anytime he would have joined Taeyong for a meal if he saw him eating alone, wait..did he just ask Taeyong on a date in their restaurant?

Yes Johnny you have, you did exactly that just now. a date that's monitored by your own father's meals and presence.

Taeyong kept talking about random things but Johnny felt like something was missing, he had the urge to slip his fingers under Taeyong's mask and remove it gently to see his face but he shouldn't do it, the functioning part of his brain instructed.

He couldn't do it but oh how so desperately he wanted to..

"Hey wanna go inside, I am starting to get cold and I don't want to be worse by the evening."

"Oh yeah sure I know where we can go."

The weather was warm but cold where the sun didn't reach, which was in the outdoor corridors where Johnny and Taeyong were hanging.

 

"Wait a second..

Johnny was looking at the panel of keys hanged next to the old nurse office that was on the second building.

"here it is." 

They entered the office and leaves crushed beneath their feet, this place was no longer in use simply because it was too far away from the main building and there were rumors that it was haunted, it was still used by students trying to escape the strict but not so strict principal. 

It had large windows that looked out to the unmaintained short bushes and was exposed to direct sunlight that reflected on the white bed sheets illuminating the four dimension of the room.

Taeyong sat on the edge of one of the beds surprised it wasn't dusty while Johnny leaned on the office next to him.

"The bed is warm." He smiled satisfiedly.

Taeyong removed his jacket, covered the pillow with it and lied down bathing under the sun.

"Taking a nap?"

"Yes..it's too perfect not to."

"Perfect how?" Perhaps Johnny wished Taeyong would say it was his company.

"Everything.. Taeyong yawned.

Close enough.

Johnny moved around the office, he was at his limits, he wanted to see Taeyong's face so badly that he went through his pockets nervously and what does he find?

A bag of gummy worms he got this morning as a snack for the club.

Bingo.

This was the safest way to approach it without looking like a complete maniac and unless Taeyong had a mouth on the back of his head he's gonna have to remove his surgical mask to eat.

"Want a gummy worm?" Johnny sat beside Taeyong on the bed just remembering the possibility that he may not even like candy at all.

"Sour?"

"Yeah..

"Cool." He dug deep for a blue and red gummy worm. "I like the blue and red ones."

"Did you know that all the gummy worms taste the same."

"No way." Taeyong acted shocked which Johnny didn't pick up on.

"Yes they do, they try to fool you by using different colors and scents but the taste is the same."

Taeyong shook his head to rid of the mask and cue epic music Johnny was finally able to see his face in days, maybe it wasn't Taeyong at all because Johnny felt his heart being snatched from him all over, Every detail was precise, from his sharp and prominent jawline down to his slightly visible collar bones, his short defined eyebrows and somewhat squarish nose, Taeyong's knuckles gave the impression of being bruised due to being red, Johnny wanted to caress his hands gently and put them in bandages, you know, just regular things to think about doing for your crush.

After they finished the bag of candy Taeyong curled up on the bed and closed his eyes.

Johnny lied down facing Taeyong admiring the siren state of his, the sunlight ray bounced off his porcelain skin and permeated through his fluffy light colored hair, he looked too ethereal to be touched and Johnny's hand made to caress his face just as he opened his eyes.

Johnny froze.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jaehyun sat alone waiting for his mother and brother to come out from the doctor's office, he was sipping on his bitter coffee, his dark circles were worse and he managed to lose some weight in just a couple of days, one of the nurses even mistook him as the patient. 

"It'll be fine, everything will.. Just as he was trying to reassure himself the image of his father crossed his mind, no matter his current feelings for him he knew he would be just as devastated if anything wrong turns up. 

And he hated himself for feeling sympathy for the man who gave him not a chance before throwing him out of his house, he thought he would have been homeless by now had his mother not been by his side, the grudge he felt for his father was growing day by day, it's not like he made a choice to be gay, he was born like this and why did he feel guilty at all? This time he had to think things through for himself, he finally broke from the chains and was able to look at himself in the mirror without hating his own guts.

It was liberating in a sense to know that he no longer had to live in fear of his family finding out, he has his brother and mother by his side now and it should be enough...

Jaehyun was in a new chapter where he was done with self-loathing and was on the journey to learn self-love.

Taeil's smile was bright, as usual, while Jaehyun's mother patted his shoulder when they were out of the office, soon enough she had to go in preparation for the biopsy.

"The doctor doesn't think it's cancer, they still have to do the biopsy to be sure but he said that if it's something then our mother was quick to notice it and a treatment plan would will follow soon."

"..."

"Breath Jaehyun, the doctor wouldn't lie to us."

"You should have let come with you."

"You don't believe me?" Taeil pretended to be hurt.

"No..I just want our mom to be healthy and live longer and longer..I want to be able to pay her back for everything she did to me, that she does for me till this very moment..I wouldn't know to function without her around you know.." Jaehyun hung his head low.

"And you will able to do all of this, I told you that she will be fine, trust me for once okay?" Taeil looked straight into Jaehyun's eyes and maintained eye contact with him.

"Also, look at the terrible state of you, you need to stop stressing it's not a good look on you."

Jaehyun smiled without energy.

\-------------------------------------------------------------

Taeyong looked deeper into Johnny's dark brown eyes feeling something different.

His lips were slightly parted and his eyes were huge under strands of black soft hair, it was just now that he was taken aback by how pale Johnny actually was, his huge hand almost touched his cheek but he can feel the heat.

"AY..there was a..fly, on your forehead and I figured it was disturbing your sleep." Johnny bit his lip.

But there was no fly, not one that Taeyong took notice of, and he is not one to miss the distinct buzzing noise of a fly and on his forehead, not even if he tried to.

"Yeah..sure."

He closed his eyes again and tried not to blush, if only Johnny's hand went lower to his chest then he would have been able to feel his intensely beating heart.

Why?

"Say...do you like our company." My company Johnny felt dumb for asking this question.

"I do, I really do, I wouldn't have dreamt of ever having friends like you guys."

"Yeah..I just want to make sure, because the way we imposed on you..maybe you wanted to stay alone."

"I don't,

I never want to be alone, ever." Taeyong opened his eyes in panic, remembering the years he spent having no friends to hang out with or anyone to talk to.

"Okay, I am glad I found you then."

"Me too..

They looked at one another and smiled sweetly to one another.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Wait..what do you mean you're sending me back?"

"I said what I said and you'll have to go to school, you can't miss more days Jaehyun."

"But..the test results, I have to be here."

"Yes, you will be, we will talk to you on the phone."

"NO!"

"God..Jaehyun I am not arguing with you, I want you to be back for school and there is no need to have you here, I am with Taeil and your father will drop by tomorrow."

Jaehyun went cold, of course that was going to happen, he wasn't sure if to feel hurt or protected by his mother who considered it would be best if they don't meet.

"No, don't think like that, it's not because of your father that I am sending you back, I just know that it's nothing worthy of you skipping important school days."

"Okay..

"He's quick to give up." Taeil added.

Five minutes and they were at the train station;

"Now remember, I will be back in a few days and I will spend a WHOLE week with you, you don't have to worry about me and just eat well and sleep well, when the results are back we will talk to you first, oh and by the way, silly me how I forgot.-Jaehyun's mother bumped her forehead-You will be staying with Taeyong's family."

Jaehyun gulped, who and why?

"When I told his mother that I was leaving for Seoul she insisted that you go to their house for the time that I will be gone, I already called her and she knows you're returning home and they will probably be waiting you for dinner so you need to show up."

Jaehyun had no time to disagree because he was already on the train heading back to the lion's den.

The exact outcome that he tried to avoid for a month..The results were said to comeback in a few days and that could be three to seven days.

Jaehyun looked to his reflection on the window glass not sure how in a few years he was this awkward about going to Taeyong's house, one that he considered his own at one point.

Right. Confronting Taeyong, this was bound to come sooner or later, but again, We're talking about Jaehyun who was more pessimistic than a poppy in a drought stricken desert.

He still had his mother's results on mind and it was unnecessary stress to deal with having to live with Taeyong for a couple of days..

 

"shit.. he whispered a little too loud earning a look from the old man across him.

This was bound to go sour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> (A/N):
> 
> -Hey..I have a confession, I am actually a hardcore Jaeyong what emma doing? haha, anyways, next chapter will be a Jaeyong feast and then we'll see where we go from there..(TenTae? =D)
> 
> -Maybe I'll end the story with the ship that wins the poll (that I am intending to make towards the last chapters.)
> 
> -How is school though? Don't stress cause I know that things can get pretty hectic and you lose sight of your goals just to get by, know that your mental health matters and should be prioritized. [Big Fat Heart]
> 
> -Not so important fact: I first used Wattpad to share the fanfic but got 0 feedback (lol) and decided to move to AFF and AO3 where I got sweet comments and a decent amount of reads, to which I am grateful but because Wattpad is the most comfortable to write in I still use it to write the draft haha?
> 
> -NCT 127 Medley? Hello? 
> 
> -Finding a job isn't as easy as it looks kids :'(
> 
> -I got the idea for this fanfictions while I was sleeping in class last year (don't do it) but was motivated enough to write when I was playing around with edits for both Taeyong and Jaehyun.
> 
> -Johnny was not even supposed to be a ship, he was initially added just to stir emotions of jealousy within Jaehyun but I figured one ship was too vanilla and I require A HAREM.
> 
> -My friends, have a good night wherever you are.


	8. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sheets are unveiled and Jaehyun's eyes can see right through the lies of Sejun.  
> But he had a hunch all along.
> 
> Before he takes act of revenge, he wants to enjoy his time with Taeyong, will he finally confess to him?
> 
> Meanwhile Johnny will taste the bitter of jealousy..

Go back home.

Go to Taeyong's house.

Go back home.

Go back to Taeyong's house.

"AH! If this isn't Jaehyun and just in time, we were expecting you."

Jaehyun looked up from the ground startled to see Taeyong's mother outside their house, he was counting his steps to make a decision of whether he should go home or do as his mother instructed.

Welp. He was already at Taeyong's doorstep.

"Come in." Taeyong's mother smiled happily at him while extending a hand towards the warm inside of their home, a gesture of warmth he just now realized how much he needed after everything that's happened lately with his mother and he was still trying to process the messages Sejun sent him when he was on the train.

"..Thank you." Jaehyun surprised at his own brain for giving in without making up an excuse or two, he surely could have come up with something to go back to his house since a part of him wanted to be alone but ultimately, he was afraid to be left to with his thoughts and that they get the best of him.

Jaehyun dropped his backpack to untie his shoes and put them next a pair of sneakers that surely belonged to Taeyong, whose feet size seemed to be just as big as his were, right, he was going to be under the same roof as Taeyong, Jaehyun knew that the confrontation was tonight, no more delays.

"Taeyong isn't home yet, which is quite late for him but you can settle with your things in his room Jaehyun." Taeyong's mother offered after putting bags of groceries in the kitchen.

"Mom? No that's weird, Jaehyun you can use the guest room if you want to, you don't have to share a room with Taeyong if that makes you feel awkward." Taeyong's sister directed her speech to her mother while giving Jaehyun a look of assurance paired with a smile.

Jaehyun wouldn't mind sharing a room, in fact, it would be best if they did so they could talk things out tonight, though he feared the outcome.

"Well, I just thought since they did not have an issue sharing a room as kids that nothing has changed now that they are older, right Jaehyun?"

"That's exactly why they shouldn't share a room, teenagers are awkward around one another." Taeyong's sister gave him not a chance to respond.

Jaehyun blushed, he couldn't help but think that Taeyong's sister persistence on them not sharing a room was insinuating that them being alone was not okay, he felt her eyes on him as if she could read his thoughts and blushed deeper into his cozy turtleneck.

"Nonsense, you're the one who's making him feel awkward, I reckon they'd have a lot to talk about just like the old days, there isn't a single reason why they can't share a room." Taeyong's mother scolded her daughter. "But of course if you want to use the guest room for privacy then by all means Jaehyun." she added.

Jaehyun smiled shyly and Taeyong's mother offered him tea and treats urging him to take his place on the table for now.

"Taeyong has been getting home late these days, he found new friends and he is spending more time with them, I worry for him since I don't know who his friends are, I would much rather you be his friend because I know I can trust you, I know he likes you a lot because he did not make a single friend after you left, you stopped coming over and I thought you guys fought before you moved out and he wouldn't talk to me about it.." Taeyong's mother was quite the chatterbox, perhaps why she was good friends with Jaehyun's mother.

Jaehyun did not know what to respond with, after he left he made plenty of friends and even had a boyfriend at one point, things didn't work out because he wouldn't meet him out in the public, Jaehyun was too paranoid to do anything with him in fear of being found out but also because he never got over Taeyong

Who was alone this whole time, it was unlike what Sejun told him about taeyong being a bully that everyone feared getting near to, Jaehyun was starting to question his sanity for believing the bullcrap Sejun tried to feed him over the past month.

"He cried a lot after you moved out now that I am remembering, he rarely stayed outside for too long or have plans on weekends I was starting to worry that he might not be able to make friends ever again." Taeyong's mother put a hand under her elbow.

Jaehyun's hands were clenched into fists against his pounding chest when he received yet another text from Sejun:

[Have your mouth full of Taeyong for all I care, the both of you are faggots and easily manipulated.] 

[Just tell me one thing, did you lie about the letter?] He texted back, by now, he already knew the answer but wanted to make sure.

[What letter? the one you confessed your feelings to Taeyong like the pussy that you are? Yes, I lied about it and everything else, you're just as stupid as he is, I cannot even believe how you manage to live, fuck off I have no business talking to a homosexual.]

Jaehyun was not surprised in the slightest, or rather did not react accordingly, he was too mentally exhausted to care about Sejun's insults and was more concerned with his confrontation with Taeyong and how will he attempt to fix what was broken between them now that Sejun turned out to be a liar, which made him happy when he should have been red mad, it was a weird mix of feelings.

Jaehyun was putting the pieces of the puzzle together now, Taeyong has always been peaceful and never tried to spread any rumors about him unlike what Sejun told him, he was the one being targeted with nasty accusations and rumors left and right and bullies wouldn't get off of his back.

Jaehyun took so long to realize the big fat lie, that he was the fool with the fool hat over his head and that Sejun was the bully in all of this, he should have been furious with him, he should have thrown a tantrum and yelled his lungs out but that was not a priority, talking things out with Taeyong was.

Something bothered him still, why did Sejun lie to Jaehyun and tried to ruin his friendship with Taeyong, why did he try to keep them separated? 

Eventually he will know.

"I am home!" Taeyong announced happily.

Relax Jaehyun.

"We stopped by the bakery which is why I am late and I am sorry for that but before you two get mad at, first I did not spoil my appetite and second I brought you guys your favori-

His voice stuck in his throat the instant he landed eyes on Jaehyun sitting next to his spot on the table.

Taeyong was not expecting him to be at their house and certainly not gazing at him with such intensity that it made him look away.

"Uh..Hey." He cut off his own speech.

"Hello Taeyong, long time no see."

"Yeah.." his response was rigid and hesitant, afraid to upset Jaehyun by saying something unnecessary.

He did not hate Jaehyun, but thought that for some reason he hated him, the only way he could reason with was that he no longer cared for him, that he was too ashamed to hang out with him or something, other than that he has no recollection of having done anything bad to him, they did not even have a proper goodbye when Jaehyun moved out.

"Just in time for dinner, you shouldn't stay out late in the cold when you haven't recovered fully yet." Taeyong's mother scolded.

"Sorry mom." He put his backpack away and tried to avoid Jaehyun's glare.

When they were having dinner, Taeyong's mother made mention of how she knew nothing bad was going to happen to Jaehyun's mother and that her experience as a nurse for more than seventeen years enabled her to determine that, which Jaehyun figured was just to make him feel at ease but it worked as he loosened up a bit and managed to share few laughs with them.

After they were done eating, Taeyong helped his mother with the dishes while Jaehyun was occupied with the collection of hair jobs Taeyong's sister has done, she keeps a neat album of pictures of all her dye jobs, most of which were pictures of Taeyong's poor scalp.

Speaking of which, he glanced to the kitchen counter discretely where Taeyong was having an animated conversation with his mother, he tied his bangs above his forehead with a red band, the color suited him very well, few could pull it off and Taeyong was topping the list.

"Do you want him?"

"Huh?" Jaehyun swallowed his panicked words.

"I meant the hair color, you want to have your hair dyed like that too? and you guys can matching hair, haha, that would be ridiculous."

Jaehyun shook his head lightly while a faint smile remained on his lips, he knows it's not his color but the thought was intriguing enough, it's like a couple thing, or is it?

Soon enough they were joined by the other two and were looking through album pictures of the family, Jaehyun took notice of how little pictures of Taeyong were and how no pictures of himself there were, they took first day of school pictures together so he expected to see himself at least once with Taeyong.

"Alright, see you boys in the morning and don't stay up too late you have school, I have a night shift tomorrow and I need to rest for the night."

"Me too, I am beat." Taeyong's sister left to her room after she wished them goodnight. 

The both of them were alone in the living room now.

It was quite for a moment before Jaehyun yawned and Taeyong stiffened.

"Uh..you..should go get some rest, the train trip must have been exhausting but you still had to put up with us."

As considerate as ever.

"I had fun actually, it has been a while since I last did."

Taeyong smiled while scratching the back of his neck.

They climbed the stairs, Taeyong less fidgety than he was just a second ago looking through the albums, he opened the door to the guest room, helped set up the futon, offered an extra blanket if Jaehyun got cold and and in a formal language wished him good night after telling him that the shower was open and ready if he wanted to take one.

Jaehyun opened his backpack to land eyes on the notebook his letter was inside of, how silly of him to take it anywhere and everywhere.

He sighed, inhaled and got up to take a quick shower to clear his mind before going over to Taeyong.

"You can do it Jaehyun, you have to do it..

Jaehyun stood tall against Taeyong's room door, the towel he used to dry his hair with was around his neck, the light peering from under the gap between the floor and door indicated that Taeyong was still awake and Jaehyun knocked not a second later, it was now or never, and he better do it before he goes to sleep.

He heard hurried footsteps running about before the door opened to reveal a flushed Taeyong.

His ponytail was gone now and his eyes glimmered under his cherry blossoms locks.

"I am sorry if I woke you up..

"No, not at all, I wasn't sleeping, not yet."

"Can I come in."

"..Yeah..sure." Taeyong looked confused.

It was surreal because his head felt light, when Taeyong let Jaehyun in, it was the same faint smell of air freshener around his room and the wet grass from his indoor plants, he was transported to a time where they were younger and played in this room, changes to it were clear however, new pale blue wallpaper, more posters on the walls, a king-size bed and next to it was a new wooden desk, in a corner behind it lied a cardboard box of junk bursting out of the lid, Jaehyun couldn't help but take notice of and when Taeyong realized it, he brought it and placed it between them, Jaehyun was completely clueless to its content before being able to recognize the black tangle of wires:

"these are the joysticks we played with as kids." he said in awe while Taeyong remained silent.

As Taeyong dug deeper, Jaehyun was able to confirm any doubt he has had on him, the more content revealed the more guilt he felt.

Taeyong has made sure to tuck everything away, from the tangled joysticks to the bracelets they made for mother's day but never finished, rocks they painted and the ambiguous air-dry clay creations they made together.

On the bottom was a box of pictures;

Pictures of them running in the fields or smiling sheepishly with missing teeths and without worry or care for the world, pictures of their first school day and trips both their families went to.

They looked at one another and smiled.

How Jaehyun missed that smile, how he missed his own smile.

"I wanted to talk to you Taeyong."

"Jaehyun first..I am sorry, for whatever that I did, if I did something you should tell me..but you should know that I didn't mean it, whatever it is, I just don't want us to fight anymore.." Taeyong was a mess and pressed his lips together while eyeing Jaehyun with curiosity.

"Taeyong, I am gay." 

"..."

Taeyong remained silent and heaved taking in the news, not that it made him feel uncomfortable or anything but there was no build up, he was shocked in a sense... 

"I..I didn't know Jaehyun..

Jaehyun bit his lip and looked emotional:

"But what do you think Taeyong? I want you to be honest with me, how does it make you feel to know I am gay." 

Finding his words was a bit difficult, he feared he might say something insensitive and thought about how relevant his concerns were to this important revelation but came up empty handed, first he needs to answer Jaehyun's question before he gets the wrong impression:

"It doesn't make me feel anything in particular, well, anything negative is what I mean, I didn't know and didn't anticipate it but I am thrilled that you decided to share this with me, it must have been difficult for you to do, it makes me think on the times when we were best friends and how we shared secrets.."

Taeyong was surprised how he managed to articulate such a well thought answer but it was genuinely how he felt, Jaehyun was his first friend ever and to have him confide in him like the old days made his heart beat like crazy, though not entirely sure why he would do such a thing out of the blue.

"Do you hate me Taeyong, for being gay?" Jaehyun's voice was hoarse, this is the truth he sought and he wanted to make sure he was not mishearing it so he moved from the chair to Taeyong's bed.

"NO! I don't hate you why would you think that, how can I ever hate you!" Taeyong jumped up and down in frustration.

Jaehyun sighed in relief, his eyes were watery but he wasn't sad, he took a deep breath:

"I am sorry for pressing you on the sport and I didn't mean to drop the news on you like this but I needed to make sure of something." Taeyong looked dazed, he truly never received the letter, Sejun was going to pay for this.

"I have always wanted to tell you but I couldn't, I wanted to talk to you all of these years but I was a coward, I thought you'd find it..gross and wouldn't want to talk to me ever again, but here I am finally confronting you with everything...to have your support..

Jaehyun did not have the gut to confess the part about his letter to him and how Sejun manipulated the both of them, he worried it was too much to take in all at once and wasn't ready yet to be rejected...

"And you have it Jaehyun, this changes nothing, you were my first and only friend and for you to think that this could separate us is ridiculous." Taeyong was starting to be mad with Jaehyun.

Jaehyun looked into the eyes of an honest man, he scratched his throat as if to scratch the ever growing tight feeling of sorrow.

"But wait..in all of this, did I do anything insensitive or wrong that could have upset you?" Taeyong looked terrified for a second.

Jaehyun looked sympathetic and overwhelmed by regret, how could he ever doubt such a pure hearted person, Taeyong who couldn't hurt a fly, he got closer to him on his bed and held his hand;

"Nothing Taeyong, you did absolutely nothing wrong, it was me who was afraid you would hate me for being gay so I took my distance and never talked to you after I moved out." Jaehyun hoped that Taeyong did not question his reasoning.

"Why would you think that..how would you even be so sure of my answer, I thought you'd trust our friendship better than this." Taeyong exhaled looking the other way, he was suppressing tears of mixed feelings.

"I know, I know I did you wrong and I am not even sure if you will forgive me for what I did." He pleaded with him.

"So is that why you left without saying goodbye? is that why you wouldn't respond to my texts?" Taeyong gasped in realization as it was getting harder for him to hide his hurt.

"Yeah...I am really sorry, I am stupid and beyond help." Jaehyun said softly, the circles under his eyes growing darker against his pale complexion, he was too tired.

Taeyong massaged his temples, he was frustrated with Jaehyun for what he did but was too afraid to be mad at him when he was looking sweetly at him, he was afraid that he might lose him again if he rejects his apology..

"Okay..I am still mad at you, I can't forgive you just right away."

"I understand that and I will do A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G to gain back your trust and rebuild our friendship." maybe even more? Who knows, Jaehyun shook the thought.

"Okay.. Taeyong still looked betrayed, he was red all over, he tightened his grip around the hand that held his.

"Taeyong can I ask you a favor."

"..."

"Tonight, I want us to talk about everything that we missed, pick up where we left from, I know it's selfish but just for tonight, you can scold me tomorrow or even call it quits with me."

"..."

"Actually don't do that, it would break my heart when I can barely believe we're friends again."

"Idiot." Taeyong smiled into a sniffle.

"The biggest in the room, I know."

"Your head is about to explode."

"From idiocy?"

"Yeah, please leave the room I don't want splatters of blood and guts on the sheets, I just changed them."

"Ahh..but I don't wanna go anywhere else, I want to stay here."

They both laughed.

"You'll have to answer my questions then."

"Go ahead."

"Why did you come back here?"

"I wanted to come back here after grandma died, I missed this place and we're leaving in two years for university and I don't know when I'll get to be here again." Jaehyun justified himself for semi-lying for not wanting to ruin tonight, he was going to tell Taeyong the full truth soon just not tonight, those tender eyes and that soft caring heart, he couldn't bare to hurt anymore.

"Okay..

And how..."

"How long have I known that I was gay?" Jaehyun finished Taeyong's question who looked at him guiltily. 

"First, you don't have to tiptoe around the subject, in fact, I'd be happy to share everything with you if you don't mind, and secondly, ever since I was.." Jaehyun froze, he can't admit his crush on Taeyong just yet so he had to lie, again "Since we were kids, I figured I didn't like girls and that I didn't want to have a wife at one point when I grow up."

"Huh.." Taeyong adjusted himself on the bed.

"What about you?" 

"What about me?"

"Do you want a wife?" Jaehyun face palmed himself eternally for being 'subtle'.

"I don't know..never thought about it, I certainly want kids though.."

Jaehyun resisted looking defeated.

"I always wanted to adopt three kids."

Maybe he still has a chance?

"Why adopt when you can have kids of your own?" Jaehyun hated that he had an ulterior motif behind these questions but he knows Taeyong had to be told things to understand, his mind operated in mysterious ways, and Jaehyun could read him easily, he was happy to know that the same Taeyong he left he found.

"I don't know, I always thought that way.."

"Well, it's not like I have a choice but adoption." Jaehyun sulked dropping face first on Taeyong's pillow.

Taeyong put his head on the other pillow and when Jaehyun opened his eyes he was faced with Taeyong's close face, too. Close.

He forgot to breath for a second.

"You've grown."

"..."

Taeyong searched endlessly in Jaehyun's face, his delicate features have not changed, only he managed to get more paler, he was more masculine now, he jawline was more defined but his eyes, were just as deep and mysterious. 

"But you're just as pale and you're skinny too, are you even eating healthy food?"

"No..not really.

"Oh, then you should have come to us..I should have invited you." Taeyong corrected himself.

"..."

"I want to eat your Meat Pancake." Jaehyun said sleepily while leaning forward to Taeyong's chest, he was intimidated by how close their faces were and lowered his head.

"Sure."

Jaehyun still remembers the taste of the pancakes that Taeyong cooked since a young age, his mother trusted him enough to prepare food for him and his sister when she wasn't around.

They talked about so many other things and everytime the conversation seemed to die away they'd remember an act of mischief that they had done as kids and laugh quietly, there was so much to talk about but they were yawning now, Jaehyun's head was almost buried into Taeyong's chest who didn't move an inch further and slept smiling.

The both of them did.

\------

Jaehyun's alarm went off and he fumbled around for his phone that was inside his pocket, quickly, he shut it off in fear of waking Taeyong up.

He set it for 5:00 which was pretty early for school.

Now that his mind was alert he started remembering bits of their conversation before they fell asleep, it did not feel real that they finally made up.

Jaehyun tried not to think about how much of an idiot he was to have believed Sejun this whole time instead of checking for himself, it was starting to get comical the more he thought about it.

But he was not planning on wasting more time, he can't change the past and this was him now, he was going to cherish every moment with Taeyong, he looked up to his calm sleeping face, they even shared a room on their first night together.

Wait, that sounded wrong.

Jaehyun crawled up to Taeyong's level and stared at his face, for five minutes straight.

He was the only one around to judge himself but wasn't going to, Taeyong has grown just as much and was very good looking, too good looking for Jaehyun to want to have him all to himself.

He pushed bangs out of Taeyong face gently and smiled, this morning he woke up energized and felt good about life for the first time in a while, he knew his mother was going to be okay and that he was good enough and didn't need to change.

The door to Taeyong's room opened abruptly and Jaehyun had to pretend he was still sleeping, it was Taeyong's sister who inspected around without making a sound and snickered to herself before leaving and closing the door behind her.

Jaehyun was caught off guard and didn't remove his hand that was on top of Taeyong's forehead when she entered the room, his heart haven't calmed yet when he had to pretend he was sleeping again.

"mhmhm..

Taeyong rose from the bed after carefully tucking Jaehyun's hand under his blanket and hummed his way to the bathroom.

When Jaehyun made sure he was alone he let the air out of his lungs.

6:00 AM

"Hey..Jaehyun." a hand tapped his shoulder lightly.

"Ye..ah?"

Jaehyun has gone back to sleep and Taeyong was trying to wake him up for school.

"We need to get ready for school." Taeyong smiled gently at him.

And that was something he could get used to, to be woken by Taeyong's gentle touch and raspy voice.

"I am awake..

"No you're not, if you're still the same Jaehyun I know you once I leave you'll go back to sleep, I am not going anywhere until you rise to your feet."

"I will I will..Jaehyun said sleepily.

"Or will you?"

"I just..need..another..fiv-

"I made you meat pancakes for breakfast."

Jaehyun's eyes lit up, and rose from bed in an instant startling Taeyong a bit before he started laughing.

"Didn't think you were this hungry." 

"I am actually.." Jaehyun was embarrassed. 

"Then hurry."

Breakfast was nice but they had to cut it short to go to Jaehyun's house for his school uniform, he invited Taeyong inside while he dressed up.

"You are here alone?"

"Yeah." he answered from his room.

"It must be gloomy then."

"It is, I sleep most of the time."

"Sad Jaehyun."

"I don't need your sympathy, it is nice to live alone actually, I get to..

He peered his head from his room to the kitchen where Taeyong was.

Sleep a lot."

"Is that why have no groceries?"

"Well, I wasn't home these past days and I don't even cook."

"Oh god, no wonder you lost weight, you should come over for meals..better yet you'll have to learn how to cook, I'll help you with that if you wish to."

Jaehyun had absolutely no interest in cooking, but to be thought by Taeyong, to be able to see him in an apron (which may not even happen) was very tempting.

"I'll have you know that my cooking skills haven't advanced one bit."

"I figured as much."

"I'm ready."

"Great, let's go."

Jaehyun and Taeyong were best friends for such a long time and were too close that a three year old hiatus from one another did not make things awkward between them.

Minus the fact Jaehyun had an ever growing crush, actually he was in love with Taeyong at this point who didn't know so it was alright.

When they showed up to school, too close to one another they got dirty looks from some students who took it a sign that they were in fact dating, something that even if true, shouldn't have mattered to them nor should it have been their business.

They were already back to their old times goofiness and selliness they didn't notice those around them, until Johnny called for Taeyong in a rough manner, both of them turned immediately.

It was that black-haired tall and the unmistakable Johnny that Jaehyun hated.

Hated was a strong word, he disliked him, not for anything but how he has been so close to Taeyong, suffocatingly close.

He stepped in front of Taeyong and shook his bangs out of his face, something that Johnny took notice of and they shared hostile glares.

"Hey. Taeyong, good morning." he said not acknowledging Jaehyun.

"Hello, good morning to you too."

Silence.

Ah, this is my friend Jaehyun, Jaehyun this is Johnny." Taeyong introduced awkwardly.

"Hi."

"Hey."

The stare off was on and neither of them was going to back off, they sensed each other's aura and identified one another as a threat.

Johnny was trying not to panic in light of the rumour that was spreading about these two dating, he was sure that if there was something then it couldn't have slipped from him because he has been by Taeyong's side this whole time, but what are the odds that the same Jung Jaehyun the rumour talked about shows up next to Taeyong just a day after, he did refer to him as friend but what if there was something else.

"I know you from somewhere?"

"No, I don't believe that the case." Jaehyun jabbed a proud chin.

"I swear I seen you around." Johnny tried acting ignorant.

"Perhaps since he sits next to him in class?" Taeyong was oblivious to the connotation of the question and answered objectively.

"Right."

"You were at Taeyong's house?"

"Yeah..we're friends, childhood friends and I was there to visit."

The bell rang and they had to go their classes, Taeyong smiled at Johnny who did the same and followed him with his eyes until he was inside class with Jaehyun by his side, who's eyes were twinkles of pure happiness and victory.

Jaehyun wasn't just a friend, or at least didn't feel that way towards Taeyong, how would Johnny know? 

It's because he knows that he looks at Taeyong the same way Jaehyun was looking at him and that made him troubled to say the least.

"A handsome fellow shows up and snatches Taeyong from you in just a day." Lucas joined Johnny and put an arm on Johnny's shoulder who slapped it immediately and stormed to his class.

Lucas whistled "This is about to get spicy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/T):
> 
> -This chapter was supposed to go live two days ago but I was literarlly so overwhelmed with both NCT comeback and their US debut as well as the news of EXO's comeback, and you would know how hard is the life of a fangirl, considering you yourself are one, I was physically unable of writing, and I may or may have not spent the whole day fighting antis and watching uwu clips of NCT.
> 
> -I think have found a job? :') and I will get to buy more albums and merch now, haha, I feast on collectables because otherwise how emma supposed to feed the hollow inside me.
> 
> -I am conducting an experiment where I will be drinking three liters of water a day to see if it'll help with clearing skin, I'll come back to you in a couple of weeks.
> 
> -NCT are seriously skinny.
> 
> -So I am discovering Coldplay music and I realized how much I was missing out? They have been making music even before I was born :o
> 
> here are some recommendation:
> 
> Ink, Magic, Viva La Vida, Strawberry Swing, Full of Stars, which I think are a good selection to listen to while reading and I wouldn't mind songs/artists recommendations I listen to everything (except Country Yehaaw)
> 
> -I binge watched Banana Fish and it was worth the wait, however I am suffering from binge-watching side effects where my brain is filled with nothing but scenes from the show, I would say give it a try, I read the manga few years back and the anime delivered. (if you're into gangs and undertone romance between two male leads and tragedy, I recommend this anime.)
> 
> -The next chapter will be LONGER.
> 
> -FIC RELATED: sinister events are about to happen and I hope that gives Taeyong and the others proper character development but I feel like I strayed from the main plot (that was supposed to be) enough. haha
> 
> -Don't stay up late!


	9. The popsicle makes a pop sound

Taeil looked defeated, he tried to stay the happy Taeil that he is but couldn't.

"Are you sure about it mom, you don't want to tell him?"

"Yes, I am positive, the last thing he needs now is this, I already burdened him enough and I think he needs time to heal on his own first, he tries very hard to put a front that sometimes I forget that he is only sixteen."

"Jaehyun will be mad when he finds out."

"I am not even telling his dad for now, this is my decision that I have to deal with the outcome and he will understand why I hid this from him even if he gets mad at first." Taeil's mother looked determined.

"Okay..if you insist."

"Trust me, it's the only thing I can do Taeil." She smiled when her cell phone rang, it was from the hospital.

\------------------

 

"Psst..Johnny..hey.." Yuta called from behind Johnny while nudging him with his ruler when he didn't respond for the fourth time.

"Uh..yeah? sorry my mind was off somewhere else."

"Pretty boy Jung Jaehyun?"

Johnny turned glaring, though he looked desperate more than anything.

"No. Not him."

"So it is him."

"Leave me alone."

"You look upset."

"No I am not."

"I saw your interaction before class."

"So?"

"You're too easy to read, it was almost too painful to watch."

Johnny scuffed his nails against his desk "Really, I am in no mood to joke."

"J in Johnny stands for jealous, Johnlousy." Yuta snickered at how stupid the combination sounded.

"Say..would you like to have both arms bendable or nah when I am done with ye?"

"Oooh, aggressive." Yuta wanted to tease Johnny for a bit longer because it was easy ticking him off.

"Oi. You two have something to discuss?" Mr Park lowered his glasses and made a snap remark to the two of them ending the conversation, Johnny was thankful.

He was in a bad mood as it is, this Jung Jaehyun guy couldn't have picked a more suitable time to show up, well, rather become friendly with Taeyong because he knows they have been sitting next to one another for over a month now.

What if the rumors are true? what if Taeyong and Jaehyun have been dating this whole time but decided to keep it a secret and did not interact in school as to not raise suspicion.

Johnny felt betrayed, something the size of a golf ball felt cold inside of his chest, he had to remind himself that Taeyong did not belong to him and whoever he chooses to be with was his choice, still, he felt betrayed.

Jaehyun was handsome, looked smart and definitely a strong character, Taeyong even introduced him as an old friend, which is the most intimate relationship two can have next to being boyfriends.

Yuta slipped in a note to him.

(Relax, I am sure they are just friends.)

Yeah, Johnny shouldn't jump to a conclusion yet, he should know from them before believing the rumors or making assumptions, what are the chances that this Jung Jaehyun is gay and also into Taeyong.

Lunch break,

Johnny swallowed three of the seven deadly sins; rage, envy and jealousy with every bite, it felt heavy on his tongue, almost a metallic taste and he couldn't down much through gritted teeth.

The loving way Jaehyun was looking at Taeyong, with one hand resting on the table and the other under his cheek, those dreamy eyes that followed every lip movement, that smile he spared for every time Taeyong said something, anything:

"Jaehyun was the mastermind behind all things bad, I would follow him around so I wasn't any better, haha...remember when..

"Say Jaehyun-Johnny cut off Taeyong-you moved back here some time ago why is it just now that you and Taeyong got..

Johnny realized that he cut Taeyong off when he looked at Yuta's disappointed expression opposite from him.

"The things is-Jaehyun eyed Taeyong who gave him an encouraging look-we kind of had a fall out, though it was all on my part and I should have been a better friend to Taeyong."

They shared a moment where Taeyong mouthed a 'it's fine' to Jaehyun who smiled charmingly, and Johnny wanted to slap the jealous out of him, had he only shut his mouth.

"Jaehyun is a good guy." Taeyong added looking at the rest of them.

"He is, and very good looking on top of that." said the helpless flirt Jungwoo.

"You aren't bad yourself." Jaehyun flirted back and chuckled to himself.

Jungwoo who never expects to get a compliment in turn looked surprised and nudged Haechan next to him to bring his attention from his phone to the conversation they were having.

It was a minute of awkward silence only interrupted by chewing sounds, Lucas's.

"Well, if you're Taeyong's friend you're our friend and you're welcome to hang out with us whenever you want to." Yuta said to Jaehyun, he emphasized the end part of friend, Jaehyun did not notice it but Johnny was as his limits.

He needed an answer to know what their relationship was, what they were to one another besides being 'childhood friends', he couldn't wait any longer so he took Taeyong to the side, alone, leaving Jaehyun slightly puzzled.

They stopped at the stairs around the corner where less students were around.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Uh..I just needed to talk to you."

"Yeah sure..is everything alright?" Taeyong tilted his head to the side for eye contact with Johnny whose head was hung low.

"Yeah yeah...everything is alright."

"?"

"God I swear it's like a deja vu everytime I try to talk to you, to put it simply, there was yet another rumor, this time the guys and I would be able to pin it down to whoever is spreading malice about you if you'd cooperate, I know you told me to drop it but they won't stop until we make them." This was a nice way to start the conversation to get his answers, he prayed Taeyong isn't too tired with the same old talk.

"Relax Johnny, I know you mean well but..

"But what? you don't want to.." Johnny panicked, this was his only way of knowing whether Taeyong and Jaehyun were actually dating.

"Okay okay, if it'll make you feel at ease I'll help, but I am not so sure how I can."

"Well first you need context for the rumor."

"Right, what is it about this time." Taeyong was clearly uncomfortable.

"It's about you...and Jaehyun, it started this Monday, we didn't want to tell you at first but seeing how you showed up with Jaehyun, we figured that the two of you might link us to someone you know who is trying ."

"I am not following, what is the rumor about exactly?"

"That you and Jaehyun are dating." Johnny's heart sank, he didn't realize that saying it out loud to Taeyong would have this much impact on him, it felt real and what if he gets a confirmation that it is, to assume that it was a rumor was bold of him in the first place.

"Oh..

Oh that's true, we are dating. Johnny finished the sentence inside of his head.

"Well..that could be troublesome to Jaehyun he..this is really awkward, I don't know if we should tell Jaehyun yet."

"So..you're not actually dating?" Johnny said carefully.

"Oh no, like we told you guys we only made up recently and I don't think Jaehyun wants to deal with any rumors, though I cannot put my finger on who exactly it may be..can you do me a favor and keep this a secret between us for now?"

"It's a rumor Taeyong..

"Please, just don't mention it to Jaehyun, he's dealing with enough already and I don't wish to burden him further, plus it'll make things awkward between us." Taeyong rubbed his forearm.

"Okay, I will not mention it to him but you'll have to make a deal with me."

"What deal?"

"That you'll work with me to find whoever that's spreading rumors about you."

Taeyong looked nervous, he scratched the back of his head multiple times.

"Okay...I'll do that."

"Great." Johnny felt guilty for cornering Taeyong like this but it was for his sake, and he got the piece of information that he wanted badly, he breathed a sigh of relief.

\--------------

"What were you two doing under the stairs?" Yuta asked Johnny when Taeyong and Jaehyun weren't around, they left to go home and skipped hanging out with them, it obviously made Johnny upset and the gang weren't leaving him alone for it.

"Making out, obviously, what did you think." Haechan blew air out of his mouth to push his light locks from his eyes.

"It must have been an angry make out session, ex-boyfriend shows up in town to steer emotions of jealousy within current boyfriend who then lashes out on tiny boyfriend, you're living my boy Johnny." Lucas said grinning.

"Oh is that so, I figured it was something like that when Taeyong rolled up his collar, he was probably hiding a hickey." Haechan added.

Johnny rolled his eyes, he was getting tired of their harassment. 

"Shut the fuck up Haechan."

"Issa joke chill will ya?"

"Yes, you're killing the vibe." Lucas reached for a high five with Haechan and they both laughed sneakily having achieved their goal of annoying Johnny.

"Too tense around your friends, your game isn't slick Johnny, even in the case those two were actually dating it's not like it's over for you, you act as if Taeyong asked you to be his best man when your priority is to figure out if he's into boys at all." Jungwoo scolded, he was serious when he wanted to be.

"No, my-our priority is to find who is spreading those rumors."

"Right, did Taeyong help at all? point fingers at someone, give a clue to who it might be?"

"He said he would think about it, for now he needs time, plus he doesn't know anyone he's in bad terms with that might be trying to ruin his reputation."

"So we'll wait." Yuta patted Johnny's shoulder urging him to stand up for it was time to go home.

Johnny looked at the little bat keychain on his bag and remembered how his worries now were different than they were last week, Jungwoo was right, he needs to take action, this growing crush on Taeyong, the more tense it got the more dangerous it got, just a while ago he tried to convince himself that things between them were okay the way they were but adding Jaehyun to the equation changed his perspective, what if this whole time he actually had a chance with Taeyong but did not take it, and instead let Jaehyun win the man of his dreams just like that. He shuddered at the thought.

"Do you think that Taeyong is gay?" Johnny asked on their way back home.

"Humm" Yuta offered a biscuit.

"He doesn't strike me as anything, I'd say he has no experience and he himself doesn't know what he's into."

"What does that mean?"

"It means exactly what it means."

"So you think I have a chance?"

"I don't like to make assumptions, you have to face him."

"Okay." Johnny flinched just thinking about how awkward the conversation may be. 

"You always have me though." Yuta stopped in his tracks.

"It won't work out between us boss." Johnny laughed a little.

Yuta laughed as well.

"Problem is that I don't know how I can approach the subject without sounding weird..I need to think of something."

"Actually, I think Haechan's got you covered on that." Yuta said after thinking for a little while.

"What do you mean?" Johnny took smaller steps.

"It's Halloween." Yuta pulled an invisible cloak over his head like Dracula would.

"It's barely the first week of October Yuta, and what is the correlation?"

"You'll know what I am talking about."

"I don't understand..Just tell it to me already!"

"N O P E."

"Oh please, your loyal subject begs you. " Johnny offered a desperate bow.

Yuta turned to walk backwards "Tomorrow morning you'll know what I am talking about."

Johnny gave up and instead chased after Yuta who dodged his blows swiftly.

\-----------

"So?" Taeyong looked at Jaehyun with ever enlarging pupils, he was holding his breath.

Jaehyun put his phone on the desk "Oh they were just checking on me, the results are tomorrow." He inhaled and returned Taeyong's smile.

"It'll be fine, just like mom said I am sure of it."

"I really hope so."

Taeyong has lent Jaehyun his desk to do homework while he was sat on his bed using his laptop, Jaehyun gave short glances to Taeyong in glasses and pushed back hair when he was sure the latter was emerged in his search.

Jaehyun still hasn't believed that he was back in Taeyong's life.

"Is there something?" Taeyong noticed that the latter went still, he turned to him to find him lying his head on his notebook and staring at him.

Taeyong felt something, a feeling he is yet to identify.

"No..not really, I was just thinking."

"About?" Taeyong set his laptop to the side to stretch.

"Nothing in particular, what are you doing?"

"Nothing in particular." Taeyong teased.

"Tell me."

"Should I?" 

"Please."

"Oh it's just that before we left Haechan asked me to look things up about Ouija boards, you know, rules and stuff."

"And you are?"

"I was interested in them myself so I agreed anyway."

"What does he want you to do it for?" Jaehyun tossed his homework to the side.

"He did not tell me actually, he said it was for the club tomorrow and that's all since we were in a hurry."

"Ah, okay..but I heard that Ouija boards can connect you to demonic entities that will haunt you for the rest of your life, you could potentially die playing it if you don't know the rules and follow them thouroughly.

Taeyong made a face at Jaehyun whose face turned mischievous.

"You could get possessed by an evil spirit."

"Stop it Jaehyun it's not funny."

"Oh yes it isn't..walking backwards on your hands, speaking in a demonic voice-

Jaehyun stopped to take a look at Taeyong's genuinely terrified face.  
.  
"Wow you're really scared aren't you? you've been reading about them this whole time."

"Well of course I'll be a little concerned if you say it out loud."

Jaehyun stood from his chair, put his arms forward and walked like a zombie before falling face first into Taeyong's lap, he did not plan for it like this but oh well.

"Jaehyun stop it."

"You'll pay for cutting our lives short and trapping us in resin."

"What are you talking about?"

Jaehyun squished Taeyong's arms together "you forgot already? that time you killed a beetle and trapped it in resin, it'll come back and haunt you."

"That never happened."

"Yeah right...wait that was Taeil and I sorry for the confusion."

Taeyong tried to break free from Jaehyun only to be pushed forward, his hands were behind his back and Jaehyun's torso was on top of his, this was how they usually played around as kids.

"Let me go ya." Taeyong whined.

"Try to escape if you can, I not only became taller but stronger than you now you weakling." 

Taeyong kicked the bed sheets with both his legs and managed to get Jaehyun to lose his balance and loosen his grip on him when he tried to dodge his blows, he took the chance to free his hands and quickly flipped his body to be facing Jaehyun who had to use both arms to stop himself from falling on top of Taeyong's face.

They both froze.

Taeyong gulped, he could feel Jaehyun's breath on his face, his light-brown bangs covered his eyes and he looked just as surprised to be this close to him.

"Taeyong, Jaehyun are you two there? Come down for dinner mom needs to go for her shift."

"O--Okay, we're coming."

Jaehyun pulled himself up in less than a second and cleared his throat.

"I'll go down..first."

"Yeah I'll just turn off my laptop." 

Jaehyun clutched at his chest at the top of the stairs and rubbed his red ears to look less flustered, that was the closest he has been to Taeyong's face, just a little longer and he might have done something to regret doing later, Taeyong's lips were very tempting and though he wouldn't do anything without Taeyong's approval, he felt that at that moment Taeyong wouldn't have said no, technically, his lips would have been busy for him to utter words...his lips.

"Are you sick Jaehyun, you don't seem fine?" Taeyong's mother sounded concerned, looking at how red Jaehyun's cheeks were and how absent minded he looked.

"No..I am fine." I just almost kissed your son Ms. Lee.

"Where's Taeyong? I have to go for now I am running late, just tell him that his sister and I left so you guys can have dinner now, or you can wait later but don't forget to heat it up, don't stay up too late okay? Good night and I'll see you tomorrow!"

Jaehyun looked around, Taeyong's sister must have left to celebrate with her friends and seniors, something she made mention of this morning.

The door was slammed just when Taeyong was down stairs.

It was just the two of them alone, together, but also alone. together alone, suddenly Jaehyun felt dizzier.

"Where are they?"

"Your mother just left and your sister is out partying with friends."

"Ah yeah I forgot."

Taeyong walked over to the kitchen and took a look at the ingredients they had before asking Jaehyun to come over.

"No better time to teach you how to cook." Taeyong pulled his shirt sleeves up and washed vegetables to make an omelette.

"Are you sure about it? Your mom already cooked dinner." Jaehyun didn't feel like cooking but feared this chance wouldn't come again if he declines it now.

"Yes. Positive, I am feeling for an omelette and it's really easy to make plus we're growing and need nutrients."

Jaehyun sighed and was by Taeyong's side after washing his hands.

"So it's really easy, you have to cut your vegetables first, cook them until tender, beat your eggs and milk, shred the cheese then melt butter in the skillet you used for the vegetables after setting them aside, add seasoning and when the butter is bubbly your add the egg milk mixture and sprinkle the vege- 

"What do you mean by dumping all of this on me, aren't you going to help me?"

"I will observe you only, this is a basic recipe you can't mess it up."

"I will, watch me." Jaehyun crossed his arms giving up before even starting.

"You will have to start somewhere." Taeyong urged him to take the knife.

"At least instruct me a step at the time."

"Okay, cut the onions."

"Onions." Jaehyun eyed the spherical vegetable he detested so much. 

"Go on."

Jaehyun sliced the onion in half on the cutting board and looked at Taeyong clueless.

"Ahh, you're hopeless."

"I'll cut this half, you cut the other half."

In less than a minute, Taeyong has cut his half where Jaehyun was still struggling with the skin, next were bell peppers, Taeyong was waiting for Jaehyun to get rid of the seeds and was even smiling watching him struggle, it made Jaehyun at edge being observed this closely by Taeyong.

"Here, let me tie this for you."

Taeyong's cold wet hands were on Jaehyun's forehead with a tiny red hairband.

"Now you can see better with your bangs out of the way."

"Yeah..thanks."

Jaehyun dropped the knife.

"You can't slack." Taeyong scolded jokingly.

And you can't do this to my heart, Jaehyun thought.

"Now zucchini, just cut it in rings it."

"..."

"You're quiet all of a sudden." Taeyong sterred the vegetables.

"your knuckles, they are red." Jaehyun cleaned the counter.

"Yeah..I think it's because I hand wash my own clothes and I am sensitive to the detergent."

Jaehyun eyed Taeyong before making up a lie:

"Taeyong I have a missing button on my jacket mind mending it for me?"

"Yeah sure just make sure you have the button."

"Oh my, Lee Taeyong Are a housewife?" Jaehyun asked.

"Or maybe I am just a functional human being?" Taeyong answered while beating the eggs, he has taken charge of cooking when he realized Jaehyun was hopeless.

"Then be my wife." Jaehyun's lips smacked, there, he proposed, his eyes widened and he shook his head to make sure he wasn't imagining things.

He wasn't.

Taeyong was blushing madly, his hand went still and his eyes remained on the egg bowl without saying a word.

This made Jaehyun blush in turn, he meant it as a joke and didn't think Taeyong would react like this.

He finally let out a high pitched laugh. 

"You don't have to say yes immediately." Jaehyun laughed stiffly, his tone was serious.

"Where's my ring then?" Taeyong joked back.

"That." Jaehyun scratched his head "I did not think about."

Taeyong shook his head.

"How about a ring made of onion, an onion ring."

"It'll rot away."

"Not my love for my wife." Jaehyun was playing with fire while testing the waters, his tone indicated that he was joking when he was serious.

"How romantic of you."

Jaehyun laughed timidly, his eyes followed Taeyong around like a puppy, how he hasn't changed one bit personality wise, his feelings were this intense after just two days and he wondered how long will it take him to confess, though it was more of a how long will he hold back from confessing.

It was frustrating having him this close yet not his.

"Oh shoot I forgot chopsticks, mind getting those?" Taeyong pointed to the box of chopsticks.

"Sure." Jaehyun dozed off thinking when Taeyong was done serving the omelette on two separate plates on top of the rest of their meal.

They sat on the table facing one another.

Jaehyun cut through the omelette, his eyes yet to be leaving Taeyong's face.

"I like it."

"Then you should learn cooking it."

"No..I meant that I like it here, I like being here with you."

Taeyong stopped chewing for a second. "Me too, I am glad you found the courage to talk to me."

"Me too."

It was too perfect, they washed the dishes and retreated to Taeyong's room, like a couple would.

Jaehyun still had to do his homework and Taeyong was too tired he slept with his glasses on while talking, when Jaehyun was done he tucked him properly in bed.

"I don't want to wait any longer..I can't wait any longer." He said tracing Taeyong's face to remove his glasses.

\----------

Haechan showed up the next day to school in high heeled boots and tight leather pants, unapologetically.

"And you think it's worth the risk of getting scolded by the teacher?"

"It is."

Yuta sighed, he was done arguing with Haechan.

"I think it suits him." Mark nodded his head to Haechan who smiled happily at him.

"Is it witch month already? Lucas asked.

"Hallo.ween you uncultured prick, and yes, I am a witch."

Haechan was a halloween fanatic, he loved everything about this celebration, he even considered moving to a place where it is heavily celebrated unlike here where they lived.

"I have no interest in the scary stuff." Jungwoo stated.

"Well I do, and that means that the rest of you will too, I didn't have to go through the trouble of sneaking in a Ouija board to our club room for nothing."

"Yeah yeah."

"Oh look, it's Taeyong, and Jaehyun." Jungwoo waved at the two of them who soon joined them.

"How are you guys doing this morning?"

"Spooky." Haechan replied. "Want a reading" He flashed his tarot cards and Jaehyun chuckled.

"Nah I don't believe in that." He said.

"Taeyong?" 

"Oh no, maybe later." 

"You're all cowards and no fun." Haechan said droopily. 

Johnny eyed Jaehyun who offered a light smile, he appeared to be in a good mood and didn't want to ruin it by being hostile to him.

\-----------

Classes were over for the day and Taeyong left Jaehyun in the library to catch up on what he missed when he wasn't coming to school.

They were all in the club room as requested by Haechan who guilted them into a Ouija board session, he was yet to show up.

"Do you have any clue where he is?" Yuta asked Mark.

"I don't know, he said it wasn't going to take long and asked me to come here without him."

Johnny sat close to Taeyong and whispered in his ear, this was perfect time to talk since Jaehyun wasn't around and Johnny could finally be alone with him, well, partly.

"So, did you think about it?"

"I have..but I just can't think of a name..

"Think of someone both of you knew, someone who didn't like you or someone you fought with and is going to this school." Johnny was trying to help Taeyong brainstorm.

"Ah..I am trying, I am really trying.." Taeyong caressed his temples in vain, he cannot think of a name for the life of him and Johnny felt bad for pressuring him like this.

"It's okay Taeyong, you can take your time you don't have to stress it." Johnny smiled and put a hand around Taeyong's back who looked slightly defeated.

"He is here! Haechan pushed Jaehyun forward and closed the door behind them."

Everyone looked puzzled including Jaehyun.

"I had to search for him all around and he was studying in the library, we're not here for education!" He yelled yanking Lucas by the collar.

"Geez chill Haechan."

"Right, gather up please, we have spirits to talk to."

Haechan sat up the Ouija board after moving few chairs and desks from the way.

"Now sit down in a circle so we can try to summon a spirit."

"What for?"

"So we could get rid of your ugly face if you get possessed." Haechan replied to Jungwoo sarcastically.

"Very funny but seriously what for?"

"It'll give us answers on things..you'll see."

Outside was a drizzle and the sun was setting, the wind whistled through the cracks in the windows that Haechan pulled heavy dark drapes on, he brought them specifically for the purpose of obtaining an equally as dark atmosphere, it worked because the light from the candles cast long shadows on their faces, Taeyong sat squished between Johnny and Jaehyun.

"Everyone, put one finger on the planchette-

"Wait is that incense I smell?" Lucas sniffed around him.

"Shhhh! we need to concentrate, I will ask questions, only one person can, and don't try to move the planchette, Lucas I am talking to you." Haechan said announcing the start of the séance

Taeyong's heart beated at an abnormal pace, Jaehyun's face was too close to his and Johnny's cheek rested on his shoulder, he was the smallest between the two of them and had to compromise, Taeyong did not realize his hand was tugging at Jaehyun's uniform until he felt fingers trace his, he turned to him and they laced fingers..Jaehyun knew Taeyong was a bit of a scaredy cat when it came to the paranormal..he had to remind himself that this was the reason he was sticking close to him.

"Are there any spirits with us?" Haechan repeated for the third time.

"You're wasting our time Haechan." Jungwoo was annoyingly pessimistic today.

"Please, move the planchette if you can hear us." Haechan was a believer and wasn't going to let Jungwoo ruin his séance.

Five minutes before anything happened.

"If there is a spirit here with us, please respond to us."

It moved.

The planchette moved in a crooked line to 'Yes.' It stopped just a little above it next to the sun.

Everyone turned to Lucas "Hey! That wasn't me, I couldn't move it on my own with this many fingers!"

Taeyong got closer to Jaehyun, his hand squeezing the latter's.

Johnny couldn't see their interlaced fingers but heard Jaehyun whisper a 'it's okay' to Taeyong under his breath and felt a strong feeling of wanting to push him to oblivion, he was starting to be annoyed.

"Are you a good spirit?"

The planchette moved once again; Yes.

"What is your name?" Haechan's voice cracked in excitement. 

P B S.

"Who is named PBS?" Yuta frowned.

"Okay Haechan let us ask the important questions." Lucas demanded ignoring the rule of there having to be only one medium.

"Who of us will be bald by age thirty."

The planchette spelled Johnny and Yuta snickered.

"Very funny Lucas." 

"I swear it wasn't me, the spirit just knows." Lucas raised brows feigning innocence.

"Will I be married by age 30?" Jungwoo asked.

The planchette moved to 'No' and Jungwoo let out a relieved sigh.

"Okay it's my turn losers, Will I live abroad?" Haechan asked and got a Yes.

"Is Johnny in love?" Lucas asked out of the blue, Johnny glared at him then at the trio; Yuta, Haechan and Jungwoo, his suspicions were confirmed, they staged everything.

Yes.

"Is the person he's in love with in this room with us?" Lucas continued asking.

Yes

"Okay stop it Lucas you're too obvious."

"Oh my, could it be that you're in love with me?"

"I'd rather shave my hair and only leave one strand of here in the middle of my scalp." Johnny was starting to panic, he didn't want to show it and glanced at Taeyong who looked invested enough, he should end this game before the losers give him away.

"Can you spell the name of the person Johnny is in love with?"

Sure enough the planchette started spelling Taeyong's last name

L  
E  
E

With four fingers moving in sync, t wasn't that hard to make the board move according to their commands, Johnny was already planning a genocide.

T

A

E

"This is not funny you fools stop it." Johnny snapped at his friends to stop this game.

Y-

Jaehyun's phone rang startling Taeyong next to him, it pulled everyone out of the mood.

He took a glance at the caller before turning pale, it was Taeil.

He stormed out of the room, Taeyong followed him to the corridor where he answered his phone.

"You guys are so dead." Johnny threatened where the rest of them exchanged looks of amusement and Lucas high fived Haechan, Mark was baffled for a second.

"Aren't you going to check up on those two?" Yuta asked Johnny who sprang to his feet to see where those two fled.

Johnny's jaw dropped at the sight in front of his eyes.

His eyes located the two of them near the end of the hallway, they were one giant silhouette conjoined under the dim lights, Jaehyun dropped all of his weight on Taeyong pulling him into a hug so tight Johnny felt it in his bones.

Taeyong pulled Jaehyun even closer and patted his back.

"The results..She doesn't have cancer...Taeyong..I.." Jaehyun was emotional and couldn't stop his tears, his mother wasn't sick and that was the biggest weight lifted from his shoulders.

"Congratulations Jaehyun." Johnny heard Taeyong say before being pushed against the wall from the intensity of the hug.

It took them a moment to realize the curious eyes on them where Jaehyun dried his tears and composed himself.

Johnny turned around to see the rest of them peeking their heads out of the club room.

Taeyong explained everything briely for context to the rest of them all patted Jaehyun's shoulders congratulating him and asking him to take it easy.

Johnny felt a bit relieved because it was the good news Jaehyun received that made him hug Taeyong with such strong emotion, he also felt bad that this was what occupied his mind, his jealousy eating him up from the inside, slowly but surely.

All of them decided it was best to close the seance (though late) and go home, Johnny plotted a good portion of how that foursome dies, he wasn't going to let it slide that they used such sly method to make things awkward between him and Taeyong, fortunately the focus was shifted from their stupid Ouija board session to Jaehyun and their plan didn't quite work.

Each left in their house direction, Johnny's eyes lingered on the track opposite from his, Taeyong and Jaehyun's backs no longer visible, he knew he would have to fight for Taeyong's love at this point and was ready to do so, at this point, he was almost too sure that Jaehyun harbored romantic feelings for Taeyong and his gut feeling rarely missed.

\---------

Jaehyun walked slowly, his head still throbbing, he texted Taeil to make sure that he didn't mishear anything and promised to talk on the phone once they got home.

Taeyong kept smiling every time their eyes met, it was contagious and it made Jaehyun even happier.

Jaehyun stopped all of a sudden and smacked his lips together.

"You know what I am feeling for?"

"What?" Taeyong asked.

"Popsicles, let's get popsicles."

"In this weather?" Taeyong questioned.

"I remembered how we did everytime we had something to celebrate so I want popsicles."

"Yeah..like old times..

Jaehyun led the way to the grocery store after taking Taeyong's hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAFIA. HEIST. STREET FASHION. CGI TIGERS. SKYSCRAPERS. GUNS. MONEY. NCT127. DELIVERE.D (wrote this note on the day of the release)
> 
> THE ALBUM IS AMAZING. I AM LOSING IT IT HAS BEEN ON LOOP ALL DAY I LITERALLY LOVE ALL OF THE SONGS THEIR VOICES, THE RAP, THE QUALITY..UGH. 
> 
> THEY RELEASED BASSBOT I AM CRYING YOU ARE CRYING EVERYONE IS CRYING! The nostalgia man NCT has come Such a long way.
> 
> I wouldn't have guessed it in a million years that this was what they had in stores for us, NCT's versatility and concepts are out of this world, scrap that, SM's creative team working with all of their groups in general, they produce art and I am here for it and so are you!
> 
> Seriously, how long were the hours you spent crying on the bathroom floor?
> 
> Anyways, again, this was supposed to be up two days ago but I was busy fighting the trolls mocking NCT pronunciation and streaming the MV against the odds.
> 
> Are you guys more of JohnTaes or Jaeyongs, I need to know which ship wins in order for it to sail because I am having a hard time and majority rules.
> 
> Anyways, Happy Halloween, I have a special chapter for it :x Maybe. 
> 
> MakuHaru (FREE!) low-key inspired Jaeyong in my story because OTP.
> 
> In writing the tiny bit about Tarot cards I searched them a bit and I got Jaehyun a reading on this website (used his name and birth date) and I am too powerful because I know his fate now, don't mess with me.
> 
> I LOVE HALLOWEEN SM!


	10. My future boyfriend is dense

Jaehyun's face was cold from staring at the freezer not knowing which type of popsicle to choose, there were too many and he didn't think what to he wanted to get before hand.

Taeyong put a double popsicle against his cheek, he winced.

"Do you remember this?" Taeyong's face was ecstatic and he practically bounced up and down.

It was a watermelon flavored popsicle they used to get and share as kids, Jaehyun was surprised a local brand still produced it after years.

"We're getting this." He went to the cashier, Jaehyun's heart swelled with happiness seeing Taeyong this carefree and excited for a cold treat, his sudden mood change surprised him a bit since he was the one who suggested they get popsicles but it didn't matter as long as Taeyong was upbeat and spared him that smile of his.

His mother wasn't sick, his best childhood friend never hated him, he is slowly getting over his father's disowning and is finally learning to love and accept himself.

How can his life be any better?

It certainly can,

If Lee Taeyong's soft lips brush against his in the dark of an empty alley under the red clouds, the twilight and the emerging moon.

Jaehyun slapped his forehead because that's where daydreams are formed, the thought remained, strongly visualized.

He picked a bunch of random ice cream cones and other treats and went to pay.

"Hurry, it'll melt." Taeyong smiled and split the popsicle he bought offering Jaehyun one when both his hands were occupied digging for his wallet at the cashier, Taeyong shoved it in his mouth instead.

Jaehyun turned to the cashier, a high schooler on her phone, she didn't see what just happened or pretended not to, he hopes it's the former because he was as red as the popsicle in his mouth.

Jaehyun was starting to question if Taeyong was this dense on purpose, he was very quick in acting comfortable and casual around Jaehyun after they made up, and while he loved it that way it reinforced his fears, that Taeyong's feelings aren't set beyond those of pure friendship.

The cashier gave him his change and they left the store.

Taeyong's obliviousness wasn't going to stop Jaehyun, he was going to do what he does best, flirt his way to Taeyong's heart not letting him miss any of his charming points, poor Taeyong who had no escape.

"It tastes so nostalgic!" Taeyong said cutely to Jaehyun.

"It does." Jaehyun calmly observed Taeyong sucking on the popsicle and using his lips to melt the pieces inside of his mouth, his teeth are sensitive to cold things, Jaehyun knows that. 

They walked slower than before, it was quiet around them in this neighborhood and it was getting darker, they stopped in the park and sat on the bench closest to the entrance to finish eating before going home, otherwise they get scolded for eating out before dinner, though it wasn't exactly a full meal.

Under the park lights Jaehyun could see Taeyong's face better.

Red, stained and swollen lips, search kissable on a dictionary and this is what you will get.

The back of his throat stung. 

"POP." He said looking the other way. 

"hum?" Taeyong was about to finish his popsicle.

"It makes a pop sound inside of your mouth when you bite into it with your teeth, the popsicle, that's why they named it that."

"No it doesn't." Taeyong doubted.

"Yes it does, try it."

"No, my teeth would hurt."

"Chicken."

Taeyong was considering what Jaehyun suggested a little too seriously, it made Jaehyun slightly worried for his well-being, how will he survive on his own if he can't dismiss such illogical claim immediately, he can be very thick in the head at times.

"Go ahead, try it."

He did it:

"Owww..yish hurtz." Taeyong had the look of someone betrayed.

"You're a certified idiot, ahahahahaha." Jaehyun wiped a non existing tear from the corner of his eye.

"Not cool."

"Even less so having to deal with you, how can you be this dumb?"

"I trusted you." Taeyong sulked.

"Well you shouldn't." Jaehyun wiped Taeyong's lips with a tissue.

"Geez you can't even eat without making a mess." 

Taeyong smiled innocently, it made Jaehyun feel like a parent, Taeyong was cute and clumsy at times yet graceful and precise at others, he was a good chef indeed and crafty, if Jaehyun didn't know him any better, he would think it was all an act.

"Let's go home." He stood up.

"And this?" Jaehyun referred to the melting cones he bought, he pulled Taeyong by the arm and it didn't take much effort to do so.

"And you say I am skinny? look at you, all bones and no strength."

Jaehyun tossed him a cone, Taeyong aet the ice cream despite himself, sweets weren't his favorite thing.

"We should have a BBQ, you need to eat meat instead of this." Jaehyun added.

\--------

"SURPRISE!" 

Jaehyun looked at Taeyong before running to hug his mother who opened the door for them, Taeil soon followed and they had a family moment.

"What is this?" Jaehyun asked pleasantly surprised.

"We came to celebrate, once we got the results early in the morning we decided to surprise you, I talked to Taeyong's mother and she said it was best if we gathered here." Jaehyun's mother said.

"So you were already here when you called me at school?"

"Exactly, it was my idea, my boss gave me an extra day when he knew why I took days off work and I said why not come visit my brother and make up for Chuseok." Taeil said.

It was a pleasant surprise indeed and Jaehyun wasn't complaining, Taeil hugged Jaehyun again and then Taeyong, he squished his head and ruffled his bangs.

"We're having a BBQ come help me!" Taeyong's mother shouted from the kitchen.

They glanced at one another and Jaehyun laughed at the slight panic on Taeyong's face, he ended up eating more junk food than he should have.

An hour later and everyone was having the time of their lives, the only two that were sober were Taeyong and Jaehyun, they observed the chaos around them and Jaehyun said:

"Promise to never let me be a mess like this when we're old enough to drink."

"I'll slap you."

"Isn't that extreme?"

"To sober you up from doing stupid things? No." Taeyong made a face at his sister who was helplessly trying to flirt with Taeil.

"Fair enough." 

Taeyong wasn't feeling well enough to eat as much meat as Jaehyun was putting on his plate, those icy treats curbed his appetite.

"Hey I can't eat all of this!"

"You have to."

Taeyong rejected the food piled on his plate and Jaehyun wasn't giving up without a fight, he managed to feed Taeyong forcefully and laughed at the sight of him gaging.

"Don't do it like this." Taeyong said through a mouthful punching Jaehyun's arm lightly.

"Look at your chubby cheeks, it's a better look on yo-

Taeyong stuffed Jaehyun's mouth with an even bigger chunk of meat.

"You had it coming." 

Jaehyun choked and Taeyong burst out laughing like a maniac.

They kept teasing one another and fighting with chopsticks until Taeyong heard his mother:

"He said he was coming the next week or the week after.." She said pouring herself and Jaehyun's mother Soju from the second bottle they were having, they were both getting drunk and louder.

Taeyong's face went pale and he asked his mother hesitantly:

"He?" 

His mother turned to him to confirm his doubts.

"Your father, he will be visiting." She said casually, as if it slipped her mind to announce something as important to Taeyong, it wasn't everyday that he sees his father especially after his mother divorced him, she never tried to get her kids to like him or hate him, she simply let them form their own judgement and come to heal on their own terms, Taeyong never did.

A father figure was important in their lives and she felt guilty enough for having full custody over them, nemours were the times his father asked to see him but he refused, even crying himself to the point of passing out, he eventually gave up and hasn't visited in five years now, since before Jaehyun's move.

Taeyong went still, not that man, not him ever again, he ran to the bathroom upstairs feeling his stomach twist in knots and suddenly rejecting everything he's eaten back up to his mouth.

He vomited it all out, 

Jaehyun followed him not long after, he propped him up from the toilet seat and patted his shoulder after applying a wet hand to the back of his neck to help with his gag reflex, he reached for a towel soon after and wiped his mouth with it, he was even more concerned when he Taeyong couldn't stand on his own and struggled to stay up without his support and fell back to the ground.

"You Ok Taeyong?" Jaehyun knelt back down and asked, his voice shaking.

"..." He struggled to breathe and couldn't give an answer, his eyes darted around aimlessly, soon filled with tears, he was having a panic attack, a severe one.

"Taeyong answer me!" Jaehyun shouted cupping Taeyong's face gently with both hands.

"..." Taeyong's head was getting light, cold droplets of sweat covered his temples and his grip on Jaehyun's t-shirt loosened, Jaehyun was at a loss what to do but didn't want to show it.

"Taeyong look at me, talk to me!" He announced in the calmest voice he managed, first he needs to get him breathing properly.

"I..Don't..don't..wanna ever..see him." Taeyong cried out in pain.

"I will never let that happen." Jaehyun didn't even question who Taeyong referred to.

"I don't.." he choked on steaming hot tears, Jaehyun pulled him closer to him, rubbing his shivering limbs and patting his back.

"You're safe with me Taeyong I promise." He said reassuringly one last time, they stayed huddled on the ground for a while.

Taeyong finally seemed to be responding to Jaehyun's words, he calmed a bit and was breathing normally again.

"There you go, good boy now let's get you some fresh air." Jaehyun lifted Taeyong and walked him to his room, opened the window, not once letting go of his hand, they stayed glued to one another by the balcony, Jaehyun was leaning against the wall with a shriveled up Taeyong in his arms, he rested his tired head against Jaehyun's chest.

Jaehyun tightened his grip around him while caressing his back, he felt the heat from his body and the scent of his recently shampooed hair fill up his nostrils into an intoxicated state, it made him feel at ease.

He didn't realize it till now but he himself was shaking, when Taeyong was gasping for air on the bathroom floor he only had one thought, what if he loses him? What if this wasn't just a panic attack? His thoughts were already on the topic of death with his mother's probable diagnosis the past few days.

"Jaehyun..

"Hum?" His hand never stopped going in circles around Taeyong's back.

"I don't want to see that man, ever again." Taeyong said lazely.

"And I will not let that happen." it finally clicked in Jaehyun's brain, Taeyong was referring to his father, the second his mother made mention of him was when Taeyong's colors changed, Jaehyun knows that their relationship isn't the best.

"And you don't have to, ever." Jaehyun said firmly.

"Let's put you in bed now, it's cold and you've sweated." 

"yeah..." Taeyong dragged himself to his bed, hesitant for a second.

"Mind sleeping with me tonight?" He said ashamed, his voice was barely audible.

It was Jaehyun's turn to gasp for air now, he soon realized what Taeyong actually meant.

"Yeah..yeah..I wasn't going anywhere.." 

"Thank you Jaehyun." Taeyong was officially as red as his t-shirt.

They lied on bed awkwardly facing the ceiling.

"Jaehyun promise me..

"What?"

"Not to tell anyone about this." He said drowsily after closing his eyes.

"Of course I will never."

"Also..promise you'll never leave me."

Jaehyun fought the tears stinging at the back of his eyes and an overwhelming sense of shame.

"I don't want to ever feel like I did when you left, now that you're back I keep thinking about the times we spent together as kids and those happy thoughts fill my head instead of the nasty ones." Taeyong said.

"I promise..I will never do anything to hurt you. cross my heart."

Taeyong smiled with his eyes still closed, looking as good as a top painter's finest work.

Jaehyun wasn't going to ask but he was curious as to why Taeyong had such a severe reaction just at the mere mention of his father's potential visit, it worried him more with every second, what if Taeyong was hiding something? he had a bad feeling about this.

He turned to his side and heard them down stairs going for yet another round.

"You'll have to promise me something too."

"mhhm."

"That you come to me and tell me whenever you're having unpleasant thoughts." 

"I will..

"Good..good boy." Jaehyun yawned and wished Taeyong a good night.

\-------------

"I am honestly starting to question if my relationship with you guys is even that of friendship."

Lucas looked hurt, at least acted the emotion right.

"HOW DARE YOU TAKE IT BACK PAPA JOHN!"

"You're too toxic, why would you do that dumb shit yesterday."

"It's because."

"IT'S HALLOWEEN AND WE'RE CRAZY!" Haechan jumped up and down.

Though they were still in their goofiness this was their attempt to apologize to Johnny, they had to sit with themselves and admit that it crossed the line, this was his personal life and they shouldn't have interfered like this.

"Okay we are so sorry accept us already!" Jungwoo pleaded.

"You'll pull another stupid prank the instant you get my forgiveness, I am not a fool."

Haechan pouted "Okay we shouldn't have but it is taking you so long to man up and ask Taeyong out."

"Like I told you, it's not like I know he-

"Is into boys yada yada, make him!" Haechan protested.

"It's the 21th century, love knows no gender!" Lucas nodded.

"Yes, Haechan is right, you underestimate yourself Johnny, You're smart, maybe, tall and handsome, you're a perfect boyfriend, well to an extent, just ask him out already you'll never know if he says yes!" Jungwoo added.

"I know what you're trying to do, you're hyping me and giving me confidence so I forget what you did."

"See, you're actually smart." Jungwoo retracted.

"Our point stands, we might have crossed the line just a tiny bit our intentions are right, we want you to be happy but only you can take the initiative."

"Do me a favor then."

"Anything my lord." Haechan bounced up, he was excited this morning of all days.

"If you want me to talk to Taeyong you'd have to occupy Jaehyun with something so we can have some alone time."

"Got it."

"Wait you're actually going to do it?"

"Muhahaha."

Johnny regretted ever asking that trio, this conversation was sparked because of their little game and now he stupidly gave them his approval to start scheming again. 

"And you Yuta, I can't believe you actually helped them with their stupid plan."

"And miss seeing your panicked expression, nah."

"I am disappointed in you."

"I am sure I'll live."

Lucas was done whispering to Haechan who in turn whispered to Jungwoo and the two of them looked impressed at the idea Lucas came up with.

"You are capable of things Lucas when you're not binge eating or stealing someone's food."

"You, you three I swear it will not end well for you if you do something, anything, I will not forgive you this time!" Johnny turned to them and put a finger against Lucas's chest.

"Gaah nothing happened we're just talking."

"And I don't like it, don't do anything I swear..

The bell was going to ring and they each scattered to the direction of their classes, Taeyong and Jaehyun were yet to be seen, they were running late.

\-------------

"I am telling you, those two left my dad's store after buying ice cream, the weather is too cold for that don't you think? So I figured it was like a couple thing they do..

"You're ridiculous..

"I swear, Taeyong shoved a whole popsicle inside of Jaehyun's mouth when they came to me to pay, the whole time I kept an eye on them when they were picking their items and they seemed to be in high spirits, I think it's because they don't know me that they let their guard down, I am not one to jump to conclusions but the rumors could be right."

"More like you want them to be right."

"Well, even though I am telling you this don't go around spreading it, I personally think they're cute together."

"You're creepy!"

"You wouldn't be saying that if it was one of your drama couples!"

"Those couples are made to be shipped and it's different from stalking your school mates and being nosy about their personal life."

"You're just saying this because you didn't see how cute they were together, even their looks compliment one another's, uhh..two of the school's most handsome boys dating, that sounds like a great web drama I wish I was in their class.."

"Ugh."

Johnny and Yuta both passed by the girl whispering to her friend to take their seats and she gasped.

"Do you think they heard me?"

Johnny sat on his desk just as the teacher made his way to the middle of the classroom, he didn't look back to Yuta, he knew he would have one of his dumb amused expressions, both of them heard what those two were saying, it could have been a lie and was definitely exaggerated, it still made Johnny uncomfortably jealous, his friends were right he needs to take action, it's now or never, he dug for his phone and typed a message.

\-----------

Lucas dropped the pencil for the fourth time on the ground, it was supposed to be the arm part of his faulty mangonel but he didn't have a rubber band to make it work, his phone buzzed in his pocket.

[Do your thing.] -Johnny.

"Yes..haha." He laughed to himself and earned a slap to the back of his head from the teacher.

\------------

"How come..the two of you are late?" The teacher's eyes moved from Jaehyun to Taeyong who was panting, a sea of whispers took Jaehyun by surprise and he was more concentrated on what was being said than answering the teacher's bland question.

"We're sorry sir, it will not happen again." Taeyong said politely.

"Okay..I'll let it slide, but only this one time."

Taeyong took a sharp glance at Jaehyun prompting him to take his seat.

few followed them with questioning gazes until they were seated and Jaehyun felt slightly uncomfortable, he just realized that this was how Taeyong felt for the past three weeks, every time there was a rumor about him or the bullies made him their target, this time he won't hesitate to put anyone in their place if they dared inconvenience Taeyong, which reminded him with Sejun, he will have to think of a way to get revenge on him.

Jaehyun turned to Taeyong who mouthed a woosh because they were let off the hook this time, they were late because they overslept just a little longer than they should have, everyone was hungover and didn't wake up in the morning including Taeil who has to go to Seoul today, even worse, Jaehyun found out that his uniform jacket reeked of alcohol and was lying on the kitchen floor, it was his fault for leaving it on the sofa, him and Taeyong had to travel back to his house to obtain his other jacket, expect he forgot the keys and they had to run from his house to Taeyong's house back and forth.

"I am sorry." He said quietly after the Teacher turned his back to the board.

"Oh no don't sweat it." Taeyong smiled.

Just then, somebody from the back threw a paper that landed in the middle of Taeyong's notebook, he opened it just to crush it a second later without hesitation.

(fags haha.) was written under what was supposed to be Taeyong on his knees pleasuring Jaehyun, it was badly drawn, a tag name was attached to both stick figures representing the two of them, Taeyong turned red despite himself. 

Jaehyun's first instinct was to localize where and who was it that threw the paper, it was three kids at the far back who looked pleased with themselves seeing Taeyong's reaction, he gave them a sideways glance before turning to snatch the paper from Taeyong's hand.

He was mad, turned once again and with a cold look on his face pointed at the three of them and mouthed:

"You're so dead." 

This sparked a wave of muffled laughs amongst them. 

"Jaehyun let it go.." Taeyong said desperately looking at his thighs. 

"No, I will not let it go." 

"..." Taeyong was going to say something when the teacher turned around.

He didn't want Jaehyun to see this, it was humiliating, he hung his head low and stayed quiet for a while.

"Jaehyun I am sorry..

"Sorry for what?" Jaehyun was trying to calm himself.

"It's because of me they are targeting you."

"Taeyong that's not it-

"Shhhh!" The teacher said.

Jaehyun wanted to reach to Taeyong and shelter him from all things bad, his feeling of guilt was misplaced, it was Jaehyun that should apologize.

It was proving to be hard to contain his anger the whole morning period every time the picture of Taeyong's face flashed his mind when he opened the paper, he looked sad and ashamed and after last night, Jaehyun never wanted to see him hurt. 

The bell announcing the end of morning classes rang and Jaehyun rose to his feet after cracking his knuckles.

"Where are you going?" Jaehyun said coldly making heads turn around him.

The trio in question that has sent Taeyong the drawing looked astonished when he appeared before them blocking them from leaving class.

"Who of you drew that." Jaehyun demanded.

He got no answer only stares of superiority, they were mocking him by not answering him.

"Jaehyun please let's go it's not worth it-" Taeyong was by his side.

Jaehyun laughed a little before charging at the one in the middle, completely ignoring Taeyong.

"Was it you?" he asked again through gritted teeth.

"Yes it was me, what are you gonna do about?" the kid in the middle pushed his chest forward and said challengingly, his two friends stepped to the side to make this between him and Jaehyun.

Jaehyun pulled him under by his neck tie forcing him to look up to him "Don't smartass with me, that shit you drew was ugly, just like your face."

"Ya! You think you're so hot when you're just a faggot." His friends huffed in approval, this whole time loud shrieks can be heard from their classmates, the windows were filled with faces from other classes and everyone was hyped to see these two fight.

Jaehyun didn't flinch once, he rolled eyes and said casually:

"Yes, I am and I won't apologize for it, you on the other hand is in deep shit if you don't apologize to Taeyong, do it now before my patience runs out, I am not as tolerant."

"Make me." The kid said pridefully. 

"Jaehyun please stop it you'll get in trouble if you fight here." 

"Taeyong..I am taking care of this okay?" He turned to Taeyong with a forced smile.

"Say you're sorry and that you'll never do it again, promise you'll never harass Taeyong ever again."

"I said, Make, me. You. Faggot." 

"Oh now you've done it."

Taeyong was at a loss, no words he could use to reason with Jaehyun at this point, his eyes gleamed feverishly and he didn't respond to his desperate calls:

It didn't take Jaehyun a second to take the kid down, with just one punch to his abdomen, he was instantly on the ground in agonising pain, Taeyong had to intervene before it got more serious:

"STOP IT JAEHYUN IT'S NOT WORTH IT YOU'LL GET IN TROUBLE!" He pulled him by the waist with both arms but Jaehyun pushed him away and managed to break free from his grip easily.

"You still don't want to apologize huh?" He said to the kid who was slowly rising to his feet, instead of apologizing he jumped him, Jaehyun was quick to dodge his weak punch, he smacked his cheek with the back of his hand and kicked his knee to force him on the ground again, he obviously had the upper hand in this fight and before he used his fist again, a taller figure suspended it mid air.

It was Johnny who stepped between Jaehyun and his foe, the cheers were gradually dying out and when they looked at the door of the classroom it was the principal that a student summoned before the fight broke.

Just like that, the commotion was dispersed, Jaehyun and the kid that was still wincing in pain were taken to the principal's office and everyone else left with loads of gossip to make and an exciting story for lunch break.

"You okay?" Johnny asked Taeyong eyeing his wrist.

"..."

"You're hurt let me see." Johnny pulled Taeyong's hand and squeezed his wrist.

"argh.. Taeyong groaned in pain.

"Let's go to the nurse office." Johnny said stiffly.

He was upset, he came just in time to see Jaehyun shove Taeyong to the side and that made his blood boil, he doesn't know what was his deal and was going to have a word with him later.

They caught the nurse on her way to have lunch break, she was nice enough to let them in and treat Taeyong's wrist before escorting them out of her office.

"Does it hurt badly?" Johnny asked.

"No, it's not that bad I shouldn't have pressed my hand on the table that hard to avoid falling..

"No Taeyong, it's Jaehyun that shouldn't have pushed you in the first place, I saw him."

"Yeah but it's not like he meant to hurt me."

"His intentions don't matter."

The last thing Johnny wanted to do was scold Taeyong, not before knowing what happened.

"Do you know what his punishment will be?" Taeyong said, his brows furrowed and he looked sickly worried. 

"For fighting on school ground? he could be expelled..Johnny looked at Taeyong open his mouth in shock and softened his expression and tone "Well, he could receive a warning the first time."

"Oh my god I should have stopped him." Taeyong said regretfully.

"And you tried, look at your wrist, listen Taeyong, it's not your fault, whatever happened it was his choice to go off and you had nothing to do with it."

"..."

"Will you tell me what happened?"

"Yeah..it's just that I-" Taeyong was flustered.

"Wanna go have a bite first? there we can talk."

"No.. I don't feel like eating, I want somewhere quiet."

"Yeah sure, let's go to the club room then."

They reached their destination and Taeyong reluctantly told Johnny about the drawing, how Jaehyun got aggressive and was very angry, more than he should have over something as minor.

"You're certainly right, while I would have been mad myself I still don't think he should have went for them in class, he could have waited outside and we would have took care of them."

"No, no you don't have to do that!" Taeyong protested.

"Taeyong you too are in the wrong, you have to stand up for yourself, you can't let everyone get away with their actions, it'll only encourages them to bully you more."

Taeyong looked down.

Johnny thought about what to say, it wasn't his problem if Jaehyun gets into trouble, what he needs to focus on right now is winning Taeyong's affection, he first needs to cheer him up.

"Hey listen to me.." Johnny lifted Taeyong's chin and got considerably closer to him.

"It'll be alright, the principal is gullible enough and if Jaehyun uses that smartass mouth of his I am sure he'll get off easy , he's not-

Johnny needs to stop praising Jaehyun if he wants to earn points, instead he should make this about the two of them, but how?

"You're right..Thank you Johnny..for stopping him." Taeyong was grateful.

"I did it only because of the way he shoved you Taeyong."

"Still, thank you, it could have been worse."

"Cheer up okay?"

"I can't Johnny..I really can't, what if he gets into trouble because of this?"

"We'll have to wait and see, worrying won't change anything."

"..."

"Calm down okay?""

"Johnny I can't be here..I need to be at the principal's office to meet Jaehyun when he's out." Taeyong made to leave to go downstairs where the principal's office was.

"What if I said I want you here?" Johnny blocked his way, being that big came in handy at times.

"What do you mean?"

"I want us to..be together, alone." 

"Johnny I don't understand what you're getting at..

"I am saying I want you to stay here with me, to talk and have some time together

Alone."

"But Jaehyun..

"He'll be okay I said that already don't you believe me?" Johnny's tone was colder than he has intended, he was bitter and couldn't hide it, he was starting to be annoyed with Taeyong's constant mention of Jaehyun.

"Taeyong do you realize how I feel?"

Taeyong didn't know what to respond with, what was Johnny trying to get at.

"All you keep talking about is Jaehyun, he showed up and you only spend time with him, you don't even want to stay with me." Johnny was ashamed for having to use such cheap tactics; sending Taeyong into a guilt trip.

"Johnny that's not..I mean..I didn't mean to make you feel that way...you're all my friends and I love you all the same it's just Jaehyun had-

"What if I don't want to be a friend."

"You..you don't want to be my friend?"

Taeyong had to be spoon fed everything.

Johnny brought his face close to Taeyong's, their eyes locked, their lips almost touching "How does your heart react when I am this close to you Taeyong?"

Taeyong gulped, his heart was racing and he took a step back involuntarily.

"I-

"You feel something right? what is it Taeyong, tell me?" Johnny demanded taking a step forward.

"..."

"Do I make you uncomfortable?"

"I don't know Johnny I don't like the way you're cornering me like this."

Johnny dove further into Taeyong who almost tripped trying to maintain that minimal space between their faces, Johnny rubbed their foreheads together and their bangs interlaced, he placed his hand gently around his waist.

"I wanted to wait and see how things progress between us Taeyong.."

"Progress how?" Taeyong asked in frustration.

"Taeyong have you ever been in love?" Johnny stepped back to let him catch his breath.

He didn't know why he was like this, it's as if he himself wasn't in control of his body or what came out of his mouth, something was driving him to act this way, he was jealous and desperate.

"I don't understand why you're asking now of all times..

"Just answer my question Taeyong."

"I don't know I don't think I have."

Johnny sighed, was Taeyong really this oblivious to how those around him felt? 

"Forget it Taeyong..Go to Jaehyun, the principal must have let him go."

Taeyong slowly walked away from Johnny, who didn't turn.

"Johnny..I promise to hang out with you next time, I am sorry if I had made you feel left out.. He came back to announce to Johnny and ran downstairs.

"I like you Taeyong, I rea- Johnny's words bounced off the wall and back to him, slapping him in the face for being such a coward, he just needed to say three words but couldn't, next time he will not hesitate.

\------------

Taeyong waited in front of the principal's office for another five minutes before it opened and revealed the kid who threw him the paper followed by Jaehyun, the former looked defeated while Jaehyun had an unbothered look on his face.

Taeyong pulled him to the side "So?"

"So?"

"Don't play dumb Jaehyun, what happened?"

Jaehyun laughed, to Taeyong's surprise "I have to write an apology letter and that's all."

"Wait not even going to clean the toilets or something?"

"Well I kind of dodged that." Jaehyun was smiling amusedly.

Taeyong drooped his shoulders and walked the other way, he was mad at Jaehyun now.

"Hey..wait a minute!" Jaehyun leaped in front of him.

"Leave me alone Jaehyun."

"No."

"Move."

"No, I will not until you tell me why you're upset."

"Isn't it obvious Jaehyun?"

"..."

"You shouldn't have been as reckless, the way you punched him..he could have sustained serious injuries."

"Wait..you were worried for me?"

"Well of course I was, idiot."

"That's so cute Taeyong."

"Shut up."

"Don't worry I didn't punch him as hard, he's just weak, shouldn't have tried to pick a fight if all he can do is throw papers, his friends were too scared to intervene, seriousl-

Jaehyun looked at Taeyong's disappointed expression.

"Okay listen, I am sorry, I am really sorry."

"Doesn't matter when you almost got yourself expelled.

"But I didn't."

"Whatever."

"Taeyong I am apologizing to you, I know I shouldn't have reacted that way, my blood started boiling and I couldn't hold my anger, and even if I got myself expelled it would have been on me, you should stop with your misplaced guilt, I would be paying for my actions that I took and you had nothing to do with it, "

"Just promise you'll never go off like that again."

"..."

"JAEHYUN!"

"Okay okay, I promise, but only if we're in school."

Taeyong brushed his banges out of his eye with his hand, Jaehyun just noticed the bandages on his wrist.

"Oh my...did I do this?" Jaehyun opened his eyes, only now he looked serious and remorseful.

"Don't worry it's nothing." 

"But it is something, I am a fucking idiot" Jaehyun took Taeyong's hand and brushed his lips softly against his wrist printing a kiss, he whispered "I am so sorry, I keep messing up yet you always have it in you to forgive me."

"Wait..what..ar.e..you doing?" Taeyong pulled his hand back to him.

Jaehyun smiled satisfied at the flustered sight of Taeyong.

"Does it hurt? I kissed it so it no longer should." 

"You're embarrassing and no it doesn't hurt." 

Jaehyun pulled Taeyong's cheeks and proceeded to babying him.

"I didn't know you were this hot-blooded, and when did you learn to punch like that." Taeyong said in an attempt to change the subject.

"Had to learn it for self-defense, kids would usually pick on me if they knew I was gay and I wasn't going to let anyone bully me, which is exactly what you should do too."

"No, I don't want to punch people."

"Well, you don't have to as long as you have me." Jaehyun winked at Taeyong who rolled his eyes, Jaehyun kept pestering him and chased after him in the corridor when they were walking back to the main building.

 

 

Johnny waited until those two disappeared around the corner and revealed himself, he hated himself for having heard their conversation and the strength that he had in making his resolution was slowly leaving his body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 100 Kudos? that's something right? I am very thankful to each and everyone of you! your comments are too adorable ugh.
> 
>  
> 
> Story related: They played the Ouija board with English alphabet and that is why Taeyong didn't realize they were spelling his name, he was too scared and focused on the moving planchette to pay attention to the answer, Jaehyun on the other hand wasn't distracted.
> 
> Doni and Coni can choke on kleenex with their disrespectful attitude but NCT choked me, they dragged one another across the floor without mercy, just last week they were elegantly dressed at the AMAs representing the Kpop group with the global concept and this week they were ripping each other's underwear I am ashamed, not a good duality, Jaehyun is a devil but you forget it everytime he smiles. (Idol room NCT127 181016 in case you're reading this in the future and don't know what I am talking about.)
> 
> I feel like Doyoung and Taeyong have neverending beef to show who is a better parent, Doyoung keeps counting points and he's ahead by one, it was because Taeyong forgot Haechan in the car that one time (issa a joke dw)
> 
> They scheduled a fight for freak sake.
> 
> Can't wait to see NCT DREAM fighting on the roof in suits, does anyone know if this is a movie reference? because normal sane humans don't think like this.
> 
> NCT CHINA hide your kids, hide your sub units, hide your title tracks and hide your-
> 
>  
> 
> Yawn.
> 
>  
> 
> Good night goodfellas!


	11. accelerate: Awakening

Taeyong looked over his shoulder to see Johnny focused on his assignment, everytime he tried to strike up a conversation with him his replies were minimal, he didn't respond to his texts at all and claimed he didn't see them when Taeyong confronted him about it.

This was the fifth day.

He went back to his notebook searching for the answer for a mathematical equation, though absent minded.

"You done it?" 

"No.."

"Taeyong! midterms are coming up soon you need to study." Jaehyun scolded him.

Taeyong knows that but can't help be distracted.

"If you need help you can ask me." Jaehyun patted his back encouragingly.

They have been studying together in their club room for the past three days, it was motivating, they offered and received help from one another and Taeyong made more progress with his studies than he would have alone.

He glanced at Johnny again who has put his glasses to the side of his desk, when he noticed Taeyong's eyes on him he flashed him a pale lifeless smile that disappeared soon.

His heart ached for this icy treatment he was getting, he promised to hang out and was sure he has never said anything to upset Johnny, so why was it that he felt like this? a heavy weight of guilt.

Johnny has 'changed' ever since the day of Jaehyun's fight, with it Taeyong has too, he noticed an odd feeling of tightness in his chest that made him uncomfortable, he didn't know what it was but traced it back to when Johnny confronted him, specifically when their torsos were glued to one another, he knows because this scene came to him every time he closed his eyes at night to sleep, it made him flushed and hot, he tossed around and threw his blanket to the side, it wasn't just Johnny's closeness but Jaehyun's excessive skinship as well that triggered these feelings..

"I DID IT!" Lucas shouted and Jungwoo groaned, he jolted awake from his power nap.

"SHHH." he said in a faint voice and rubbed his eyes to adjust to the light in the room.

"Sorry, but I finally understood it, you're a great tutor Jaehyun!" 

Jaehyun smiled at Lucas and came back to his desk by Taeyong's side.

"Are you done?" he asked.

Taeyons snapped out of his reverie. "I think I'll go for a drink." He left tossing his pencil on top of his unsolved equation.

Johnny massaged between his eyes when a silhouette covered the source of light in front of him, he opened his eyes to see that it was Jaehyun peering over him, a faint smile on his face.

"Can we talk?"

Johnny nodded his head in confusion and followed Jaehyun to the hallway.

"Y..eah?" 

"I am sorry if this is unconventional but I'll make it short and simple, I tried catching you alone to talk to you but Taeyong has always been around, I am sure you've noticed he's down as of late and sulking like a puppy, he expressed it to me that it was your cold attitude."

Johnny was caught off guard, he was brushing Taeyong off for the reason that the more they interacted, the more he fell for him, and that can't be healthy when he's already given up on his chances of ever being with him, sooner than he should.

"It's okay." Jaehyun said without getting an answer.

"..."

"I mean, I know you like him."

Johnny opened his eyes.

"He is dense, but I am not." Jaehyun's smile was off, it bothered Johnny.

Johnny didn't even try playing dumb because this wasn't the end of Jaehyun's talk:

"Anyways, I was suspicious before but the Ouija game confirmed it to me-

"What are you getting at?" Johnny interrupted, he was starting to be annoyed at the condescending manner he was being spoken to with.

"I like Taeyong too." Jaehyun stressed 'like' and "Taeyong'.

Johnny's reaction matched his expression, defeated.

"I like him so much that I am not planning on losing him to you." Jaehyun rubbed salt on the wound.

"Why are you telling me this?" Johnny's intonation dropped at the end of his question instead of rising, did he care to know at all? it'll certainly just add more to his chagrins and sorrows.

"Right, why I am telling you, to be honest I don't even know why myself, but I needed to confess, preferably to someone in my position." Jaehyun's confidence leveled up at the expense of Johnny's, he noticed how the latter wasn't taking it well and didn't hesitate to crush his hopes to oblivion, he didn't hate Johnny as a person, he certainly had his quirks and charm points, he wasn't a bad rival, but as long as his tone oozed with confidence he has nothing to fear, Taeyong was his, going to be, even if it sounded off to say.

"I think we're clear for now."

"Whatever."

Jaehyun was curious why Johnny was this desperate, it was as if he gave Jaehyun the baton and fell to the ground, he wasn't going to help him stand up because that would limit his chances of winning, he did feel bad for him after all.

"There's still something I want to talk to you about.."

Jaehyun got close to Johnny and said few words to him...

"Is that alright with you?"

Johnny nodded, he hated that he had to agree with Jaehyun on something, the latter smiled coldly once again.

"Anything else? Johnny spat.

"No."

Jaehyun quickly went back inside of the club room but Johnny didn't follow him, on his way downstairs he was stopped by Taeyong who just came back with a handful of drinks.

"Johnny wait..

He didn't.

\--------

"It's boring out here, can't wait to leave."

"That's two more years before you can go anywhere."

"Yeah, and you'll have to actually graduate..

"Are you insinuating I won't be able to?" Lucas looked at the sly smile on Jungwoo's face.

"Not if you study."

"And I am!" 

"We'll all leave here and become grown ups separate from one another..eventually we'll be less involved with one another and perhaps not even remember these bonds." Yuta observed into the distance.

The sun left traces of shimmery orange and gold blurry lines across the sky and between the clouds, today of all days was clear and not as cold and so was the sunset, they decided to take a break from studying by walking around town to feel energized for the midterms next week, in the process they introduced Jaehyun and Taeyong to the parts of town they weren't familiar with, it was what Haechan suggested, now they were sitting in a deserted park to take a breather.

"Sometimes I feel like we'll forever be trapped in here..it bothers me." Yuta said contradicting his previous statement.

"You can always go back to Japan Yuta, stop being dramatic." Haechan said rolling his eyes.

"Yeah I can..and live with my grandparents in a place more rural than here." 

"You'll be fine." Jungwoo ressaured.

"Only time will tell."

"Why is he so melodramatic today?" Haechan addressed the speech to the others.

"It's the sunset, he's always philosophical like this when the sky is this color, it forces him to think about unnecessary things, be like me, I only think about things that matter, like, food." Lucas replied.

Taeyong snorted at the conversation those three were having and took a sip from his can of iced lemon tea, beside him on the bench was Jaehyun, he was lost in his own thoughts.

"Earth to Jaehyun." He nudged his shoulder playfully.

"Huh, you said something?"

"No, not really." Taeyong took another sip.

"Say Taeyong I want to ask..I refrained from doing so this whole time."

"Yeah?" he twirled the can with his hand.

"The night we had BBQ...You reaction to your father's visit.." Jaehyun was almost too scared to finish his question, what if he triggers another fit.

"I am okay."

Taeyong said firmly after a while, his hand crushed the empty can.

"..." Jaehyun was holding his breath.

"You don't have to worry about it Jaehyun, it's nothing..please forget it." Taeyong smiled but behind it his expression was blank, his eyes looked beyond Jaehyun's frame, he was lying.

Jaehyun decided to not pursue anything for the time being, coercing Taeyong was only going to break him with pressure and it may not give him the answer he's seeking, he didn't just care to know but wanted to help Taeyong if there was something he's hiding after all.

"AHH I AM HUNGRY" Haechan screeched and jolted upright from his position on the dying grass.

There was a moment of silence before they towered over Taeyong and Jaehyun who seemed to be in their own world:

"Let's go have a bite."

Taeyong rose to his feet, he himself was just as hungry and wanted to shift of gears, he offered a hand to Jaehyun pulling him up.

"Sure, where do you wanna go?"

"Johnny's."

Taeyong gulped, he still hasn't cleared things with him, not that he knew what to say or do, he left school earlier because he has to cover a shift.

"Yeah, he'll cheer up when he sees us."

"..until he sees Lucas with us."

"You'll get yourself kicked once again for asking for the fifth bowl of dumpling soup."

"Hey! That's not nice."

"It's not nice to bully and harass others' for food either, look what you done to Yuta, he can't even have a decent meal at school because of you, he's all bones now and might die of hunger."

"You're like a shark loan."

"You should consider the job."

"Yeah..and if someone fails to repay their debt, they can just distract him with food, don't think so."

"I want to be a model." Lucas said and walked with obnoxious steps leaving his friend behind.

Everyone was speechless for a second, they wanted to reply with satire but failed, Lucas definitely has the looks and the right proportion to become a model and quite successful at that, they agreed not to admit to it since his ego wasn't in need of inflation.

"We're here!"

Johnny looked up from the sizzling hot frying pan recognizing Haechan's high pitched voice, their restaurant had an open kitchen and they served right from the counter to the customer's table, they had a good reputation for having a menu of comfort foods packed with flavor, this wasn't the busiest of days but they had the regulars, and Johnny's friends showed up.

Taeyong with them too.

"Hey Johnny, thought you'd seen the last of us huh."

"The usual please!"

"I am starving make it quick papa John."

Johnny called for his father who was putting the marinated steak in the refrigerator for tomorrow's menu.

His father took over him in the kitchen after his friends greeted him.

"This is Taeyong and this Jaehyun." Yuta introduced the new faces to Johnny's father and they had a small conversation.

The latter was pretending to be busy at the storage room before coming out to face his friends, well, Taeyong.

His heart was pounding and almost slipped out of his chest when he heard their yells for him, he removed his bandana and ran his fingers through his hair to fix it, though he seemingly gave up on Taeyong he still subconsciously wanted to look his best in front of him.

"Johnny come here!"

"I am coming just stop yelling!"

"HURRY WE WILL EAT WITHOUT YOU!"

"Stop it you'll scare the cus.. Johnny showed up to the main hall of the restaurant to see that other than his friends, there was no other customer in sight, they had their soups and side dishes served for them and it looked as if the leftovers were going to be taken care of today, his father tapped him to hand him the keys for the closing.

"I am leaving first and I'll be taking out the trash, just sit and relax with your friends Johnny." His father smiled warmly at him and left from the backdoor.

"Come here now." Haechan yelled with chopsticks sticking out of his mouth.

"Shut up."

Taeyong scooched over with his chair to leave Johnny enough sitting space, he took the only empty seat next to him reluctantly.

"Aren't you happy to see us?" Lucas said through slurping sounds with half his face showing behind the bowl.

"No."

"Aww look at him he's acting all Tsundere and whatnot."

"Aren't you hungry?" 

"No, not really, I ate before my shift." 

Johnny saw Taeyong struggle to speak from the corner of his eye.

The conversation seemed to be only between Lucas, Haechan and Jungwoo for a while before Jaehyun said under his breath:

"Shoot I forgot."

"What is it Jaehyun?" 

"My mom, she was supposed to come home today and I forgot, she doesn't have her keys I have to go." Jaehyun said looking through his phone messages.

"Oh..Should I-

never mind, have a safe trip back home, I'll see you tomorrow." Taeyong changed his mind on accompanying Jaehyun back home, he figured there was no better time to talk to Johnny and resolve this petty fight they were having. 

Jaehyun half-smiled and wore his coat in a hurry, he didn't like leaving Taeyong behind but wasn't going to force him to go with him.

"Oh..I need to leave too." Jungwoo said fakely. 

"You do?" Lucas's eyes expanded seeing how Jungwoo hasn't touched his food.

"Yeah.., we have tests in three days and you know how I get when I am under pressure, I want to be well rested before that, Jaehyun wait for me we'll go from the same direction."

"Alright, take care you two and we'll see you in school tomorrow." Yuta waved them goodbye.

The conversation officially died, save for the occasional slurping sounds, and those weren't conversation, they were just a reminder of Lucas' scary appetite with and even scarier metabolism..

"I probably should go home too, I promised to help my brother with his homework." Haechan lied, he never offers help with homework unless his parents pay him in advance and right now they were out of town.

"Lucas?"

"Huh?"

"Leave. with. me." Haechan raised an eyebrow and laughed without moving his lips upward.

"Wait..I..just..need to finish this."

"No, you need to go home."

Lucas understood why he was being urged to leave, he quickly grabbed a takeout box from the counter and filled it with the fried dumplings and they said goodbye to the remaining three.

It was even more awkward with cold soups in front of them and emptied plates, Johnny cleared his throat, he was looking up to avoid Taeyong's intense stare.

"Ahm.."

"I will take these to the kitchen." Yuta offered holding the plates, Johnny eyed him with suspicion, he had both his bag and coat with him, soon after Johnny heard the back door slam shut and knew what Yuta and the rest of the were up to, he was now alone with Taeyong, just as he has requested few days ago.

After Jaehyun left, the guys saw it as the perfect opportunity to let Taeyong and Johnny clear things between them, maybe then Johnny will man up and confess, what he didn't tell them yet was that he no longer wanted to, he was so sure he's going to be rejected that it wasn't worth it to shatter his friendship with Taeyong, at least he'll have him as a friend admits dealing with his feelings and getting over them.

"So...

Johnny's lips were sewn shut.

"About this 'fight' we're having, mind telling me why you're upset with me?" Taeyong found it convenient that everybody else left, little did he know.

"What fight Taeyong?" Johnny faked a cheerful tone but it was obvious.

"Don't even try

I call you and you brush me off, you don't reply to my messages and you don't even give me the time of the day."

Johnny almost broke under Taeyong's determined puppy like gaze, his eyes darted from his left to his right unable to avoid it, it broke his heart knowing that Taeyong actually cares but not in the same way he cares for him, his bottled feelings were proving to be a burden. 

"I..that's not true."

"For the love of-

Taeyong was frustrated.

"Taeyong just go home, it's getting late." Johnny said and zipped his lips shut yet again.

"No."

"Then stay here but I'll warn you it gets cold."

"Stop playing around Johnny it's not funny, tell me why you're upset with me."

"Taeyong you did nothing wrong."

"Then why are you upset!"

"I am not!" Johnny's tone was sharper and harsher, he regretted it seeing as Taeyong looked startled.

"Yes you are!" Taeyong shouted back.

Johnny's patience was running low, he sighed and took a deep breath.

"I am not mad, go home now Taeyong I don't wish to argue with you."

"You said you'd be my friend...You said you'd talk about my problems whenever I couldn't bare them on my own..yet look at you, brushing me off, telling me to go home and not even looking at me in the eyes."

"Taey-

"I know what this is, I know exactly what this is, you'll push me away and slowly you'll stop talking with me and then it's as if we've never been friends."

"NO, That's not my intention..

"THEN WHAT IS IT JOHNNY." Taeyong broke into tears.

"..."

"I don't want to lose anyone I love, not anymore, I don't want to feel like a fool after you've moved on to better things." Taeyong's words dropped like wood that's caught fire.

Johnny was hurt, he was in no position to but couldn't help his feelings-he the one that has waited nearly three years to be reunited with Taeyong, couldn't move on from a one time encounter and swore to protect Taeyong with his own life-was being accused of something he'd never dare do not even in his dreams.

"Taeyong you've crossed the line there don't you think?" Johnny rose from his chair.

"And you think you haven't? ignoring me for a week and not telling what I did wrong?"

"I am not moving on to better things Taeyong, I can't, not even if I try, you don't have to be afraid." Johnny said in a weakened voice.

"THEN TALK TO ME! DO NOT IGNORE ME, HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL WHEN YOU PUSH ME LIKE THIS!"

"Oh we're talking about feelings now? Taeyong you have no idea what I feel don't even go there."

"Go where Johnny, do you even listen to yourself? You make no sense!"

A surge of emotion gripped Johnny by the throat and suspended the words atop his air stream, he was looking at a visibly shaken up and emotionally involved Taeyong, who used his whole body to express his state of exasperation and confusion.

"If I don't know how you feel you should say it, you're the one who told me not bottle up, how come you're not listening to your own words." Taeyong calmed down to carry a more civil conversation, he wasn't leaving until this was resolved, the thought of having Johnny go cold on him just how Jaehyun did four years ago scared him, it happened once and he will not let it happen a second time.

"You'll have to leave for now." a voice screamed at Johnny inside of his head, Taeyong was asking him with such sincerity that he could see his cold harsh words slap him in the face, he went still.

Taeyong's tears haven't dried yet when he walked in full force hitting Johnny's chest with his elbows.

"Stupid you're stupid I hate you." He said, he knew he was being childish but he tried everything and couldn't get anything out of Johnny, he didn't know why he was getting physical when it wasn't his habit.

"Is that so?" Johnny took both his hands and shoved them to the side.

"You're a coward Johnny, whatever it is just say it, that I no longer matter to you, that you no longer care to be my fri-

Johnny put a finger to sush Taeyong causing the latter to take his distance, this reflex upset Johnny.

"You wanna know what's wrong with me?" He yelled.

"Forget it Johnny clearly I am not worth your time." Taeyong barked back.

"This." he got closer.

"What?" Taeyong tumbled backwards yet again.

"You as..as if I am tainted, as if I am not good enough for you, you whimper when I touch you and you look terrified when I get closer to you, as if I did something to you, it makes me loathe my own existence."

"Johnny..

Taeyong caught himself taking yet another step backwards, Johnny intimidates him, he doesn't know what it means, certainly not what Johnny thinks it does.

"Do I scare you?" He asked desperately.

"That's ridiculous Johnny, why would you-

"Then why do you keep going back, it hurts Taeyong, to be rejected before I ev-" Johnny bit his lower lip.

"Before you even what!!" Taeyong looked straight into Johnny's eyes.

"YOU ARE SO DENSE AND STUPID WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE YOU OF ALL PEOPLE."

"I KNOW I AM STUPID AND DENSE SO IF YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU I WON'T KNOW!"

"YOU KNOW HOW MANY YEARS I HAVE WAITED"

"FOR WHAT?" Taeyong was at his limits, he was through with this riddle infested conversation.

"FOR YOU."

"..."

Taeyong's breath hitched and saliva dried in his mouth from swallowing repeatedly.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean what I just said Taeyong, I like y-

Hell I might even be in love with you, I've never been in love with anyone but you Taeyong."

Taeyong almost didn't understand when his mind made a huge 'poof' explosion sound, this couldn't mean what he thinks it means right?

Johnny was pacing the other way to hide his face, the room looked smaller and the lights even dimmer, Taeyong's head spinned with a million thought that mashed to a huge one:

Johnny likes him, in a romantic way.

"See what I have to go through? you're too dumb to realize anything Taeyong."

He was dumbstruck, how could it be that he never saw this coming, he couldn't have, not in a million years.

Well, Johnny told him and now he knows.

This made him think of the way Jaehyun's touch made him feel, Johnny everytime he was too close for comfort, then the attractive way Yuta smiled at him, 

Something surfaced and Taeyong acknowledged it, for the first time ever;

This tingling sensation and uneasy feeling, this heat within his body and his abnormal heart rate, it has to mean something.

"I-"

Taeyong sat on a chair, his stomach churned and force left his body, he didn't know what to reply with, he knows confessions like these need an answer yet he doesn't have one, not on the spot like this.

Johnny still hasn't looked back at him and they were quiet for a very long time.

 

 

"I'll walk you home." he broke the silence.

"..."

Johnny wasn't expecting an answer when he didn't plan to confess in the first place, it just happened, he felt light for now, regret would kick in later when he puts his head on the pillow to sleep.

"Yeah." Taeyong forced himself up.

Johnny didn't look at him, he led the way after closing the restaurant and snuggled deeper inside of his hoodie, Taeyong behind him dragging his feet.

All the way back home, neither of them spoke until they were at Taeyong's doorstep.

"You really shouldn't have come all the way with me, it's late." Taeyong was worried.

"I'll be fine I am a big guy." his voice came in layers.

Taeyong blushed, just now realizing that he was like the girl the guy walked back home because she might be assaulted if on her own.

"See you tomorrow."

"Yeah." Johnny' smile faded the instant it appeared, a shadow sat between his droopy shoulders and he walked far off into a dark distance where Taeyong could no longer see him, he entered the house and ran upstairs to his room closing the door behind him.

He had a lot of thinking to do.

\-----------------

Lucas pinned an imaginary badge on Johnny's chest and pulled him under his arm:

"You finally did it my guy! Your next meal is on me!"

"It'll be fine Johnny you have us if it doesn't work out and Taeyong not giving you an answer means he needs time to think, it's not over for you."

"Everything will be alright." Yuta said.

"Everything will go wrong, I couldn't sleep from overthinking." Johnny had black under eye bags to prove it, he was a little creeped out by how supportive they were being.

Then cue epic music, Taeyong was at the other end of the hall with Jaehyun by his side, it's as if he was walking in slow motion and he looked more breathtaking than ever, was it how he styled his hair this morning? Johnny forgot to take another breath and his knees wobbled.

"Taeyong, Jaehyun over here!" Jungwoo called out and Johnny sprinted the other way.

"Seriously? He is pathetic!"

Taeyong looked amongst them to see if Johnny was with them.

"Looking for Johnny?"

"Ahh-uh, no-not really."

"He just left, ran actually."

"Oh."

"You should be able to catch him if you go this way, he is a fast runner though, that's the only thing his long legs are useful for."

"It's okay, it can wait."

"So you have an answer already?" Lucas exclaimed then covered his mouth, supposedly, they shouldn't have known that Johnny confessed.

"What an idiot." Haechan muttered under his breath.

"D-did he tell you?" Taeyong's eyes were wide.

Yuta sighed "We know Taeyong because he's our friend and we noticed how he acts around you, we forced him to tell us what happened between you two yesterday though, we're sorry about that."

"So..wait..everybody knows?" Taeyong was as red as a tomato.

"Yeah, you're the only who didn't know." Haechan shook his head, when Johnny said Taeyong was clueless he wasn't exaggerating. 

Taeyong turned to Jaehyun who looked bothered:

"Even you?"

As a response, Taeyong was yanked by his uniform cuff and together with Jaehyun they disappeared in the crowds of students.

"Wait, am I imagining things or?"

"Oh boy oh boy this is turning to a drama."

"Did you see his eyes? He almost shot lasers." Haechan said.

"Yeah, green lasers with jealousy."

"So Jaehyun likes Taeyong after all?" Lucas said putting his hands on his waist.

"So it appears, I mean, how would explain what just happened."

"Place your bets gents." Lucas said with a grin on his face, this was bound to get interesting, he felt bad for Johnny though.

\-----------

"What happened yesterday Taeyong? did he do anything to you?"

"Nothing..well, nothing that you should worry about."

"What were they talking about then, what did Johnny do to you?" Jaehyun knew exactly what must have happened, he needed to get it out of Taeyong before he goes mad, he was reckless to leave him and go home, it should have been him first to confess to Taeyong, not Johnny.

"It's embarrassing Jaehyun I couldn't talk to you about it first thing in the morning."

"He said he likes you right?" 

"Yeah.."

"And what was your reaction?"

"I don't know..I didn't see it coming, I was shocked." Taeyong lowered his gaze.

"Why didn't you tell me on our way to school?"

"I was still not sure.."

"Well..what did you say..to him?" 

"Nothing. I had nothing."

"So you didn't reject him?"

"NO! I don't even know what this feeling I have, this is the first time someone confesses to me."

"Taeyong it's really simple, you either like him or not." Jaehyun's voice sounded panicked.

"But I don't know that, and I can't deny that I felt something when he confessed to me, my heart jolted and my stomach started acting up, I couldn't sleep.."

Jaehyun's heart sank.

"And besides confessing, did he do anything else?" the heat spread to Jaehyun's face and escaped in rings of hot air around his neck, he loosened his tie. 

"Jaehyun I-

The bell rang.

"We'll talk about this tonight." He said dragging Taeyong by the hand back to class, he didn't like this, not one bit, he thought he was menacing enough to force Johnny to back up, what he forgot was that it was fair game and he can't claim Taeyong as his simply because they've known one another for more years, if Taeyong chooses someone he likes he should be happy for him, and right now, it has to be Jaehyun, who says they shouldn't be happy together at the same time.

\----------

"H-he's gone back home?" 

"Yeah..coward, it's not your fault Taeyong he's just not brave enough."

Taeyong looked back to Jaehyun waiting for him by the classroom door, they have to go home and study for the test on Monday.

"Go home?"

"Yeah." Taeyong figured that talking with Johnny would clear things up a bit but as turns out it wasn't happening, at least not until next week.

"You can talk to him on Monday." Or never. Jaehyun thought.

On their way back home, Taeyong answered the same questions that Jaehyun asked him this morning before class, there was a bit of awkward silence when Jaehyun gave him room to speak, Taeyong wanted to ask him things too.

How he found out he was gay, it felt too forward and personal a question now and he couldn't find the right words.

He dropped it for now.

"Study well and don't stay up late." He said before continuing to his home waving goodbye, it started raining lightly.

Jaehyun doesn't have much time if he wants to confess, before Taeyong makes up his mind, the plans have changed and he needs to accelerate his pace, if it was possible, he should tell Taeyong everything tonight.

he sighed and got inside his house, he was used to the dark cold and uninviting atmosphere, or at least convinced himself that he did, it was totally different when he was staying at the Lee's house, it was bright and warm and felt like he had a family, and Taeyong.

Why was he trying to upset himself like this? He could hear the rain sounds, it was going to be a stormy night.

He searched for the soup container and the side dishes his mother brought him yesterday and in good old Jaehyun fashion didn't even bother heating anything up, he had no rice and made do with a mediocre cold meal, soon after, he set the chopsticks to the side without touching anything.

He had no appetite and instead went to take a bath to warm up.

Should he text Taeyong? He didn't want to be second, he wants Taeyong to think only of him and not another, if he confesses just like this it will be like a burden on him with so many admirers, he cussed and spat his toothpaste infused saliva in the sink.

Jaehyun took off his shirt and looked at his face in the mirror to think of a way he can dominate over Taeyong's mind, his hands reached to his bottoms to unbuckle his belt when he heard a faint sound calling him.

"Jaehyun."

He stopped moving to make sure he wasn't hearing anything.

"JAEHYUN!" 

He heard it this time loud and clear, it was someone calling him and knocking heavily on his door, he couldn't hear it at first because he had the water from the bath running while brushing his teeth.

He ran to open the door and as soon as he did entered a gust of wind, cold wet hands wrapped around his neck and he lost his balance falling to the ground with this weight on top of him, light colored locks appeared in his field of vision and he heard sobbing hitched sounds against his bare chest.

It was Taeyong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/T):
> 
> Do you see the titles, I am sorry for giving you a second-hand-embarrassment with those but they are so fun to come up with, makes me feel like I am one with the cool kids.
> 
> There's no one who teases better than EXO does.
> 
> Just,
> 
> No one.
> 
> Which is why I names the chapter accelerate :/
> 
> Drinking game: drink every time you read 'confess or feelings aye.
> 
> I was tricked into watching a whole episode if icarly because someone on Twitter claimed Kun was in it, in my defense I knew they were bluffing but hey, what if? And no, he wasn't on it. :(
> 
> I actually love Halloween so much? I wish I lived in a country that celebrates it.
> 
> That's it I guess, there's no more tease since Taeyong finally knows why his hormones are all over the place sike for my boy can we get 500 retweets and $50000 on my gofundme?


	12. Halloween Special

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set few years in the future  
> LucasxKun, a bit smutty with a twist.
> 
>  
> 
> Lucas swears it's true.

Lucas sniffed the air around him like a dog, it was a new cologne to make sure that those who got closer to him at the party weren't just going to be enthralled by his looks and perfect skin but also by the way he smelled, he rolled deodorant under his armpits for the fourth time, Sicheng wasn't around to tell him that excessive use of deodorant was bad, not that he was going to listen to him, anything was better than sweating in his shirt before he even gets to the party. (Even if it was one of Sicheng's health conscious boring lectures.)

He was nervous truth to be told, just how he was sure he was going to impress everyone seeing him at the party or everywhere else he goes he was nervous, Lucas was human after all, the doorbell rang, it was him.

Lucas ran around in a circle panicking and spraying yet another coat of cologne, he went to open the door to let his guest in, well, his ex-roommate.

"Geez I can smell you miles away what is this?" Kun coughed dramatically.

"I was trying this new perfume I had costume made for me." Lucas blurted almost immediately.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, my agency gave it to me as a parting gift." Lucas said proudly, he was quite famous as a model and was hitting it big soon, his first major walk was going to be for a Spring collection and he knows he'll get offers from bigger agencies.

"It smells good." Kun smiled and let himself in.

Lucas's heart fluttered, Kun complimented him, well, the way he smelled if we're being technical.

"Don't use too much of it though."

But of course Kun was only saying it as anyone would in his position, he wasn't flirting, he was just a friend, Lucas had to remind himself, and Kun already had a boyfriend on top of things.

"Are you ready?" They went to Lucas' room.

"Yeah just one last combing." Lucas said and Kun rolled his eyes making his way to the chips bowl on the bedside table, one last combing usually meant Lucas was going to make him choose between three different shirts and change jewelry at least ten times, and then actually comb his hair.

as expected, Lucas changed to a different shirt than he was wearing to ask Kun what he thinks:

"It's really good Lucas."

"Is it really or are you just saying."

"No, you really do look good."

Lucas looked down and again at his reflection on the mirror unsure.

For freak's sake you're a model Lucas you make things look good on you."

"So it's not good!"

Kun sighed and asked Lucas' to change to his other option, he knows this is the only way to deal with him.

Lucas stripped out of his undershirt to reveal a toned body, more toned than Kun remembers.

"You been working out?" Kun said with amusement in his voice.

Lucas turned his back to Kun and blushed.

"Yeah..." He said putting on a sheer black shirt with black velvet cuts around the cuffs and the collar, the pockets stylishly covered his nipples and he popped a button open.

"Even your back bones are toned how do you do it."

"I hit the gym whenever possible which is everyday."

"And you eat this?" Kun referred to the bowl of chips that he has gone through half of it, he had a look of disbelief.

"Oh no, I don't touch those carbs, that was for you when you come because I know you love a snack when I am getting ready."

"How thoughtful of you and when I get fat?"

"Then I cook you in my witch pot."

"Haha." Kun was slightly bothered by how unfair life can be at times, Lucas could down anything and still look like a sculpted greek god where he gained weight breathing next to pasta.

Lucas tucked the front of his shirt inside his tight black pants to distract from the way Kun was looking at him, his soft smiley eyes have a kryptonite effect on him.

"So?"

"Dude you might as well show up in donkey kigurumi and still look good." 

"Seriously Kun."

"You look amazing Lucas, I'd consider marrying you if you still look like this in twenty years from now." 

"You'd think I'd be lurking around with a low life like you if I managed maintaining my youthful looks?"

"No you wouldn't." Kun sniffled.

"And by the way, I'd be my hottest at my forties, I've the genes and I'd be rich."

Lucas thought about it for a second and how cute it would have been if they got to spend life together in their forties, he'd be well off from his modeling career and they'd cruise the world, though he'd have to force Kun to an early retirement.

"Strike a pose." Kun tossed Lucas a wide brim black hat.

Lucas pouted his lips and interlaced his fingers, his elbow on his knee that was on the bed-end bench, Kun then took out his phone and started snapping pictures from different angles. 

Maybe he doesn't have to force him to retire when he can work as a personal photographer for him.

"So are you set on this?" Kun asked while going through the pictures he's taken, he then casually fetched for Lucas' phone from his tight pants pocket, sent him a picture and then Instagramed it with a monkey hiding its eyes emoji.

Lucas was keeping an eye on him while trying to find a fitting ring, they were perfect together, Kun knew exactly how to please Lucas's attention seeker nature while Lucas knows how to satisfy Kun's cravings, he even went as far as asking Taeyong to teach him how to make Tiramisu-Kun's favorite dessert-to cheer him up after he broke up with his boyfriend, unfortunately for Lucas they were back and even moved to live together in one apartment.

Lucas put on a jacket for when it was cold later and they left in his car, he was the designated driver for tonight's outing since he has a modelling job tomorrow anyways.

"Do you have everything? Kun said checking if he didn't forget his phone."

"Yeah, I do."

Lucas was pulling in reverse when Kun yelled at him to stop.

"Oh shoot I forgot my breath freshener!" Kun sounded panicked.

"Geez you scared me."

"Do you have one?"

Lucas wanted to say no but that wasn't true, he could never run out of it even if he tried to "Yeah just check the glove box.

"Thanks! You're a lifesaver." Kun smiled sheepishly at Lucas.

"I suppose things are going well between you two."

"They are, we're meeting at the party, I haven't seen him in four days since he went back home, I miss him so much." Kun looked happier than Lucas wished him to be..

"He's that good?" He exclaimed without letting any of his jealousy appear in his voice or expression.

"Yeah, he really is, he's assertive yet dreamy, his voice melts me and I-

Lucas are you even listening?"

To you praising another guy in front of me? Yeah, I am trying to ignore that, Lucas almost said.

Instead he said "Guess we're already here." ignoring Kun's question.

They hopped out of the car and were greeted with booze and cheers, they were especially loud for Lucas when he took his jacket off, Kun looked lost for a second before he ran to his boyfriend by the fountain that was in the middle of the front yard.

He jumped to land in his arms and the latter twirled him in the air while they laughed like idiots.

"I missed you!" 

"Me too." Doyoung said planting a small kiss on Kun's lips.

"Hey." Lucas said trying to maintain a smile.

"Hi Lucas, long time no see."

"Yeah, how are you?"

"Dizzy from the road, but I am happy to see this idiot right here, and you of course, how's modeling going for you?"

"I am killing it, as I should be." Lucas said and laughed a little.

"I've waiting for you two for a while, let's get inside the party has already started.

It was 8:04pm.

Lucas sat by the minibar two seats away from the lovebirds who couldn't keep their hands off each other, he tried looking the other way.

"Hey!" Sicheng said, surprising Lucas from the back.

"Oh you're here."

"I am."

"How come you're sulky?"

"I am not, what are you doing here in the first place? I thought you were done with parties."

"I was dragged here by Yuta believe me I'd very much rather stay home."

"Me too." Lucas had no interest in finishing his non-alcoholic drink.

"Not drinking?"

"I am driving."

"Huh, well enjoy your time while I drown myself in the pool outside."

"Maybe I'll join you." Lucas said glancing at Kun and Doyoung who were laughing into a kiss.

"You know…for someone with your looks you can have anyone here bend for you."

"But I don't want anyone."

"You missed your chance."

"You tryna upset me?"

"No...Okay maybe a little." Sicheng half-smiled tapping Lucas’ shoulder.

"Bounce." Lucas motioned with his hand for Sicheng to leave.

Sicheng put his hands in front of him in defense and walked sideways to the next table where Yuta was, maybe this time he'll listen to his pleas to go back home, Yuta waved to Lucas when he saw him inviting him to play a game of cards but he declined.

Five minutes later and Lucas watched Sicheng get dragged by Yuta to another room and he rolled his eyes, they said they weren't together but the latter couldn't keep his hands to himself, not that he minds them being a couple but it seemed that all of his friends were in relationships expect him, Taeyong, his only other friend in town was spending quality time with his boyfriend so he didn't accept his invitation to come to this party and he doesn't know anyone else here he'd want to spend time with.

Even Sicheng and Yuta's boring company was better than hearing those two kissing and feeding one another, Lucas moved to the couch for a snack, all plates were almost empty expect for Mozzarella sticks, he took an aggressive bite and it was as cheesy as those two were being.

Lucas spread his arms on either side of the couch and passed on every offer to get drunk or have a stranger shove their tongue in his throat, the music was too loud and he wasn't feeling well all of a sudden, he retreated to an empty room on the first floor of this mansion for a quick nap after letting Kun and Doyoung know where he was going and to call him when they were ready to leave.

Which wasn't going to be anytime soon, sadly.

Lucas laid on his stomach on the bed and went scrolling through his phone; the picture Kun took of him has garnered 10k likes when he heard screams coming from the main hall where the party was buzzing.

He quickly got up and made for the door when someone with full force pushed him back inside.

"HEYY!"

"Shhh..

"What the hell dude."

Lucas looked down to see who it was that has pinned him against the wall.

It was Kun.

"What are you doing?" 

"I said shhhh.

"Okay, what just happened?" Lucas lowered his voice.

"They're playing a game of hide and seek."

"Really?" Lucas had a hard time believing Kun who for some reason sounded different, it was something about his voice and eyes, he looked less friendly, Lucas couldn't pin it down to what it was that made him feel uneasy, maybe Kun looked different because of the dim lights in the room.

They heard footsteps outside the door and Kun grabbed Lucas and threw him in the closet behind the clothes, he joined him not a second later.

"Not so rough." Lucas whispered and they heard sounds of someone entering the room and going around.

Kun pressed his body against Lucas's cornering him, their noses were touching because Kun was looking up to Lucas, his eyes sparkled with mischief when he felt something, Lucas tried to back up.

"You're hard." He whispered.

Lucas cleared his throat. "Shut up."

They heard the door squeak shut and Lucas could finally breathe after Kun backed up.

"Wanna have some fun?" Kun said locking the door.

"What fun Kun, where's Doyoung?" Lucas's heart was at his throat and he sat down on the bed to calm down, he was confused as to why he was this excited down his pants.

 

"Who cares about Doyoung."

"Wha-

Kun sat on Lucas' lap troubling the latter who couldn't hide his flustered state anymore, he gasped when a hand moved inches above his hard member, he bit his lower lip to not make a sound.

"Should I help with this?"

Kun this is not funny."

Lucas felt shame for not pushing Kun right away, he was too weak and eager for this, he dreamt of this, Kun huffed knowing how much power his simple touch has over Lucas, his hand played around the younger's crotch before looking him in the eyes.

"You're not refusing this are you."

Lucas's resolve was even weaker hearing Kun's words.

A smile spread on Kun’s face.

He placed his lips on top of Lucas's and dragged the latter's whole body for a tease kiss then pushed him hard against the bed for a genuine and a deeper one, he chuckled when he saw the surprised look on lucas's face.

Lucas could never imagine that this was how Kun tasted nor how he kissed, he had always thought he was a warm slow kisser even behind closed doors, their next kiss drew the life out of him and he was gasping for air before Kun bit his juicy lips mercilessly drowning him with passion, 

That was it,

Lucas couldn't hold off, he tossed Kun on top of the bed to assert a form of dominance only to be flipped to his side by force he knew Kun couldn't have possessed, he then unbuttoned his shirt planting kisses all over his neck and down his sharp defined collar bones even biting and licking him so aggressively he couldn't hold his moans.

"Mhnm..ahh.." Lucas' voice was raspy.

NO..STOP..IT." He said not so convincingly. 

Kun didn't stop.

"Sto..p it." Lucas was panting between the kisses.

"You don't want this?" Kun furrowed his brows.

"No..it's not like that...Doyoung..I can't do this to him."

"Oh shut up." Kun said devouring Lucas's lips once more, he shoved his tongue for a kiss that made Lucas clench the edges of the bed with both his fists, they shared saliva mid-air when Kun pulled from the kiss, his eyes and skin glowed under the moonlight coming from the glass door.

He then licked his upper lip and Lucas could swear he saw fangs, razor sharp fangs that scratched his chest down to his bottoms, Kun then used his teeth to unzip Lucas's pants.

Lucas moaned while covering his eyes with his arm, this can't be real life, someone must have drugged him, he's hallucinating, Kun's fingers traced the tip of his cock without removing his boxers, it was like no human's touch, everything he did to Lucas had an intensified effect on him, he never felt like this before with anyone.

Lucas was panting,

"I'll treat you right Lucas so be obedient and let me in okay," Kun whispered in his ear.  
Lucas opened his eyes, this was real.  
“Say it Delicious, that you want me inside you.”  
The voice of reason came calling faster than Lucas was going to if he let the eldest go down on him.

He pushed Kun off him so hard he fell to the ground; he zipped his pants and wiped the tears in his eyes.  
"NOT LIKE THIS!" He finally screamed while putting his shirt back on.

 

"I know you love me Lucas, so what's the hold up?"

Something was off about Kun, he rose from the ground and approached Lucas slowly.

"Are you drunk? did someone lace your drink? Why are you doing this!" Lucas was intimidated all of a sudden.

"We're doing this…Just how you dream of it every night before you go to sleep."

"No, we are not Kun get the fuck out of my way!" Lucas brushed past Kun to the door when he felt dizzy, unnaturally dizzy, he was shocked to know that Kun was aware of his feelings this whole time.

Kun marched in front of Lucas who fell to his knees.

"You can't escape me Delicious."

Lucas felt sick to his stomach, he had a very bad feeling about this, Kun pulled him by his bangs to take a look at him, he saw it, red gleaming eyes through his fluttering eyes, they were no human's eyes, they promised hell and sparked with desire.  
“Say it..

Lucas couldn’t hear the rest of his sentence because he passed out.

 

 

 

He woke up abruptly inside of his car, Kun was in the passenger seat.

"What did you do to me!" He shouted after remembering what had happened before he passed out.

"Chill Delicious, I did nothing, I don’t play with a doll."

"How are we here." The doors weren't budging and Lucas wanted to escape Kun's stare.

"I dragged you." Kun said sarcastically.

"That's not funny."

"I got help from some dude to put you here, you must be overworked to pass out that easily from a stroking" Kun chuckled but his face was cold.

"..." Lucas was suspicious, he was disheveled, his hair was all over the place and he had hickeys and bite marks all over his neck, he cursed under his breath, he cannot show up to work like this tomorrow, more importantly, he was disappointed with himself for not rejecting Kun, how could he face Doyoung.

"Take us home I am tired." Kun said handing Lucas the keys to his car.

"Wait..what about Doyoung?"

"He's staying behind to catch up with some of his friends."

Lucas complied, he didn't want to confront Doyoung just yet, he has to clear his head first, the whole drive back home he took short glances at Kun who was looking the other way, he still got this weird vibe from him, that he wasn't the same sweet Kun he knows and that he was somebody else impersonating him.

"We're here." Lucas said pulling the car next to Kun's apartment building. 

"Wanna come inside and finish what we started?"

"No Kun, what happened tonight should never ever happen again." He was stern for a moment until Kun's face appeared in front of his.

"Not even this?" Kun pushed Lucas back and kissed him so hard his lower lip bled.  
That feeling of dizziness came back, the deepened the kiss the more Lucas felt his life essence slipping away from him.  
"MHMJHK-KUN!" He pushed him away.  
“Ugh can you stop playing hard to get? I know you want me, you know you want me-

“Get off the car Kun.”

"What if I say please?" Kun said seductively.

"You're too aggressive Kun what is up with you- No, that's not even the main issue, you have a boyfriend!" Lucas wiped the blood and wasn't pleased at all, his phone rang in his pocket.

He eyed Kun to stay put and not do anything.

"Hi."

"Hey Lucas, where are you?"

Lucas went cold, it was Doyoung, he was stupid enough not to check the caller ID.

"A-Ah I went home."

"What? Dude, I thought you were giving us a ride, not cool!"

"Yeah..I am sorry but Kun told me to go home and so I did, I thought you were covered."

Lucas heard Doyoung talk to someone else.

"What do you mean Kun told you to go home?" He said in a confused voice.

"He said you're going to be catching up with friends..so I assumed you had a ride." Lucas glared daggers at Kun.

"Lucas are you pranking us?"

"Us? who is us Doyoung?"

"Here..talk to him." Doyoung said handing the phone to somebody else.

"Hey-

Lucas's heart almost stopped.

It's not true

This can't be real.

This has absolutely no explanation.

"Why did you go home? And what is this you're saying about me telling you to do so?"

Lucas gulped in stages, he was frozen in place terrified to move an inch, his limbs went cold and he was sweating now.

Kun kept ranting on the other end of the phone.

"Kun.." He let out faintly scared to look to his right, a million thought ran across his mind, maybe he mistook somebody else as kun, maybe this stranger sitting beside him isn’t even Kun and he is in a state of confusion and desperate enough to imagine that it was Kun this whole time. 

"What? You should come back it's not funny we need a ride Doyoung is drunk and tired."

Lucas saw this thing pretending to be Kun from his peripheral vision move its hand under its chin giving him the creepiest grin before letting out a spine-chilling laugh.  
His blood curdled.  
It was not an apparition and he was not drunk, he know he wasn’t.

 

If it was Kun really on the other end of the phone, then who in the seven hells was this sitting next to him?  
Lucas whimpered and let out a faint “Help me Kun.”

“Took you long enough to realize, Delicious.”

It finally spoke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bo.


	13. Maybe I had my hopes up

"You ok now?" 

"Mhm."

"First we'll have to get you showered, you'll catch a cold if you drenched like this for too long."

"Mhm."

"Taeyong you're gonna have to start talking to me." Jaehyun said sternly. 

"Mhm." He said staring off to the distance, Jaehyun knelt in front of him where he was sitting on a chair by the kitchen table, only a towel around his shoulders, his upper body was still bare and wet from holding Taeyong though there was enough heat to keep him from feeling cold.

"Taeyong...He said with a broken heart, he didn't know what caused him to be in such a state, he squeezed his hand and traced his cheek:

"Whatever happened you have me, you're safe with me you know." He ressaured.

He shook Taeyong lightly, There was nothing left of him that Jaehyun recognized, his frozen doll-like state made him uneasy, he felt hopeless and his words reached nowhere.

 

 

"I am okay., I'll be okay, I am okay, I'll be okay..." Taeyong finally muttered in a robotic husky voice and pulled Jaehyun to him, hugging him intensely, he was the only source of warmth and safety he knew to rely on, the latter tightened the hug, his rib bones took in as much of Taeyong as they could without them merging to one person, he didn't make a sound when Taeyong's nails dug into his back..

"I am okay, tell me that I'll be okay Jaehyun."

"You're okay Taeyong, you'll forever be..with me." he whispered back.

Jaehyun's words were always soothing to hear, his voice sounded grandiose and above the voices inside of Taeyong's head, he relied on him so much in the past few days that life without him seemed impossible, he had Johnny and the others and they were great support, but Jaehyun's effect on him was instant, nothing could get to him if Jaehyun said so, they went from Taeyong protecting Jaehyun and 'scratching' the pain away from his injured knee after falling as kids to quite the opposite.

Taeyong shivered.

"First let's take you to the shower alright."

Jaehyun helped undress Taeyong after putting on a shirt, he left when it was down to his bottoms to bring him a change of clothes but took longer than he should have picking a shirt that he knew was absolutely clean, he was so nervous..

 

"Jaehyun?" Taeyong called faintly for him. "Can you come?"

No, he wasn't ready.

"Yeah..just a second" 

"I brought you clothes and a bathrobe." I'll leave it here on the counter, he said scanning the white bathrobe to check if it was clean from stains though he's never worn it.

"Thank you." Taeyong said "Can you stay near, even if by the door?" 

"Yeah. Sure." Jaehyun's voice came like static after a while.

"I am sorry."

"For?"

"For scaring you like this."

Jaehyun cannot refute that, not with the trembling he felt at his ends, he was scared and his heart was still at his throat, a part of him even questioned if he should leave Taeyong at all by himself to take a shower.

"It's okay Taeyong."

But it wasn't.

This was the second time in Jaehyun's presence and he just knows this wasn't the first time, when he opened the door for Taeyong he was the same as before when his father was mentioned, he was wet with the rain and a sobbing mess, he clutched at Jaehyun like a child on their first day of school and refused to let go even for him to close the door and take him to the kitchen where it was warmer, it took even longer this time to appease him, Jaehyun was scared one day his words won't be as effective and it ate at him not knowing why Taeyong was like this, he wouldn't tell him.

He sat on the ground facing the bathroom door by the wall, his head between his shoulders and his hands scratched the back of his neck thinking of what to say to Taeyong.

"How are you feeling now." This was Jaehyun's safest bet.

"I am good..I am really sorry Jaehyun." 

"Don't be, I'd rather you come to me every time you're not feeling well not just when you're the happy Taeyong I know, I don't want you to struggle alone when I am here for you." 

Jaehyun stopped talking to see if Taeyong was going to tell him why he was having these panic attacks.

Nothing,

He only heard splashing sounds.

Jaehyun kept the conversation going by talking about minor things here and there just to make sure Taeyong was responsive.

He didn't it let it upset him too much how Taeyong was being secretive, he only has to deal with it from his perspective and didn't know what Taeyong must be going through inside of his mind.

The phone rang in the kitchen and Jaehyun went to answer it.

"Hello this is Jung Jaehyun."

"Good...Is Taeyong with you?" A worried female voice came through the other end.

"Yes..yes he is with me, he's taking a shower now, wanna talk to him?" Jaehyun knew it was Taeyong's mother.

"Oh.." She sighed in relief.

"You don't have to worry about him Ms. Lee, we're..we're having a sleepover, like we did as kids, and he needs help with English and maths don't worry about us." He lied.

"If that's the case..Okay, if you two need anything don't hesitate to come over it's a storm tonight and the lights might go out.." 

"We will, thank you!" He bowed even when it was just a phone call.

Taeyong knocked on the door "Can you hand me the bathrobe?"

"Yeah..there you go." Jaehyun got back to him, a wet hand extended to take the bathrobe from him and Taeyong opened the door and emerged from the steam in the shower, chest halfway visible and he looked tiny in a bathrobe that was big even for Jaehyun, he shook his wet bangs and wiped his face with his sleeve.

"Feeling energized?" Jaehyun's every word was calculated, he'd blurt something unnecessary otherwise so he has to think it through at least ten times before saying it.

"I am tired.." Taeyong lazily took the clothes from Jaehyun who led him to his room to dress up, instead, he dropped on the bed face first.

"I need just five minutes..He said lifting his head then dropping it.

 

 

"Taeyong?" Jaehyun who left to prepare for his own shower called to him.

He was fast asleep.

Jaehyun turned the lights off after tucking Taeyong properly in his bed, it was the sight of him breathing calmly with closed lids and wet glistening lashes that made him want to shelter Taeyong from the world, whatever made him this drained he'd wipe it from ever existing..

It was even more crucial that he finds out what troubled Taeyong like this, he didn't like his empty expression after he'd calm down, it was distant and he didn't know what he was thinking, it scared him if he was to be honest.

Jaehyun sighed and went to take a bath before retreating back to his room.

\- - - -

Jaehyun heard sizzling in the kitchen, he woke up to find Taeyong gone from his position next to him on bed, he felt a rush of energy just thinking about Taeyong cooking in his kitchen, there was the coffee aroma that filled his nostrils and his stomach growled, right, he had nothing to eat yesterday for dinner,

He got to his feet and stretched around, this morning he was determined to win cheer Taeyong up, maybe even more...

"Good morning!" 

"Oh..you're awake, good morning to you too." He was tasting the soup when Jaehyun put his chin on his shoulder;

"What are you making?"

"I made do with what you had, tofu and shrooms for the soup, rice, fried eggs and buttered toast, coffee if you'd like, you seriously need to change your eating habits and buy proper food." he scolded while gently putting Jaehyun's face away.

"I will but I'd rather you cook for me more often."

"Sure..now let's eat." Taeyong said with a warm smile, no trace of the distressed and confused Taeyong of yesterday.

They sat facing one another, Taeyong put his sunny-side-up egg on top of his toast, poked the yolk and let it soak into the bread, his fork twirled without touching his plate.

"Jaehyun..I wanted to ask you.."

Jaehyun looked up slowly to Taeyong:

"Sure."

"Have you ever had a...crush on someone?"

Jaehyun burnt his tongue on coffee and jerked his head back surprised at the timing of the question.

"Wh-what?"

Taeyong turned the deepest shade of red.

"I-I was curious, I am sorry for asking, it's okay if you don't answer."

"..." Jaehyun was intrigued to know why Taeyong was interested in such a topic...

"I had a crush on this boy for the longest time, a really long time ago." he said after a while sipping carefully on his coffee.

"And how did you know you had a crush on him?"

Jaehyun took a moment to think of an answer, knowing that he liked Taeyong even at such a young age didn't take him long, he just knew and that was that.

"I wanted to spend time with him alone, my heart went crazy for his smile and his touch and I didn't like it when others got his attention, you just know those aren't feelings of pure friendship and that it's something more..that that person is really special."

"Does your heart act weird when you're around someone you like?" Taeyong asked earnestly. 

"Yes, it beats so fast you think it'd stop." Jaehyun's legs shifted nervously under the table.

Taeyong looked at the food in front of him.

"Do you feel like that..towards someone?" he couldn't name Johnny, what if it was Johnny? Jaehyun put his mug on the table.

Taeyong swallowed and didn't look up. "I..

Jaehyun wanted to believe Taeyong was messing with him, it can't be that a human wouldn't be able to to know if they were in love, it's instinctive.

"I don't know..." He let out.

Jaehyun had options, either to freak out which he was about to, or take a breath and handle this with tact, Taeyong was like a newborn, as evidenced by his obliviousness to his feelings, even if it wasn't him that Taeyong liked he wasn't giving up, not now, not never.

Taeyong looked up confused and he bit his inner cheek in pondering.

He was unfair, being this cute was something Jaehyun couldn't handle.

"I just..I didn't-ugh." He had a hard time putting his thoughts into meaningful sentences.

Jaehyun didn't possess the courage to ask Taeyong who it was though it was obvious why he was asking now, he must be thinking back to Johnny's confession.

Jaehyun thought he didn't hate Johnny, Well now he does, he declared war.

"Is it a guy?" Jaehyun pretended to be dumb.

Taeyong was taken aback.

"You know..since I am gay I would be able to help you better if your crush is on a guy."

"I don't wanna tell you..." He said in a small voice.

Jaehyun's horns were out and his devil tail wrapped around Taeyong's waist, this was his chance, even if it meant manipulating Taeyong's feelings, he wasn't doing anything wrong yet felt pathetic for being threatened by the possibility of Taeyong having a crush on someone else.

"Does your heart act weird when I do this."

Jaehyun looked into Taeyong's bewildered eyes looking at the hand he put on his cheek that was turning red.

Jaehyun supported his weight on the table with his other hand and leaned forward, he touched Taeyong's nose with his and looked amused.

"What about now, is your heart racing?" He said in a raspy low voice.

"Jaeh-

Taeyong was shushed when Jaehyun tilted his head and kissed him almost on his lips, Taeyong jerked his head backwards "WHAT WAS THAT!"

"Tryna help you realize your feelings, sexuality rather." He chuckled, Jaehyun was aware he was being a brat but couldn't help himself, jealousy makes people act out of their mind.

"Well I was being serious Jaehyun!" Taeyong stormed upstairs and before Jaehyun could come inside he closed the door to his old room. 

"Don't come in."

Jaehyun realized to a degree that he might have messed up. "Taeyong I am sorry." He said knocking on the door.

"Leave."

"I genuinely wanted to help."

"It was great help, really, thanks."

Jaehyun was trying not to get his hopes up but seeing how Taeyong freaked out he was starting to tap dance.

Taeyong sat on the ground facing the closed window, this used to be Jaehyun's old room and they had plenty of sleepovers here, it was empty save for a few boxes, curiosity got the best of him, he peered over the lid of a box that was already open.

"Come on Taeyong open the door I won't do it again I promise."

Taeyong ignored him.

There were books, comic books and notebooks.

Taeyong in order to distract himself from these feelings picked up a cream colored notebook on top of the pile, he opened to a random page without really putting thought into it and read:

{To T.

Will you ever love me? Will your gentle hand ever caress my hair and go through it as lovers would, I wish I can kill off these thoughts about you and move on, I wish you'd disappear from my memory and it's as if I've never met you, but that would erase a great part of my identity and I wouldn't be the me now, I hate that I love you.}

Taeyong shut the notebook close just realizing that he might have read something personal.

"Taeyong what are you doing come out!" Jaehyun's patient was running out.

"Just give me a minute." He carefully positioned the notebook back to its place on top of the pile and walked backwards.

"What were you doing?" Jaehyun said when the door was opened.

"Nothing."

Jaehyun eyed Taeyong with suspicion.

"Let's finish our breakfast." Taeyong didn't look up to Jaehyun not once.

After washing the dishes, they decided it was best they invest their time in studying for the exams, Taeyong didn't even bother going back home and shared textbooks with Jaehyun, they received a call from his mother asking them to come over for lunch to which Taeyong snatched the phone from Jaehyun's hand and said they'll be okay cooking on their own..

Jaehyun had absolutely no complaints.

"So what have you in store for us chef."

"We'll have to check the stores first..since you have no food, and by the way..bits of food are stored in the fridge while old food goes in the trash."

"And you think I am supposed to multitask like this? pff."

"It's pretty basic stuff to keep your food fresh or at least somewhat edible." 

"eh."

"You're a mess."

"And only you can ground me." Jaehyun said cutely.

"Huh?"

"You can move here with me."

"And?"

"Live with me!"

"You expect me to be your maid?"

"Well, not if you want to be more.."

Taeyong turned his head on this last statement, put on his shoes and left the house followed by Jaehyun.

"Why did you come? I thought you wanted to stay home."

"I'd be bored all alone waiting for my wife to come home with groceries."

"You're annoying Jaehyun."

"Thanks!"

They walked to the store, bought vegetables and fruits and cereal for a manageable breakfast when neither Taeyong nor Jaehyun's mother would be around, 

"Speaking of which, why hasn't your mother come this weekend?"

"She said she was busy with something, I don't know why either." Jaehyun wasn't really bothered by his mother skipping on her weekly visit, he was happy to spend time alone with Taeyong.

"Hold this." Taeyong handed Jaehyun groceries and lead the way back home after they were done shopping.

It was a ten minutes walk where they bikered, almost dropped each other's groceries and Jaehyun couldn't stop flirting with Taeyong whose shy reactions only enticed the teasing.

"SHIT." He said, walking backwards when they reached their destination, Jaehyun looked up to see why Taeyong hid behind him.

It was his father, he was ringing the bell but obviously wasn't getting an answer, luckily he didn't see them.

Jaehyun felt a hand pull him around the corner.

"I don't want to see him." Taeyong said squatting.

Jaehyun didn't say a word and kept looking to see when he would leave, it took a good five minutes.

"Is he gone?"

"I think..yeah."

Taeyong stood up, the blood drained from his face, he was as pale as one would be without being dead.

Jaehyun opened the door, Taeyong eager to come in.

"Promise not to answer the door if he comes back?"

"Yeah..I won't."

Taeyong hurried to the kitchen to start preparing for their meal, he laughed harder at Jaehyun's unfunny jokes and acted obnoxious, Jaehyun knew it was an exterior to hide how he was feeling.

He has years of experience of hiding his true feelings so he knows...

 

 

"Wanna have a treat?"

"Nah I am okay."

Taeyong was solving his English homework, it wasn't his strongest subject and he didn't want to rely on Jaehyun, after lunch they were back to studying, it's been three hours now, Taeyong's father never came back to knock on their door, this time he managed not freaking out when he saw him, he had to control his reaction or else he's a burden to those around him, especially Jaehyun who didn't complain, he can't use him as a shield from reality forever either, he has to move on and get stronger on his own..

the past is in the past, he needs to say it more to believe it more often.

Yesterday when he was on his way back home there was a car parked outside their house, his mother opened the door for him and his father greeted him with a hug, Taeyong yanked him away and ran as far as possible from this man, he shouted at him to never come back and left his family puzzled at the doorstep.

He was soaked wet with the rain and was shaking uncontrollably, Jaehyun, he could go to Jaehyun for the night he thought, when the latter opened the door for him he almost exploded with everything he's been going through as of late, Jaehyun's touch and warm voice were gentle and addicting, he thought back to their conversation this morning and how he might actually like Jaehyun, as good looking and caring as he is, then there is Johnny, who if anything has been but supportive and sharming? Taeyong's mind has never been filled with boys like this...

He sneezed and snapped back to the present.

Jaehyun looked at him worriedly and checked his forehead, he was burning.

"Geez Taeyong you should say it when you're sick."

"I didn't know I'd get sick this easily."

Jaehyun shook his head "You need to rest I'll bring you medicine now go to my room."

"But..

"But what? you need to sleep it off to get better for the exams, you have no excuse."

"Alright." He said defeated.

Jaehyun got back to him with a tablet and a glass of water, heat packs and sliced apples.

"I don't need a heat pack."

"Yes you do, your neck is sore you keep stretching it and it won't help, might as well treat it before it gets worse."

Taeyong was like a kid, he listened to everything Jaehyun was telling him to do, then he smiled satisfiedly: 

"See, you can be quite reliable in taking care of the sick-Taeyong coughed lightly-so cooking and house chores shouldn't be hard if you actually try."

"It's not like that."

"What do you mean?"

"It's you Taeyong..

It's taking care of you that makes me this overprotective, I wouldn't do it just for anyone."

"Still, you could do better taking care of yourself, I worry about you know." Taeyong was embarrassed.

"You act as if I am starving myself and hiding under the bed."

"You could be or all I know, I don't like that you live alone...you could live with us if you want."

Jaehyun's heart fluttered.

"I'd try to eat better meals if you're this concerned."

"Good.." Taeyong finished his glass of water, all of a sudden feeling thirsty..

Jaehyun sat at the end of his bed.

"This may not be the best time but I wanted to come clean about this for a while now..

He was looking down at his feet.

 

Taeyong was listening

"I lied to you, about why I came back."

"..."

"I didn't come back just because I was nostalgic..

I actually got into a fight with my father."

Taeyong sat upright "A fight because of what?"

"Well..it wasn't a fight, it was more of a..Jaehyun sighed.

"He found out I was gay and didn't take it well, said he can't love a homosexual son and told me to leave and I did, I didn't tell you because we had all that between us to solve and until now, I didn't find a more suitable time, I didn't mean to lie."

"I am so sorry Jaehyun." Taeyong's voice was sad and he wrapped his arms around Jaehyun's shoulders hugging him from the back.

"..."

Jaehyun decided it was time he revealed the truth, he felt light and perhaps if he shares about his father it would encourage Taeyong to do the same, yet he felt pitiful and vulnerable. 

"You don't deserve this..you of all people don't deserve this." Taeyong whispered.

"No..I don't."

"You should have told me earlier."

"Yeah..it's not too late is it?"

"You'll always have me Jaehyun..I would never hate you or judge you."

"Thank you, I won't either."

"So how are you feeling now?"

"I am great..I am starting to get over it, Taeil and my mother were supportive and so were you so I am not too hung up on it." He smiled.

"Good..guess we weren't meant to have decent fathers" Taeyong said resting his forehead on Jaehyun's back.

"Taeyong...know that you can talk to me about anything..I'll always listen to you."

"I know..but it's your turn now, don't hold back or hesitate, just let it all out."

Jaehyun traced Taeyong's knuckles with his fingertips and turned to him bringing him closer, he might as well confess to his feelings now that the mood was set:

"Actually..there's more, first year of middle school I wrote a letter to my crush telling him how I felt towards him."

"uhm..

"I basically came out to him, he was supposed to be the first to know but there was this other kid who was able to see through me, Sejun, Kim Sejun if you remember him."

Taeyong's expression was lost for a second "Oh yeah..Sejun, I remember him he used to hang out with us when we were younger.

"Yeah..him, he suggested he delivers the letter to my crush because I didn't have the courage to do it myself, I don't regret anything more than that."

"Why?" Taeyong arched his brows.

"Sejun lied to me and said that my crush rejected my letter when he didn't even give it to him."

"Oh dear.." Taeyong was very invested in this story.

"Yeah..If I hadn't been a coward I wouldn't have lost my friendship with you,

"Uh...

"It was you Taeyong that I liked."

Taeyong opened his mouth with eyes as wide as a cat, he never saw Jaehyun as serious looking,

He pulled Taeyong's chin up "I have known only you when it came to love, you tormented me for years and your image never left my head, I tried getting over you only to be pulled back in, the first month I was back in town..everyday seeing you at school was torture, now that I have you I I won't hold back..

Jaehyun closed his eyes and got dangerously close to Taeyong's lips

"I won't touch your lips if you won't say yes, so say it Taeyong."

Taeyong was drawn into by a force of both physical and emotional attraction, his heartbeat was intense, he was shocked just as he was when Johnny confessed to him..yet he wanted this, to be this close to Jaehyun, two individuals only got this close for a kiss, what is a kiss like? he was curious to know.

"I am taking your silence as a yes."

Jaehyun gently placed both his hands on either of Taeyong's cheeks and just as their lips were about to meet they heard the door open..

"Hey, surprise! I came." Jaehyun's mother made her way to his room.

"Jaehyunnie! I know I said I wouldn't come this week but I-Oh I see you already have company, hello Taeyong!"

"H-Hi Mrs Jung.." 

"Are you guys having a sleepover?" She looked around wondering why the setting was dark.

"Well yeah, kind of, we were having a study session when Taeyong felt tired so I am nursing him." Jaehyun said confidently, this wasn't the first he was walked on while kissing someone.

"Oh dear..are you feeling alright now?" 

"Yeah..I am." feeling nauseous. Taeyong thought.

"And look at your face, you're flushed, should I call your mother?"

"No, I am alright." Taeyong felt his cheek, the source of heat was definitely not his fever.

"Well, hope you're well enough to eat because I made dinner for more than two, I'll heat it up and call you!" She said closing the door again.

Jaehyun pushed Taeyong on top of his bed in panic when he heard his mother's voice; his luck, when she left he burst into laughter from this cliché situation, it doesn't happen everyday that he's about to kiss Taeyong and his mother barges into his room, in fact, it doesn't happen at all save for cheesy rom coms.

"Ahm...Taeyong?"

Taeyong groaned under the blanket.

"Come on it wasn't that bad."

"I wanna die from embarrassment."

Jaehyun picked Taeyong up with the blanket like a wrapped candy "Did you want to be kissed this badly?" He teased.

"Shut up!"

"It's not like we can't pick up from where we left.." Jaehyun smirked devilishly. 

Taeyong pulled the blankets "Leave me alone."

Jaehyun decided to tickle Taeyong to get him to lower his guard when the bell rang, They heard his mother welcoming Taeyong's mother..Jaehyun bursting into a laughing fit yet again.

 

 

Jaehyun was happy, he wasn't expecting to make as much progress with Taeyong and it didn't even bother him that they were walked on, well, now he knows to lock the door later tonight, he was excited and fidgety on the dinner table.

"Jaehyun why aren't you eating?"

"I am."

"You barely touched your food."

"I am happy."

"Oh really?" His mother smiled at him.

"Yeah.." He said looking at Taeyong who averted his gaze.

"How come?"

"I don't know, I just feel good." 

"Well you still need to eat a good meal."

"I did, Taeyong cooked for us."

After Taeyong's mother joined them with a homemade meal they called his sister and were going to be having dinner at the Jung's, his father left town after he couldn't meet him this morning and his mother scolded him for running away in the rain yesterday but that was it, she knows he hasn't forgiven his father for leaving and has every right not to and that was why she was being easy on him.

"Taeyong must have been a handful Jaehyun, he gets sick easily and you had to take care of him." Taeyong's mother said.

"Not at all, I like Taeyong..he is my friend and I don't find it troublesome to care for him, we help one another." He enjoyed giving Taeyong these jumpscares with his wording choices and was already getting used to teasing him like this in front of others.

"Well I wouldn't want him to have a better friend than you are to him, so treat one another well."

"Thanks Ms Lee, I will always cherish him." he said with a chuckle.

The conversation about Taeyong dragged for a while, Jaehyun praising him with every breath, exaggerating even every time he saw him shift uncomfortably, Jaehyun truly was a devil in disguise.

Tonight's get together was alcohol free and they had to cut it short because Taeyong's mother had work in the morning:

"Thank you for inviting us for dinner, Jaehyun you should come over more often, you know you're like a son to me and you're welcome anytime."

"I know, thank you."

"Kids? Let's go home it's already cold." Taeyong said referring to both Taeyong and his sister:

Taeyong sprang up to his feet but was stopped by Jaehyun;

"Taeyong..you forgot we didn't finish your English homework, we still have a lot to work on you can't slack, Ms. Lee he will have to stay the night, we already planned a sleepover."

"Is that alright with you?"

"Yeah..the boys can stay together." Jaehyun's mother said.

"It'll be better if we study together even if for just an hour."

"Well..if you insist." Taeyong's mother looked at him.

"Good night everyone!" Taeyong's wrist was snatched and Jaehyun closed the door to his room.

"Thought I was resting for the night." 

"Not when you have exercises to do..."Jaehyun said locking the door.

And certainly not when you're here." Jaehyun sat next to Taeyong on the bed. "Alone with me."

Taeyong gulped: "What are we actually doing..

"Nothing you don't want to do." Jaehyun climbed on top of Taeyong who was docile enough under the latter's grip, it made Jaehyun less sure of what he wanted to do with him, he was scared he'd blow it up before his brain believed all of this.

 

Taeyong was under his mercy, ready to give in to his feelings and to satisfy this heat inside him..

 

"Will this be your first kiss?"

 

Taeyong nodded, Jaehyun already knew but what are surprises for.

 

Jaehyun kissed Taeyong softly, his knee was between Taeyong's thighs and he squeezed his eyes in disbelief, his lips touched Taeyong's once more, this wasn't a dream.

 

Jaehyun cupped Taeyong's cheeks for another kiss, ready to tear up from joy;

 

"Taeyong pinch me I can't believe this." He said smiling into their next kiss, they were only smacking lips for now but knowing Taeyong had no experience he wanted them to take it as slow as they could,

 

Taeyong didn't say anything because it was him reaching to Jaehyun for their next kiss startling him into opening his eyes for a second, he smiled and deepened the kiss;

 

"mhm." Taeyong let out faintly.

 

It was sweet, sickeningly sweet, fervent and long lasting..

 

They were getting cosier and their kisses sloppier, Jaehyun's hands were all over Taeyong who was eager for his touch, he was spread on the bed without resistance and Jaehyun was becoming more aggressive with his mouth..

Taeyong moaned between the kisses leaving just about half time for him to take in small whiffs of air.

 

"Jaehyun, Taeyong what are you two doing?" they heard a voice too near them that it might as well have been in the room with them the whole time if Jaehyun wasn't sure he locked the door, eager for one another, their senses were stimulated that when they were called with their names, it frightened them more than it would have normally, that and the possibility of being walked on.

 

Jaehyun wiped his lips with his thumb setting Taeyong free to fill his lungs with air before responding in a rough voice that reflected on his state: dazed and overwhelmed.

"Oh well I just checked to see if you want to take a shower..

"We will, thanks mom." he said hastily spreading books and stationary on the desk to convince her better that they were actually studying, he tossed Taeyong a book before opening the door.

Studying one another's mouths and bodies that is.

Jaehyun's mother motioned for him to give her the laundry basket: "It's better if you two sleep earlier.."

"Yeah we were just finishing up." Jaehyun said picking up the basket, in all of this Taeyong was mute.

"don't overwork Taeyong..

Jaehyun wouldn't know why his mother had said this and had a blank expression on his face:

..He is sick and needs rest."

Yeah..right he is..sick." Taeyong was going to catch a cold if he doesn't sleep it off, Jaehyun inhaled without looking at Taeyong even after his mother left.

"ahhm..I'll go take a shower" He said awkwardly to Taeyong who nodded, still flushed and disoriented. 

"Yeah..go ahead."

 

 

 

 

He was sleeping soundly in a ball, Jaehyun ruffled his wet bangs with disappointment, at least Taeyong was cute to look at when he's sleeping like this, he must have been emotionally and physically drained with everything that Jaehyun dropped on him today and on top of being feverish, lastly, their kissing session, maybe Jaehyun shouldn't have been as eager and passionate, he knows that any point if Taeyong didn't want it he'd have backed away, but Taeyong was into it, he hopes he wasn't imagining all of this.

It wasn't worth rushing anything with Taeyong, the more patient he was the more rewarding it will be. 

"Good night Taeyong~." He smiled to himself like an idiot.

 

 

Morning came and Jaehyun stretched with everything that's happened yesterday slowly filling his head and he half-smiled, he looked to his side, Taeyong wasn't anywhere near him, did he dream it? was his first instinct because it was too good it might have been unreal.

/Hey! I woke up early and didn't want to bother you in your sleep, I went back home but I'll see you tomorrow in school, :)/ -Taeyong.

 

Jaehyun looked at the time, it was 11:00 AM, he overslept.

All of a sudden he wasn't feeling good, he scratched the sleep away from his eyes and looked at the sticky note Taeyong left him on his pillow.

The smile fading away from his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/T):
> 
> Because I have the brain the size of a walnut I kept Taeyong's mother's last name the same as his, in theory, she already had the same last name as her husband which is why it's not changed even when they are divorced, it's just to keep a sense of order and stuff.
> 
> If you're an SM stan this year we all died, they released 567237385465332 comebacks all so good, I could say this year was the best and I regret nothing, my wallet? it has complaints but she can jump off a cliff I don't care for her.
> 
> So whenever a favorite group of mine comebacks I HAVE to watch their comeback on Mubank and it has to be on TV and it has to be the first broadcast, I can watch it on YouTube later on the day but it's so different than waiting for it and seeing who wins, this week it was worth it, I bawled my eyes so much when NCT got their first win on Mubank it's just crazy how far they've come and their fanbase is growing larger by day..(that was a week ago..I started writing the chapter a week ago sigh)
> 
> In terms of wealth, Haechan comes first, his parents are usually never home and they make heaps, his grandmother takes care of him and his younger siblings, he doesn't understand why they don't just all move to Seoul but he's having a good time with his friends so it's alright, then comes Jaehyun whose father owns a famous local business of I am yet to think about it, then Johnny because his father used to be a top chef in Seoul and moved to this town-his wife's hometown-after marrying her and decided to stay and open a restaurant here after she passed away, Yuta comes next because his father works as an engineer in a foreign country and could afford moving all of his family with him, Lucas in in the same league, his mother is Korean for the sake of this story, his father works abroad and comes home often, then Mark who is rich Canadian boy that came back to live in Korea with his parents and can go back whenever, Jungwoo's father is a university professor as well as his mother, Taeyong comes last..though as of late they are receiving so much money from his father for custody...more than was ruled by the court.
> 
> This town is fictitious and I have a feeling I already inserted this piece of information on another chapter, oh well. It's a Deja Vu for ya.
> 
> Not going to lie I lost the torch for this chapter and it came half assed, I promise the next won't be as we're nearing the end :'D.
> 
> Thanks for reading yet again.
> 
> [whispers]
> 
>  
> 
> Check TEMPO and Forever Yours they are great.


	14. Busy Thinking about Boys

"MOM!" Jaehyun yelled.

"What? I am happy my son found love won't you let me?"

Jaehyun wasn't as clever or good at acting as he thought he was, not even near being decent at it because his mother saw right through him in an instant, sipping on her coffee this morning she casually mentioned how was it spending the night in one another's eyes, she knows it would startle Jaehyun and that would be where he inherited his habit of teasing others, he was getting his share is all.

She was satisfied for she got exactly the reaction she expected, that of utter disbelief and discomfort..

Last night, Jaehyun was impatient he gave himself away, why wouldn't his mother know when he locked the door, something he'd never done before, Taeyong especially was all over the place when she entered the room, hell she might have heard them when Jaehyun branched to more than kissing Taeyong, how reckless of him... 

"It's not because you weren't 'careful', you simply can't underestimate your mom like this." She said, I should have seen through your distress and fear to come out this whole time was what she meant to say.

Great, she can read minds too.

"Mom stop it this really embarrassing!"

"What is? My baby is all a grown up and has found someone he likes!"

"This, this is embarrassing please stop..

"But I can't, I wanna know from you everything,"

"It's not gonna happen."

"Jaehyunnie..

"Change the subject please." he whined to her.

"Talk to me! I should have made you feel safer before to confide in me, but now isn't too late to start, otherwise I'll have completely failed you as a mother."

"Mom you're being dramatic and you can't manipulate me like this..we can talk about all sorts of things except this, it's really awkward.."

"Okay just give me the timeline, is all I am asking for." She hugged him.

"That's it. I am leaving for a walk." he slithered from her embrace.

"Oh come on!"

"Nope." Jaehyun slammed the door behind him, feeling all awkward and embarrassed, the last he thought he had to deal with was his mother finding out, it forced him to think about everything that's happened yesterday in detail and it was turning him on more, surreal as it may have been Taeyong still left without waking him up, it made him feel cheap, he was perhaps overthinking it..But for what other reason would he pick his things up and leave if not for regret after sex.

Sex.

They were barely a stage in for it to be anywhere near intercourse yet here was Jaehyun planning twenty years worth of living together with Taeyong, physically he easily can dominate Taeyong whereas mentally he was under his command, one flick of the wrist and he was ready to fetch whatever Taeyong wanted him to, like a puppy.

What if things become awkward between them after yesterday night?

Yeah, Jaehyun..I never liked you I was just curious and went along with you, I exploited your feelings for me, Jaehyun gasped, Taeyong never said he liked him back, he didn't say anything.

"aargh!" Jaehyun kicked the soccer field fence in frustration and turned around to go back home, he still needed that last minute cramming.

Humans are strange, complicated and moody, the social pressure of the politeness theory forced him to go back home and lock himself in his room instead of going to Taeyong and asking him for a clarification, he wasn't a coward (what else do you call someone who didn't confront their first love for three years really) and he knows things like this have to settle, Taeyong was shaken by both confessions like a snow globe, he would need time..so maybe a day? Sundays are long enough so Taeyong can make up his mind by Monday..

As Jaehyun sulked with a pillow between his elbows he couldn't come to a convincing conclusion why it be that he can't walk to Taeyong's house and gets his answers, he'll sound desperate and impatient.

And he was.

\- - - - - - - -

 

Johnny, alone and with resolve made of steel sat in the classroom before examinations started, it was braver in his book to retreat than demand an answer from Taeyong, he twirled with it in his mind that the lack of sense in it made sense, if he doesn't let Taeyong break it to him that he isn't interested in him romantically, which he already knows, then he is being braver by saving face.

He just confessed by accident is all and expects nothing in turn, Johnny went through his hair, his friends were mocking him for being a coward when all he was doing was step on his feelings to save his and Taeyong's friendship from crumbling, in fact, he was saving all their friendships with him, they should be thankful.

"Hey cow-ard."

"Ashh..you startled me." Johnny said looking back at Yuta grabbing his shoulder.

"Yeah..you're alone in a classroom, sure you weren't expecting others to join you in a public space like this."

"Bugger off."

"Taeyong is looking for you, we have very little time before the exams starts so go talk to him."

"No." Johnny's heart jumped in his rib cage.

If he stalls enough he won't be able to see or talk to Taeyong for at least three periods.

"You aren't going to see him?" Yuta was through.

Johnny strategically planned this, to wake up early and skip on their morning get together just so he doesn't see Taeyong, his weekend was rough with overthinking and to be rejected before an exam? Satan wasn't as cruel.

"Johnny!" Taeyong said, his voice ringing with annoyance, he found him and he had nowhere else to run, not this time, why wouldn't this class room have windows? the architect failed him.

"Tae-yon-g." He said through gritted teeth, was he smiling?

"Been looking for you this while time..to talk to you...about last Friday." Taeyong's voice was back to being shy and small.

Students started pouring into class forcing the two to relocate to a place they could talk without their conversation being tracked.

Yuta pushed Johnny outside the door with very little patience.

"Go on." He said leaving the two of them to resolve what they had.

"So..good morning, how was your weekend?" Taeyong didn't face Johnny.

"T'was alright, I studied with Haechan."

"Good..good, how do you feel about the exams?"

"I am guessing I'll pass, how about you?"

"Overall I am hopeful..not so much with maths and English."

"..." Johnny was smiling awkwardly, the student's looks on them were more saturated, he felt as if their conversation was being broadcast through the school speakers and kept lowering his voice for each reply anticipating the bomb that is rejection.

"So..I wanted to talk about..Friday." Taeyong was being his uncomfortable-self, hand scratching his neck and his right knee behind his left leg.

"I thought it about, really hard..and I-"

"Taeyong you don't have to give me an answer..really, I don't want things to be awkward between us."

Taeyong blinked, he was afraid he was making this something it wasn't, you see, he wasn't as confident as his looks suggested and a million times did he think to double-check with Johnny if he actually meant it when he said he liked him, he wasn't interesting enough for anyone to like him..the voices persisted in his mind, they weren't as strong as of late though.. 

"But.."

"I mean it Taeyong, I am sorry for dropping it on you like that, I shouldn't have, we can open a new page and you forget I said anything." Johnny's heart ached for his own words tasted bitter and foreign in his mouth, he managed to say exactly everything against what his heart desired.

Humans are fickle, strange and stupid.

Taeyong bit his lower lip. "Are you sure about it?" 

"Positive." No.

"Oh..Okay."

Taeyong thought he was being considerate when he smiled one last time and left to his classroom direction, he wouldn't want to disturb or inconvenience Johnny so he wasn't being persistent with his request, that of Johnny giving him more time to think.. 

Maybe Johnny had to have said what he said in the heat of the moment, maybe he wasn't as serious, and now he realizes how uninteresting Taeyong is, he's backing away.

Johnny's heart broke and he wouldn't dare pick up the fallen pieces, he let Taeyong go..Yuta patted his shoulder.

Taeyong searched for Jaehyun and as soon as their eyes met his heart dropped to his stomach, just as it did when he was talking to Johnny minutes ago, he was starting to get confused again with his feelings, why was it that these two were the first to come to his mind when he woke up this morning.

"Not cool." Jaehyun said as soon as Taeyong took the seat next to him.

"Hm?"

"You leaving yesterday without waking me up." Jaehyun sat dragging his chair to face Taeyong.

"Ah-I didn't want to.."

"You should have."

Jaehyun and Taeyong didn't go to school together this morning, it upset Jaehyun furthur.

"Are you avoiding me?" He said looking at Taeyong with sorrow.

"What? No why would you say that.."

"Taeyong, I like you, a lot."

Taeyong checked his sides with a panicked look on his face

"Relax..I don't care if anyone hears us, not anymore." Jaehyun rubbed Taeyong's wrist, he was starting to soften.

"I am sorry Jaehyun..I am just not used to this..at all."

"I know, I will try not to pressure you."

"I am still thinking it through."

"I know."

Jaehyun smiled at Taeyong, they were wrapped in their little world.

"Would you like to spend some time alone at my house today? My mom left this morning."

It was as if a sheet of red was applied to Taeyong's face, remembering how they spent Saturday night..he has never kissed anyone before yet his body knew how to move inside of Jaehyun's mouth and beneath him, he liked it, every bit of it, lusting for Jaehyun's touch even now he was ashamed.

"I'd take that as a yes?" Jaehyun chuckled. "We have exams to study for." He finished his sentence already teasing Taeyong, he was checking to see if he'd stir his emotions and he was on the right path, so much for not pressuring Taeyong.

He had more to say but it was time for the papers to be distributed, Jaehyun didn't look away from Taeyong until they were told to flip their papers.

\- - - - - - - - -

It was the following week after the exams yet everyone was still tired and sleep deprived including Lucas who was surprising his friends by being studious, this was high school after all.

"No classes for the evening!" Haechan said stretching.

"But we have P.E." Jungwoo sulked.

"You say as if you're not already planning on sneaking out." Lucas huffed.

"I'd rather have four more days of exams than P.E."

"It's just a breather Jungwoo you don't even have to be on any teams."

"Correction, nobody will pick him." Haechan smirked.

"It's good practice, we need to restore our energy back from these life-sucking past few days."

Lucas nudged Johnny who was absent minded, his participation in their conversations was conditioned by that of Taeyong and Jaehyun's absence, currently they were right in front of him, flirting.

Well, it was Taeyong being shy and Jaehyun teasing him in every way possible, Taeyong glances on Johnny were long and he wanted to say something.

Johnny rejected all his attempts.

"Let's go lads we have a match to play." Yuta said slamming his locker shut.

The school took mercy on students and cancelled classes and let them play on the fields for today was a bit clearer, teachers were just as rejoiced.

Some boys were playing soccer and basketball where most girls sat on the grass or were on their phones, there were few participating in a basketball game on another field;

 

Yuta, Jaehyun, Taeyong and Haechan were on the same team where Lucas, Mark and Johnny were on the other, the game got frustratingly hard where everytime Johnny would block and focus only on Jaehyun, it wasn't an official game so none were taking it as seriously and for a while it seemed like it was only those two on court, Johnny had a slight of advantage having another tower on his team, Lucas, he passed him the ball after snatching it from Taeyong's team and they scored for a draw.

 

"Sheeesh..What the hell was that there?" Yuta said panting.

Johnny didn't answer, his hands were on his knees to catch his breath.

"You went all out you ok?" Lucas asked.

"Yeah..I am okay, I just needed to...never mind."

Lucas and Yuta exchanged looks, Taeyong and Jaehyun were on the bench just feet away so they couldn't hear what these three were talking about, Haechan already left with Mark.

"Johnny you need to talk to..

"Nah I am okay guys."

"No you're not, you need to talk to Taeyong."

Johnny wiped the sweat from the back of his neck and his forehead.

"You can't use the we had exams excuse anymore." Yuta said.

"We already talked and everything's restored back to normal come on guys."

"You didn't talk, you wouldn't even let him finish his sentence, you're starting to be a handful to deal with, if you're gonna get rejected then be a man and face it, it's really awkward when you two stare at one another without saying a word."

Johnny sighed and kicked his leg up in the air.

"Pff didn't think you'd be this weak minded, you can't move on like this, it's like a limbo of-

"Who says I want to move on?" Johnny said annoyed.

"It's not healthy for your heart!"

"Leave me alone Yuta I don't want to talk about this now."

"Dude, the teacher sent you to go and get the balls from the storage room at the back of the gym." Lucas came back from talking to the teacher.

Johnny obliged, finding it no better chance to escape his friends, even if just for a short while.

Yuta looked weirdly to Lucas and as soon as Johnny disappeared gave him an 'I know what you did there look' and a high five.

 

Johnny looked around, there were no basketballs, in fact, why would they need more when he was sure they had enough for the students on the court to each have one individually, he saw the basket on the side of the court and it was full, he still roamed around the storage room to waste more time when he heard the door slam shut.

In his hands, he caught Taeyong..

Lucas had pushed him inside closing the door on them.

"You wouldn't man up and talk to him we had to do this, sorry Johnny but we're not letting you two out until you resolve your conflict." Lucas' voice became distant as his words faded away, he left.

Johnny looked at the confused Taeyong in his arms, it was a reflex to catch him, he released him immediately.

"I wanna strangle him..

Taeyong was looking around, Lucas told him that the teacher asked them to store the extra basketballs and he split with Jaehyun who went to take a shower, and now he was locked inside with Johnny..

They didn't need to talk, or at least it was what Johnny claimed.

"I am sorry Taeyong..

"It's okay." He smiled sitting on a stool after dusting it.

 

 

Johnny inspected every part of the room except that box of space Taeyong occupied, the spiderwebs dangled from everywhere and on the ceiling, the room was a bit darker for this time of the day because of the choice of color on the walls and the years of of dirt, the school was shabby in places where they didn't want to waste budget on, spending time here, heck even sleeping the night over was better than having Taeyong burn a hole in the back of his head from staring at him intensely.

"I am sorry I got you dragged into this, I know you hate dirty spaces.

"I don't suppose you like them either."

"Yeah."

 

"Might as well..actually talk."

"About?.." Johnny knew he wasn't fooling anyone with his dumb question.

"You know about what..You said we were cool but you wouldn't talk to me."

"We are Taeyong."

"Okay..if you Don't speak I will."

Johnny didn't like where this was going.

"..."

"I gave it too much thought in the past week, I couldn't sleep more because of 'this situation' than because of the exams."

"What situation Taeyong, I thought we were cleared."

"Are we really? I don't want to act oblivious anymore, I have these feelings..and I would ignore them before but it doesn't feel right, I am much more at ease when I am not bottling up, again, your words not mine."

"I am not. I spoke my mind days ago, this is futile because I have nothing more to add."

"Remember the day we first met? Back then I was heartbroken from Jaehyun's sudden cold attitude, I felt worthless and unintresting, even if for a short while we had fun...then three years later you pop back in my life, you put these feelings inside of me that I couldn't label, I just thought you were too good a friend for me and that was why my heart was racing.."

Johnny blinked in disbelief.

"Then Jaehyun came around..So much happened in one week I don't feel like I am the same anymore."

"How do you not feel the same?" Johnny burst.

"I felt so much better admitting to my feelings to Jaehyun,   
Before the look of disappointment settled on Johnny's face Taeyong continued "and it only feels right if I did the same with you too...Actually let me apologize first, I shouldn't have reacted the way I did to your confession."

"Taeyong what are you trying to say?"

"Johnny I think I like you."

"Taeyong don't do this it's not funny." Johnny rose from his squatting position furious.

"What could be funny about this, I am the one that's confused, my head is spinning and I feel embarrassed..with my own thoughts that I cannot escape.."

"You can't say you like me that'll only raise my hope..

"But I do!"

"What about Jaehyun? He said he likes you, you know that right?"

"I do."

..And that's I am going mad, I like you and I like him..all at the same time."

"Taeyong I swear if this is a joke.."

"It fucking isn't." Taeyong shook his head hurt by Johnny'd doubtfulness.

"I was feeling terrible when you tried to cut me off and even now, treading on thin ice when we're around each other, I had to say something, and here we are, whatever you want to do with my confession is yours to decide."

Johnny put the palm of his hand under his chin, considering how different an outcome would it have been if he confessed before Jaehyun was in the picture, Taeyong was telling him not to give up on him, that he had feelings for him.

"So let me get this right, you like me..and you like you Jaehyun too?"

"Yeah."

"And Jaehyun knows about this?"

"Yeah, I told him two days ago."

"How did he react?"

Taeyong got red, when he told Jaehyun about his potential feelings for Johnny it didn't take him a second to paint him with kisses all over his body, he then said something cheesy along the lines of your mind will soon be all mine and that drove Taeyong crazy, he kissed Jaehyun back, the next morning when he woke up in his arms he was stripped out of his shirt but Taeyong had already made up his mind to tell Johnny, or at least give him a proper answer to his confession, he was sincere like that.

 

"Okay..don't answer that..I actually don't care." Now more than ever, Johnny wanted to get over his feelings, the greater they were the harder the fall, to be heartbroken wasn't something he wanted to experience, though his fears weren't justified, his teenage mind made it seem like the end of the world, if he was going to lose the fight for his first love then he'd rather Taeyong forever be a pleasant memory instead of a nasty one.

"It's up to you Johnny, I don't want to hurt you, I know I am being selfish..

"Taeyong..your indecisiveness is already hurting me, I don't want to be an option for you to consider.."

"Johnny that's not what this is, not my intention..

"Then what is it? You like being smothered and desired? Your ego goes up when you're getting everyone's attention and affection isn't that it."

"That's enough Johnny you don't know what you're saying." Taeyong was upset.

"And then you spin the wheel and whoever earns you the other has to drag themselves defeated, and I have to accept being part of your game show because I am under your mercy?"

"I cannot believe you just said this.."

"I'd rather hurt you like this then- Great, Johnny was now feeling guilty.

"That's what you want to do? Hurt me?"

"To get over my feelings for you is better then think I have a chance, having you hate me would help greatly, I was doing such good progess too...

"For fuck sake I said it was your choice I am not bending your arm!"

"But clearly it's yours! You're the one who has the choice!" Johnny's eyes were red.

Taeyong didn't speak for a minute.

"I thought by being honest with my feelings, for once in my life it would liberate me, I just-

"Liberating yourself by trapping me..

Taeyong was feeling guilty now, he's never felt this selfish in his life before..

"I am sorry."

"It doesn't fix anything."

"Well I am not trying to fix anything."

Johnny thinned his lips and looked at the empty by now stool, Taeyong was as close to him as he'd wished him to be to hold him in his arms, he was stripped of what was left of his resolve, Taeyong's pretty eyes looked up to him and why did he even make such a choice, as dumb and pointless, he would have to move continent aways and be out of physical range if he was planning on ever getting over Taeyong.

"Johnny you're..

"I am sorry for saying those things to you..

"It's okay..

"I am really frustrated, I could've..ould've been braver..could've had you for myself."

"..."

 

"I am really sorry, if I knew you how you were feeling I wouldn't have said anything."

Johnny was questioning if he was mad at Taeyong at all, he had no expectations to begin with and his ego wasn't hurt, Taeyong actually likes him so why wasn't he happy..

"Now what?" his voice was flat.

"I don't suppose I know, I haven't thought further than this.

"Great..

"Johnny there's no use being condescending with me."

"But I am not!"

"Yes you are! sneering like that and being annoyed with me..I am just like you, confused, I've never experienced love before yet I am in the middle of a triangle, I don't know what I should do!" Taeyong sniffed, wasn't the time but Johnny thought he looked the cutest he'd ever seen him before.

"You tell me you have feelings for another guy beside me and expect me to be happy?" Johnny said, not distracted by Taeyong's adorable gestures.

"I suppose lying to you would have been better huh."

"Yes, lie to me, say you don't even care about me it's better than this!"

Taeyong pulled Johnny by the collar "How about you lie to me, look at me in the eye and say it, that you don't like, make a choice now that you can." Taeyong had layers to him Johnny was yet to discover, this if anything made his knees weak.

He held his breath

"You can't even say it how do you expect me to, Yuta said you were a coward and indeed you are, you don't even know what you want."

Johnny didn't like hearing it from Taeyong's lips, he pulled him closer..

"Wha-

"I am a coward for my own reasons, seeing you walk in school hallways and taking my heart with you, you wouldn't be saying all of these mean things if you knew how I felt."

Taeyong's heart fluttered.

"You're too mean Taeyong...You're too good looking and amazing, it's unfair, and the more I realize it the more I hate myself."

 

They looked at one another for a short while before their lips were on top of one another's.

Johnny's too big hands were cold on Taeyong's boiling ears.

It was angry and bitter at first, almost forced, Johnny having initiated the kiss let Taeyong take a bit of control now that they weren't as tense.

Johnny went back several times to where Taeyong's lips were under his palm; thirsty for those soft lips, they were just as delicious as he had thought them to be.

He leaned forward jerking Taeyong a little backwards, molding him under his touch, neither had much experience with kissing and so both were experimenting in their own ways..

 

Just as he was with Jaehyun, Taeyong's mind wasn't focused on either, Johnny had a different taste to him, he was a little rough and tasted of fresh mint, it was the candy in his mouth earlier.

"Ugh.." Johnny said breaking the kiss.

Taeyong looked at him shocked, just a moment earlier they were sharing it intimately and the next Johnny was cussing furiously under his breath.

"I shouldn't have done this.." Johnny rubbed his forehead.

"Lucas open the door! We talked..Let us out." He shouted.

When the door opened, Johnny was as swift as the wind, leaving no trace of him ever being in the storage room, save for the minty taste on Taeyong's partly opened lips.

Johnny's indecisiveness and hesitation had to be stopped,

Taeyong wasn't going to be there forever, he should know humans not only change but can also disappear from his life, if he had to fight Jaehyun then so be it, but it wasn't that simple, Johnny was afraid he'd be humiliated if Taeyong doesn't choose him.

He should have known that it doesn't matter.

\- - - - - - -

 

It was days later, only getting colder and windier.

Taeyong was drumming his fingers on the window sill lightly.

 

Today was the day, after Johnny left him he texted asking if he could have some time to think things through, today and once he leaves class they'll talk.

The three of them.

Jaehyun was present too.

He wasn't very pleased when he found out what has happened behind his back, in fact he was still mad and didn't have a proper talk with Taeyong ever since, Taeyong could do whatever he wants and be with whoever makes him happy, they weren't committed to one another because they were yet to be boyfriends, he knows, worse yet he can't force him otherwise, it would result in quite the opposite making Jaehyun all the more crankier.

And all the progress he and Taeyong had was gone, Johnny was still a threat..How foolish of him not to take it more seriously when Taeyong talked to him about it, he wasn't insecure like Johnny but that didn't mean he was triumphing either. 

A love triangle perhaps was worse than Taeyong having no feelings at all for him.

Johnny then appeared in big strides, closed the door behind him and stood tall by it, Yuta and Jungwoo helped him clear his mind and come to a conclusion and an answer that satisfied both his heart and mind, he looked confident, well, slightly, until he saw Jaehyun sitting next to Taeyong.

"Wha..I thought it was just you and me." 

"Right, as if I'll leave you two alone." 

"Well yeah, a decent human would since you're not concerned with this."

"Taeyong is, so I am actually."

Johnny glared at Jaehyun, he had mixed feelings for him now, he wasn't an easy one, Johnny was weak minded enough to let him manipulate him the first time around, why didn't he stay in that town and never came back, Jaehyun rose to his feet and walked over to Johnny.

"You know, I don't very much enjoy your company." He said boldly.

"As equally." Johnny forced a smile.

"Oi you two stop it and sit down."

They sat down never breaking eye contact.

"This is..weird." Taeyong sighed.

Johnny then went on about how he does want to be with Taeyong after all, he was ignoring the smirk Jaehyun was giving him. 

"I liked you Taeyong for a really long time."

"Yeah.."

"And I hate this more than anyone here but if it means I get to be by your side then so be it, I am not losing to you." He threw the last bit into Jaehyun's direction.

"Just so you know..You weren't first to kiss Taeyong."

"You're really annoying."

"Thanks, I practiced, actually no, it comes all naturally when I am talking to you."

"Childish."

"And is that why you're about to cry?"

"More like punch you in the face but okay."

"You're a civilised one aren't you."

"Yet you're the one who started a fight in school."

"Well I had a cause, to protect Taeyong from bullies."

"By almost breaking his wrist.."

"And what did you do? Watch him get shit on by the whole school. You couldn't even pinpoint who was spreading rumors on him if I didn't help you."

"You helped us greatly where do I make my offerings."

"Well don't take it too dearly, I did it for Taeyong, I've never planned on being pleasant to you."

"Just how you've been to Taeyong after leaving him? childhood best friend my ass."

"What did you say?" Jaehyun raised an eyebrow and closed a fist dropping it on the table.

"You think you're so entitled to Taeyong when it was you that cut him off so easily..whatever happened you don't deserve him."

"Shut the fuck up..You know nothing, you're just a coward that cannot-

"YOU TWO NEED TO SHUT UP!"

"He started it."

"Are you five? It's already complicated enough."

"Then choose one of us!"

"I can't!"

"Geez Taeyong..

"I'd need time to think..I just I can't sort my feelings for the moment..I don't want to hurt either of you especially with a rushed decision."

"But what does your heart really want?"

"We're chasing after our own tails here! I cannot make the decision on the spot."

 

Taeyong was done watching as these two fought over him like divorced parents would over who gets the child.

"I am leaving, don't rip one another's throat."

"See who gets to the other first."

"I am serious." 

Taeyong left, by the door were the foursome of trouble were eavesdropping and they weren't even trying to hide it when he opened the door on them, he gave them a desperate glance and they spared him a look of sympathy, never did he ever think these two would be like this to one another, he didn't even think they'd be in this situation in the first place.

He sighed and heard them at it once again

 

This wasn't going to be an easy two weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/T):
> 
> I'd wished I gave Mark more of a solid role here :/ But I am planning on doing so in my next fic..I am already writing my second fic weesh. *shameless promo*
> 
> Welp..I am sorry but it's a shoujo Manga now and you can't do anything about it.
> 
> We breathed and it's a repack. 
> 
> It's a mess but excuse it, this chapter came out far light hearted towards the end than I planned for it, well, I've got the next ones to compensate for it huahuamah.
> 
> My laundry is soaked with the rain
> 
> Great.
> 
> I'll have to go to save what's left.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	15. Who is king of my heart

Sejun was in deep shit.

The 'warning' punch he received on his arm was very painful, Lucas's tongue went under and over his teeth threatening to shatter Sejun's bones if he was to pull any sort of move.

"See? not so pleasant when you're ganged on." Yuta had a disgusted look on his face, though his presence was very intimidating he was the least of Sejun's worries with three of them ready to much his head off his shoulders, a demonstration made his right arm ache already.

Johnny and Jaehyun were morbidly silent, waiting for Yuta to propose the deal they agreed upon.

"We know it was you, stop denying." one of Yuta's skull jewerelies flickered in his hand.

"What do you want from me." Sejun's voice was steady and low.

"Good boy, for starters, you stop spreading those rumors, secondly, you apologize to Taeyong, publicly for all the things you said about him."

"Why would I do that." Sejun cleared his throat shrugging his shoulders.

"You don't want to wear dentures when you're this young do you?"

"You think you could get away with it?" He said pulling a hand around his shaven head.

"You'd have to prove it, a lowlife like you is often found fighting so a black eye or a missing tooth isn't too strange."

"No. I meant your threats-"

"You're about to be ripped apart by these three yet you're so cocky, I don't appreciate it."

"Let me him have if he's this fearless, I'll just play a little, with his..bones." Johnny said raising an eyebrow.

"He's actually scared can't you see him trembling like a little girl." Lucas said cracking the knuckles on his left hand.

"Don't piss yourself Kim, Sejun, if by tomorrow, you're not by Taeyong's class groveling for forgiveness you're in for trouble."

Johnny barely let Yuta finish his sentence and tripped Sejun to the ground, the kick was so strong the latter clutched his knee in pain.

"The way I saw Taeyong that night after your stupid rumor spread..I am sorry Yuta I had to." Johnny kneeled "You're below garbage, you'd think a big guy like you would have more than words to spare but indeed, you are scared."

Jaehyun was listening carefully barely keeping his hands out of Sejun's face, he wished to scrunch it badly maybe it'll fix his crooked nose and that superior look on his face.

"Sure..I'll bring a bouquet as well, and maybe even propose, if none of you have already.." Sejun spat in disdain. 

"That would be appreciated but he won't accept it, you can't even cross paths with Taeyong if you wish to be well and safe, of course after you apologize.." Jaehyun was one word away from smacking the smug out of Sejun, he couldn't believe he considered him a friend at one point, as repulsing and sickening to look at him now and yet, they were friends, what he received from him was betrayal and perhaps Jaehyun blamed himself enough, because right now, he has never hated anyone more than Kim Sejun, was it possible to erase someone's memory from existing by killing them? Jaehyun would have done it.

"I thought you were better than this..but again what do you expect from a F A G."

"And you're pinned to the wall almost pissing your pants by that fag how come?" Jaehyun pulled Sejun by the collar.

"You outnumber me, I am not an idiot, can't say the same for you..provoking me like this..I'll only retaliate hard."

"What are you gonna do? Call your dog friends? I am not fazed by dogs."

"You will be when I send you the video of Taeyong being raped and ripped apart by ten dudes waiting in line.."

The flimsy strings holding Jaehyun from committing a crime against Sejun tore, the next he remembers was Lucas pulling him from on top of a bloodied Sejun and Yuta asking him to calm down frantically.

"LET ME GO I AM GOING TO KILL IT." He struggled to say not realizing that he was bleeding from his hand, Sejun fought him just as hard but with a pocket knife, luckily Jaehyun's hand blocked the sneakily aimed at his his face attack, he managed to cut into Jaehyun's hand, the fire in his blood numbed out the pain from the gushing wound as he tried to break free;

Yuta was tending to this wound while Lucas held Jaehyun in place, shushing him and absorbing his anger that came in elbow punches to Lucas' chest and that could have almost got Jaehyun scarred for life in the literal sense. 

"You touch Taeyong and I end your whole life you fucking worm."

Johnny was the one who threw the pocket knife away from Sejun by stepping on his hand and not being satisfied until he heard crushing sounds beneath his boots.

"We're all on board, you touch Taeyong you will not know what hits you." Lucas said.

Johnny wasn't as hot blooded as Jaehyun, habits of years-past quickly ignited especially the bad ones, if he tries to be violent he knows it will end with actually broken bones, and was being considerably gentler even when he stepped on Sejun's hand, 

"Listen here roach, I am not soft, you apologize or it's your downfall."

Johnny then heard loud voices of people taking this alleyway , it was three middle aged drunk men coming back from work, he let Sejun go, picked up his stuff and together they left him with bruises and swear words, he never felt this frustrated, save for every time he saw Taeyong, he hated his guts, why must he have everything that he wanted to have, he will ruin him bad, unlike Johnny and the others he didn't care to keep a clean record and was already scheming..

He cursed when he couldn't move the swollen hand that Johnny stepped on making him even more angier.

 

"Lee Taeyong..Lee fucking Taeyong..you're not actually getting away with this." He said picking himself up from the ground.

 

\- - - - - -

Because of the injury Jaehyun sustained the guys, Johnny included went to his house with him to make sure he treats it, Yuta and Lucas weren't rivals with Jaehyun, they-if anything-were treating him more as a friend than before, it irritated Johnny so much, were they doing this on purpose? or was it that everyone around him miraculously found Jaehyun tolerable. 

Johnny looked at Jaehyun, he was calmer, rather quieter, on the inside he was raging still, the cut itched but it wasn't as deep as they thought it would be.

"You only have these bandages, nothing you can wrap around the wound? And no cotton."

Jaehyun stopped squeezing his palm, it was no longer bleeding.

"It's..on top of the fridge I guess."

"Ointment?"

"Think it's in the drawer by the sink." Jaehyun said motioning to Lucas where to look.

Johnny was looking around Jaehyun's house, the enemy's lair.

The lights in the kitchen-where they were sitting-weren't exactly dim but everything around was lifeless, not clean but also not dirty, as if no one lived here, by the looks of it the utensils and kitchenware were barely used, when Lucas opened the fridge for drinks there was nothing else there, save for a jar of peanut butter and a sealed loaf of bread, blue lights eliminated from Jaehyun's room, that was the actual enemy's lair, Johnny and despite himself felt bad for his rival, having to live alone, even if he doesn't know why, it mustn't be pleasant, humans weren't meant to live in isolation, Johnny remembered his mother's passing, it left a hole inside of him that took a while to be filled even with his father and brother's support, times he never wants to go back to.

"Taeyong's mother is a nurse isn't she?"

"No, we're not calling him, he cannot know that this even happened."

"Sure you don't want to go to the pharmacy?"

"No. I'll be fine."

"An infection will be bad."

"Worse if we get caught and asked questions." Johnny said coldly and felt bad for it.

"Yeah..wasn't the brightest idea to fight him." Yuta said firmly.

"Did you even hear what he said about Taeyong?

"Listen here, you're not Jackie Chan, I like Taeyong more than to ever let anything bad happen to him, you're just justifying your recklessness and bad temper, words from a rat won't get to me, I know the likes of him are all bark and no talk when backed to a corner." Johnny snapped back at Jaehyun.

"You didn't guess right, he clearly isn't all talk, he truly tried to ruin Taeyong..he was the reason why I even stopped talking to him in the first place...I just..I just can't believe I let him mess with me and even now, that twisted look on his face I wanted to rip it, don't think our threats will stop him."

"It's okay Jaehyun." Lucas said.

"No it isn't!"

"Then go and beat him up, get your ass whooped for all we care and this time you'll have no one to save your pretty face." Johnny said after his patience ran out.

Jaehyun didn't like Johnny very much at the moment, especially since what he said makes sense, deep down he knows Sejun is more experienced with fights than he is, and he had a knife he wasn't afraid to use, the outcome would have been different if Johnny didn't step in because in his rage Jaehyun wouldn't have dodged a second time to save his eye if his hand was cut and  he wasn't pulled away.

"Thanks." Jaehyun said in an ungrateful manner, he can't help it, it was stepping on his pride.

"It's alright, we came along for Taeyong and we wouldn't let anything bad happen to you either, you're our friend just as much as Taeyong is." Yuta said with a smile and Johnny sneered, why was it so hard to be pleasant to Jaehyun.

 "Not me though, I stepped in because if anything was to happen to you Taeyong will think it was his fault..bet you didn't even consider this." Johnny did not understand why he mouth contradicted his brain, he he was being extreme and cold now but the instant he saw a shimmer in Sejun's hand he freaked out, no matter what they were to each other he would feel bad for Jaehyun if he was injured.  

"I know I shouldn't have..done it, you must think I only act on impulse but Sejun..I can't believe I was able to contain myself this past week or so, thanks Johnny, Lucas and Yuta, I'll only say it once but thank you."

"Well, it wouldn't make sense I don't help, not just Taeyong but also your parents, they would have been heartbroken if anything was to happen to you." Johnny said in an embarassed tone but at least he could speak his mind for once instead of their childish fights.

"Yeah..Not my father though he'd think I deserved it...for being gay." Jaehyun glanced sideways, he didn't want to confess to this part of him to these guys, not out of lack of trust, if it weren't for Sejun and the letter got to Taeyong, Jaehyun's father would have never found it, but it wasn't that simple, he let a sigh;

"Long story short when we were in first year middle school and before I left, Sejun meddled between us, Taeyong and I, he lied to me and said Taeyong thinks it's gross that I am gay, called me all sorts of names, I was a fool and couldn't face Taeyong back then and I ended up breaking contact with him..I was just mad at myself really, that I would disappoint my father if I am a homosexual and so running from Taeyong was running from the prejudice I would have received from my father if he knew.."

"Jaehyun that's horrible." Lucas said with empathy in his eyes where Yuta looked a little mad. 

"Well if it's to make you feel any better you'll never feel any prejudice coming from us, I actually think half of us are gay, huh."

They tapped his shoulders to lighten the mood for a brief moment:

"You were friends with this Sejun dude?" Johnny said softly.

"Yeah..as close as you guys are, well, at least when we were in school since he lived in a different direction, he had a weird obsession with Taeyong now that I remember, I didn't put much thought into it but it's coming to me..Taeyong got a haircut and the next day so did Sejun, he even bought the same clothes at one point then the school bags..why do I have a bad feeling about him?"

"Now you're back to making no sense, first, nothing will happen, secondly he knows not to mess with us."

"What do you mean?"

"Well our Haechan isn't just small and annoying to listen to when he's whining about how rural it is out here, he was able to find that Sejun is a drug dealer of sorts, you know just the stuff boys our age take but it's still pretty serious for a high schooler, he will get into trouble, not even him would want that kind of trouble."

"We're blackmailing him?" Lucas asked, he wasn't aware of this deal.

"If it has to be done that way then yes, actually, it's the only way he'll apologize and admit to his lies tomorrow."

"I forgot to mention that once, well just a month ago he took me to this shady alley and I could recognize the motel that barely has any visitors..I think it's where he gets his drugs and customers from."

"It's the shittiest place in town, well, we didn't have to go there to get solid evidence on him, he's too cocky and thinks no one will be able to track him down..

Jaehyun was twitching in his seat, why weren't they going to report him and get rid of him for once and all? He was resisting the temptation. 

"Question is do we want to tell Taeyong any of this?" Lucas asked.

"I am sure it'll be better if we don't, he'll feel bad."

"Yeah..But he has to know the bare minimum.."

"I feel bad for him, having to put up with all of this.."

 

The door knocked;

 

"Jaehyun? are you in there? I brought you food!" Taeyong sneezed and it could be heard clearly because everyone went dead silent.

The guys each looked at one another and hurried around the kitchen in panic, they had the first aid to put away and clean the 'crime scene' or anything that might get Taeyong suspicious, Jaehyun found a cardigan with long sleeves to hide his injured hand and shoved everyone else inside his room shushing them and closing the door.

"Hi! Taeyong." He said stiffly letting the latter in.

"Are you ok? You seem flushed."

"I am, no worries I was just..cleaning, I was cleaning."

Taeyong looked doubtful." 

"Have you been skipping meals again?"

"No. I ate outside." Jaehyun lied.

"Too bad I made all this food then.."

"Oh no. I wouldn't say no to food you made for me." Jaehyun said happily, too bad he couldn't see the look on Johnny's face, the guy who literarlly saved his life not a half hour ago yet he was desperately wanting to spite. 

Johnny was peering from the door crack, he stomped his feet in annoyance, how was it fair that Jaehyun gets treated to Taeyong's home cooking, this was yet to be the most jealous he's been.

"Not fair."

"Shh..what if he hears us." 

"Stop spying on them." Yuta whispered 

"Excuse you? I am monitoring." Johnny whispered back

"Yeah..not much a difference when you change words."

Johnny sulked and started looking around the room

Lucas sat at the end of Jaehyun's bed, depressed that he could smell but cannot eat the food Taeyong promised to make him a while back, out of the two (Johnny) it was him that was most likely to expose their hiding, his patience was little when food was on the table.

"I am hungry.." 

"Not you too."

Johnny wasn't having any of this, the blue light was starting to numb his mind and he took a look around, on the wall were pictures and he used the flash on his phone to identify those who were posing hand in hand, it was Jaehyun and Taeyong, smiling graciously, aged no more than five, his stomach dropped with jealousy, Jaehyun was a perfect boyfriend to Taeyong, he probably knew him like no other, spent the most time with him and Taeyong liked him..then he shook his head, compatibility didn't work like this, Johnny wasn't going to let a picture intimidate him, he tried to retreat but his heart wasn't having it so now he has to fight for love.

He was back to 'monitoring' them

Johnny inhaled sharply, he saw Jaehyun make a face and a pained sound, no way his injury was bad he couldn't pick up the chopsticks and feed himself. 

"What is it?" Taeyong asked worriedly.

"I..kind of cut myself."

"Where? let me see."

"No don't worry it's not serious."

"But it is serious enough you can't hold chopsticks."

"Yeah..it's new that's why, would you mind feeding me then?"

"I am sure you can manage with your other hand." 

Jaehyun faked a pout and held his chopsticks flimsily with his other hand dropping them on the table.

"See? I can't do it if it's not my dominant hand."

"Stop playing around."

"I am not! You have to feed me I am really hungry."

"Well..too bad you're gonna have to starve and didn't you say you ate outside?" Taeyong may have woke up in Jaehyun's arms twice before but wasn't letting the fact they were alone excite him too much, aside from lying to his family about going to Jaehyun's to either study or deliver food, he wanted to be in charge of things, not be swayed by Jaehyun's words and numbing touch.

He had to go home and if anything was to happen between them before that he would be very distracted, he knows something would happen with the way Jaehyun was pulling him and looking at him, have made up your mind between Jaehyun and Johnny was what he told himself, otherwise you're just going to be playing and eventually hurting their feelings...feelings he was unworthy of.

 

"You're just manipulating me."

"I'll starve to death..and Lee Taeyong will be the reason why I couldn't have at least one last decent meal, here..you can see how much weight I already lost since you started questioning me instead of feeding me." Jaehyun opened his mouth wide open.

Taeyong came around, eventually, he wasn't letting this become what Jaehyun was planning on and he stuffed his mouth with so much food he struggled to chew for a minute, he opened his mouth to protest when they heard a thud coming from Jaehyun's room, Taeyong didn't mind until there were aggressive whispering sounds accompanied by the creaking of the door, it opened to reveal the blue lights and a silhouette quickly disappeared behind the wall, Taeyong was facing the room door and jumped hiding behind Jaehyun who put a hand around him instinctively

"What was that?"

"It's nothing.."

"But it is! didn't you see the door open on its own."

"Yeah it does that sometimes, Taeyong you're too old to be scared like this." Jaehyun said raising his voice as he liked being Taeyong's protector, those three couldn't have stayed put could they.

"At least go and check."

It was silent now.

"Ghosts don't exist Taeyong." Jaehyun said mockingly.

"Stop..it might as well be someone waiting for you in your room to kill you in your sleep."

Jaehyun pulled Taeyong's chin "And you want me to go check? You're not too fond of me to let me face a potential serial killer are you?"

"You're bluffing."

Jaehyun closed his eyes and before his lips connected with Taeyong's he heard the voice he hated so much, as loud and obnoxious as it can be:

"THAT'S IT!" Johnny said startling the two of them into distancing themselves, he was being held backwards by Yuta who apparently was trying to drag him back inside Jaehyun's room, Lucas scratched the back of his head and it was an awkward minute.

"Okay I am officially confused, was the sound coming from the room you?"

"Surprise! Happy birthday Taeyong haha." Lucas said cheerfully while earning a look from everyone.

"It's not his birthday." Yuta remarked.

"That's the surprise part, you weren't expecting it Taeyong were you? when you put things into perspective it's not a surprise really if we waited until it was your birthday.."

"What are you three doing here?" Taeyong did not fall for Lucas' see-thru attempt in concealing the truth.

"We..

"I mean we..

"It's just that..

"We went to Sejun, Kim Sejun, he was the one trying to tarnish your reputation, we had a word with him." Lucas said no longer capable of keeping up with these mind games.

"LUCAS!"

"What? He was going to find out tomorrow anyways, stop looking at me as if I killed a man."

"All of you went?" Taeyong tilted his head.

"Yeah, he's a dangerous fellow, we wanted to make sure he had nothing up his sleeve and that we were prepared in case he had company."

"And you confronted him? Behind my back?"

"You keep saying to drop it, we had to sooner or later."

"No no, it's just..I feel bad."

Johnny gave Jaehyun a look.

Yuta said sighing "But a perfect chance to ask you since we're already in this situation, you wouldn't happen to know why he was after you?"

"No..I don't even recall talking to him ever again after Jaehyun left we just fell off contact.."

"Well, not like it matters, I am sure with the way we handled him he'll leave you alone."

"Guys..Thank you, you didn't have to do it."

"But we did! it's absurd waiting every week to hear a new rumor about you, it was starting to be a pattern."

"I learned not to care much to people's opinions, those that matter to me know the truth." Taeyong blushed with his cheesy-self "You guys are the best friends I could ask for."

"Don't sweat it bud." Lucas said sitting on a chair next to Taeyong to ruffle his hair, Johnny was starting to calm down and Yuta was smiling cheerfully, Jaehyun stared at Taeyong in silence.

"Really. I am thankful I have you, Haechan, Jungwoo and Mark, even for the short amount of time I've known you it feels like- I want to spend more time with you, make memories.." Taeyong hid his face in his palms.

"Aw, this is too cute if t weren't for these two trying to rip one another alive."

Taeyong glanced at the two of them, they were having a glaring competition, he wondered for how long they have been like this:

"You have no shame do you when we were all here."

"I don't suppose it's shameful I try to kiss the person I like and I know likes me back no, plus it doesn't concerns you what I do."

"Well, Taeyong is concerned and so am I."

"Haha, clever, you see, I am not gonna pray every night that Taeyong chooses me, I am gonna make sure he does." Jaehyun wished he can take this statement back, he didn't want Taeyong to think he was a prize and the only thing that mattered to Jaehyun is winning him over Johnny, that was far from it.

"You were having such nice progress and you're the one losing your cool." Johnny achieved what he wanted from Jaehyun when he saw a look of defeat flash across his face.

"Okay..listen you two, first, you need to stop fighting like this it upsets me knowing I am causing this-

"It's his fault." Johnny said irritated.

"No, it's both of you, I am not even sure if I want to choose between you two at this point."

"BUT YOU HAVE TO!" Jaehyun said, a little panicky.

"I don't think I can"

"Nonsense."

"What even made you say this?"

"Listen..I went to Google..asked about what to do when you're trapped in a love triangle and though it didn't help much I got an answer-

"Taeyong you could have asked any of us instead of resorting to strangers online opinions."

"I was..embarrassed."

"But you aren't admitting you used Google? What was it, Yahoo answers?" Lucas was holding a laugh.

"Shut up Lucas let him speak his mind." Yuta said punching Lucas's arm who scoffed, Taeyong was weird but that wasn't uncommon in this group of friends, even now, this layout was quite unconventional, now he was chuckling under his breath after biting into one of the dumplings on the table, it tasted good and the filling was quite juicy, Taeyong's cooking was great just as it was being friends with him, every day was a surprise, he doesn't think they've done as interesting things together as they have since he joined them.

"The answer I got..it made sense, I don't want to break my friendship with any of you no matter what."

"What should that mean?"

"Exactly what it is, I'd rather we stayed all friends than cause...drama." Taeyong was having it the hardest which they all failed to see until now, he did like the both of them, perhaps he'd regret this later but surely not more than breaking either of them's hearts, these words coming out of his mouth sounded desperate and distant but sometimes you put the voice of reason in favor, in this case, it was the suggestion of a stranger online, Taeyong was about to quote the reply he got when Johnny spoke:

"Yuta talk to him." Johnny didn't step on his pride, decided to face his fears of rejection to not be given a chance at all, this was a crappier situation than seeing Taeyong in another's arms.

"What say? his decision."

"YUTA!"

"Chill Johnny, you guys seem to forget that he is the one pressed here, this decision doesn't seem all too bad to me."

Johnny looked at Yuta in disbelief "Thanks for the help and having my back."

he looked at Jaehyun who had a smile on his face, he was up to something, as he would normally, Johnny figured him by now, sometimes he looks smug and sure but it's just a facade, it's just how his expression was.

"And you?"

"I am me."

"Geez..

"Taeyong would have to eventually choose, he cannot ignore his feelings even if he's saying this now."

"And how are you so sure?"

"I know Taeyong better than you will ever, he hasn't changed one bit."

"It's not gonna work, you won't intimidate me like this anymore."

"Coulda tried." Jaehyun flailed his long sleeved cardigan in front of him.

"If you wouldn't jump me every time we'd never come to this.."

"Aren't you being a little too dramatic, look at Taeyong..he just had to say whatever to shut you up."

"You mean you."

"You two aren't seriously starting again are you?"

"SHH..no more, you're not helping your cause, Taeyong how about we have a talk, just you and me, maybe Jungwoo can join us and you can talk to us, we'll help you figure things out just as we did with Johnny."

"Hey! what about me?" Lucas protested.

"Thanks Yuta, and Lucas." Taeyong said pinching his nose bridge.

Johnny grabbed his jacket from Jaehyun's room pulling everyone outside including Taeyong, "have a nice meal." he said leading Taeyong back to his house "Or whatever that's left of it."

Lucas was big strides ahead, he did eat most of what Taeyong brought, he said he'd only eat until they were done talking so it wasn't his fault emptying the plates since they were the ones fighting for so long.

"You two go ahead, I'll join you after I drop Taeyong at his house."

"If you say so." Yuta looked at Taeyong who sighed and before he left "It's okay Taeyong, you're not alone, we're here for you."

"Thanks." Taeyong said with a shiver, he didn't bring a jacket.

"Let's walk fast."

"Yeah."

"Taeyong I actually wanted to ask.."

"Sure." Taeyong bit his lower lip.

"Inside..when you said that, were you being serious? Because if so I wouldn't like it being a burden on you..I only get the way I am with Jaehyun because he irritates me to no end, he just..he's really..annoying, how possessive he is of you..

"But I am not his nor yours..I am myself..

Johnny sensed something weird coming from Taeyong's direction, a dreadful feeling of resentment and regret, just as he was the first time he met him or he was imagining things, it was intimidating to Johnny who was lost in the silence between them before reaching Taeyong's house.

"I am sorry." He said as they parted ways, a little loud and clear.

"It's not your fault Johnny, not even Jaehyun's, it's me." Taeyong didn't face Johnny.

"It kind of is..putting you in this uncomfortable position, I only considered myself and was selfish for an answer, I want you to be happy Taeyong." Johnny never had to convince himself to say these words, he believed Taeyong's utmost happiness to be the peek of his own, even if as an annoying entitled brat.

Taeyong then rushed to him and hugged him below the arms taking him by surprise.

"You're too good to fall in love with someone like me, even Jaehyun..both you deserve better."

Johnny wanted to trace Taeyong's face, even pinch his cheeks to knock him off this nonsense, how is he not worthy of everything when he was everything to Johnny, his heart ached hearing these words and Taeyong clinged to him harder when he tried to yank him away.

"Taeyong that's not true, how can you even say this.." Johnny said with less conviction than his previous statement, the sinister feelings weren't him imagining, Taeyong was acting weird.

"..."

"Taeyong are you crying?"

"And is that a too unfamiliar sight?" He joked but his face didn't match it.

Johnny traced Taeyong's cheek gently "That wasn't nice of you to say..I don't appreciate you looking down on yourself-

"I wish I was wrong about it too."

Was it Taeyong trying to push Johnny away?

 

He seemed to finally let go of Johnny's jacket "Go get some sleep Johnny, it's getting colder, and thank you..for everything."

Johnny nodded as Taeyong disappeared behind the frame of their metal door, leaving a bad impression, what was this all about.

\- - - - -

"Oup, he just left, took him a while, shouldn't we have invited him in?" Taeyong's sister said closing the curtain.

"No."

"Woha, you're not too pleased are you, did you fight with him? I just saw you hug-

"You saw what?"

"Haha so my suspicions were right this whole time? My little brother oh my dear-

"Wha-what suspicions? You're making things up in your head."

"I am? you're forgetting that you're the one who is freaking out, I didn't say anything."

"Leave me alone." Taeyong said.

"AHA! Just spill it I will not tell anyone!"

"You're being creepy sis."

"Maybe I should phone him instead.."

"How are you gonna do that?"

"He called once..so I have his number."

"Stop joking."

"You're leaving me no other option brother." she said actually dialing a number.

"Put the phone down you're not making anyone laugh."

Taeyong's sister started reciting Johnny's number and it sounded familiar, she was crazy indeed.

"Come on..Join me and s p i l l everything, mom is not here so it's even better to get this off your chest." She padded the sofa and left him spare space to sit after turning the TV off.

Taeyong considered if he should speak to his sister about what's troubling him and had a moment of 'screw' it I don't care anymore, for now, he didn't want to be left to his thoughts, and talking about his love life with his sister was a better option.

He just thought how easy he has it compared to Jaehyun, whose father banished him, it was a privilege having a family like his, his sister joked all the time when he was bringing a boyfriend back home and that it was taking him long..just a while back he would ignore her but even she knew him better than himself.

Taeyong was only sixteen but according to her it was a mature enough age to be in a relationship.

"So, what's with you and this kid?"

"I-I like him."

"That's great! And you guys are together? What about Jaehyun? He seemed attached to you."

"Wha...how do you know all of this stuff and please, slow it down."

"Dear my brother you simply cannot escape my all seeing eye."

"You only get creepier and scarier."

"More importantly! I am happy for you, I won't tell mom if you're not ready yet but you know she'll be just as thrilled as I am, I am touched you're trusting me like this."

"I needed to talk before I burst."

"Hey..I am listening, what is holding you from going out with him?"

"It's..not as easy."

"Wait, there's more?"

"I like Jaehyun too."

"Oooooh! I never had this much traffic and I had a bigger dating pool..you know, since I was actually famous in high school." 

"You're too old to brag about it."

"That's exactly that a kid who wasn't popular in high school would say, and they know you like them both?" Taeyong's sister said incapable of hiding her excitement. 

"Yeah they do...I think..never mind."

"What? Don't hesitate now."

Taeyong bit his lip pondering "The two of them..they are good to me, I wouldn't choose one over the other yet that's exactly what they are asking me to do."

"Humm..okay, how about you tell me their good points, what makes you like either of them and that'll help you clear your mind."

Taeyong sighed.

"It will trust me!"

"Ok."

Taeyong snuggled deeper into the sofa and under the blanket his thumbs were twiddling: "Well..Jaehyun..he knows me best, I look at him and I know what he's thinking, he's comfortable to be around, well, most times he is- Taeyong coughed to clear his throat and mind, not the time to fantasize. "He knows what to say exactly..every time I am feeling down he lifts me up with his words and makes me feel sheltered and safe."

"I would have never thought you guys would be this kind of close when you grow up, what about the other kid..Johnny right?"

"Johnny is high energy and his presence is very light, he makes me laugh so hard and I forget why I was even sad when I am with him, he's a kindred soul and easy to talk to, I always feel like I am lacking as a friend..and recently, when he confessed to me I may have reacted..weirdly, still he is gentle with me." Taeyong let a faint audible whimper escape his mouth, he didn't know talking about them would make him this emotional, he deeply cared for both of them after all.

"Wow Taeyong you had all of this on you..you should have come to me earlier."

"I have friends I could talk to, that are my age you know..."

"Rude."

"It's awkward even now talking about this with my sister, I just-I don't even know why I am talking to you."

"Because I am twenty five and have double the experience, more than any of your friends could offer."

"And you have a solution?"

"Yeah."

"Huh?"

"Date them both, at the same time."

"You're insane."

"No, I am being serious, if they both know you have feelings for them then I don't think they'd mind sharing you, it's not really that uncommon either."

"I am such an idiot for confiding in you."

"What!"

"Do you not see how foolish you're sounding right now?" Taeyong was put off.

"Well excuse me for wanting to be helpful!"

"Not."

"Ugh, I was in the wrong for wasting time on you."

"Same here." Taeyong made to leave to his room upstairs.

"Wait, where are you going? Aren't you cooking for me too?"

"Nope, enjoy eating the ramen off of the microwave."

"And suddenly all that matters to you is your boyfriend."

"He. is. not. my. boyfriend."

"Sorry, your boyfriend number one."

"I regret ever talking to you." 

"Wait before you go."

"What is it now?"

"Your boyfriend number two must have been jealous that you didn't cook for him, wait, is that why you were fighting?"

"I hate you." Taeyong said storming upstairs followed by his sister's raising laugher sounds.

"Despicable." Taeyong said under his breath.

"Date both huh?" Taeyong's mind was filled with images he had to shake vigorously, no way was it ever gonna happen. 

When he woke up the next morning Jaehyun was next to him on bed, he was wearing one of his shirts and bottoms.

"What? When did you come here?"

"What do you mean? I've here all night you don't remember?"

"I don't remember that no."

"Well..maybe this will remind you."

Jaehyun was just below Taeyong's bare chest-he only noticed he had no shirt on-printing kisses all over his body, he was quick to flip Taeyong over his back and start caressing his shoulders and leaving small bite marks all over his back 

"Jaehyun what are you doing what if we're walked on."

"Oh don't worry no one will-

The door opened, it was Johnny and before the look of dismay settled on his face he jumped on bed and started kissing Taeyong furiously, he tasted of the same mint candy when they first kissed, Jaehyun was sucking on Taeyong's collar bones sending shivers down his spine with hands right above his inner thighs.

"You don't want to choose then have both of us." Johnny said laying down and moving to other parts of Taeyong making sure he left marks everywhere, it was Jaehyun's turn now to steal Taeyong's lips from him, their lips danced waltz in parting and going back and never having enough, just as they did that night, Taeyong was starting to get dizzy, he asked them to stop, to let him catch a breath which only made them ravish him more, it was painful now and he didn't like it.

"STOP IT!"

"Why should we? It was your fault not to choose." Jaehyun pulled Taeyong's bangs allowing Johnny to slither Taeyong off his pants

"I never said I wouldn't-

"It's the only the natural way to resolve this."

"Wh-what are you doing?"

Taeyong tried escaping but failed, they became one blob of shape, dark and wobbly, strangling the life out of him.

 

Taeyong felt something cold on his face and forearm, so cold it woke him, he had knocked the glass of water on his bedside, great, on top of having the weirdest dream yet he had sheets to hang, he shivered and remembered the first part of the dream, it was more overwhelming than when he was being choked, by now he was used to dreams of strangulation.

He sighed and went downstairs for a new set of sheets.

 

\- - - - - - - - -

"See who is here to see you Taeyong."

Taeyong looked confused for a second but only a split, he wanted the sight of his bully to evoke some type of emotion in him but failed, just as Sejun failed in bringing him down, in fact, he was the one giving Johnny the push he needed to initiate the talk with Taeyong, it all backfired in his face now, everyone was looking at him weirdly, why was he being held by the collar like a small hairless animal.

"Apologize for your deeds, for spreading all of those rumors on Taeyong and trying to get at him, for being a jealous prick."

Sejun was told if he was to try anything the school authorities should know about his affairs, not an enviable situation.

"I am sorry."

"Address him."

"It's enough guys let him go what if a teacher comes-" Taeyong said.

"Go on."

"I am sorry Taeyong."

"Full name."

"I am sorry..Lee Taeyong."

"For?"

"For spreading the rumors on you."

"Wait, you're not going to list which rumors?"

"You're pushing it and you'll regret it later."

"Sure, as would you with this sort of attitude."

"I am sorry for spreading the rumor on you being a bully, then an escort..then the rumor about you and Jaehyun." Sejun glared.

Everyone was quieter but their eyes spoke with more than words, intensely glaring back at Sejun, not because they cared for Taeyong's well being, few weeks back they were the ones encouraging those rumors but because of his pathetic endeavours, everyone seemed to have grown ten inches taller, looking down at him, judging him and scoffing, were they any better when they believed it all without checking if it were true? simple answer, they weren't, gossip and high school kids were mean and vain, but maybe that's how you get by at such stage in your life, later you start paying less attention to things that mattered to you in high school, what once made you a jerk bully or a gossip queen was all immature..

"Good..good."

"Anything else you mind clarifying?" Jaehyun was at the rear of their squad by Lucas' side, he promised not to fight though.

"I am sorry for the letter."

"You're not just sorry, you will be, I am yet to be done with you." Jaehyun said grudgingly, Sejun looked even more despicable in direct light and in the center of the classroom.

"You know the protocol, a tooth for every time you think of hurting Taeyong." The hand on his collar dropped back inside of Johnny's pocket, Jaehyun was right in punching this dude, he thought to himself, he does have a punchable face after all.

"Watch yourself big boy you're yet to be in the clear and we're keeping an eye on you." Lucas said 

 

silence, judging silence, texting silence, glaring silence.

"Are we done here?" Yuta said.

"I suppose we are, considering he apologized." They left with Taeyong with them, his face looked sad and droopy but not for Sejun, for himself and for how much these guys cared for him, they deserved better..

The bell rang for the next session to start but there was no stopping the gossip from spreading like wildfire, everyone was looking forward to the next boxing match.

 

What events followed after were unforeseeable, Sejun's departure from school for the next couple of days brought the attention of the users to the matter of his involvement with what was dubbed the Taeyong squad, the full details weren't disclosed, in fact, untill now nobody knows the full truth expect for the 'Taeyong squad' and in usual fashion, rumors were made:

The guys were becoming celebrities around campus, first it was Jaehyun's fight and now this, they were already intimidating as it was but the real trouble seemed to spark exactly whenever somebody messed with Taeyong, the smart ones were trying to befriend him now, either to get on his good side or gain favor from one of his friends, hopeless for a change of routine, nobody wanted to believe it was pure friendship that made them stand up for Taeyong, he must be a dangerous fellow to have this many guys protecting him, an underground ferocious king

 

At this point it was easier to drop out and move to another high school than change the culture of the semi-rural uninteresting teenage life lingering around here.

 

Taeyong finally sat down with Yuta, Jungwoo and Lucas, even Haechan and Mark joined as honorary guests, what kids gossiped about didn't matter anymore, as long as it weren't harmful, they had a more relevant topic to discuss:

 

Who should Taeyong choose?

 

It was enough waiting time, Taeyong sighed with a trembling heart and an uneasy stomach.


	16. I have dates for days: First Date

"Both of you will get to take Taeyong out on a date, then he can decide between the two of you, everything is fair game since this is all about attraction and who Taeyong finds the most to be compatible, so choose who goes first." Yuta announced to Johnny and Jaehyun as Taeyong seemed too shy offering himself as the bachelor in demand, he felt it was obnoxious but the idea that he could spend a day with either of his crushes was nice.

"I want to be last." Johnny raced to say first.

"Well me too, want to be last." Jaehyun glared at him clearing his throat.

"I said it first."

"Well I knew Taeyong first."

"Figured this would happen so we'll draw."

"Head or tails." Lucas said with a coin at the edge of his thumb.

And,

Johnny lost.

He looked at Taeyong who spared a cute little smile, did he actually lose? Because as far as he was concerned he was going on a date, with Lee Taeyong.

How is that losing?

in fact, he had the upper hand, he can choose the best places to visit, and while Jaehyun was busy rejoicing he was planning for the perfect date.

 

\- - - - - - 

Friday, December first. 

"Are you sure?" Johnny questioned with eyes as wide as a saucers

"Positive." Haechan replied with no enthusiasm. 

" Haechan I am not sure about this after all."

"Negative?"

"Haechan! you're the fashion icon, I brought you to help so help! I need to pick a neat outfit I cannot lose the fashion game."

"And you won't, what we're working with however.."

"What?"

"Your closet isn't spicy, in fact, if it were a spice it wouldn't even be..salt, you lack the fundamentals."

"That didn't make sense."

"And neither that jacket with that shirt."

"I can't even give you stuff from my closet you're a giant."

"What are you suggesting then?"

"You go shopping, but you're cheap fella so your Macdonald shirt is your best bet."

"Are there any good stores around?"

"Wait, you're saying you'll go?"

"I have money saved from working shifts, just come with and help me pick something decent."

"Why my lord, Taeyong brought the best in you."

"So help me show him the best in me." Johnny said as nervous as he would be when it was time to order food for his and Taeyong's date.

"And I will, no need convincing me to go shopping, did you hear that Mark? We're going shopping, get your wallet ready you too need a makeover." Haechan clapped his hands together "Now excuse me I need to go to the toilet." He left in the direction of the bathroom leaving Mark alone with Johnny in his bedroom.

"So..you're going on a date, did you set the date yet? haha" Mark said scratching the back of his head, he earned a laugh from Johnny which surprised him, his puns were weak.

"Next week, and my mind is all over the place and I thought preparing an outfit should help me relax."

"It will, you're a great guy Johnny I don't understand why you're this nervous."

"Wouldn't you be saying the same thing if you were with Jaehyun helping him with his date at this exact moment?" Johnny questioned.

"You got me, us Canadians are nice like that, but I am not Taeyong so I wouldn't know who to choose, both of you are great." Mark remarked back, his lips were a thin line and he was grinning with apparent awkwardness. 

"I would appreciate it if you'd agree with me."

"On what exactly?"

"That Jaehyun is a terrible terrible person, worse as a boyfriend."

Mark's eyes widened as it takes him time to understand jokes and sarcasm.

"Come on, don't look at me like that, I am just saying, I know if Taeyong likes him he must be good at something, I still can't find what it is and it makes me mad."

Haechan joined them and asked what they were talking about.

"You're perplexing, just a week ago you were at a zero level of confidence and now you've gone as cocky as to diss Taeyong's taste in men, that's just dragging you along with Jaehyun and quite frankly, he doesn't deserve the double headache that is you two."

Johnny answered to his father's call downstairs ignoring Haechan. 

"It's madness over here I bet you never had friends like us in Canada." Haechan said in a braggy manner turning to Mark.

"Yeah, it's true, and I am having so much fun everyday hanging out with you guys."

"What did you do in Canada anyways?" Haechan bounced on Johnny's bed next to Mark who giggled before answering:

"Uhh..not much, I'd just go to church with my father, take a dip in the lake when it was hot summer days, after that we eat watermelons and take walks in the deep forests."

"That's boring." Haechan said but the fire in his eyes disagreed, he was eager to leave Korea even just for summer and Canada was interesting enough, he didn't want to go anywhere with his parents for holidays, not this year.

"And you're spending summer in Canada this year too?"

"That's the plan, my old man wants to fix our lake house."

"You have a lake house!" Haechan's enthusiasm was spreading to Mark, his heart was beating fast seeing his friend's reaction, also, terrified a little from the way he grabbed both his shoulders.

"Uhh..yeah we do, it's where..we spend summer."

"How did I miss this one detail!"

Mark followed every movement of Haechan, eyes as wide as ever, what was he thinking?

"Say, would you care to come and join us for dinner this Saturday, tomorrow that is." Haechan said with a pout, he looked cute though but also commanding, it wasn't a request really.

"With..your family?"

"Yeah! In fact it's exactly why I want you to come, my parents will be home to celebrate my brother's birthday and I need you to be there." Haechan said shamelessly.

"I wouldn't want to intrude on your family time, especially that it's an occasion like this."

"Oh shut up Mark, they are not home often and I need you to meet them to so they know you're a good kid."

Mark was very confused but this time it wasn't his fault that he didn't pick up on the mood, Haechan had a plan, a crazy one just right about now.

"Hey, what are you two talking about?" Johnny closed the door behind him.

"Not anything you should worry about."

"O-kay why do you have that crazy look on your eyes." 

"I was asking Mark to come meet my parents this Saturday."

"You're moving fast." Johnny joked.

"Not like that, I want to spend summer in Canada and I need to convince them that I have a reliable friend that can host me."

"Wait what?" both Johnny and Mark said at the same time.

"You heard me, oh, even better if you could bring your father."

"That's not possible."

"Okay maybe not this fast but there's no way you die on me I need you."

Mark was muted once again by Haechan's hectic nature.

"Well at least.." Mark on the verge of crying turned to Johnny "Can you come with me?"

"Me? Go to Haechan's house when his parents are home, willingly? sure, and perhaps Jaehyun is the man of my dreams."

"What? I thought you liked Taeyong."

"He's messing with you."

"NO." Johnny mouthed to Mark, his expressions was tempting and Johnny couldn't help his sarcasm, he was hanging out with Mark and Haechan quite a lot as of late just to avoid Jaehyun and eventually, to avoid upsetting Taeyong, Mark was slower than a sloth unlike Haechan who was like a fox, surprisingly, they worked and observing their friendship, Johnny was amused to know that Haechan was the clingy one.

"Shut up you, here's the layout, I will tell my parents that we study everyday even on Saturdays which is why I am inviting you to my brother birthday party, that way you're guaranteed to be on their good side, I'll take care of the gift don't worry about that, just be polite, or yourself, be yourself you're perfect like that, they'll like how clueless and innocent you are." 

Mark drowned deeper in confusion and all Johnny could offer was a pat of encouragement, not even he could afford being tangled with this, it was rare to see Haechan deter from a goal of his so there was no point in arguing with him.

"You can text me if they start chanting some weird ritual and I'll come pick you."

"Johnny I need you to leave this room."

"My room?"

"Yeah leave." Haechan said pushing Johnny out who went along with it laughing at Mark who looked genuinely terrified. 

\- - - - - - -

Saturday, December 9.

Johnny checked on his date that was sitting besides him, he was wearing a dark pair of pants and underneath his heavy jacket peeked a warm brown colored turtleneck, Johnny had his jacket open to show off his new outfit that Haechan picked for him, maybe the colors on his oversized graphic shirt that was tucked in his pants clashed with his jacket, and the brown turtleneck was too much because he heard whispers from the girls next to them, but at least they looked matching, like couples do.

He couldn't believe that this was happening, that they were actually on a date and again, earned looks when he tapped his feet excitedly

Taeyong looked at him and they smiled warmly at one another.

Johnny wanted to kiss him right there and then, but according to his perfect plan he had to wait until they were coming back home, to make sure it was the last thing Taeyong remembers of their date.

Johnny sat off day dreaming.

The subway they rode fifteen minutes ago spilled them out on the platform in a frenzy of passengers, pushing and bumping them;

Johnny stood with legs spread far apart as a human anchor, Taeyong's twig like built made easy for him to be swept in the sea of people if a hand didn't clutch his firmly, Johnny smiled embarrassedly, as their surroundings started to clear, their little skinship was now visible to people who weren't heading to their destinations yet, either waiting for the subway or a date, Johnny and Taeyong found themselves being shot dirty looks, Johnny looked at his date and hesitated, he was barely brushing Taeyong's hand now, Taeyong smiled to himself and interlaced fingers with him.

"No one knows us here, to hold hands is the least we can do." His shy expression wasn't as confident as his words were.

Johnny pulled Taeyong closer making them look even more intimate, that he wasn't proud to be with Taeyong as his date was the last impression he wanted to give, it was funny how with a little push he was ready to declare his feelings on the world's biggest billboard, as long as Taeyong wasn't uncomfortable he'd offer him the world and his heart on a tray.

"If you're okay with it then I would be through the roof, to hold hands."

Taeyong chuckled at how dorky Johnny was.

"Let's go then!"

This town wasn't much different, same stores and the people carried their shopping bags in a rush, Taeyong was conscious of the couples around them and in turn, they seemed to be interested in this tiny and tall combination, they especially stood out for being two guys holding hands, Taeyong was the one preaching about how they shouldn't care much for other people's opinions of them, maybe he just wanted an excuse to have Johnny's big hands offer him comfort and encircle his, if he was to choose him, his hands would never be cold, unlike his, Johnny's hands were very warm even in a sniffle-inducing weather like this which was nice.

Cosy described Johnny the best.

"You seem tense." Johnny remarked at the tightening of the grip on his hand.

"No, I am okay." 

"Wanna go inside." Johnny motioned to the first coffee shop in sight.

"Sure."

After they placed their orders and were seated, Taeyong folded his coat and rubbed his hands together, he wanted to make a remark on how December was colder this year but that's exactly what he says every year, they still didn't have the first snow yet though.

"They already put up Christmas decoration." Johnny said observing the lights hanging from the mini-plastic trees at every corner of this coffee shop.

"It's cosy."

"Do you like Christmas?"

"Wouldn't say I hate it, my family likes to celebrate it, mostly my sister."

"You put up decorations?"

"We do, not anything fancy like they have here." Taeyong took notice of the ceiling, the extravagant green and red leds were blinding.

"It's true that there are more Christians in this town then we have."

"How did you know?"

"Took a wild guess."

Taeyong snickered.

"What about you?"

"Me? What about?"

"Does your family believe in god?"

That came out of nowhere Taeyong thought.

"My mom does actually, while my sister believes in partying."

"And you?" Johnny said persistently.

"Why do you want to know?" Taeyong teased.

"So I can say something as cheesy as fate has brought us together, that your deity, has brought us together." Johnny had his way with words to melt his date's heart, he was encouraged by the sight of a blushing curling ball of a Taeyong in front of him, it excited him to see his words affect him as much.

"So?"

"I don't know if I want to, believe in god, I certainly want a commanding power over me to guide me and to give me purpose but at the same time it's unfair when shitty things happen to us, who do you blame then? I don't want to believe in god only when good things happen to me, that's cowardly."

"You can believe in me." Johnny lifted his brows and smiled with his tongue between his teeth..

"I'll never let anything bad happen to you, ever~"

Taeyong's eyes glimmered and his heart lit up,that moment, his face looked brighter than any of the lights littered everywhere, the he didn't have to explain his feelings;

He really likes Johnny.

"And do you believe in god?" Taeyong returned Johnny's loving smile.

"I believe in god, I pray every night and it makes me feel closer to my mother even beyond grave, but I understand where you're coming from." He whispered which forced Taeyong to bring his face closer to Johnny's.

"..."

"Oh don't have that look on your face, I am fine now." Johnny attempted to wipe the concerned look on Taeyong's face.

"I am sorry for your mother." Taeyong said.

"She would have been proud of me, for finding someone as great as you." Johnny was on a row, as if he was betting on how many cheesy lines he could deliver in a minute, he decided to go all out and regret it later.

"What happened to you?" Taeyong said looking down from embarrassment.

"I don't want to take chances...I have a goal you see."

"What goal?

"That by the end of the day your heart should be mine."

"Stop it."

"Only if you'll admit you like me a little better."

Taeyong opened his mouth to say something when the waitress came to check if they needed something else, Johnny waved her after asking for the bill.

"You were saying?"

"You'll have to wait until the day ends." Taeyong took the time to compose himself and come up with an answer.

Johnny laughed sweetly and inched forward with his chair to be closer to Taeyong, he licked his lower lip and bit it nervously, not even when the waitress came to give them the bill did he look away from Taeyong, who was obviously flustered, he arched his brows slightly when Johnny stopped talking and just stared in awe, how could he not when he had a whole Lee Taeyong to himself to do what they wanted alone with no disturbance.

"What? You're embarrassing me." Taeyong covered his mouth.

Johnny didn't plan on taking this detour in their date but as soon as they stepped on the platform, he noticed Taeyong was wobbly, his suspicions were confirmed when he caught him struggling to catch a breath as they walked, he feared he wasn't comfortable or perhaps even sick but luckily, the color was returning to his cheeks now.

"Are you feeling better?" Johnny couldn't help but ask.

Taeyong made a 'hum' sound finishing his drink.

"Ah..yeah, I am great."

"Good..Cause I wouldn't want you sick on our date." Johnny winked.

"No I am okay, I am having good time with you." Taeyong reassured Johnny, he meant it.

"But this isn't even the start of it, we have other things to do so you better tell me if you ever feel tired, you don't have to force yourself, remember, we're here to have fun."

"I will." Taeyong licked the stickiness away from his lips from the pastry he just consumed, Johnny was able to notice every little detail; that Taeyong was nervous for their date, he sipped from his drink one last time and watched as Johnny took out his phone for a photo of them, the angle of the photo was a good one, Johnny's long arms weren't only good to surround Taeyong in warm hugs but also for pictures.

"Are you done?"

"Yeah."

"I'll pay, and before you say anything, it's because I am the one taking you out." Johnny took the hand of Taeyong that had his money out and tucked it in his back pocket firmly, Taeyong followed him to the cashier.

"Johnny I wouldn't want to-"

"What?"

"You can't pay for everything, let us split at least."

"I want to."

"Geez."

Johnny smiled at the cashier and when he was back to Taeyong he gave him a charm; a pink reindeer with a tiny Santa hat charm.

"Johnny!"

"I know you're not Christian- He stopped facing the glare of Taeyong "I thought it looked like you, I couldn't resist not buying it."

"I am a reindeer?"

"A Pink one."

"Thanks." Taeyong said with an endearing look at the squishy piece of plastic in his hand, the awkward eyes on it did resemble his in a way, he walked back to the cashier and picked a giraffe charm with the same santa hat from the assortment they had on display, the cashier smiled giving him back his change.

"Here, you."

"On what basis?"

"Heights."

"Fair enough."

"Don't you have other places to take me?"

"Yeah..Yeah, let's go." Johnny said exiting the coffee shop after Taeyong making sure he counted his progress points by texting all of what happened to Haechan.

 

 

Johnny found it overwhelming to keep an eye on the map on his phone while Taeyong's head bobbed next to his shoulder in enthusiasm, he tugged at him jumping up and down every once in a while and looking impressed with the lights in town, to make sure they weren't lost, Johnny had to compromise, either be accurate with directions and quickly find the pets shop/restaurant (where he planned for their date) or be completely and utterly in love with every movement and gasp Taeyong made.

Johnny you need to be dependable, he reminded himself as they have been walking for quite a while now, he got nervous. 

Should he text Haechan?

He did.

[Don't risk it, just go inside the first building couples go to, that town is big and I bet they have other attractions for tourists, you should be fine.] Haechan texted back, it didn't help much with Johnny's panic as his next text was also in all caps.

[I AM LOSING IT AND IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S ABOUT TO RAIN.]

[CORRECTION, IT STARTED RAINING.]  
[Ask someone to give you direction.]

[MY PRIDE.]

[Johnny, it's about the company not the destination, just pick any other coffee place, it doesn't have to be that one.]

[MY PERFECTION PLAN.]

[Shouldn't you keep your date company instead of texting with me? Bugger off.]

Johnny looked around, doing as Haechan asked him to.

Taeyong blinked at him. "Are we lost Johnny?"

"No! nothing of the sort, on the contrary, we arrived to our destination." Johnny didn't like that he had to improvise but realistically speaking, it was getting late to reach a location he wasn't even sure of on a virtual map, so instead of the pets shop they went inside the aquarium, the first building that offered 'entertainment' for an affordable price and was littered with couples.

Luckily, the tickets price were even lowered for high schoolers.

The panic however started to explode in tiny bubble of thoughts from Johnny's hair glands because he scratched his scalp and it was sweaty, maybe it was just the knitted hat he took off and placed in his jacket's pocket.

The waters trapped in glass reflected gloom and concave moving colorful shapes of the fish on the marble, Johnny was doomed, this was not a fun light hearted place as he planned for their date to be.

He should have searched and asked people after all, granted, it was darkening outside but it has been raining non stop in the past eight day, the date had to happen even if the weather wasn't clearing up, which was why Johnny even insisted on going to a place they can play with puppies with, Taeyong mentioned likes dogs, it was a fat chance.

Johnny was starting to think he screwed up his only chance when his face lit up from the light on his phone screen, it was a message back from Haechan-after he told him that they entered the aquarium-and he read it almost loudly until the last part..

Taeyong paced randomly waving the pamphlet in his hand, not being led by Johnny, who was putting his phone back in his pocket.

 

The less lights, the lesser attention they get, Haechan was right, Johnny shouldn't feel intimidated and use this place to his advantage.

"I am sorry I took you somewhere dark." he said testing the waters.

"Why?"

"You said you don't like dark places."

"I don't, but only when I am alone so it's okay."

Johnny's heart raced.

"We're here, we might as well check the fish." The hand Taeyong offered wasn't turned down, johnny's eyes flickered as they watched puffer fish and other, err, types of fish, to be honest he didn't care much for the marine life as of right now.

He held Taeyong's hand so tight his knuckles whitened and motioned to the least crowded tanks separating themselves from others.

"The last time I was in an aquarium was the school trip to Seoul six years ago or so, I wanted to go to the toilet and it didn't help being surrounded by gallons of water, I couldn't even walk two steps- Taeyong grinded his teeths together as if to grit the words back into his mouth.

"Go on."

"It's not even an interesting story."

"Please." Johnny pouted.

"Well..I just, almost peed myself and wouldn't budge from the jellyfishes, the more I looked at their wobbly shapes and graceful swimming the more I couldn't hold it yet they were pretty, so pretty I cried, maybe it was almost peeing myself that made emotional." Taeyong laughed a little.

Johnny stared at him with half a grin.

"What? I told you it was lame."

"No it wasn't, it reminds me, the first time we spoke in school, you had the same expression you have now on your face while telling the story about your sister."

"That's just my face I guess."

"You looked just..as pretty, as you did back then."

Taeyong blinked "Pretty?"

"Everytime I looked at you I wanted to say it, you're pretty, but I promise to never say it ever again, you're a guy I know you wouldn't like being called pretty-" 

"Then don't." Taeyong said in discomfort.

"..."

Taeyong walked away from Johnny who caught up with him to the big hall of vending machines and benches.

"Heyy..id I upset you?"

"I don't like the words pretty, innocent.."

"Then I won't use them."

Johnny was feeling the tension and he didn't know how to ease it.

"I bet you need a snack, let me go grab one from the-

"No, just a bottle of water, I am sorry."

"Sure." Johnny went back with a drink.

"Thanks."

"No problem." He sat very close to Taeyong who didn't budge.

"Do..some words bother you Johnny?"

"How so?"

"Some words..they bother me and I hate using them, is it weird?" Taeyong looked curiously at Johnny.

"Hum, let me think..oh, I hate the word intestines, I'd very much rather use guts."

" Why?" Taeyong laughed a little.

"When were kids, my father would take us fishing for the family's day, to camp and cook fish in the wilderness, I liked staying by his side so he'd assign me the task of cleaning the fish intestines, it was gross and I hated it."

"Poor little Johnny."

"He was just a kid when he was handed his first fish victim, he had to toughen up at such young age and years later, he was yet to get over the trauma." Johnny imitated the voice of a news anchor.

Taeyong went quiet for a moment.

"This place must traumatize you then?"

"The fish are coming for me."

"How will you defend yourself."

"It's just fish, they'll die out of water, will you not defend me if I were scared?"

Taeyong was taken aback "I would let no such harm get to you."

"Thank you, I am touched." Johnny smiled victorious, having restored the mood back to normal. 

"I am sorry for upsetting you earlier."

"And I am sorry for my mood swings today."

"Are we square?"

"I guess. we are."

"Then come on, we have..fish to look at, you mentioned jellyfish right?" Johnny took Taeyong's hand again.

 

They stared some more at the tanks, talked and laughed a bunch and got chummier whenever they felt no eyes were on them, Taeyong even at one point placed a sneaky kiss on Johnny's cheek.

 

 

"Stay put, I need to use the toilet."

"Jellyfish did this to you?"

"Yes, I'll be right back."

Johnny followed Taeyong even after he told him to stay put and wait for him in the big hall, like a familiar he was attached to him unable to keep eyes but on him.

“You’re impossible.” Taeyong chuckled looking back at Johnny who scratched his head in embarrassment.

They entered the multiple stalls bathroom and it reeked of cigarettes from every corner, someone rebellious enough smoked in here not long ago and the smell was nauseating.

“This exact smell that was on my uniforms is making me dizzy, I can’t believe that I enjoyed tobacco.” Johnny waited until Taeyong was finished with his business to say.

“Well, you quit and that’s all that matters.” Taeyong said washing his hands and looking at Johnny’s reflection in the mirror.

“Yeah. I am glad I did.”

“We’re teens, we’re expected to have a phase, or multiple.”

“I am glad mine ended..with you.”

Taeyong blushed.

“What phase are you in currently?” Johnny asked with curiosity.

“Being forced to dye my hair odd colors.”

“Well I like it.” Johnny said with Taeyong’s locks in his hand, he smoothly passed the hand down to his cheek.

“Though I have a compelling desire to see you in a natural hair color, think your sister can do that for me?”

“It’s confidential, but I think she was considering red for her next project.”

“That would be hot.”

“And staining.”

“I’d dye my hair red in solidarity.”

"You don't have to." Taeyong smiled at Johnny who cornered him and shoved him gently against the bathroom counter.

“Uhh..” he let out in a raspy voice.

"Shh."

"John~

"Taeyong."

"I need to say this I don't think I can hold it anymore." Johnny's voice was warm and grand, filling Taeyong's insides with a fuzz feeling, his eyes searched Taeyong's and as he got closer, so did Taeyong, like magnets they were attached.

"After today..

Taeyong nodded with his eyes, he sniffed but all he could smell was Johnny’s minty breath mixed with his Cologne against his cheek, they had no distance between them.

"I am not sure if you'll ever go on a date with me, perhaps I am being dramatic but just in case you don't choose me.."

Taeyong adjusted himself beneath Johnny's body that was pressing his.

"I want you to let me kiss you one more time, before you made up your mind."

Taeyong bit his lip and gulped.

"I really like you Lee Taeyong you know that?"

“I do.” Taeyong said through half-lidded eyes consenting Johnny to take his lips.

“And even if you don't choose me, I’ll still want to be friends..that is if you wish to be.”

Johnny wasn't getting the memo, Taeyong had obviously given him the green light but he kept talking.

“Just kiss me.”

“Yes.” Johnny’s voice cracked and Taeyong looked at him with amusement.

“Ok.ay..” Johnny was prepping himself, his whole body shook and his mind empetied of every other unnecessary detail, pouting, was Taeyong in front of him, as pretty-oh, Taeyong didn't like the word, but it's okay if Johnny thinks right?

Taeyong lubricated his lips then felt a pair of warm hands flame up his cheeks as he took in every bit of Johnny's lips into his soul, to pin this memory into his mind, with it unpacked a dreadful feeling of farewell, that this kiss he was led into was bitter and vengeful despite Johnny being gentle, he felt hot, very hot.

Johnny pulled from the kiss shortly after.

His next sentence came out muffled because hands that were slightly cold and wet drew him back to kissing Taeyong, who was not ready to let go, not just yet.

Johnny was surprised but only for a second, he wasn’t one to rebel against orders and he kissed Taeyong back as the blood drained from his brain,

Taeyong wanted him, who was he to say no?

He licked his lips and Taeyong opened his mouth allowing for the latter's tongue to play with his, to draw the moans out of him and drive his mind wild, Taeyong was already drowning in seas of desire with no chance of floating back to the surface anytime soon.

"John..Ah~" Taeyong let out as he explored the inside of Johnny’s mouth, his addictive flavor and all. He was going to work him to the bone today, and quite literally as Johnny lost control over his hands touching every bit of visible skin he could, he lifted Taeyong and put him on the counter, the latter made a ‘eep’ sound but it was more comfortable to kiss like this, he spread his legs apart and Johnny touched his thigh sending waves of heat through the thin material of his pants, he rubbed and clenched him in a slow motion moving all the way up to his crotch, he pressed his hand against what clearly was Taeyong’s hard member, the face Taeyong did, biting his lower lip seductively to suppress a moan, a failed attempt at that turned Johnny on, so badly did he want to be Taeyong's boyfriend.

“Joh..ny..I can..t.” Taeyong’s breathing became rapid, he clenched fists on Johnny’s shirt, wrinkling it.

This kicked all the fluff out of Johnny’s mind, if there should be anyone to pleasure Taeyong it had to be him, and he was getting seriously nervous;

Were they planning to do the dirty in a public place like this, a bathroom?

That was taking the virginity of two of them all at once. Or so Johnny thought,

he was trying to contain his fantasy.

“We’ll slow down if you’re not comfortable.” Johnny contradicted his actions

“No..not that.” Taeyong whispered, Johnny's hand moved slow with an obstacle as big as the zippers of his pants.

"Are you trying to tease me like this?" Taeyong cried out almost in pain.

Johnny was only starting:

"You need to be patient Taeyong." He said back to him whispering in his ear.

The more the hands on him desperately tried untucking his shirt and connecting with his bare skin, the more agitated and needy he became,

Taeyong mistook his own tongue for that of Johnny and bit his lip repeatedly, he required more than this, this feeling of intoxication was a double edged sword, it only reminded him of that day, that dark dark day, but he was in charge this time, he was a grown up now wasn’t he?

Naughty Taeyong was out.

Minutes of teasing and steamy kisses passed, moans and weakened leg muscles.

Then voices floated into their direction from the corridor that connected the big vending machines space to the men's bathroom.

Shoot. Johnny thought, but it was natural they couldn’t do more than this in a public place, he knew.

Taeyong however thought differently, without hesitation, not even removing his lips from on top of Johnny's he pushed him inside one of the stalls, slamming him hard against the far end of the too small for the both of them square.

Johnny let out a moan, was he seriously turned on more by this? yes.

The boys that just entered were having a conversation Taeyong and Johnny could care less for, luckily, they were obnoxious and loud and didn’t pick up on the action that was happening feets away from them.

“Don’t stop now.” Taeyong whispered “I don’t care for them.”

Johnny’s eyes widened but bewitched he was, words out of Taeyong’s mouth were gospel, even if he asked him for a human sacrifice he would do it, including himself.

“Didn't have to convince me."

There was no calming their racing hearts as they devoured one another, as quietly and even then, it was nowhere near being quiet, Johnny’s hand slipped underneath Taeyong's shirt lifting it slightly to touch his lower abdomen with his large hands, they were on top his boxers now but the buttoned pants were too tight for Johnny to be too fluid with his hand;

Taeyong trembled, his eyes fluttered shut and was as dizzy as someone into their second bottle of wine, he used Johnny's shoulders for support who lowered himself in response to the sudden slowing momentum.

He looked at Taeyong's beautiful face and prominent jawline, pink dusted cheeks and swollen lips;

Matching turtlenecks weren't so cool now that it was preventing Johnny from seeing Taeyong's neckline and placing bite marks all over it.

Taeyong felt ticklish under his chin when his eyes were closed, Johnny had dragged the piece of cloth around his neck with his teeth and placed a kiss right under his adam's apple, then his jawline, then his cheek and eventually back to his lips, where his belonged.

Taeyong took him back willingly, this time trying to be less chaotic, it wasn't good for his heart and until these boys left, they shouldn't be making as loud smacking lips sounds.

Thing is, everyone there was already quite aware of the couple in the third stall to the left by now,

There was a moment of silence and Johnny and Taeyong looked at one another, laughter broke the anticipation.

“Don’t let us stop you.” A voice said mockingly.

Taeyong reddened and Johnny’s words caught in his throat.

“Oh come on, or do you need company?"

Johnny pushed Taeyong along with him slapping an enormous hand against the door when the handle budged startling him.

“What are you doing opening the door like that.” Perhaps the only one with a conscious spoke in a frantic whisper.

“Shut up joy kill.”

“Better than being a cockblock, I am leaving, also, I am sorry my friends are being dicks.” Taeyong and Johnny heard the entry door open and slam shut.

“So, are you opening the door or not?” the remaining three laughed in unison.

"I think it's those two guys we saw holding hands earlier." Taeyong heard one of them whisper and went an even deeper shade of red, as if it were possible, he was crazy drunk with passion he cannot believe it was him that initiated Johnny in such aggressive manner and they were now feeling one another in a box of space.

“So what if it’s two guys? You’re behind in times.”

“The short one with the light hair was cute, I wouldn’t mind a 'job' from him.”

“Yeah, I am unemployed can you blow me back to the work market.”

In his embarrassment, Taeyong failed to see the anger build up in Johnny.

The handle budged again and Johnny slammed the door with both hands deafening Taeyong.

“Leave, now, or else you won’t have anything to be blown when I am done with you.” Johnny thundered with a deep scowl, the gleam in his eyes disappeared for a second and Taeyong cowered beneath him, after hearing the footsteps of these pests leave they were back focusing on one another.

The tone of Johnny’s anger was ink he spilled into their next kiss, dark and messy, staining and marking Taeyong with it everywhere he could, then the whole bottle spilled;

Johnny's hands spread heat of ecstasy all over Taeyong's upper torso, caressing him after fully lifting his shirt up, the smooth texture of it kept sliding back down and to solve this issue of gravity, Taeyong, with support from his shoulders, arched his back against the door into a position Johnny thought looked painful thrusting himself forward, that way his shirt caught in the middle of his chest and Johnny's hands were free to grab onto Taeyong's waist, he bent down placing wet kisses on the soft skin of his belly, Taeyong stripped himself out of his jacket and Johnny placed it on the wall separating the stalls.

Johnny looked up to Taeyong from his bending position, if he was being honest, he has never reached this stage not even in his fantasies but it all felt natural and fitting,

“You want this Taeyong?”

Taeyong nodded as his chest heaved, his high cheeks were flushed and he looked exhausted already;

as soon as he heard the unbuckle of his belt he took a handful of Johnny’s hair in his hand for support, he messed it up and pulled it with more strength than he would in an alert state of mind, but he was far gone, before any part of him was exposed he felt his tears wet his cheeks, he broke down behind the strong facade he was putting on, he wasn't ready after all;

"Johnny I..I need.."

"Yeah?" Johnny looked up apprehensively.

“I don’t..feel..too..well.” Taeyong gasped between the words.

Johnny shot upright with worry.

Taeyong grabbed his shirt for support and leaned against him, Johnny could feel his heart racing and his cold hands colder.

“I am getting dizzy.”

“What’s wrong Taeyong?”

“I need you to hold me.”

“Sure.."

Taeyong almost fell but was caught by Johnny, who opened the stall door and led Taeyong to the sink, he washed his face and adjusted his overall disheveled.

 

After leaving the aquarium for fresh air, they went out for a bite, Taeyong was much better but that it only comparing it to his ghost like state after their make out session, as time passed Johnny was able to loosen up and have a good time.

Until he remembers that he almost gave Taeyong a blowjob and who knows what more, they could have gone more creative..

A blowjob, on a first date.

You're a champion Johnny.

This was going to haunt him for the rest of his life.

 

 

(Three hours later they were back to their town and Johnny walked Taeyong all the way back to his house.)

Taeyong sighed looking at Johnny, it was time to address what happened in the bathroom.

"I am sorry."

"What for."

"This, putting you through that..."

"Taeyong you weren't ready, I wouldn't force you to do anything you didn't feel like doing." Johnny felt sad.

"I am sorry for everything."

"Shh, just tell me you had a good time today." Johnny tried to smile but he loathed himself for feeling disappointed when Taeyong was clearly still disturbed and troubled. 

The pale eyes and pale blood drained cheeks were back, Taeyong looked ghostly.

"Thanks for today."

Johnny felt the squeeze of Taeyong's hand.

"I had fun, really did." 

"Get sleep, you look tired." 

"Don't worry about me and get home safely."

"I will."

"Text me when you will."

"Taeyong."

"Yes?"

"Did I do anything to upset you today?"

"No." Taeyong interjected "Not even one bit, it's all me, I am really sorry I ruined the date."

But no matter how truthful he sounded Johnny couldn't help but feel down.

"How do I make it up to you Johnny, I would do anything."

"Let me see.."

"A-anything."

"How about you say..Johnny is the most handsome-

"Johnny is the most handsome man I even landed eyes on."

"I am not done yet."

Taeyong tiptoed and placed a sweet kiss on Johnny's cheek.

"You said I should believe in you earlier, and I do Johnny, it just I wasn't ready."

"I get that."

"Now go home it's cold."

Johnny waved Taeyong goodbye, he just remembered Jaehyun, he had a whole day to him and Taeyong without once thinking back to Jung Jaehyun.

That was also a form of victory if he'd like to think.

 

He dragged his feet back to his house, already visualizing what could have possibly happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Johnny later grows up to become more fashionable, otherwise how can we have Johnny fashion evaluation huh.
> 
> Don't worry Jaeyong nation, I had to feed Johnyong nation first but I saved the best for last [wink] 
> 
> I wanted to include both dates in one chapter but hecking hell one date was a lot of writing and double digits numbers scare me.
> 
> The next chapter will be updated in the days to follow, three days max? Please ready your heart for Jaeyong.
> 
> God I cannot wait to upset everyone with the plot.
> 
> Jingle bells jingle bells jingle all the way


	17. I have dates for days: Second date

Friday, December 8.  
Jaehyun drummed his pale fingers nervously on the surface of the glass table after shifting from the bar back and forth; he was even paler than usual today.  
His mother was on the phone for the past four minutes but Jaehyun’s mind was very occupied to try and figure out who she was talking to, it was a client; apparently she was back to working as an accountant, the job she abandoned after marrying Jaehyun's father, she had told him briefly about it when they were taking the train this morning.  
He didn’t question it, Jaehyun was too nervous to think about why his mother decided to get back to work.  
"Why are we meeting him?" he was beyond calming, no words his mother said would help with his unease.  
"I am with you Jaehyunnie, he can't do anything to you even if he tries, you’ll soon know why we’re meeting him here, it won’t be for long I promise."  
"You still didn't answer me, did he request to see me?"  
"Well, yes and no."  
"MOM!"  
"Calm down, once he arrives we will talk everything through, now finish your drink and you can order as many treats as you like." She looked at him with affirmation and with a bit of sorrow for his state.  
Jaehyun rejected her offer and bit his thumb repeatedly until visible biting marks, he was facing the entrance of the coffee shop when his father not a second later appeared pushing the handle with his elbow, Jaehyun thought about suspending him outside, how would it look with both of them pushing on either side of the glass door; ridiculous, Jaehyun would have that instead of being scared to death by his father's death glare and prejudice, or even his mere presence.  
Unlike the last he's seen him, his father was unshaven and looked tired, soggy and swollen eyes that almost slipped from their sockets, he looked as alive as need be to breath and walk, he made his way to their table by the large window in this relatively empty coffee shop, the coat over his usually proud shoulders wasn't well ironed, he looked almost pitiful but the instant his eyes landed on Jaehyun his face scrunched, either in pain or disgust, Jaehyun looked away before he could tell.  
“Hello.”  
Jaehyun clutched and twirled his indexes around the threads pulling them and tearing the flimsy ones in his ripped jeans, he remembered that his father didn't like him wearing 'jeans with holes', it wasn't good fashion for a man, and that was one of the minor yet toxic ideas he filled Jaehyun to the brim with.  
His mother did not seem to change position except for her bulging eyes that glared at his father with impatience and scrutiny, there was something between them Jaehyun didn’t know about, it was a look she has never given to anybody, at least not ever in Jaehyun's presence, and certainly not to his father.  
"Won’t you sit?"  
Jaehyun's mother was ordering his father around, which surprised the both of them.  
Jaehyun looked at his mother, quietly edging his seat to be next to hers by the corner as much as possible.  
"Jaehyun." She said and his whole body reacted knocking the too small for his body table that was between the three of them, he almost spilled the cold-by-now-coffee his mother ordered for his father.  
"Don’t be scared my dear."  
His father still hasn't said a word but Jaehyun wouldn't lift his eyes to look at either of them.  
"Your father and I, we wanted to talk to you."  
Jaehyun eyed his mother carefully and she spared him a gentle pitiful smile that soon disappeared when she looked the other way.  
"No more delays." She directed the speech to his father.  
"Yes." Jaehyun's father's voice was more pathetic than he looked, Jaehyun's heart clenched in worry despite himself.  
"I need you to sign the papers and that would be it between us, I gave you more than enough time to process things and I think it's only fitting if you treat my patience with compliance."  
Jaehyun's voice clogged in his throat, was this what he thinks it was?  
"I still think you're making a rush decision, and for what? A son like him…" Jaehyun's father sounded cold and Jaehyun regretted feeling sympathy for him not a second ago.  
"And eighteen years of your bad temper and bossy nature, we already fought over this and I need you to be civil this time, I don’t want you to make a scene in front of Jaehyun."  
"You're making a grave mistake."  
"Was there a bigger mistake than leave my son alone most week when he needed me most? I don't think I would be forgiven for that, and you, I hope you will have time to think it all through now that your second family is leaving you too." there was heat coming from inside of Jaehyun's mother's chest, her words splashed and splattered sharply on the edge of each syllable making Jaehyun bend in fear, she was different from the mother he knew for all of his sixteen years of living.  
"Mom?" Jaehyun whispered.  
"Jaehyun, your father and I are getting divorced, I moved out three weeks ago and I was only waiting until you passed your exams to tell you." she said softly to him.  
Jaehyun shut his brain down from all incoming discourse, just for a short while to absorb what his mother just told him.  
His parents  
were  
divorcing.  
"Divorce?" he said hesitatingly.   
"Yes, and the two of us will live together in peace."  
Jaehyun's vision was watery but he wasn't crying, yet.  
He zoomed out on the papers scattered on the table that his mother produced from her purse, signed and ready for court.  
"Jung Jaehyun."  
Jaehyun made a tiny involuntarily squeal sound when his father addressed the speech to him;  
"I gave you my name, promised you my wealth, no, built it for you and for your own children, I have not once put my comfort over that of yours, every late hour of work I did it with a smile on my face, for you and your mother and yet you treated like no son would his father-  
"Are you done with your guilting nonsense? Because Jaehyun and I have other matters to attend to, I expect this to be resolved by Thursday and don't wish you contact either of us from there on, good luck with the life you choose to lead." Jaehyun's mother sounded bitter and for good reason.  
Jaehyun reacted as if fingers were snapped in his field of vision to his mother bidding his father farewell; he was filled with an ocean of sentiments and the waves clashing were rage and anger.  
"Let's go Jaehyun." The clanking sound of his mother’s heels and his father stepping in front of her blocking them from leaving made Jaehyun stand between them.  
"No."  
Both his parents were quiet.  
"I have my own piece of mind that I'd like to share."  
Jaehyun's mother stood behind the hand he stretched to protect her from his father, she put hands on his forearms, when he felt her squeeze of encouragement he proceeded talking:  
"Father I will say I am sorry, for all of the trouble I caused you, you sacrificing the greater portion of your life to raise me and provide for us, every night, I saw you bent on your desk working late I promised I would grow up to lift the weight off your shoulders, I never thought I could come out to you, the pressure of your hopes and the work-line you passed down for me without even asking what I wanted to do, I was willing to put it all before my own happiness to make you proud, I disappointed you, I am a homosexual worthless and filthy son yet I don't feel sorry for it, not with one fiber of my being, I can't apologize for who I was born as because that would mean I can't live with myself, and that's not true, away from you I realized I didn't hate myself and people loved me, if you can't accept your own son for such reason then I think it's you who doesn't deserve to live with yourself."  
Jaehyun wiped the sudden burning tears from the corners of his eyes, his mother was suppressing her own tears where his father was shushed for a thousand years, enough time for Jaehyun to cast him one last look, engrave this image of him in his mind and move forward.  
"Good luck with your business, I really do wish you all the best but it's I, severing ties with you, unless you happen to have a change of heart then I am willing to forgive you, just know you never will be able to tell me what to do nor be motif behind the choices I make."  
His father looked at him grudgingly.  
"You were late this time too." Jaehyun's mother said harshly following her son outside to catch up with him, he was gasping where she found him.  
"You did well Jaehyunnie, you did well." She caught him and hugged him intensely and he returned it almost lifting her up the ground, a mother's embrace was exactly what he needed because it triggered the tears he's been holding for so long, he sobbed ugly and like a child, every once in a while he heard his mother's encouraging voice through his shrieks.  
"We can cry the whole day if you want but I have other plans for us."  
Jaehyun nodded, a snotty sobbing mess and his mother couldn't help but laugh at him.  
"I have a paycheck ready to be spent!"  
He blinked in confusion, finally Jaehyun pieced everything together, his parents were divorcing, and that’s why his mother is back working.  
"What say you Mr. Jaehyun, a day just for the two of us and I lavish you, as an apology for everything I did wrong as a mother in the past two months.”  
Jaehyun couldn’t help a smile out of the corner of his mouth.  
\- - - - - - -  
Friday, December 15.

“You can’t argue with middle aged women, Taeyong.” Jaehyun said leaning on the passenger next to him sniffing his hair.  
“What...what are you doing?” Taeyong whispered.   
“You smell like coconut, I wanna eat you.” Jaehyun smiled at the woman sitting on the seat parallel to theirs and was glaring at their closeness.  
“Our mothers are literally the seat in front of us, anytime they can turn to us.” Taeyong’s whispering was becoming sharper.  
“But they won’t chillax..”  
“Get your hand off where it is.” Taeyong blushed and covered his face with his cap.  
“So you’d be okay with this if our mothers don’t see us but you don’t mind the rest of the passengers?”  
“You know that’s not what I meant.”  
“That’s what I heard.” Jaehyun plunged his hand deeper.  
“I am removing the backpack from my lap, I need space for MYSELF.” Taeyong was held down by his hand to stay still.  
“No, that’s not necessary.”  
“I can’t sleep when you’re touching me like this.”  
“Who said I’ll let you sleep.”  
Taeyong groaned and faced away from Jaehyun.  
“And by the way, it was you insisting on going to this trip, not your mother, you’re the only middle aged lady who is hard to argue with.”  
“Hard? Hard as in how hard you are now?”   
Taeyong put Jaehyun’s hand away, enough was enough, he was starting to be mad, he’d rather stay home than be on this trip with him and their mothers, the mental exhaustion was too much; having to hide under his mom’s nose when he’s not yet ready to come out while keeping Jaehyun’s hands out of his pants, he still doesn’t know that Jaehyun’s mother knows, he’d make a whole fuss about it.  
“Aww, is Taeyong mad?”  
“Don’t talk to me.”  
“Don’t be mad kittyong, I was just doing what couples do when they travel together.”  
Not his area of expertise so Taeyong didn’t argue back, he was uncomfortable with Jaehyun’s liberty in touching him in a place with so many people, his eagerness was a little much and any sound can escape Taeyong’s mouth, it wouldn’t go unnoticed as most passengers were trying to go back to sleep.  
“I woke up early for this trip, I am taking a nap, Jaehyun.” He finally said.  
“Okay, good night.”

 

“Won’t you let go?”  
Jaehyun made a dumb face “Oh I am sorry, was this your thigh? I didn’t know, it’s so squishy I thought it was a cushion.”  
Taeyong for the last time inhaled determined to switch seats with his mother, one more thing and he will do it.  
\- - - - -  
As soon as the foursome stepped off the bus, it was evident the two hours and half-long trip was worth it; touristic towns were just different like that.  
Antiquated buildings and mountain rocks, the shore wasn’t far away, a ten minutes run stopped you at a cliff, perfectly isolated, where you could hear the clashing waves and watch the immense frothy sea from afar, from every corner were the mountains, watching over you while providing a good climbing experience for tourists, Taeyong helped his mother with her bag and climbed the staircases built in nature to the sign of a hotel that read “Jade mountain resort”, where they were staying.  
Taeyong filled his lungs with the morning crisp air and stretched the sleepiness out of his rigid body, the picturesque view helped ease his mind before going inside to join the group.  
“Remind me to prepare a casserole every day for my employer.” Jaehyun’s mother remarked while waiting to get their keys.  
This unplanned trip happened when Jaehyun’s mother was given a two nights free stay at this hotel by her employer, who insisted she takes her son and enjoy time for themselves after hearing about the divorce, the accommodation included two rooms, Jaehyun’s mother offered her friend, Taeyong’s mother to accompany her and the invitation extended to Taeyong as well, he didn’t understand why Jaehyun insisted they come along, weren’t they supposed to have their date this weekend?   
“It’ll be so much exciting, with just the two of us.” Jaehyun smiled at Taeyong, who told himself to go along with it.  
“I can’t wait to do all sorts of things with you.”  
“You do realize we’re accompanying our mothers.”  
“Yeah Mr. Obvious.”  
“We’re basically here to be their porters.”  
“In that case I too have a lot, of baggage, for you to unload.”

“Is that an innuendo?” Taeyong realized a little later.  
“No, I have a shopping problem.”  
“Really?”  
“No you idiot.”  
“…”  
“You’ve changed Taeyong, I didn’t think you’d understand this one.”  
“When you’ll have someone whisper dirty things in your ear all the time you’ll pick up their speech patterns easily.”  
Taeyong made a face at Jaehyun and hurried to be by his mother’s side after they checked in, he watched as Jaehyun shamelessly took the room with the better view of the mountains and the sea for themselves, he would make a good lawyer, then they had a big breakfast before deciding what to do next.  
“We’ll wander, alone, you take your time with your massages and that healing steam crystals nonsense, we’ll see you for dinner!”   
“Don’t lose track of time, don’t eat too much before dinner, oh, don’t buy useless things and wear your coats it’s cold.” Jaehyun’s mother said while Taeyong’s mother nodded.  
“Taeyong could you watch over his spendings, he has a tendency to buy unnecessary items.”  
“So you do have a shopping problem.” Taeyong snickered.  
“We’ll be back by 7:00pm, you don’t have to lecture us on everything mom.” Jaehyun waved his mother goodbye and bowed at Taeyong’s mother.  
“Thank you Ms. Lee, I’ll take good care of him.”  
They left the hotel before they are given more instructions, the fresh cold breeze of the mountain was freezing Taeyong’s limbs, Jaehyun slid his hand in Taeyong’s, a fuzzy feeling grew from the pit of his stomach and bloomed to a smile he spared Jaehyun.  
He’s a dumb one, he just realized this was, their date.  
Don’t smile at me like that, it makes me weak.”   
Taeyong’s response was to blush.  
”I bet you just realized we’re going on our date.”  
“No.” Taeyong clicked his tongue.  
“I’d be surprised, ready to hit town?” Jaehyun urged his date to hurry and catch the bus that was about to leave.

 

As predicted, Taeyong was in for a ride, the many places Jaehyun wanted them to go to yet the time was short.  
Even after agreeing to skip lunch and instead, spend a good portion of time in a photo booth, where Jaehyun insisted he retouches their pictures a thousand times.  
At least they turned out cute.  
Then they made wishes in the fountain, tried their luck with a mystery vending machine, Taeyong got nice earphones while Jaehyun got a rounded unedified object with a beak, they bought matching mugs, thrifted** just for fun, found oddly shaped glass marbles at a suspicious looking shop, Jaehyun figured they would be to Haechan’s liking and got them for him, then they agreed to buy everyone else a Christmas gift.   
Time flew by, it was already 6:44pm.  
“Let’s take a break, there’s a nice coffee place.”  
“But…”  
“Please, I am tired from all the walking.”  
Jaehyun gasped and rushed inside the coffee shop, relieving Taeyong from all the bags he was holding.  
“I am so sorry Taeyong, I got carried away.”  
“It’s alright.”  
Jaehyun sulked, the reason he was taking them everywhere was to occupy Taeyong and keep him busy from possibly thinking back to his date with Johnny, last Monday and though he didn’t mean to eavesdrop, he heard Johnny boast about his date and how well it went, and like they agreed, it was fair game, he couldn’t complain when he will be doing the same, but what if he isn’t as good? What if Taeyong doesn’t choose him after all.  
“You…want something Jaehyun?” there was an awkward communality between the waiter and Taeyong.  
“Ahh…whatever you ordered.”  
“That’ll be two bubble tea, anything else?”  
“No thank you.”  
“Where has your mind gone to?”  
“I am sorry Taeyong, but it was you doing a terrible job in managing my finances.”  
“When you look at me with that puppy expression I can’t say no to you.”  
Jaehyun put his face in his palms and stared intently at Taeyong:  
“What?”  
“…”  
“…”  
“Why are you staring at me like that?”  
“You just admitted you’re weak against my puppy face, a mistake.”  
“I am not sure what you’re planning on doing with this confidential piece of information.”  
“A lot. Tonight.”  
“Pfff.”  
“I am serious, Taeyong.”  
“…”  
“You know that I couldn’t sleep most of the night when we first kissed? I wanted to scream it but didn’t as to not wake you up, it was that night I felt sad I didn’t save my first kiss for you, as you did yours to me.” Jaehyun opened Taeyong’s freezing palm.  
“You’re still cold.”  
“I am always cold.”  
“Not tonight, you wouldn’t be.” Jaehyun let out a laugh.   
Taeyong scrunched his nose and looked the other way; he had butterflies in his stomach.  
“I am just being honest with my feelings for once, nothing will happen unless you permit it, you should know that.” Jaehyun added, finding it duty to provide Taeyong’s hand heat from his.  
“We’re on a shopping spree we might as well buy you gloves.”  
“They never helped.”  
“Does this help?” Jaehyun brought Taeyong’s hand close to his lips and kissed his knuckles, one by one.  
“Here’s your order, en-joy.” The waiter stuttered.  
“Thank you.” Jaehyun wasn’t the least bit fazed, even before the waiter left he brought Taeyong’s hand to his beating heart, “this is the warmest part of me, and it beats for you, surely it’ll help.”  
“…”  
“I actually lied. That’s not the warmest part but it wouldn’t be appropriate here and I need your consent first.”  
Taeyong was speechless.

“Where’s Taeyong, who replaced my date with a tomato?”   
“You’re unbelievable.” Taeyong retrieved his hand back to him.  
“Do my innuendos make you uncomfortable? Don’t lie.” Jaehyun was suppressing a laugh.  
“They do.”  
Jaehyun received a shot to the heart and died on the table dramatically.  
“You’re seriously very embarrassing to be seen in public with.” Taeyong faked annoyance.  
“You couldn’t convince me with that smile on your face.”  
Taeyong’s smile grew even wider.  
“On a serious note, I have a life-time experience of caring for what my father thought of me, it didn’t do me good, I was conflicted my whole life trying to please him, as long as we know we’re not hurting anyone why should someone else’s opinion matter.”  
“True.” Taeyong bit the tip of the straw.  
“When will you tell your mom?”  
Taeyong sighed, “In the near future, I already told my sister and she’s a big mouth.”  
“I am sure she’ll take it well, and you have me if anything goes wrong.”  
“I was going to tell her right after the dates, but I was never good confronting her with anything, I got scared just thinking how she would react.”  
“You sure have a lot on your plate, but you’ll live, and you’ll be okay.” Jaehyun consoled.  
“It’s this unpleasant feeling that I hate, not knowing how she’ll react…”  
“It’s only unpleasant for a few days in worst case, you get used to it.”  
“If it’s unpleasant then I wish I could turn off my emotions.”  
Jaehyun grimaced “What do you mean by that?”  
“I just want to be numb overall.”  
“Even now, even the good feelings?”   
Taeyong retracted “Of course not, those…are nice.”  
“Nice is all you have to say.” Jaehyun tried to joke.  
“Can I be real with you?” Taeyong licked his lips.  
Jaehyun gulped “Sure.”  
“I don’t think I deserve either of you, not you, not Johnny not anyone, and I never apologized for this mess, I am sorry for making you part of it, you deserve so much more.”   
“Are you serious?” there was nothing of that playfulness in Jaehyun’s voice minutes ago.  
“Don’t look at me like this, it’s the truth, I am not interesting, not even funny like you or as kindhearted as Johnny.”  
Jaehyun paid for their drinks, held everything they purchased with one hand and Taeyong in the other, dragging him outside.  
“You say that to me again.”   
“I will because it’s true!”   
“You’re such an idiot.” Jaehyun stomped and let out hot air out of his mouth.  
“I am not taking what I said back.”  
“You’re giving yourself a lot to be punished for, think I wouldn’t have dropped interest in you if you weren’t worth my time?”  
“…”  
“You are fucking amazing Lee Taeyong!” Jaehyun shouted.  
“Keep your voice down!”  
“No I won’t, not until you take it back.”  
“I FUCKING LOVE LEE TAEYONG WITH ALL OF MY HEART BUT HE IS TOO STUPID TO REALIZE!” Jaehyun shouted again, there were few people who turned to see what the commotion was about but kept walking, the evening was colder than their weather apps predicted, soon Jaehyun and Taeyong will need to start their journey back to the hotel.  
“Okay I take it back just don’t shout.”  
Jaehyun looked emptily at Taeyong “You’ll have to mean it.”  
“I do, I am sorry for saying it, I’ll never say it again.” Taeyong shivered from the cold.  
Jaehyun smiled apologetically for lashing out, the white particles were easily spotted against his chocolate-brown hair before he noticed them on Taeyong’s black coat.  
He looked up, it was snowing.  
“First snow.”  
“Isn’t it romantic Taeyong?”  
“Mostly cold.”  
“I am sorry, but you’re so dense, you’re not allowed to say things like that ever again, I’ll leave when I want to and I never will, you’re worth every second of my time you understand that?”  
“I do, I just wish I was a much more interesting person.”  
“You’re everything I dreamt of and more.”   
“Come here.” Jaehyun took Taeyong in his embrace.  
“Better like this?”  
“Couldn’t you scold me while we were inside? It’s freezing.”  
“I wouldn’t have got the chance to yell.”  
“And embarrass us.”  
Jaehyun brought his face close to Taeyong and kissed him lightly on the lips, the latter did not protest.  
“This should absolve you from that nonsense, and warm you up until we’re back at the hotel.” He winked.  
“I am sorry, I will try not to upset you like that again.” Taeyong’s mind hasn’t changed, he just didn’t want them fighting over what he believed firmly.  
If Jaehyun needed to hear otherwise, he’ll say it, it’s not like he doesn’t know how to conceal his feelings.  
“It’s okay, we probably should get going.”  
The drapes of this snowy night fell upon them, the warm and tempting illuminated shop displays reminded Taeyong of how cold he really was by the second while they were waiting for their bus to come, though he couldn’t deny it helped when Jaehyun wrapped him inside of his arms, he was on the phone with his mother, arguing about being late.  
“She is being ridiculous, it’s not even that late.” He said after hanging up.  
“We promised we’d be there by 7:00, it’s understandable she’s angry when we’re thirty minutes late.”  
“Even so, we’re old enough.”   
“She is your mother, you’re never old enough.” Taeyong beamed when Jaehyun gave him his spot in his arms back and nuzzled into his chest like a cat.  
The exact moment Jaehyun wished they could stay like this forever the bus arrived, once at the hotel, both their mothers took turns in scolding them, then they were released to dine, shower and rest for the night.  
Taeyong was especially tired.  
\- - - -  
“Don’t you think that we should give them the room instead?”  
“They got the spa-treatments we get the couple’s room.”  
“But it’s their vacation.”  
“Then they shouldn’t have invited us to come along.”  
Taeyong sighed.  
“Plus why are you complaining, we got this nice room for ourselves, it’s too late to switch I bet they are sleeping like logs.”  
“It’s not too late to be a decent son, you know they are still drinking by the bar.”  
“Quit fussing and trying to guilt me, it’s not even mother’s day.”  
“What’s mother’s day has to do with this?”  
Jaehyun sat Taeyong down on the futon they were meant to share, crossed his legs facing him while pretending to be dismayed.   
“You don’t wish to be here, with me?”  
“That also has nothing to do with my complaints, I know your tricks too well to fall for them.”  
“You didn’t answer my question.” Jaehyun looked sad.  
“If I say yes will you agree to switching rooms?”  
“That’s exactly why we shouldn’t give up this couples room.”   
“We’re still having a room for just the two of us if that’s what you’re concerned with.”  
“Not with these beautiful floral futons.” Jaehyun padded the sheets and the pillows.  
“Aren’t you going a little bit overboard?”  
“And you are to blame.”  
Taeyong squinted his eyes and made a funny face, already tired with this headache-inducing of a conversation.  
“I have something for you.”  
Jaehyun reached to his bag and grabbed a mid-night blue velvet box with vertical satin strips, carefully opening its lid to reveal the content exclusively to himself.  
Taeyong’s eyes opened wider.  
“I can only show you this if you stop nagging.”  
“Excuse you.”  
“Yes, you’re nagging like a wife.”  
“That isn’t very nice of you to say, I am the one being reasonable.”  
“Do you want to see this or not?”  
Taeyong pierced through Jaehyun with a gaze that dribbled curiosity, he did want to know what the box had inside of it and why was Jaehyun smiling from ear to ear.  
“Close your eyes.”  
Jaehyun got on his knees in front of Taeyong holding something tightly in his right hand.  
He wrapped his arms around Taeyong’s neck and a metal piece clanked when it made contact with one of Taeyong’s pajamas buttons.  
It was a necklace.  
Taeyong slowly opened his eyes at the voice of Jaehyun asking him to, he felt the warm-from-Jaehyun’s-grip on the piece of jewelry around his neck against his light-clothed body, it was a five petals cherry blossom outlined with silver, there were smaller red clear beads placed on each end of the petals, it was neat and well-designed, the chain was at a decent length reaching all the way to the middle of his chest, sturdy and good quality.  
It looked expensive.  
It was, the cherry blossom design looked like the signature jewelry Yuta collects and Taeyong remembers how he complained once that some of the pieces prices ate up all the allowance he has been saving for months.  
“Jaehyun this…this is too much.”  
“It’s custom made, just for you, as there is only one Taeyong and there should be no other piece to match this one you own, it has your initials on the back.”  
“That means it’s even more expensive!”  
“Just as you are to me.” Jaehyun joked but with a serious look.   
“It’s a lot, I can’t accept it just like that, can I offer to pay you back-  
Jaehyun shushed Taeyong using his index over his mouth. “Out of the question, it’s my gift for you, I won’t take a no and you will accept it, it’s not to burden you but to show you how much you’re worth to me.”   
“But-  
“Shh..no ‘buts’.”

 

“Thank you Jaehyun, really I am so grateful.” Taeyong said with arched brows.  
“Or wait, you don’t like it? is that it?” Jaehyun teased, “I am sorry I am not rich enough for your taste but you’ll swim in diamonds once I am making figures, wife.”  
“Shut up.”  
“They told me a trophy wife was too much to keep and now you’re leaving me for another guy because I can’t afford nicer things?” Jaehyun was having fun seeing the upset look on Taeyong’s face from his silly skit, he received a light punch from him on the arm.  
“I am joking.”

 

“I got you nothing Jaehyun.”  
“Just your existence is enough for me, I love you Taeyong.”  
Taeyong’s eyes widened and spilled tears of overwhelming joy mixed with sadness, deep-rooted sadness that crushed around his heart carefully like an old tree’s crispy twigs in autumn, they’d break as easily as would his heart if someone stepped on it, but he couldn’t tell, especially not now, his spilled more tears and wails for help from within.   
Taeyong you need to pull yourself together, he couldn’t ruin the joy in Jaehyun’s eyes who thinks the reason he was crying was because of the romantic setting and not anything else.  
Jaehyun and Johnny were better off never having known Lee Taeyong.  
“You still didn’t say if you liked it.” Jaehyun tried to get words out of Taeyong.   
“I do.” Taeyong said with a lump.  
“Then don’t cry like this, it breaks my heart.” Jaehyun poked Taeyong’s cheek with his thumb wiping some of his tears away and locking him inside of his arms.  
“Is there anything…I could do, to make this even.” The lump in Taeyong’s throat was growing.  
Jaehyun kissed the necklace between them before looking back at Taeyong:  
“Yes, there is.”  
Taeyong looked sweet enough to eat, his sugary pale complexion, syrupy plump lips and wet bangs reflecting pomegranate-pink off his wet-reddening cheeks, a sight Jaehyun wanted to preserve only for himself, to lock him inside of his heart, how was he living before this very human-sniffling and crying-was back into his life?  
“You didn’t say what I should do.” Taeyong seemed to put on a smile despite the shimmer of anguish in his eyes, his beautiful alluring dark-brown eyes that mirrored Jaehyun’s face back to him.  
“You know what I want.” Jaehyun pulled Taeyong almost sitting him on his lap, his voice was rough and needy.   
“…”  
“Hopefully you want it too.”  
Taeyong tilted his head and traced Jaehyun’s cheek, his eyes smiled and waited for Taeyong’s answer.  
“I do.” The truth he wanted to speak of to Jaehyun fell back inside of him, sinking his stomach with it.  
Jaehyun smirked and took all of Taeyong in one bite, as the wolf did to red-riding hood.  
He kissed him and looked him in the eyes for assurance, Taeyong then offered him the hand in their dance as they took one another with passion, the spotlight was only on them on the rink, they sparkled underneath the shinning moon, they should have paid attention to the opened window for the night was chilly and as it was already established, Taeyong’s body wouldn’t fight the cold very well, not like they’d notice anytime soon with the heat they shared.   
They breathed one another in harmony, but it was Jaehyun orchestrating;

He was slowly but surely unbuttoning Taeyong’s Pajamas and taking great delight in touching the parts he exposes, it made Taeyong gasp inside of his mouth, he twisted in spasms of ecstasy turning Jaehyun on, the dear oppressed look on his face, trying his best not to let a sound, Jaehyun kissed his forehead for trying to be a good boy,  
If the simple touch of undoing his pajama top did as much to him then Jaehyun cannot wait to show him all kinds of touching, he didn’t take piano lessons for nothing, though he regretted not taking the trumpet lessons just about now.   
“You can moan in my ear if it’ll help.”  
“Ahh~  
Taeyong let out softly.

They kissed some more and it was worlds collapsing on top of Taeyong, Jaehyun pushed him up to fit better under his grip, Taeyong curled around him with his legs wide open, his necklace fell besides him but was still attached to his neck despite the rough action performed on top of him.  
Good quality indeed.  
Jaehyun smooched Taeyong’s body after freeing him from his Pajamas top entirely, one hickey at the time.   
His breath was very ticklish on Taeyong’s earlobe forcing him to let out a giggle at one point, he had his hands interlace around his lover for the night’s neck, when he thought Jaehyun was becoming serious, he glued his torso to that of his, even if unexperienced, he didn’t want Jaehyun to do all the work.  
Jaehyun grinded on top of him while simultaneously reducing him to his boxers, the necklace picked up their heat and soon they forgot that there existed boundaries between them, such as bone and flesh.  
Taeyong opened his mouth but less air was coming through, Jaehyun bit and licked him dry of himself and filled him with saliva of his own, he pushed Taeyong banging his head slightly on the wall and reached for his buttocks, he flinched at the contact despite not yet being stripped off his boxers.  
“W-we’re-“ Taeyong let out a moan when Jaehyun’s hands moved lower between his thighs, he was numb from all the feelings yet alive, so alive it annoyed him that he mind wondered to other unpleasant places, this was so good yet he couldn’t fully enjoy it.  
So he protested for more, using his hands this time to pinch and touch Jaehyun’s abdomen and back, he helped him out of his shirt and continued stroking his naked body, Jaehyun pinned Taeyong’s left hand to the sheets and intertwined their fingers, this wasn’t just about the sex, he actually cared for Taeyong.  
“More~  
Jaehyun bit his earlobe “just pretend I just said something sexy.”  
Taeyong’s laugh came stifled as he was given a finger to suck on while Jaehyun acquainted his lips with other parts of his body once again;  
His collar bones, his neck, the center of his heaving chest, Jaehyun bit his shoulder and Taeyong groaned when the same teeth were placed under his   
Jaehyun took out his wet fingers out of Taeyong’s mouth, they were red and bitten.  
“I’ll go inside.” Jaehyun brushed Taeyong’s hips and rolled down his boxers, his mouth was playing with Taeyong’s tongue, who cupped his cheeks and pressed his eyes shut.  
The moans soon turned to cries and ineligible pleas;  
“Jaeh..yun.” There was a tear and then another. Ungodly sight.  
“What is it Taeyong?” Jaehyun froze.  
“I can’t…I really can’t do this.”  
Jaehyun pulled himself up from Taeyong and covered him with the sheets, his sweat was cold.  
Jaehyun looked at his hands, they were still hot from Taeyong’s body, eager to be inside of him, this was going too well, he had so much steam to blow off.  
“I am so...so sorry.” Taeyong cried.

Jaehyun searched his face, the necklace between them was cold again, he wanted to say something but couldn’t, he doesn’t know what to do.  
Taeyong rested his head on Jaehyun’s shoulder.

His mind was going crazy, it was unfair, everything in his life was unfair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha, three days update.  
> haha  
> Life man, life hits you hard with a six foot long bat to the stomach and lodges your heart in your lungs, I am back, excuse my bloody teeth.
> 
> Don't worry, the boys will be, uhm, more adventurous in College, this isn't as graphic for a reason, well, good day and good night I missed writing, sigh.
> 
> Thank you once hecking again to all those who stuck through, you're an angel.


	18. Countdown

(DISCLAIMER: contains suicidal thoughts)  
Sunday, December 17.

Jaehyun gave up counting the fleeting trees as another song blasted in his ears, the bus trip back home was taking quite some time.  
It could have been as fun and exciting as the first but he was fighting with Taeyong, who was pretending to be taking a nap, Jaehyun knows he is awake.  
It wasn’t exactly a fight, Jaehyun doesn’t want to call it that, it was more like him making a stance until Taeyong relented, so far, it hasn’t worked, truth was Jaehyun was scared to say something that would rub his companion the wrong way.  
Taeyong covered a good portion of his face with a scarf he borrowed from his mother and shifted uncomfortably in his seat, he hasn’t said a word to Jaehyun since this morning, who had to control his reflexes every time from touching him, or casually striking up a conversation, ever since he confessed he hasn’t refrained from being lovey-dovey with Taeyong, it was weird experiencing their first ‘fight’ like this.  
Jaehyun cleared his throat, if not for yesterday night, this trip would have been perfect, they ended up going on two dates, after the Friday date Jaehyun learned from his mistakes, next day he made sure he catered to Taeyong’s needs and not his, at night when they were back at the hotel, he decided he shouldn’t be greedy, they only cuddled and talked until Taeyong slept in his arms.  
Jaehyun’s face clenched, he didn’t want to remember what happened after but his mind was like a movie you couldn’t stop:

Taeyong was drenched in sweat, barely keeping track of where his hands flailed, he thrashed one right above Jaehyun’s forehead smacking him awake, who didn’t open his eyes instantly and groaned at the impact, slightly confused, he turned on the light on his side to see Taeyong struggling in his sleep:  
“Nhnh...Don’t...touch...me.”  
Taeyong was having a nightmare, it looked intense and painful, his brows furrowed and tears formed in eyes, twitching in agony.  
Jaehyun shook him lightly as to not startle him in his sleep; he placed his hand softly under Taeyong’s drenched cheek:  
“Taeyong, wake up it’s just a dream.” He whispered delicately to his ear.  
Taeyong resisted Jaehyun’s call back to the real world, wheezing and crying in anguish, Jaehyun’s heart broke for him.  
“Taeyong...”  
“Leave me alone!” Taeyong bawled in his sleep.  
Jaehyun raised his voice a little to put him out of his misery.  
“Taeyong wake up it’s just a dream!”  
Taeyong dug his nails into Jaehyun’s arm leaving red marks against his pale skin and gasped awake;  
He swallowed dryness and choked on air.  
“It’s okay Taeyong.” Jaehyun patted his trembling shoulders.  
Taeyong’s eyes were huge adjusting to the faint lights in the room, he scanned his surroundings in terror, it was Jaehyun, only him in the room, and no one else with them, Taeyong was growing paranoid.  
“It was just a bad dream Taeyong.” Jaehyun comforted once again.  
Taeyong dabbed the sweat on his chest and forehead with the inside of his shirt, He looked down to his hand still digging into Jaehyun’s arm.  
“Did I say something weird in my sleep?” He was still breathing unsteadily.  
“Not really, I tried to wake you up as soon as I did, you only whimpered, are you okay Taeyong?”  
Taeyong put his head in his hands.  
Jaehyun tried bringing him closer but he wouldn’t bend back to his sleeping position.

“Wanna go for a walk?” He finally asked after Taeyon’s hands weren’t shaking as much.  
“No.” Taeyong’s answer was harsh.  
“It’ll refresh your mind, or I can go get a drink.”  
“No.”  
“Okay.” Jaehyun said quietly, not sure if he upset Taeyong further.  
“I am sorry I woke you.”  
“Not at all.”  
“Go back to sleep, I’ll just go clear my mind, need some time for myself.”  
Jaehyun had a gut feeling, he could ignore this as he did the past two months, or get the truth out of Taeyong now, something with him wasn’t right.  
“Don’t you think it’s time you told me what’s up with you?”  
“Nothing is up with me, go back to sleep Jaehyun.”  
“Stop lying.”  
“I am not lying.”  
“Well you’re not telling the truth either.”  
“What truth, it’s none of your business.”  
“You can’t use that, it is my business, seeing you distressed like this, not the first time either, I am worried for you, and pushing me will only make me more stubborn, you of all people should know.”  
Taeyong’s mouth was sewn shut.  
“Please, I just want to help.” Jaehyun scanned Taeyong’s stone cold face, not an expression, which is why he was taken aback when the tears rolled.  
Hot and stinging, Taeyong whimpered and cried silently.  
“Taeyong please, there’s nothing we cannot solve, you can’t bear this on your own, you’re not alone, I once was like you-  
“NO, NO YOU WEREN’T.” Taeyong barked, losing all his calm demeanor.  
“How are you so sure?”  
“Because I wouldn’t fucking want you to have been there, to be like me, to have gone through…it’s…terrible.”  
“Taeyong you’re scaring me…just tell me what is it.”  
“You’d hate me.” Taeyong said in a small voice.  
Jaehyun wore a serious look on his face, the light from the lamp casted different shadows under his eyes now, he jawline clenched in impatience and anger at the words escaping Taeyong’s mouth, how many times did he have to confirm his feelings to him.  
“How dare you think that, I was in the wrong and you forgave me, you even let me confess my feelings to you, and they wouldn’t change in a million years, not with anything you might say to me, not even if you don’t choose me.”  
“…” Taeyong wiped the tears but they kept coming.  
“I’d never hate you.” Jaehyun looked at Taeyong straight in the eye.  
“Oh you would, I hate myself Jaehyun, it’s so draining to not know what is real and what is a dream, I am lost and tired, tired in my skin, with my brain and my thoughts, they absorb me, they are so intense I wish I was dead.” Taeyong said hysterically, his tears dried and felt like prickly rose thorns on his swollen cheeks and fatigued under eyes.  
Jaehyun was vibrating with anger, anger at the horrifyingly thoughtless words escaping Taeyong’s mouth, ever so lightly, as if he didn’t mean everything to him, Jaehyun was also angry at himself, Taeyong helped him in going back to being the happy carefree teen he was supposed to be, he was selfish to have only thought of his own happiness while Taeyong suffered like this all alone.  
“Taeyong if you’re depressed we can get help.”  
“No, I don’t want that kind of help, it cannot erase what already happened.”  
“What happened Taeyong?”  
Knowing that he already said too much, anxiety welled up from Taeyong’s insides, quick, he needs to stop this pointless conversation, no way he’d spare Jaehyun the disturbing details from his past, he swore this secret would die with him.  
He wouldn’t dare say anything to his mother or even his sister, let alone Jaehyun, not after all these years.  
“Don’t tell me what happened right now, fine, but don’t push me away, I cannot stand and watch you suffer like this.”  
“I am fine, Jaehyun, I have been fine for the past eleven years, I know how to live with what’s inside of my head.”  
“It’s your father isn’t it?” Jaehyun was going to be the truest he has ever been with Taeyong; it didn’t matter if they fought tonight, he had a hunch but at the same time wished he’d be wrong about Taeyong’s father having anything to do with this, whatever it may be.  
Taeyong was quiet and still.  
It is his father.  
“Don’t deny, whatever he did to you Taeyong, you can talk to me, you don’t have to suffer through it alone.” Jaehyun’s mind raced with all the possibilities.  
“Leave it alone Jaehyun, it’s in the past.” Taeyong’s voice was shrill.  
“Then how come it’s still affecting you, look at yourself, you’re shaking from a nightmare, you keep having these terrible panic attacks, and if I didn’t happen to be with you I wouldn’t know! You’re not so though to deal with it all on your own.”  
“Jaehyun, seriously, drop it.”  
“I told you all about my father, back then I thought I was ashamed wasn’t ready but you listened, you didn’t judge me, and it felt so much better getting it off my chest.”  
“It’s not the same.”  
“You can trust me Taeyong.”  
“LEAVE ME ALONE JAEHYUN!” Taeyong’s face contorted with hatred.  
“No! I will not, I cannot!”  
“I said it is none of your business leave me be!” Jaehyun grabbed Taeyong’s arm before he made his way to the door, he tumbled on top of him and fell to the ground, Jaehyun pinned him underneath with too much force as to stop any further attempt of escaping.  
“You will not leave here until you’ve told me.”  
Taeyong punched Jaehyun’s abdomen, it was too weak to achieve the desired effect of knocking him backwards and setting him free to run wild, to escape his suffocating life and run, run until he dissolves into sea froth, the wind will blow him in different directions and break him into small fractions, on the shore he’d submerge under the fine sand, hit against the rocks and luster under the moon light in insignificant fizzes, feel the wetness on his face, split from himself, as if he never existed.

Taeyong inhaled aggressively that the back of his throat hurt.  
Jaehyun was crying over him, pleading with him to open his eyes and forgive him, poor thing.  
What happened? Taeyong thought.  
“Taeyong…I am so sorry, I am so sorry.” Jaehyun shrieked.  
What happened? Taeyong thought again.  
He doesn’t remember throwing a fit and crying and punching, heck it might have been a seizure, as if he were possessed by a demon.  
Right after, he passed out in Jaehyun’s arms from, who almost called his mother but stayed to make sure Taeyong was alive, this was the worst he’d seen him, the worst he’d seen anyone, this time he thought he lost him for good, his heart leapt out of his chest just looking at his limp body, pale lips, and eyes fluttering shut.  
Worst yet, it was his ignorant persistence-self that made Taeyong go berserk on him.  
In the morning,  
Taeyong remembered last night events hazily when they woke up but didn’t mention it, his coping mechanism was to burying the memories, sending them to their grave, memories weren’t people, they’d eventually come back to life.  
Jaehyun did not regret last night entirely, Taeyong, if he liked it or not, needed help the soonest the possible, what he regrets is his choice of words, he shouldn’t have provoked him like that, he must have hurt him, the hysteria he unnecessarily stirred could have been avoided if he didn’t back him to a corner, and now he can’t stop wondering, what is making Taeyong like this?  
What he knows is that he must hate him for sure.  
But he’ll try to get things right,  
As soon as they stepped off the bus, he will apologize.  
And he did.  
Of course, he wasn’t expecting to be forgiven but it was worse, the damage was done.  
“I am sorry for last night Taeyong.”  
“Don’t mind it.”  
Cold.  
So cold Jaehyun quivered, it was as if were forced to gobble down hard ice cubes.  
“I’ll see you at school?”  
“Yes.” Taeyong said briefly.  
Distant, terribly, as if spoken from the bottom of a seashell hundreds of years ago, Taeyong’s voice echoed in Jaehyun’s ear as they parted ways.  
He didn’t even smile, but it made Jaehyun more determined, to find out what was broken within Taeyong, though he wasn’t sure if he could do it on his own.  
\- - - -  
December 19.

“Is it just me or Taeyong is acting weird.”  
Mark nodded at Jungwoo’s statement.  
“He did not hang out with us at all, ever since he came back from the dates, he’s been acting different.”  
“What have you two done to him?” Haechan raised his voice.  
Johnny played with his hair, Jaehyun wasn’t here, it was rather uncomfortable being in the same room with him ever since his date, more so with Taeyong, who hasn’t said a word about who he was choosing.  
At this pace give it more days and it’ll be forgotten matter, it was lovely going out on a date but it seemed to be at the expense of becoming awkward with Taeyong, if Johnny knew he would have opted out of it.  
“He didn’t say anything about choosing who his prince charming will be?”  
“You know, snooping around in other people’s private matters is bad.”  
“Yeah, and you’re just Johnny.” Haechan snapped back.  
“He’s been worryingly lifeless, just how Haechan was when his parents refused to let him go to Canada.” Jungwoo’s sassy tone was irritating Haechan to no end.  
Haechan smiled forcefully “I bet it’s the regret kicking in, I would if Johnny was one of my options.”  
“Jungwoo is the one being mean to you why are you using me as a punch bag?”  
“It’s the truth.”  
“He’ll come around, he needs time to think so give it to him, it must be very hard on him.” Yuta encouraged Johnny.  
\----  
December, 20.  
“What’s…the meaning of this?”  
“I am returning it.”  
“That much I can tell, why?” Jaehyun wore a look of pure astonishment.  
“I cannot accept it after all, that’s why I am returning it.” Taeyong responded with oblivious objectivity, Jaehyun still needed an explanation for this sudden change of heart.  
“Is it…because you don’t want me? I’d still want you to have it Taeyong.” Jaehyun looked at the blue velvet box with wide eyes.  
“No, that’s not it. I am not choosing either one of you, I’ll tell Johnny when I see him.”  
Jaehyun fought the tears, ever since the trip, Taeyong was becoming someone he had never known, recoiling around himself, shutting down everyone.  
He was casually returning the piece of jewelry Jaehyun gifted him, and he had no emotion to display in doing so, as if they were strangers.  
“Is this a rejection then?”  
“If you want to think of it that way then yes, it is.”  
“Was it…after that night?”  
“I realized something that night, I am sorry for wasting your time but I can’t be in a relationship I- I’d like to go home now Jaehyun.”  
Jaehyun and Taeyong were inside class but a window had to be open, otherwise, it couldn’t be explained why Jaehyun felt physically cold, he had a moment to himself when Taeyong left in a hurry, he didn’t even feel like chasing after him and collapsed on one of the chairs.  
This was heartbreak, this time he heard it from Taeyong’s mouth no doubt about it.  
Jaehyun reacted in sloth-like movement to Johnny’s call to him, apparently, he ran into Taeyong on his way out and heard it from him that the choice was settled on neither of them.  
“Leave me alone.”  
“I’d rather spend time with a cactus believe me, what’s this about? What did you do?”  
“What do you think I did?”  
“I don’t know, conspire to lie to me when you two already got together so you wouldn’t hurt my feelings with a rejection.”  
“You’re fucking crazy you think I’d agree to this nonsense?” Jaehyun dismissed Johnny’s ill-timed conspiracy.  
“Ever since he came back from your date he’s been disconnected.”  
“And you’re insinuating I did something.”  
“Prove yourself innocent.”  
“How you’re so sure it was not you.”  
“But-but it couldn’t- Johnny may have made himself believe his lie, that their date went perfectly, truth was Taeyong sometimes made him feel like a predator, it made him more conscious of his hands and how he placed him around himself, even if Taeyong told him that he wasn’t ready, Johnny should have known better not to be so jumpy.  
Jaehyun stepped on the remaining of his pride “Taeyong needs help, and I have no idea how I can offer it to him.”  
“What help?”  
“I don’t know, we’ll have to find out what’s wrong with him before it’s too late.”  
Johnny furrowed his brows after picking on the gloom in the air, Jaehyun must be upset and he doesn’t seem to be lying, Johnny was starting to be worried for Taeyong in turn.  
“Do you know something I don’t?”  
“Not really, we fought when I tried to interrogate him about it.”  
“And what do you suggest?”  
“Text the others we’ll talk about this tomorrow.”  
“They are still around we can talk about it now.”  
“I don’t have the energy.” Jaehyun sluggishly put the box in his coat pocket.  
“It’s perfect time because Taeyong isn’t around.”  
“I am sure he’ll do his best to avoid us from now on.”  
Johnny frowned.  
“I know you’re doing this for Taeyong but thank you for listening.”  
Johnny nodded, he was starting to be worried for Jaehyun now.

Jaehyun went home and slumped on his bed, knowing how mad furious Taeyong will be once he finds out they were having an intervention, Jaehyun let himself wallow in his sorrows, he cried tears of shame that night, rejecting dinner and consolation from his mother, who had no clue what made him sad like this.  
“I just need time for myself mom.”  
“Okay.” She said closing the door and turning the lights off in the kitchen.  
That night, he had this horrible dream of Taeyong going away with no promise of ever returning, Jaehyun’s lungs filled with water calling for him to come back, a voice echoed in his dream that if he should leave Taeyong’s side, he’ll regret it deeply, it must have been his unconscious mind.  
The following morning, he searched in the crowds for Taeyong but in a classic move, he skipped school today, instead, Jaehyun brushed shoulders with Sejun, who gave him an unsympathetic look, Jaehyun didn’t have the time for him even if he was surprised he decided to show up to school two days before the Christmas holidays after such a long hiatus.  
Morning periods were over. Jaehyun gathered everyone on the lunch table, every time he doubted himself and tried to use logic, he remembered the scene of Taeyong on the floor, hysterical. The goosebumps were back, he wasn’t overrating on calling this meeting.  
“Look, I understand it may not be warranted but I don’t think Taeyong is doing all too well.” Jaehyun inhaled. “He may not like it, but you’ll have to trust me.”  
After the confusion settled and was replaced by a shared curiosity, Jaehyun proceeded to explain his concerns:  
“I’ll make it brief, Taeyong been having terrible nightmares and panic attacks, all I know is that it has to do with his father, I asked him and he pushed me away, it made him angry with me.” Jaehyun sighed deeply.  
“Well I am glad you came to us.” Yuta smiled sympathetically at a distressed Jaehyun.  
“It’s because he doesn’t want to deal with Taeyong’s wrath on his own if it goes sour.” Johnny observed.  
“That’s true, I am also scared of finding out.”  
“Hey, Jaehyun, we’re here, for both of you. Lucas said attempting to cheer him up.  
“We all noticed Taeyong was off for the past two weeks or so” Jungwoo weighed in.  
“It’s all a front I am sure of it now, not even when he broke down in front me did he let he himself go, he’s careful not to say a thing, which only convinces me it’s really bad for him and I hate it.”  
“You guys are scaring us here, what did we miss?” Haechan looked serious.  
“It’s not an escalation, like Jungwoo said I am sure you’ve all noticed something.”  
“Give us an example.” Haechan asked again.  
“Well, has he ever been defensive with any of you?”  
“Come to think of it, Taeyong is always conscious of who touches him, he has a strong ‘flinch’ reflex.”  
“Everyone will be when you sneak on them from the back Jungwoo, it doesn’t count.”  
“Taeyong was really scared of me when I confessed, he…shoot.” Johnny was starting to share Jaehyun’s concerns, he may not have witnessed anything out of the ordinary but the signs were there, subtle.  
Lucas, Jungwoo, Haechan and Mark were all thinking hard of instances of Taeyong acting strange, after debating for some time, they all agreed that there were indeed many times they turned a blind eye on his behaviors.  
“Now that we established that there is a problem shouldn’t we sit down with him for a talk?”  
“That maybe hard, I am guessing he’ll try to avoid us from now on.”  
“Christmas is up, I am sure he won’t say no to a hang out.”  
“Will it not ruin Christmas for him?” Mark said uneasily.  
“Either way, and if Jaehyun’s concerns aren’t misplaced, then he isn’t having a blast, if it’s nothing serious, then it’s even better.”  
“Lucas, you’ll talk to him on the phone, you’ll say we’re meeting up in your house and get him to agree.”  
Lucas nodded without questions asked, they left each to classes they had left for the evening, Jaehyun felt less alone after having involved everyone else, though the terrible feeling rejecting all foods at the pit of his stomach hasn’t gone one bit, he checked his phone one last time, no new messages.  
What was Taeyong going through?  
December 21,  
Not having any luck with catching Taeyong on the line, Lucas, Haechan and mark paid his house a visit, luckily they were coordinated enough to cover for him, apparently, he has been lying to his mother about going to school the past couple of days, he wasn’t back home either and according to her, he was hanging out at Jaehyun’s.  
They declined her offer to wait for him inside and said they’ll see him in school tomorrow anyways.  
They waited and waited for him outside his house but he didn’t return and it was getting late.  
December 22,  
Taeyong’s skull splitting headaches have gotten worse with the nightmares he’s been having nonstop, tonight’s weren’t as intense, he dreamt of Jaehyun and Johnny confronting him, he thought he had rejected them, he ran the opposite way, they looked at one another and cackled, merging to a giant blob of shape and chasing after him,  
The dark figure from his peripheral followed him as he ran, on either side his eyes darted to, the clawed hands threatened to catch up with him and tear him in half.  
“You’re a nobody Taeyong, you’re not worthy of anyone’s love.”  
“You’re filth.”  
“You think you can live a normal life?”  
“I”ll tell them. Everything you’ve been hiding from them, and they’ll hate you.”  
Taeyong stopped at Jaehyun’s room door, he knocked frantically but no answer, the talon claws were around his neck, he cried for Jaehyun to open the door for him, but instead, he heard a thundery voice ask him to leave.  
“You’re a fraud Taeyong, you’re gross.”  
Everyone Taeyong knew bordered him, throwing accusative fingers with somber expressions, the bell sounded in his ears, announcing for them to leave, they went through his immaterial body in all directions and he was in that apartment once again, this time he pulled himself out of the dream:  
He woke up drenched, not even in his sleep did the hauntings of the past escape him.  
For how long was he going to put up with this?  
Taeyong was desperate to change his routine, which was why he was skipping school this week.  
He felt worse, and it wasn’t helping that he had to lie to his mother and his friends, ignoring their calls and texts.  
Forcing himself to be fine, every year around this time his depression got worse.  
He is sure he made the right decision, he was a troubled soul, and by agreeing to engage in everyone else’s life he’ll bring gloom to it, he’d rather stay alone and not infect those who cared for him, he thought he was returning their love like this.  
“Taeyong you’ll be late for school.” His mother called before leaving for work.  
Taeyong’s heart throbbed, he flushed the toilet and the breakfast he just had, keeping his secrets to himself came at the expense of not being able to keep anything inside his stomach, he looked at the empty medicine cabinet, he doesn’t need that many pills.  
Taeyong left his house to loiter around and lose his mind in the clouds until school was dismissed for the celebrations, he will have to figure out a way he can distance himself from his friends and he thinks he did.  
He dug aimlessly in the pockets he stuffed with as many colorful pills as he could, afraid he might have taken pills that were of relevancy to his sister when she comes home this evening, if he ended up chickening out today then at least he shouldn’t be found out, he wasn’t sure why he took them in the first place, it was on a whim, yet toying with the idea the previous night that the decision to end his life was his, eased his anxious-self, the voices couldn’t win over this resolution, they needed him to survive to feast on him, if he dies they perish as well.  
Taeyong was sure he emptied his stomach before leaving so why was he feeling so sick he couldn’t walk; it was his death scene that materialized between his eyes at the sound of the bottles rattling with the drugs, his sweaty shaky grip popped one of the tablets, shoot, he had no money to buy water.  
Taeyong felt sorry for his short existence, a streak of guilt and grief struck him thinking he will be scarring his family and friends for life, not doing it in his room wasn’t considerate enough but better than his mother being first to find his cold decaying body.  
Taeyong got high off the thrill of not knowing if he was coming back home tonight, it was diverting to be a walking dead man, free of obligation, invisible to the world.  
The effect soon wore off and Taeyong’s morbid fascinations clouded his judgment, if anything, he realized that suicide was not always a deliberate plan; he just needed strength and the means.  
He regretted not having said goodbye to his mother and sister this morning now that the idea rooted itself in his brain; he could write them a letter.

Heck, he might as well go to school one last time and see everyone there, one last time.  
There was no way he could down as many pills without water anyways.  
Taeyong steeled his resolve, which terrified him, not more than going back home to sleep and wake up, nightmare after the other, depriving his body from a decent night sleep, staying up for hours staring at the walls, panicking, thinking his heart will stop any moment,  
He will end the suffering and the uncertainty.  
Taeyong calculated all of this, but not the part where Jaehyun came between him and his plans of suicide, stopping him from advancing any further, it caught him off guard but did not weaken his mind.  
\----  
Jaehyun began questioning if Taeyong was coming back, no one takes fifteen minutes in the toilet to wash their face, this morning when he saw him-or rather stalked him out of his house-the last he expected was Taeyong to embrace him.  
Confused, he returned Taeyong’s hug.  
“Taeyong…are you okay?” Jaehyun asked.  
No, he didn’t look okay, he was already crying.  
“I will be.” Taeyong smiled. “I am sorry for the other day, I wasn’t feeling well, but I am ready to talk.”  
Jaehyun blinked, Taeyong was not running from the confrontation.  
“Okay…”  
“Not now though, I just want today to be another normal school day with you and the others, I’ll answer all of your questions later do we have a deal?”  
“What made you change your mind?” Jaehyun asked perplexedly.  
“I am just tired of keeping things for myself is all, hurry or we’ll be late.” Taeyong smiled weakly.  
Jaehyun believed him.

Haechan checked the bathroom stalls for the third time one by one, Taeyong was not there, not that he was capable of teleportation.  
Johnny came up with the same, Taeyong wasn’t anywhere around school.  
“I checked everywhere.”  
Jaehyun held his temples “You don’t think he ran last minute?”  
“I only have that to believe, unless he lost his way to the club room.”  
It was too perfect, Jaehyun should have known, something with the way Taeyong acted was fishy.  
“Now I have a really bad feeling.”  
“Me too.”  
“If we go now, I am sure we can catch him.”  
They agreed to scatter in town and leave no place unsearched, Lucas stayed in school in case Taeyong came back, Johnny and Jaehyun went from his house’s trail, Haechan and Mark searched near the river tunnels and the parks they hang out in, Yuta and Jungwoo swiped the area around school clean.  
Nothing.  
Lucas texted everyone that school closed.  
Jaehyun anxiously read the texts flooding from everyone having no luck in finding Taeyong; he was in his room now with Johnny.  
After ringing the bell for a while, Jaehyun remembered that his mother owned a key copy of Taeyong’s house, which he excused himself to take under the justification that Taeyong, forgot his and there was no one to greet him back home, Jaehyun’s mother didn’t question him and continued working.  
He swallowed hard; his room was eerily empty, just as was the cabinet of medications in the bathroom Taeyong uses.  
Jaehyun didn’t speak his mind to Johnny, it couldn’t be, it was a stretch, it’s not as if people don’t clean their cabinets all the time, it didn’t mean anything, and the bathroom wasn’t exclusively his.  
Jaehyun tumbled backwards hitting the door hard while grabbing Johnny out of the house and running to anywhere he thinks Taeyong might be hiding in.  
Nothing.  
Jaehyun finally broke down, the others met with them, just as out of breath from running around futilely.  
“We…need to tell an adult, my mother, his mother.” Jaehyun cried loudly.  
“Compose yourself Jaehyun, it’s still early, he might be hiding in a coffee place by himself or we didn’t search thoroughly, we’ll make more rounds.”  
“No…no…no no no you don’t understand, Taeyong, I think he’s in danger, back at his house, thei-their cabinet, it was empty.” Jaehyun was helped up by Yuta and Johnny, “Their medicine cabinet.”

A spark connected in Johnny’s mind and he ran at light’s speed back to Taeyong’s house, nobody could stop him, Jaehyun limped to the wall, too cold-limbed and shaking to make a call, eventually, he did.

December 24. 6:27AM

Jaehyun dozed off for a short time, the blanket dropped from around his shoulders and he jumped falling from his seat, he brought the mug of coffee with him breaking it on the floor.  
His mother rushed to him to see what happened and hugged him.  
“Oh dear.”  
Jaehyun whimpered in response.  
“He’s okay, he’ll return to us.”  
They spent the whole night searching for Taeyong but couldn’t find him, they called his number that was out of service, asked the neighbors, anyone that could have seen him, nothing.  
His heart tightened thinking about his family, how devastated his mother must feel, and his sister, they were just as horrified at the sight of the empty cabinet which confirmed Jaehyun’s worst nightmare, Taeyong slipped from him.  
If anything bad happened to him, Jaehyun will not know how to live with himself.

“I’ll be back, I just need to wash my face, stay here ok?” Taeyong’s last words to him kept ringing in his ears.  
Why didn’t he think a specific order like this was odd? Stupid.  
“You need to sleep dear, I’ll wake you up if he comes back I promise.”  
“No…I can’t.” Jaehyun was beginning to slur his words already.  
The door knocked,

It was Johnny and Yuta, they looked at Jaehyun’s coffee stained shirt and took him to his room to change him up.  
His mother entrusted them with Jaehyun and went to Taeyong’s house to be with his family, Jaehyun didn’t want to go with her, how could he face them when all of this was his fault.  
“What if he is dead somewhere?” Jaehyun was hurting his knuckles scratching them with his nails.  
“Jaehyun, don’t say that.”  
“What if it’s true?”  
“It’s not, and you know it, it’s your paranoia speaking.”  
“He had five bottles worth of medicine, “ Jaehyun gasped between his words. “He…he must be alone, and cold and it was all my fault, my fucking stupid big mouth…killed Taeyong!”  
Jaehyun’s face turned the other way with the smack he received from Johnny, instantly reddening his cheek.  
“Do not talk about him as if he’s already dead.” Johnny’s eyes filled with tears, “everyone is still looking for him, no one has slept, quit your bulshit and get it together, we’ll find him, alive and well.”  
Jaehyun gaped his mouth and drooled on his newly changed shirt, crying like a baby.  
“Make yourself useful and let’s go look for him.” Johnny stormed out of the room, choking on the last part.

The police were involved, already taking serious measures even before twenty-four hours of the missing, it was thanks to Haechan’s parents, whose influence was major, they didn’t know Taeyong or his family personally but seeing their worries sick kid vent about his missing friend moved them to use their connections. Perks of small communities.  
Lucas’s father contacted his old pal, a retired officer and the search parties were dispatched, to find a sixteen year old kid, potentially unconscious and under the influence of multiple drugs.  
10:44AM

“They say someone showed up at Taeyong’s house.” Johnny told Jaehyun, Lucas and Yuta what Haechan just told him on the phone.

 

Jaehyun who could no longer put up with seeing the police search the river for a potential body, ran before his companions caught up with him to to Taeyong’s house.

He arrived just in time to see a cop’s car was parked outside and more cops showed up then was before, the neighbors were on their porches and Taeyong’s mother was hysterical just as was his sister, Jaehyun’s mother was trying to calm them down. 

It was Kim Sejun that has showed up to Taeyong’s house, bloodied and beaten up, as soon as he saw Jaehyun he rushed to him, mumbling apologies, the police sized him and put him inside the car.  
Jaehyun couldn’t breathe.


	19. Fragmented

(Disclaimer: mention of suicide, sexual assault)

 

How come communities of sane people settle on living under the foot of a mountain, the breeze was freezing in the winter, better yet, the hospital-of all utility buildings-was the nearest building to the mountain, it didn’t make sense, a place that offers remedy and comfort to the sickly should be at the heart of the town, nearer, no one has to freeze to death before they were let inside, patient or not.   
Jaehyun was having a pointless eternal debate on the matter, to keep busy from thinking about Taeyong.  
At least until he sees him in the hospital.  
He jumped at his mother knocking the glass door for him to come inside already.  
He was still mad about the location of the hospital at the foot the mountain, it was glacial in his boots and he couldn’t feel his fingers.

All of these thoughts dissolved once the warmth engulfed Jaehyun after he was courageous enough to go inside, the main lobby that is.  
“Come on, we’ll go say hello to Taeyong, he is awake.” His mother encaged him with her arms as a form of support.  
Jaehyun gulped nervously as they headed to room 20 on the second floor.

Sure enough, Taeyong was there, in white sheets, white bands and purple bruises to his face, wrists and neck, he looked awful.  
Jaehyun winced feeling the injuries on his skin.

“Hi.”  
Taeyong stared.  
“Hello.”   
There was a mutual feeling of shame, both of them didn’t want to be here for their reasons, Jaehyun has completely convinced himself that all of this was his fault.  
“Good morning you two! Jaehyun handpicked this basket and filled it with all these get well soon gifts, he even wrote a card and cut the fruits with great care for you!” His mother stirred the air with her joyful outlook.   
“Mom!”  
“Didn’t you?”   
“Thank you, I am…thank you, the two of you.” Taeyong said, sadness lingering in his voice and barely managing to keep eye contact with anyone.  
Jaehyun’s lips quivered, he thought the last time he heard Taeyong was ages ago.  
“Don’t sweat it.” He croaked.  
“You boys sit and have a chat, I’ll go check on your mother.”  
Jaehyun chose to sit awkwardly at the end of the bed as the only moveable seat in the room was occupied by Taeyong’s sister, she smiled at him and continued pretending to be reading her book.  
“How do you feel?” Jaehyun eternally face palmed, that wasn’t a question to ask someone whose attempt at suicide was sabotaged because they were almost beaten to death.  
“Good, you?” Taeyong asked back.  
“Fine.” Jaehyun numbed out the words he wanted to say in his mouth, these pleasantries tasted like nothing, he thought something would overwhelm him once he saw Taeyong, and it was.  
Part of him wanted to scream at Taeyong, share his distress, his worry, his apologies, his tears and pain. Alas, he had no right to, Jaehyun broke what was between them with his own hands.  
“You’ve got a nice view.” Jaehyun faked a laugh.  
“It is nice.” Taeyong observed back.  
The blue faraway mountains blended in the background of the ones that were closer to Taeyong’s hospital room, the windows allowed as much of the scenery as was to sway you into thinking you were outside, , Jaehyun could use the seclusion on top of one of these mountains to shout his lungs out, get the itch out of his chest.   
Taeyong cleared his throat and it doing so, he triggered a coughing fit, his sister helped him out of it like a child who required care all the time, he looked pathetic and the more Jaehyun looked at him he felt indebted to his own tears.  
“Want a muffin? My sister made these.” Taeyong smiled forcefully.  
“No, I just had breakfast.” As if Jaehyun could stomach anything.   
“Good choice.”  
“What do you mean?” Taeyong’s sister questioned.  
“Are those mangos Jaehyun?” he ignored her.  
“Y-yeah.”  
“Haven’t had those in a while.”   
Taeyong’s sister tasted the muffins, realizing that she may have forgotten a key ingredient such as baking powder, maybe that’s why they were too small for the cases even after they were baked.  
She shrugged and made no further remark, Taeyong and Jaehyun were eying her quietly and snickering.  
Jaehyun sighed, not too bad an entry to this first conversation, even if he was having a hard time pushing back the dreadful feeling at the tip of his tongue, that Taeyong might not have been here with them if he were successful in killing himself, no undercooked muffins or fruit baskets talk was going to divert from the somber truth.   
Taeyong was eating his fruits energetically, careful the juices did not irritate the open wounds on his upper lip.  
What happened exactly, Jaehyun wanted to know but clearly can’t ask Taeyong now, and the police weren’t very generous with information on what they found in the old rundown motel that Sejun abducted Taeyong to, aside from the arresting of the delinquents responsible for Taeyong’s current state, Jaehyun doesn’t know much.  
At first, Jaehyun was furious with Sejun, it dawned on him and though he hated admitting to it, the kidnapping and the beating was what prevented Taeyong from killing himself. Twisted fate that’s what they call it.

[Haechan has all the info on what happened…you might want to come down for a talk.] Lucas~  
Jaehyun read the text a second time, his heart already beating intensely.  
[I am with Taeyong now, where do we meet and when?]   
[At my place, whenever you can drop by.]  
Jaehyun’s wish was granted rather quickly.

Just as the nurse came in, Taeyong’s sister excused herself to the bathroom, her voice clogged in her throat, Jaehyun caught her feelings and his throat felt tight as well reminding him that this was the aftershock of an attempted suicide, all his feelings spilled into his chest, nothing subtle about the way they gushed like open wounds, it wasn’t just holding back from bursting.  
After the injection and the checkup, the nurse smiled at Taeyong who stared back at Jaehyun sleepily, what was going through that mind of his to look like that; a week worth of sleep deprivation under his eyes, Jaehyun traced his wrist, his heart beat faint and his presence vulnerable, like fire flickering from a candle in draught, Jaehyun wrapped his hand around Taeyong’s wrist, afraid he blinks out of existence at any moment, just like he almost did two days ago. 

There was no use pretending things were fine.  
Jaehyun didn’t notice the visitors just in time to wipe the tears, not that anyone was judging.  
“Hi, you’re already here.” Yuta said.  
“Yeah.”  
“How is he?” Johnny asked.  
Jaehyun looked at Taeyong, already drifting in his dreams.  
“I don’t know.”  
“Was he awake?”  
“A heavy dose of medication knocked him out just now.”  
“Shoot.”  
Jaehyun sniffled.  
“It’s strange, he acted the same as always and I just realized that he is that good at hiding his true feelings, he can’t be fine after what he tried to do, after what happened to him. “ Jaehyun whispered, not that Taeyong wouldn’t hear him if he was still awake.  
Yuta tapped a hand on Jaehyun’s shoulder.  
“Even if he was saved this time how do we know he won’t do it again if given a chance?” Jaehyun knew it was a bad idea to burst on top of a sleeping Taeyong, who could be pretending to be, but he had to voice his worries, or else he goes mad.  
“You’re right, we don’t know if he will try to do it again but he’ll get help, and we’ll be here for him if he needs us, all of us.”  
“I don’t want to see him suffer anymore, and there’s more we don’t know.” Jaehyun was reverting to his negative corner, as he always did when things were looking bad.  
“Jaehyun, stop worrying, he will be better.”  
“I still can’t believe this.” Johnny muttered under his breath, he wasn’t so strong to handle the sight in front of his eyes and since Taeyong wasn’t even awake he left the room and Jaehyun’ suffocating negativity.  
Not ten minutes later and he came back running:  
“Taeyong’s mother! She-She passed out in the hallway, she was talking to a police officer and she passed out! Your mother Jaehyun, she was very shocked.”  
Jaehyun looked worriedly at Yuta and ran to the hallway in question, there was not much detail the adults were willing to spare them given their status of being minors, Taeyong’s mother was taken to the staff room to rest, frustrated with the secrecy, Jaehyun tugged his mother’s arm to tell him what was the matter.  
Having just noticed his presence, Jaehyun’s mother wrapped him in her arms:  
“It’s going to be hard times for the Lee’s.”   
“What is it mom?”  
“Oh dear god it can’t be real, I hope it’s not real.” she kept repeating without answering him.

\---- 

Haechan paced back and forth, very upset and angry at the same time.  
“You can at least tell us before the others join.”  
“No, I don’t want to say this more than once.”  
“Is it that bad?” Mark frowned.  
“The worst. It’s crazy to think what of what happened, if I heard this from anyone but my dad I wouldn’t have believed them.”  
Johnny, Yuta and Jaehyun entered Lucas’ room, gathered and sat down, they could finally hear from Haechan what happened, what their parents were keeping from them.  
“Okay, I’ll just say this once, I may be missing some details and unclear on some parts because I eavesdropped on my parents talking but here’s the gist of it, Sejun was following Taeyong for a while and found him under the tunnels sometime before sunset, with some other kids he beat him up and took him to the rundown motel stripped him of everything and he spent the night alone until the morning as a form of harrowing, Sejun’s gang took turns in torturing him the next morning and-  
Haechan inhaled, paced some more and proceeded talking through gritted teeth.  
“They searched him for any valuables and instead found the pills he took with him, they frustrated he had nothing of worth they could sell so one of them had the brilliant idea to force him to take all the pills in one go, watch him froth at the mouth and throw him out once he was dead, the pills were his so no one would suspect that it was them, that’s where Sejun interfered with their plans, he disagreed with them, they of course beat him and shut him inside one of the rooms, he escaped to come and warn Taeyong’s family, the police arrived at the scene to find Taeyong unconscious, luckily, the paramedics saved Taeyong from dying- from there you all know what happened.” Haechan took a deep breath.  
Jaehyun thought he wouldn’t be surprised to know the truth, but like the rest of them, his eyes were wide with shock, they were visualizing what was just told to them, it was quieter than before,   
“This was our fault…we…we would have prevented this from happening.”  
“Taeyong wanted to die Jaehyun you can’t detach from this fact, Sejun if anything gave us time to find him, I am not thankful but at least Taeyong is still alive.”  
“Still! we did it to him, our interference-we almost killed him, Taeyong will never forgive us, even if he wanted to die it must have been terrified through all of it, he will have to live with these memories.” Jaehyun cried hysterically   
“We could have protected him better.” Johnny added, remorse lacing his voice.   
“I am sick to my stomach, imagine how Taeyong must feel.” Jungwoo added quietly feeling just as guilty.  
The room was depressed, no one could refute the idea that their involvement partially caused this.  
“No matter the result, we’ll apologize and come clean about what we did to Sejun, he has the right to know and decide if he wants to be friends with us.”  
They all agreed.  
Johnny, Yuta and Jaehyun exchanged looks of worry.  
“When did you hear your parents talking about this Haechan?”  
“Yesterday, why?”  
Jaehyun rose to his feet. “I am going back.”  
“Think they’ll let you in?”  
“I’ll have to try my luck.”  
“You’ll probably get in trouble.”  
“Better than being in the dark like this.”  
“What is it?”  
The trio were silently thinking.  
“I am going.”  
“Well at least tell us what’s wrong.”  
Yuta took it upon himself to explain:  
“This morning when we visited Taeyong the police were talking to his mother when she had collapsed, it must concern Taeyong. Not long after, the staffers shoved us out of his room and that’s why our visit was cut short, they told us it wasn’t appropriate for us to visit for the remainder of his stay.”  
“That can’t be too good.”  
“I’ll come with you.” Johnny announced putting the jacket over his shoulders. 

 

Futile, their access was denied, they were scolded by a nurse who remembered them from this morning and they were escorted outside.

\----  
Taeyong opened his eyes to a late evening, the reflection on the window made his heart skip a beat, that of his mother, crying silently, she was praying with hand tight together around her chest, next to her was his backpack, he closed his eyes again.  
Four days in the hospital and his brain was already fried beyond repair, the medicine made it pleasant when he went out for hours, without dreaming, just floating in space.  
When he was up, It was easy for him to put on a new face for his family and visitors, smiley and cheerful, as if nothing happened.  
If they bought it or at least went along with it, he might as well too.  
Taeyong was scared more than ever to be left alone, he didn’t need the therapist to tell him that what he attempted doing was wrong in that condescending tone, it was weird how a professional didn’t know better that thoughts of suicidal nature aren’t voluntary, he couldn’t control those urges.  
Now the stigma will be attached to his reputation, everyone who talked to him during his stay in the hospital had a smiling mask, they pity him and think he’s insane.   
Taeyong knows it’s wrong to choose the easy way out and is ashamed seeing the mess he’d made of things.   
He was scared that if left to his devices, he’d attempt taking his own life once again only no delinquents will come in his way this time, he lead a life he couldn’t be grateful for, he couldn’t see beyond the film over his eyes that blurred all the good things once he was alone in a dark room.  
“Let my son live dear god.”  
Taeyong whimpered.  
Taeyong’s mother knelt on the floor and took his hand in hers, with great struggle, he resisted making a reaction at the devastated voice of hers, Taeyong wonders if she’ll ever forgive him, or trust him again.

A three days stay in the hospital wasn’t going to fix his brain, it wasn’t that simple.

Taeyong has never learned to handle his emotions properly, with him, it was either a tantrum or complete concealment, and that was the problem, it worked all of these years to keep it in his head so that reality interspersed with fiction and he no longer knows what’s real and what’s not, this time he popped like popcorn.  
The curse did not evaporate at midnight and at one point, he had to deal with the consequences of his choices, that impacted him and his mental, he could have lost everything, and he still doesn’t care if he does, but maybe if he lives longer he’ll learn to love life, so many others do, why has he thought he doesn’t deserve a second chance?   
“Taeyong, Are you awake?”   
What good has secrecy done to him, nothing.  
He turned to his mom, eyes watery and red, without realizing his cries were audible, she had a piece of paper folded in her hand, he recognized to be his suicide note, he figured they would find it sooner or later once they retrieved his stuff.  
“Mom, I need to tell you something.”  
His mother yelped, unable of holding her tears back, not ready to hear what Taeyong was about to confess.  
Taeyong let out air, feeling light headed, he couldn’t run from this any longer.  
His sister joined them not long after without disturbing the silence before Taeyong spoke again.  
Taeyong’s mother squeezed his hand, as did his sister.  
“When I was five, dad took me with him to Seoul to spend time together on the promise he gets me back home on Christmas, you two stayed here.”  
“Oh god…” Taeyong’s sister whispered in panic, it was different hearing it from Taeyong than reading it on his note.  
Taeyong was trying to hold back eleven years of torment and shame for something he had no control over.  
“Dad had a friend that visited every day of the week I stayed there…on the second day I was left alone with him.”  
Taeyong choked on the words “I didn’t know what came over me but I knew I felt shame after he was done with me the first time, I didn’t tell my father when he returned, I was offered so many toys, I’d play with them until my father leaves, then he laid me on the sofa…  
Taeyong looked at the horror in both his sister and mother’s eyes, exactly the expressions he avoided for eleven years.  
“the last day I remember it hurt so bad I passed out, when I woke up I was showered and in bed, already running a fever, I remember he said that I was a good boy to pay my father’s debt, I didn’t understand back then, I was in a lot of pain and I was bumped I missed spending Christmas with you and my grandparents-  
“He called to say you were sick…oh my god.” Taeyong’s mother covered her face as if in shame.  
Taeyong paused to absorb his own words, the walls coming down one by one, the terrible nightmares, the sleepless nights and unresolved inner conflicts, giving him a headache so bad, yet, it was relieving to share.  
“When I grew and somewhat understood what happened to me, I thought my father didn’t know, I lied to myself, fought to believe it in my head that he didn’t know, but he did, he let me be abused by his friend that he owned money to, I remember on our way back he told me to forget everything that has happened and he’ll buy me all the toys I wanted, so I did, till now.”  
Everything clicked, the many toys Taeyong came back home with that Christmas, growing paranoid around men, why his father didn’t to visit Taeyong now even after he was told what happened, the dots connected.  
Taeyong breathed in a full cycle after he was done speaking, maybe for the first time in a while.  
His mother burst in tears as did his sister, he waited for the shock to settle, for the streams of tears to dry, for the nurses to get involved and ask them to keep it quiet, there, he felt the closest to them, surrounded by their sorrow and compassion, he felt warm on the inside.  
Taeyong’s sister whipped her phone to dial a number in sniffling rage.  
“I will call the bastard, I want him here so I can kill him.”  
Taeyong panicked, the last person he wanted to see was his father, whom he was forced to call as such due to the biological affiliation.  
“No, I don’t want him anywhere near me.” He said under his breath.  
His sister tossed her phone to the side, slumping on the chair “I am so sorry Taeyong.” She broke down crying once again.  
Taeyong’s mother was forming words that failed to leave her mouth, she was to blame, she was the one who approved of a father son trip, and she should have known better to traumatize her son for life, to marry a scum, it was all her fault.  
He endured so much under her supposed care, yet she failed to recognize his distress or when he needed her most, and now she couldn’t pick the shattered bits, Taeyong has always looked delicate as would a son in his mother’s eyes, it has been sinister all along, he was signaling for help but no one heard him or cared to listen.  
She brought his hands to her mouth and kissed them gently asking for forgiveness again and again, her voice fragmented and tired.  
Her son looked like a complete stranger in her eyes, revoking her of his obligations as a mother towards him, rendering her a mere stranger, if the god she believes in had any mercy, she was asking for it all at that moment, wondering if Taeyong will ever find it in his heart to forgive her, to live complete life and shed of his trauma.

 

Groggy and emotionally drained, Taeyong asked his mother to lay him in her lap and stroke his hair until he slept again, his sister dimmed the lights and sat next to them quietly.

“Mom.”  
“Yes.”  
“I am sorry I tried killing myself.”

 

“I am sorry I let you go on that trip.”   
Taeyong looked up to his mother, despite the many ‘what if’ scenarios he made throughout the years, it never occurred to him to blame his mother.  
“It wasn’t your fault, you couldn’t have known.”  
“Forgive me Taeyong.” She kissed his forehead.  
Taeyong hummed positively, everything was out of his chest, the cold hatred for his father and abuser, years of torment, bad dreams and anxiety, replaced with warmth and sympathy, it was okay for a moment, it was okay to cry in front of them.  
Taeyong closed his eyes, unlike his family, what he had to come in terms with wasn’t what happened eleven years ago but how to learn to live with it.  
He thought back to his friends, they must all be very worried, he will have to tell them eventually.   
“We’ll fix this as a family, and you will be okay Taeyong.” Taeyong’s sister added, sorrow in her voice and hand over his.  
He hummed again, drowsily.   
\----   
Ten days later. A new year.

 

Off his casts, healed wounds and ready to leave, Taeyong swiped every corner of their house, recalling the memories they had here.  
He heard his friends call for him outside after they were done helping him move out his things to the truck that was parked in their entrance.  
His mother was talking to a neighbor to give him time to say his goodbyes.  
Yuta smiled and Lucas avoided Taeyong’s gaze, not for anything but to stop himself from crying.  
Jungwoo, Mark and Haechan were the only ones talking and keeping it light, Johnny’s throat was sour and dry from crying all day yesterday after barely getting any sleep.  
He handed Taeyong a wrapped book and asked him not to open it until he hits road.  
Taeyong nodded slowly, his heart was heavy, he was afraid of the change, afraid he fails to find himself and overcome his trauma memories.  
Taeyong’s family were moving to Seoul, which wasn’t that far, so his friends promised to visit every once in a while, to see how well Taeyong was doing with his treatment.

Jaehyun ran to Taeyong’s house, afraid he missed his chance of seeing Taeyong before he left, he stood frozen in front of the gate, there, was Taeyong with a pained look on his face, clearly putting on a front and containing his tears while surrounded by everyone, this reminded him of the time Taeyong desperately tried to talk to him and he pushed him away, had he known what he knows now, he would have hugged him without a second of hesitation.  
Jaehyun swallowed hard and proceeded to Taeyong, making his presence known.  
“We were worried you weren’t coming.”  
“We would have dragged you out of bed if that were the case.”  
Jaehyun’s intent wasn’t to skip this farewell, he was late because he was searching for the letter he wrote Taeyong three years ago.  
One day he will give it to him, only it wasn’t today.  
“Get better and return to us, no matter how long it takes we’ll all get back together.”  
Taeyong wiped his tears “I will.”  
Lucas was first to cry and be comforted by Haechan, who couldn’t keep the playful act any longer, no one else was smiling, it broke them after Taeyong told them the truth about everything, it was going to be hard to move on now that he is moving away, they’ll constantly be reminded of the last time they’d seen him, scarred, they could try to imagine what he was going through but that was as far it went, Taeyong had a big heart and forgave them for starting it with Sejun, he made sure to tell them it wasn’t their fault, they were all going to miss him.  
“The gang will never be complete without you so don’t take too long!”  
“We’ll all wait for you.”  
“If you want to talk to us, call us and we’ll have a video chat.”  
“I will.” Taeyong couldn’t help a chuckle, he casted each and everyone of them one last look, water reflecting off their eyes.  
That was the bonding moment they shared and will remember for a lifetime, bittersweet, tragic but promising of a new start.

In the months to follow, they visited Taeyong few times but never the opposite, Jaehyun was having it the easiest to spend time on weekends over at Taeyong’s even during exam periods, which he spent mostly helping him recap and keep up with the curriculums in his new school.  
Taeyong came out to his mother and she embraced him immediately.  
He still had some low times, occasionally he went back to his dark place and shut down on himself, he wasn’t going to change his ways of coping so fast, but now that his family and friends know, he didn’t feel alone.  
His father was laying low and suspected to have fled the country after cutting contact with them completely, with no evidence to prove that Taeyong’s memories were true, their only hope was for him to admit to what he forced on Taeyong, it was a lot to hope for.   
Having his credibility tested like this, Taeyong took it hard and regressed with his treatment but picked up his pace once again, the past was done.  
One of Taeyong’s therapists suggested he writes a letter to his father, he burnt it afterwards and flipped the page.

Months later,

There were news that broke Jaehyun and everyone else’s heart, it was Taeyong’s second move, only now it was impossible to be in physical range, his mother got a chance to work as a head nurse in a hospital in Jeju island, it would help them better handle the bills for Taeyong’s medication and therapy, she took the job and Taeyong promised to visit on Christmas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. To the two of you reading this, thank you for sticking through, I’ll not beat around the bush and truth be told, I am not as motivated to prolong this beyond the next two chapters (maybe only one but a big fat update) and that’s for the reasons below:  
> The updates are taking too long and I am killing the fanfic like this, I’d rather end it before it gets too much and I have no readers, yikes.  
> I’ve spent long enough writing this one fanfic and I’d like to move on, I’ve had fun writing it but I’ve put off many other projects that I think are far more interesting, and god knows I can’t multitask.   
> I’ve promised the whole roster but failed to deliver, if anyone was interested in that I am deeply sorry, I am quite aware of it however, it seemed fitting when I started writing, not so much now and the fanfic is already at 100k. Yikes².  
> I’d like to improve my writing, so I’ll be doing a lot of reading, before that I want to finish this fic in a way that’s consistent with the previous chapters.  
> In short, I am cutting it short, the ending is the same however, I promised smut? Well, awkward haha [insert next Fanfic plug] will have me backed on the +18 material I promised.  
> I want to write as many NCT fanfics as possible and I will take all the support I can.  
> You guys have been amazing, you have no idea what one comment does, I am grateful, I’ll strive to be better and deliver better quality.  
> Thank you


	20. Fermata

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LAST CHAPTER BOI LET IT SPEAK FOR ITSELF BOI!

Jaehyun wiped the counters clean, a little too much and he’ll chip the paint off, but that didn’t matter, the counters weren’t his to worry about, nor was this his job, he was taking a shift for Doyoung who left for a date with his boyfriend, somehow managing to convince Jaehyun that his sex life was more important than keeping his grades afloat.  
Jaehyun argued that Medical students weren’t allowed a sex life, and that was when he took the bait, Doyoung pouted cutely as he does saying that it was exactly for this reason that Jaehyun had to help him out before the semester’s climax.  
Jaehyun gave in, took the shift in the coffee shop Doyoung works in, the owner wasn’t going to complain about having a handsome waiter replace her other handsome waiter for the day, and that was his last hope gone.  
Normally, Jaehyun wouldn’t put up as much a fuss if asked for a favor, today was different.  
The door to the coffee shop opened scattering his thoughts everywhere but it wasn’t Taeyong, whom he was supposed to meet with almost a week ago.  
He sighed and took the order of the giggling female costumers checking him out shamelessly, he forced a smile, pushed his way to the next table of the costumer that just walked in, a petite black haired lad, perky eyes, cute little nose and honey colored skin, his eyes were huge under his glasses looking at Jaehyun with amusement.  
Jaehyun gave him a puzzled look, he looked familiar, and he turned to the door that was pushed open, Taeyong, Lee Taeyong in all his glory.  
As breathtaking as ever, he keeps forgetting that Taeyong got considerably taller since high school and the mullet he was growing was quite, something, Taeyong smiled widely and hugged him the instant he landed eyes on him.  
Jaehyun was holding back from squeezing the life out of him, nearly four years for this moment, Taeyong pulled away shortly.  
“Hi.” He said in a confident voice.  
“Hi.” Jaehyun’s voice cracked, he doesn’t recall being the emotional one.  
“I missed you.”  
“Me too.”  
“I am sorry for last week, I got busy fixing the mistake in my file, even considered going back to personally meet with the dean, it was a horrible week, I don’t remember staying at the hotel at all because I spent most of my days outside, bureaucracy is hell.”   
“Nah it’s alright, I just wanted you to come and relax for the day.”  
“Thanks for inviting me Jaehyun, can’t wait to meet the others.”  
Taeyong put down his bag on the table of the petite guy who stood from his chair upon seeing Taeyong, Jaehyun stared into his first love’s eyes, having missed their warm color, he hasn’t gotten over him one bit, Taeyong’s hair was a light brown with faint rainbow highlights and short bangs, audacious choices, his fashion has evolved with him, nothing boyish about the way he carried himself.  
“You’ve grown since the last time I saw you.”  
“I have, in a lot of ways.”  
“Aren’t you gonna introduce us?” Jaehyun heard a squeaky voice behind his back.  
“Oh, yeah, this is chittaphon, just call him Ten, and this is Jaehyun, my childhood…best friend.”  
“Nice to meet you, Jaehyun.”  
“You too.” Jaehyun had it written all over his face that he didn’t care for this Ten guy, in fact, without giving him a chance he hated his guts, this was supposed to be his and Taeyong’s warm reunion, it was bad enough he had to work and now a random ‘friend’ shows up to sabotage his plans of rekindling their feelings for one another. This day was taking all the wrong troops.   
“I”ll go place some orders, take your time to think of what you want and I’ll check with you in a second.”  
“Sure.” Taeyong smiled widely.  
“Ooo tension.”  
“Wipe that dumb look from your face Ten.”  
“Wipe that drool first, you totally have it for him.”  
“He’s just a friend.”  
“Strangely, that’s what you say to me every time we have sex.”  
“We were both drunk.”   
“We were? I know I was, you on the other hand, aren’t much of a drinker, unless you mean I made you drunk with my passionate-  
“Stop, just stop.”  
Ten laughed mischievously, squeezing Taeyong’s forearm.  
“Knock it off, I am here to meet a friend and you’re going to behave.”   
“Is he into boys? He’s totally into boys, I can feel it, think he’ll mind a three way?”  
“Geez Ten, it’s not been a minute since you’ve met the guy, it’s too early.”  
“He’s fine though.”  
Taeyong sighed, Ten was a good friend if he isn’t perverted all the time, they met on Taeyong’s first year of university through a friend only to find out they were roommates due to their previous roommates switching, they shared classes, soon enough it was hoodies, spoons and saliva.  
Ten was very comfortable in getting into Taeyong’s pants, and he let him, they were the aesthetic couple that never confirmed the type of relationship they had, after Taeyong applied for a transfer so did Ten, to study Computer science in Seoul, the first thing he thought about was meeting everyone, this whole time he kept his relationship with them but being sophomores, university was very hectic and everyone made new friends.  
He cannot wait to see what the rest of them were up to, expect for Johnny who was studying abroad, he’ll have to call and check on him one of these days, it has been a while since they’ve spoken.  
Jaehyun returned for their orders, one Boba tea for Ten and a smoothie for Taeyong, he came back with the drink and sat with them on his break.  
“So how is it, being a medical student?” Taeyong stirred his drink.  
“Dead, all the time.”  
“At least your vision isn’t deteriorating from sitting on a computer for too long.”  
“Huh, the landlord is a cheapskate, our lights barely cast shadows and I have to stay up late to study, these are prescription glasses I am wearing.”   
“They look good on you.” Ten raced Taeyong to the compliment and smiled seductively after securing the line.  
“T-thanks.”  
“You been keeping up with the others or were you completely absorbed in your studies?” Taeyong asked while glaring at Ten.   
“Yes I have, as often as they come around here, which is every day, Lucas’s new found obsession is my friend’s boyfriend, Doyoung, he’s the guy I am working the shift for, don’t tell him I said this, he thinks nobody knows.”  
“Doyoung is the guys you just posted an update on your Instagram with?”  
“Yeah, he’s the one.”  
Jaehyun was annoyed with Taeyong, he never uses his social media to update on his life, which is why he never knew about this Ten guy, old habits don’t change, Taeyong was the same old geezer who didn’t like to use social media.  
“What about the others?”   
Haechan is as snarky as ever, made friends with a fancy bunch, if you’re lucky he’ll acknowledge your existence every once in a while, Mark came back from Canada, which I suppose you knew already; he’s taking time off university until he’s got it figured out while working odd jobs, I think he wants to try for the entertainment industry.”  
“Now that you mention it, a while back he contacted me about writing lyrics, I thought it was strange since it’s been years since I last wrote lyrics,..”   
Jaehyun nodded.  
“Things would have been different if I didn’t move.” Taeyong’s speech lagged a bit, he too wanted to become an artist at one point, unfortunately, he had to give up those dreams to focus on his health during his youth, maybe he was a famous singer in another life.   
“Go on.”  
“ahh, let’s see, Yuta tried to learn Chinese to impress Chinese good looking people, he thinks he’s fluent until this guy he likes, Winwin comes around and he loses all his words, it’s kind of pathetic.”  
Taeyong laughed and stared at Jaehyun lovingly, listening to him ramble about everyone else’s lives, this talkative side of him was adorable.  
“Jungwoo bailed on me, I begged him to take this shift off my hands but he’s nowhere to be seen, let’s see who else…”  
“I am so jealous.”  
“Huh?”  
“I left and you guys seem to have gotten closer without me.” Taeyong said with sincerity and then laughed it off.  
I missed you Taeyong, every day, no one waking up next to me on my bed could replace you, or replicate how I felt towards you, I missed you so bad.  
“You know there’s always place for you, remember our promise to get back together? None of us forgot it.” Jaehyun had to stop himself from blabbering or else he ruins the surprise.  
“I know, I just wish it was sooner.”   
Taeyong was supposed to make his University debut here in Seoul but for some reason he postponed it, Jaehyun thought it was because of a lover and got incredibly jealous, ignoring Taeyong’s calls for a while.   
“Wasn’t my company pleasant this past year?” Ten pouted.  
“You’re a leech.”  
“A good looking leech that you can’t resist.”  
“No, one that sucks my pockets dry.”  
“That’s not all I suck!”  
“Ten!”  
Jaehyun’s frown replaced the cool unbothered look he always has. To think someone as handsome as Taeyong wouldn’t be taken by now was foolish.   
“Are you two together?” he asked bitterly, so it was because of a lover.  
“Yes.” “No.”  
“No, we are not together.”  
Jaehyun swallowed.  
“We were together, we broke up few months ago.”  
Ten made no comment, which was unlike him, he was thinking things through,   
If he wasn’t sure of Jaehyun’s feelings earlier, he knows now for sure, both of them made no effort to hide their attraction to one another, the sexual tension was undeniable.  
Under any other circumstance, Ten would have made this a muddier situation for his own amusement, he’d rather play match maker for once, he pretended to respond to a call, excused himself and left them alone.  
“When did you make friends with him?” Jaehyun thought it was rude to question Taeyong about his relationship; it was none of his business if they were together at one point in time.  
“Last year, sometime before college, we were acquaintances before... I thought it was a fling, then we became friends…then it was a genuine crush.”  
“You don’t have to tell me, Taeyong, you don’t owe me an explanation.” Jaehyun tried to say light heartedly.   
“Right.” Taeyong remembers that Jaehyun updated his status last year as being in a relationship around the time of his hookup with Ten, he won’t admit it but it made him jealous, Jaehyun didn’t belong to him, which is why he found comfort in Ten’s embrace and while there, he experimented some more, Ten was a cool guy to understand Taeyong’s feelings and agree they stay friends later on.  
“I am just happy you found someone you cared for.”  
Taeyong tilted his head, not sure what to make of Jaehyun’s reaction. “Thank you.”  
Jaehyun looked the other way across from him, Ten was flirting with the owner, she seemed happy that a guy five years her junior was showing interest in her, if only he possessed the same level of confidence to declare his feelings for Taeyong, he lost his impulse since high school and with everything that’s happened, he doesn’t think he has a chance still with Taeyong, it has been years since they’ve spoken about it, which bothered Jaehyun to no end, they weren’t at the level of superficial friendship to tiptoe around the subject that was the turning point in their relationship and act as if their pasts are separate, it’s been four years and Taeyong is a man, a different man, with ambitions Jaehyun never knew about, once he gets home, he will pour himself beer in a glass and forget all of this, screw it, he will drink from the can.

The door to the coffee shop opened, it was Lucas and another face Taeyong didn’t recognize, he pulled him aggressively out of his chair, squeezed him tight in his arms while laughing like crazy seeing his hair, he couldn’t believe Taeyong was growing a mullet voluntarily.  
The male was introduced as Winwin, a shy Chinese with very little words, Taeyong came to realize that he was only limited by his vocabulary because in speaking Chinese, he seemed to nag quite a lot, Taeyong doesn’t understand Chinese but he knows because of Lucas’ groans and eye rolls at everything Winwin says, the only other time Taeyong remembers hearing Lucas speak in Chinese was over at his house when his mother asked him to do chores, it was funny back then because his mother is Korean, Taeyong sighed while working on a commission on his laptop.

At last, Jaehyun’s shift was over.  
Ten left earlier to unpack and go out for the night, Lucas insisted they go out for a barbeque but Taeyong was tired and just needed to go home for a bath.  
Their apartment complex was a five minutes’ walk from the coffee place and a half hour walk to the university, Taeyong and Ten will live in the apartment across from Jaehyun’s.  
Jaehyun glanced over to his companion, bobbing light brown hair and zigzagging steps, it was barely seven in the evening.  
“Are you that tired?” Jaehyun questioned.  
“I am. I messed my sleep schedule last week.”  
Jaehyun hummed. The shops around them were being set up for the students leaving their classes to hang out with their friends for the weekend.  
“You didn’t like sleeping early when we were kids, you sneaked flashlights and forced me to stay up late with you.”   
“That was long ago…ever since I started treatment I had to make adjustment, sleeping early manages my stress, I don’t take caffeine or drink…or do anything.” Taeyong laughed dryly.  
Jaehyun was an idiot, he fell face first into a landmine, but wasn’t this what he wanted? To talk about the past, the real talk, he was more scared of it than he thought.  
“But I can break the rules every now and then.” Taeyong smiled.  
“Yeah...” Jaehyun chickened.  
They reached Taeyong’s apartment, Jaehyun not wanting this to end, whatever it was, at least not until he said something, anything.  
“I’d offer you come inside but it’s incredibly messy and I wouldn’t be able to entertain you for long.”  
“No it’s cool, your health comes first.” Your health? Jaehyun was an idiot.  
“Thank you for today.”  
Jaehyun wasn’t sure what he was being thanked for, aside from the water refills he didn’t do much to Taeyong, who was absorbed by work on his laptop.  
“I’ll see you tomorrow when I am less of a mess, perhaps we’ll see the others too.”  
Taeyong opened his door and turned to Jaehyun one last time.  
“Taeyong!”  
“Yes.”  
“I am so happy you came back.”  
Taeyong pulled Jaehyun to a hug.  
“Me too.”  
He smiled gently one last time before closing the door.  
Jaehyun dragged his enchanted self to his apartment thinking that his roommate wasn’t back yet, he wanted to roll on his bed and jump like a twelve year old just from the lingering sensation of Taeyong’s hug, he was startled when he heard a sneer come from the dimly lit open kitchen.  
Two figures devouring what looked to be a sliced watermelon with forks.  
“You’re happy to see us?”  
“Geez Doyoung you scared me, you too Kun.”  
“Sorry.”  
“What are you doing?”  
“We were thirsty.”  
Jaehyun noticed that Kun was shirtless while Doyoung pulled a sweater over his bare shoulders.  
“When you knew I could be home any minute? Ew.”  
“Don’t worry it wasn’t planned.”  
“Oh that makes it ok.”  
“Who was that you were talking to?”  
“Taeyong.”  
“The famous Taeyong?”  
“Yes, the one I was supposed to meet today if a certain someone didn’t dump their shift on me to have sex, in my apartment.”  
“Dude, you shouldn’t have done this.” Kun scolded Doyoung.  
“Yes, we should have gone to Lucas’ apartment, the walls aren’t as thin.”  
Jaehyun sighed and dropped his stuff, removed his jacket and went to wash his teeth, when he came back those two were snuggled up on the sofa, eating more snacks, Doyoung swiftly closed the tab they were browsing.  
He looked at them with suspicion and they smiled innocently.  
“I can’t believe you two!”  
“What?”  
“You’re kicking me out of my own apartment, get a fucking hotel room!”  
“We didn’t do anything.”  
“YOU WILL, I KNOW THAT LOOK!”  
“Calm down Jaehyun, I am sorry about your date, we’ll make it up to you.”  
“UGH!” Jaehyun stormed out of the apartment slamming the door behind him,   
“Yes!” Doyoung bumped Kun’s hand who didn’t return his triumph and looked at him with disgust.  
“What?”  
“He’s upset, and because of you, I am gonna go to sleep until you get a conscious.”  
“Oh please, I just wanted us to be alone on our anniversary, is it that bad of me?”  
“It’s not our anniversary.”  
“Every day is our anniversary, that’s how much I love you. “  
“Before you know, you’ll have no friends and then I might leave you.” Kun smirked.  
“Oh you won’t.” Doyoung pulled Kun for a kiss.  
\----  
Jaehyun shivered, he should have gone for his jacket before leaving, he can’t afford going back inside and walk on those two, it’s happened before.  
He eventually settled on a hot beverage to warm up, resisting the temptation of alcohol in the company of no one else, tomorrow he’ll drink his fill.  
Plus it’ll be the third time he goes for drinks on his own since this semester started, everyone around him either were too busy or in relationships.  
Jaehyun finished his drink and let the breeze play with his hair, he twirled the empty can and took aim at a trashcan below him on the street just to retreat last second, he’s a good boy and won’t risk missing the target or hitting someone on the head.  
“Jaehyun?” A voice called for him from behind.  
Taeyong’s.  
“What are you doing here in the cold?”   
Jaehyun must have been absorbed in his thoughts he didn’t hear the door open, Taeyong stood beside him on the external corridor.  
“Can’t sleep? Me neither.”  
No, not exactly. My roommate is having sex in my apartment and I can’t exactly go to sleep and ignore the sounds.  
“Yeah, I needed fresh air.”  
“Same.” Taeyong looked down following the hordes of people until they disappeared on either side of the street or into a store.  
“Just now Yuta called, he scolded me for not coming to say hi.”  
“I told them you were tired and we’ll get together all of us tomorrow.”  
“Yeah…aside from Lucas I thought they didn’t care to come see me.” Taeyong laughed shyly.  
Jaehyun realized his mistake, he didn’t think things through from Taeyong’s perspective, originally they were going to throw a surprise party in Lucas’ apartment for him and that’s why everyone else were busy to come and meet him, Lucas came to pick them up only to cancel last minute, Jaehyun didn’t know why, they resettled on tomorrow.  
“I am sorry.”  
“Nah it’s okay, Haechan yelled at me for ditching them while Jungwoo whined like he always did, it was like the old days, I can’t wait to see them all tomorrow.”  
“It’ll creep you how they haven’t changed at all.” Jaehyun smiled encouragingly.  
They talked some more before Taeyong announced he was going back inside.  
“Think I’ll go sleep, aren’t you coming inside, you’ll catch a cold.”  
“Uhh..I will…yeah, don’t worry about me.”  
Taeyong paused in his tracks “Is something the matter Jaehyun?”  
“No, I am fine.”   
“You don’t seem to be, you know you can talk to me, just cause I was gone for a while doesn’t mean I won’t listen.”  
Was that a bitter tone in Taeyong’s voice? It made Jaehyun almost want to invent a problem just so Taeyong doesn’t feel he’s left out.  
“I really am fine.”  
Taeyong looked almost disappointed.  
“My roommate is having sex.”  
Taeyong tilted his head in confusion.  
“You asked what was up with me, I don’t want to go inside because my roommate has no decency, I am stranded here until god knows when.”  
Taeyong let out a laugh that was getting stronger by the second, his heart may burst.  
“That was sudden.”  
“You asked what was wrong.”  
“I know, I am glad you told me.”  
Jaehyun’s face was blank of any expression.  
“Wanna crash?”  
Jaehyun let out a sigh.  
“I have spare sheets and tomorrow we’ll talk to this roommate of yours.”  
“I really couldn’t, you just got here.”  
“And I couldn’t let you freeze to death either.”  
Jaehyun didn’t need convincing but had to pretend he was hesitant for the dramatic effect.  
“Come on, don’t want me dragging you like those slasher movies you liked.”  
“Thanks Taeyong.”  
“But let me warn you first, it’s a mess.”  
Indeed it was. Jaehyun would have offered help if Taeyong didn’t just yawn, unlike him, Jaehyun wasn’t tired at all, he was excited and had spare energy, this sort of escalation was in his favor, he just needs to make the right moves.   
“You’ll have the first clear spot to sleep on.”  
“We’ll clean all of this by tomorrow. It would be my payback for letting me sleepover.”  
“I”ll take you up to your offer.”  
Taeyong spread the sheets and covered the windows with the curtains, he memorized the way before turning the lights off and lying down next to Jaehyun, the room was illuminated by a purple lava lamp.  
“You still have that? What are you five?”  
“I would lie and say I found it amongst my stuff but it helps me decompress and relax.”  
Jaehyun went silent.  
“I’ll put it away if it’s distracting.”  
“No it’s alright.”  
Jaehyun was ready to call this what it was, bullshit. Four years shouldn’t have caused as much irruption between them, he didn’t know what he was trying to shelter himself from, Taeyong was here, why couldn’t he tell him what was on his mind.  
The dread of growing distant from the only person he truly liked, even with his father who he thought was yet to come in terms with his sexuality-Jaehyun was able to forgive and build somewhat of a relationship with, even before he found out his father was the one paying for his tuition. The Jung’s were unnecessarily prideful men.   
Last time he visited, they sat for meals like they once used to, make no mistake it was a long way for them.  
Jaehyun had another quality he wished to rid of; agonizing over irrelevant things because what matters is that he was together with Taeyong now, and they won’t separate for a while, something might even happen, he has to let nature take its course and stop being an impatient greedy brat, despite what he’ll tell you he hasn’t changed that much since high school.  
Jaehyun took notice of the eyes on him that were picking the faint purple light.  
He felt a jolt.  
“What is it?”  
“I just remembered the last sleepover we had.”  
They had many uneventful sleepovers Taeyong had to be specific.  
“The trip sleepover, when we stayed at the hotel y’know.”  
“Hum?” Was this the time to play dumb?   
“Come on, you know what I am talking about.”  
Jaehyun reluctantly participated in this conversation, what seemed to be a good memory to Taeyong wasn’t that dear to him, to this day, he still thinks it triggered the chain of events that led to this exact moment.  
“It was fun back then. We should go back and revisit all of those places, I am itching to see our hometown too, been a while.”  
“It’s still all the same, expect for the school, they remodeled the old building to handle the students growing numbers and our old club room is just a regular class now.”  
Taeyong pouted and just when Jaehyun thought he was going to sleep, he spoke:  
“I should have probably told you this earlier but Sejun contacted me.”  
Jaehyun held his breath.  
“He contacted to apologize, two months ago.”  
“And?”  
“I forgave him. I mean, I already said I did when his parents got involved but this time I meant it.”  
“I wouldn’t if I were you.” Jaehyun couldn’t believe that he just said this.  
“Why?”  
“I don’t know, I just don’t think he deserves this kind of relief.”  
“But you forgave your father didn’t you?”  
“It’s different, my father is part of me, I forgave him for myself and no one else.”  
“That’s not how forgiveness works, I am sure a part of you did it for your mother and him as well.”   
“No, I didn’t.”  
“I wouldn’t heal Jaehyun, if I continued living in the past, you know that better than anyone.”  
“Still, you can’t just hand it to him.”  
“It has been four years, I have my life, partly because of him, a life I am very happy with, even grateful.”  
Jaehyun gulped.  
“I know how it feels being controlled by someone else psychologically, thinking that your destiny was long ago decided for you, I don’t want to put chains on him like that.”  
“You’ve become quite the poet.”  
Jaehyun received a light punch to the abdomen.  
“Ouch.”  
“You’re being unpleasant, what’s it for?”  
It’s because I am self-projecting, I am as guilty as Sejun in what happened, I am stuck in the past and I am a jerk that can’t face his fears of rejection, no matter how many times I’ll apologize it’ll never be the same between us and I hate it.  
After all of these years I still feel the same, I want you but you deserve better.  
“I just never took a liking to Sejun.”  
“And you don’t have to start now, you won’t even see him around because he’s going abroad to China for work.”  
“You had quite the chit chat.” Jaehyun said playfully.  
“He offered to pay for my expensive hipster coffee.”  
“And you let him?”  
“I don’t drink coffee.”  
They both laughed.  
Taeyong yawned, this time turning the other way.  
“Good night Jaehyun.”  
“Good night Taeyong.”

 

Ten placed the phone in front of them causing Taeyong to choke while Jaehyun was smart enough to spit the beverage out of his mouth.  
“What’s this?”  
“You tell me.”  
Last night Jaehyun removed his shirt at one point because he felt too hot, Taeyong was already in a tank top and shorts, having slept close to each other, the friction of their bodies caused for a scene Ten couldn’t help but picture, it wasn’t even a flattering picture because Taeyong was drooling on Jaehyun’s bare chest.  
“Ten, it’s wrong to take pictures of people without them knowing, you know that right?”  
“You were sleeping, how am I supposed to know you didn’t know I was taking a picture.”  
“I am not even going to argue with you on this one because you’ll be in jail if it’s anyone else next time.”  
“You’re forgetting to answer my question, stop deflecting.”  
“Sleeping Ten, we were sleeping, and now I’ll have to close my door you creep.”  
“Quite convenient that you two were only ‘sleeping’ when I was out for the night.”  
“What should it matter to you what I do.”  
“So you were doing something!”  
“Not. Let it go Ten, you’re just proving how much of a creep you are to Jaehyun.”  
“With all due respect, I wasn’t intending on keeping that a secret from anyone.”  
Jaehyun snickered. He didn’t completely dislike Ten after all, it was inconsistent with how he felt towards him yesterday but seeing how he managed to make Taeyong flustered this early in the morning, he sees potential.  
Taeyong finally managed to snatch the phone from Ten and delete the picture.  
“Come on!”  
“Don’t do it again unless you want to square off, one day I’ll beat you up real good.”  
“You’re so mean, by the way, do you mind giving me your contact number, Jaehyun?”  
“Don’t. he’s annoying and will text you at random, especially if you encourage him.”  
“Or, I just want to contact him since we’re neighbors.”   
“Oh I don’t have my phone on me right now.”  
“I’ll just send you a message from my number, feel free to contact me anytime.” Ten snatched Taeyong’s phone from the counter before he could reach for it.

Jaehyun laughed while Taeyong made a face at Ten once his phone was returned to him, he took the liberty to change Taeyong’s background picture to that of him drooling all over Jaehyun, Ten was whimsical as opposed to Jaehyun’s initial impression on him, that didn’t completely erase his feelings of jealousy though.  
“I sent you the picture, you can threaten him with it.” He whispered to Jaehyun and left the apartment.  
“He’s a kinda crazy.”  
“He’s like a toddler. I’ve given up long ago”  
Jaehyun and Taeyong spent most of the evening unpacking and looking back at the memories the boxes unfolded, a junk yard of nostalgia because Taeyong held onto stuff, much like Jaehyun.  
At some point they took a break for a light snack and Jaehyun got a call from Lucas, requesting they meet him outside immediately.  
Right, the surprise party was today.  
“Wanna go out for a bite? I am starving.”  
“Sure.”  
“Cool, I’ll go change, meet me the downstairs.” Jaehyun left to his apartment.  
Taeyong put on an outfit and went out, he waited few minutes for Jaehyun to walk out, wearing a black leather jacket and tight skinny jeans, his hair was pushed back expect for a strand of hair at the center of his forehead, when has he become this good looking?  
“I know a nice place from when I used to live here, wanna go?” Taeyong suggested to a distracted Jaehyun, he was looking for Lucas’ car that was nowhere to be seen.  
[Where are you?]  
[Jammed in traffic but I’ll be there shortly, Taeyong with you?]  
[Yeah, just hurry.]  
Lucas’ car pulled up a minute or so later, on the passenger seat was an unedified figure, who stepped out of the car on the sidewalk, with a huge grin and frizzy dark brown hair, he took both Jaehyun and Taeyong in his arms, rocking them back and forth for a minute or so.  
Taeyong’s eyes watered.  
“Surprise!” Johnny giggled.  
“Been a while, Johnny.” Jaehyun bumped his arm.  
Taeyong gave Johnny another hug, not finding the right words to describe his emotions.

 

“Buckle up boys we’re going to my place.” Lucas opened the door for the two of them.  
On the way Johnny his adventures abroad, how his English was overpowering his Korean if not for the occasional phone calls he received from them, he drifted to talking about his courses and lastly, his dating life, he recently broke up with the girl he was posing with on his Instagram, he doesn’t mind it in the least bit.  
“It was toxic, I tried to reason with her that despite liking guys, I won’t cheat on her, she was crazy thinking that I would hit on anyone just because I like both guys and girls.”  
“Sucks to be you.”  
“That’s really close minded of her, how did you end up being with someone like that?”  
“Was under the influence on a campus party, she seemed nice enough back then and I felt bad for the hookup so I offered we go for a late breakfast, that way she doesn’t have to walk the walk of shame and I clear my conscious, that was my mistake.”  
“What an honest man you are.”  
“I am an idiot I’ll tell you that.”  
“And?”  
“It was headaches from then on, jealous all the time, constantly asking me to give up on my guy friends for being too good looking and god forbid I talk to any female, it had to stop or else I would have drowned my organs in alcohol just to escape her nagging.”  
“Are you admitting to a drinking problem?” Lucas joked.   
“Let’s just say alcohol isn’t my best friend as of right now, nor is my liver, I know you guys have a party planned but I’ll stick to herbal teas, actually, reduce that to water.”  
“JOHNNY!” both Lucas and Jaehyun yelled.  
“What?”  
“It was supposed to be a surprise!” Jaehyun protested.  
Taeyong arched his brows.  
Lucas sighed, “You’re still as dumb as a stick.”  
“That wasn’t me that was Taeyong’s reputation.” Johnny looked back and smirked to Taeyong.  
“I am sorry for spoiling the surprise, but it’s your fault for not telling me this one crucial detail.”  
“Well I just told you there’s a party and everyone will be there to force you out of bed.”  
“You didn’t have to specify, Taeyong alone would have made want to come over, who by the way turned out the most handsome.”  
Taeyong couldn’t help a slight blush, Johnny has changed, from his sense of fashion to the broad way he spoke, he gave off another vibe, that of a confident fully grown adult.  
“Anyways, now you know Taeyong, surprise!”  
“You guys didn’t have to go through the trouble.”  
“But of course we did!”  
“Thank you.”  
“Just act as if you’re surprised, Haechan will kill us if he finds out all his planning was for nothing.”  
“Sure.”

 

\--Two hours later--

 

Taeyong sat anxiously, a dumb smile on his face with his nonalcoholic drink, there was a void yet to be filled and the shots weren’t there to help him, unlike Jaehyun, who was tipsy.  
Though he enjoyed his time so far with the vibes blasting from all corners, his friends weren’t really paying attention to him, thing was, a lot of people came ‘uninvited’, of course they would, it was the almighty Lucas throwing a party.  
Haechan was fuming and won’t stop glaring and arguing with Lucas to kick everyone out, who kept on insisting that a good time was a good time, they didn’t have to limit it high school friends and a select acquaintances.  
Haechan got support from Yuta and Jungwoo, the latter didn’t handle crowds very well.  
Eventually, Lucas caved in, stood on a stool and shouted a top his lungs for everyone to leave, Haechan was pushing them through the doorway and clearing the mess they’d made for their evening to start.

Once it was quieter, they gathered around the kitchen table, finally able to have the barbeque party, Taeyong was impressed with the cool kitchen Lucas had, the shiny counters and the built-in grill.  
“What were we doing when you were able to afford all these nice things?”  
“Sponsors man.”  
“And a landlord that has a crush on him.” Kun chimed in, picking the juiciest biggest piece of meal to sizzle.  
“Not true, the price on this apartment is the same as it was listed when we signed the papers, you think everyone has a crush on me.”  
“You’re right, what I am saying is if we don’t manage paying rent you know there’s other ways.”  
“I am not a whore Kun.”  
“An escort?”  
Doyoung frowned “When did you two develop this sense of humor?”  
“Since you left for that internship, we became cruel to one another.”  
“It’s your fault for not driving me places.” Kun whined, mainly because his piece of meat, the one he ever so carefully picked was taken away by his boyfriend.  
“Enough of that, how was the island life Taeyong? I know it made my skin dry when I lived there as a kid.”  
“It was fine, really, summers were cool and I’d get a nice tan but that was that, the air is nicer here.”  
“Now that we’re on the topic, what’s with that?” Lucas referred to Taeyong’s mullet.  
“Uhh…I was rebelling against my sister? You see, she still styled my hair up until I left for college, there she couldn’t tell me what to do, I kept it short and simple until I didn’t, it’s not that meaningful of a story, maybe I just wanted to impress Seoul folks.” Taeyong glanced at Jaehyun who was completely wasted,   
“It’s not working dude, I mean I like your short bangs and all but I am not feeling it.” Yuta added, fighting Jungwoo on a nice tender piece of meat and triumphing.  
“I disagree, and while you’re at it show them you’re the macho. Grow a mustache.” Johnny sniggered.  
Taeyong couldn’t help but laugh at his friends’ banters, it felt fuzzy and warm to be with them at last, his worries were casted away that it may not feel the same as before, if anything, their bond was even stronger, he should have insisted on Ten to come, his loss for opting out of this.  
Jaehyun then started to sing loudly to one of his favorite songs from high school, both excited and slurring his speech.  
“Hand this man carbs, he’s dying.”  
“Why did he drink so much? No, how did he manage to drink so much?”  
“He doesn’t tolerate alcohol very well anyways.”  
His singing got louder.  
“Oh good grief someone get rid of him.”  
No one was ready to lose the undisclosed competition for the best pieces of meat so no one offered to care for the drunk Jaehyun, expect for Taeyong who wasn’t all too hungry.  
“Here, here let’s get you to rest.” Jaehyun slouched dropping all his weight on Taeyong, a smile on his lips.  
“NO! I want more drinks!”  
“No, you want a glass of water and rest. Nobody loves a hangover.”

Jaehyun obediently listened to the lecture, Taeyong had his back turned on him to close the door and fetch the water bottle from the vanity, a hand tugged at his jeans and with the cutest pout, Jaehyun asked him to tell him why hasn’t he come back earlier.  
Taeyong felt for him, not sure if pity for the drunken lad or his seductive face, rosy cheeks and sad puppy eyes.  
“I am sorry, I didn’t fulfil my promise because I got busy with school there, how can I make it up to you?” Taeyong said playfully like a grownup babying a distressed toddler.  
“Sleep with me.”  
“…”  
“Like yesterday, but closer this time.”  
“You reek of alcohol.”  
“You said you’d do anything.”  
“Listen Jaehyun, I am really sorry.”  
“You didn’t have to promise me and then wait a whole year, I thought you no longer cared.”  
“…”  
“…”  
“Drink your water, I’ll go make some tea to cool your head.”  
“I was terrified that once you were back you’d be different, that the only hope I had to get Taeyong back was long gone.” Jaehyun’s tone became more emotional.  
“Jaehyun, you’re really, really drunk, I am here and won’t leave, I haven’t changed, nobody really changes.”

“I still love you.”  
Jaehyun’s own words sobered him up.  
“…”  
Without looking up, he rubbed his palm against his forehead waiting for a reaction.  
“Are you sure you aren’t just saying that because you’re drunk?”  
Jaehyun won’t admit it but maybe he played the too drunk to function card a little more than there was alcohol in his system.  
Taeyong sat next to him on the bed.  
“I don’t want to bring you down with me.”  
Jaehyun demanded an explanation with a head tilt.  
“I am not gonna pretend as if we never had something, in high school, I really liked you a lot, but after what happened I tried to prioritized my mental health and myself for the longest time, Ten was the first guy I considered going out with, I was scared at first he wouldn’t be open minded enough to understand my situation but he’s a good guy.”  
“What are you trying to say Taeyong?”  
“That…maybe, the Taeyong you think you’re in love with is the boy that you left, that we both left, not this Taeyong in front of you.”  
Jaehyun thinned out his lips.  
“Is that what you think of me? Just some random dude who wants to get into your pants?”  
“No! That’s not what I said.”  
“Then what are you suggesting?”  
“That…that-“  
“Well that’s disappointing.”  
“Jaehyun! You know that’s not what I meant, I don’t even think that highly of myself to think I’d satisfy you, someone as awesome and good looking as you.”  
“So now you’re complimenting me to get away from this? Classic.”  
“No! no!”   
At this point, everything Taeyong said was going to be interpreted the wrong way.  
“Explain it Taeyong, can’t be anything too hard to put into words.”  
“…”  
“Just say you don’t like me that way anymore that you’ve moved on, I’ll take it, don’t water it down for me.”  
“It’s not that simple.”  
“People change Taeyong, you just don’t notice it in yourself, you’ve moved on, that’s ok, you don’t need that many words to explain something as simple, I won’t be mad.”  
“It’s exactly because I haven’t changed!”  
“…”  
“I am the same old, unfunny, too dumb to understand a punch line Taeyong, I still think of my father at times and how I never got a conclusion, I still get depressed, I still wake up drenched at night from a nightmare, it’s rare but it happens, I am just as broken at times and I’ll never be completely normal.” Taeyong burst, heat rushing through his veins.  
Jaehyun’s eyes went wide, he didn’t realize he was holding his breath.

This was harder to deal with than rejection. For one Jaehyun feels bad, he pressured Taeyong to burst, he hasn’t learned his lesson one bit but he was relieved in a sense.  
“You still doubt me.”  
“I don’t want to put you through things.”  
“Very generous of you. Taeyong, have you ever considered that maybe, I want to be put through things? I know what you’re thinking, oh Jaehyun you can do so much better but what if I don’t want that.”  
“I am sorry.”  
“That won’t cut it.”  
“That’s all I’ll ever say.”  
“If you still like me, even if just a little, a date is all I’ll ask for.”  
“…”  
“And no pity, if you’ll reject me do it because you don’t like me, not because you think I can’t handle you.”  
Taeyong scratched the sheets under him, one reason he broke up with Ten was because he still liked Jaehyun, Johnny never left his mind either but he’s given up on him ever since he left for the US.  
“All I need is a yes, or no.”  
Taeyong got closer, his heart at his throat, he put his hand on Jaehyun’s throat, throbbing.  
“You aren’t that drunk after all.”  
“I wasn’t.”  
“Liar.”  
“I am another type of drunk.”  
“If we’re gonna try to be together, I want us to keep it secret at first.”  
“Is there a reason for this?”  
“Until we’ve figured us, I don’t want any eyes on us, plus I can’t give Ten the satisfaction of knowing he predicted us.”  
“Alright, I down.” Jaehyun grinned with joy.  
He touched the fingers of Taeyong that were on his throat bringing them to interlace with his, he leaned forward to plant a kiss on Taeyong’s cheek, who after the initial contact, moved his face inches closer to Jaehyun’s, he kissed him on the lips, with passion, Jaehyun returned Taeyong’s kiss.  
“You taste like wine.”  
“I’ll have you make an exception for your no alcohol rule today.”   
Taeyong giggled under Jaehyun’s arm, pulling him closer for a kiss.

 

The door knocked.  
“Taeyong, Jaehyun? You guys in there?”  
Taeyong pushed Jaehyun away.  
“Y-yes!”  
“We just wanted you guys to come back to the party, if Jaehyun is feeling better.”  
Without realizing, they had spent almost an hour arguing.  
“Yeah, we’ll be there in a second.”  
Taeyong opened the door to complete darkness, along with Jaehyun, he felt his way back to the kitchen, there were lights from candles on the table, Taeyong was asked to blow them all away.  
“Happy birthdays!”

Taeyong stared at his friends with aw, there were multiple cakes in different shapes and sizes, one for his sixteen birthday all the way to his twentieth birthday, those he missed the chance of celebrate with his friends, by the time the lights were back on he was a sobbing mess, they booed him for being such a baby.  
He really loved his friends beyond words, one glance at Jaehyun and his face was smudged with icing, they laughed, wasted cake and drank until some of them were on the brink of alcohol poisoning, Taeyong was there to witness all of it. 

This was the youth they promised to spend together. Just starting now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still have a short update for Valentine’s day, but the story is practically finished!   
> I CANNOT BELIEVE IT! THIS IS FINISHED, AT LAST!  
> I am both sad and thrilled, mostly sad. withdrawal issues man.  
> I just want to say a big fat Thank you! To everyone who followed through, cheered for their favorite pair? Excused my horrible typos and left comments!  
> You were amazing, you are amazing.  
> Please look forward to “Demon in the Making” that should be written in the days to follow, but we all know how my promises go, it will be a Jaeyong if you still want that, I mean, you did great just by reading this one, I cannot express my gratitude enough.  
> Lastly, have a blessed day. See you in the future! <3


End file.
